HELLOOOO GRANDPA!
by Hisa-Me Kurai
Summary: Hotaru and Hajime haven't led the easiest of lives. Orphaned young, constant fighting with their teachers and peers...all they have is each other...and a secret known only by one another that, thru no fault of their own, sends them hurtling into the past!
1. Nice to meetcha!

(A/N: Hicha! This the second of two Naruto fics I'm writing! Wee! All bow down and praise me! Anyhoo, enough chitchat! Let's get on with the story!)

* * *

**DISCLAIMER: I NO BE OWNER OF NARUTO! ONLY SAYIN' IT ONCE! SO THERE!**

* * *

(Prologue)

"Hi-chan? Are mommy an' daddy comin' back?"

"...no Ha-chan."

"But...but why?

"...I don't know...'m sorry."

"Who's gonna take care'a us?"

"I will. I'll ne'er let anythin' happen to you."

"Whyzzat Hi-chan?"

"Because'm your sister. I'll always take care'a ya."

"Really?"

"Really. Ya just hafta promise me one thing."

"Whazzat, sissy?"

"That you'll always be with me. That by my side...I'll always have my twin."

* * *

"**HAJIME! _Wake UP!_**" a female voice snarled playfully, leaping onto the sixteen year old boy's stomach. 

"_**GLAH!**_" Hajime cried, torn from the dreamworld, shooting upward from the weight, "**HOTARU!**" he roared up at the snickering figure of his twin, "**GER_ROFF_ ME YA _FAT WHORE!_**"

_-piku…pikupikupiku-_

**-KLONG-**

"Now you should know better than that, bro." Hotaru, smiled, tossing aside the dictionary she had used to bash her twin over the head with as he clutched his head.

"If I don't see you at school…on time, I might add, you're gonna be in for a poundin', ya ass." She called offhandedly over her shoulder.

"Yeah, yeah. Whaddever…**ah, godDAMN IT** that hurts!" he growled, cradling his skull as she exited the room.

Hotaru slipped on her regulation loafers and picked up her schoolbag and sword case with held her bokuto, Yunagi, before opening the door.

A bright sunny day greeted her eyes bringing a smile to her face.

"Such gorgeous weather…" Hotaru sighed happily, before launching herself skyward and punching the air with both fists, "**_WOO-HOO!_ I JUST _KNOW_ TODAY'S GONNA BE _FANTASTIC!_**"

* * *

**Name**: (last name omitted) Hotaru 

**Age**: 16

**Race**: Human?

**Eyes**: Ice Blue

**Hair**: Honey Blonde w/highlights (two inches past her shoulder blades)

**Height**: 5' 0"

**Weight**: If you're feelin' lucky, ask away.

**Special Skills**: Has been practicing rhythmic gymnastics as longs as she has the martial arts (14 yrs)

Can down 12 cakes at once

Is the best fighter in ten school districts (In your face bro!)

(there are a few more but they're-a-seeeeeeeeecret!)

**Motto**: Having lotsa energy is priority one!

* * *

"Phweeeeh…guess I better get goin'." Hajime groaned, slipping on his school uniform and shaking out his shaggy hair. 

He slid on his regulation loafers, picked up a gym bag with contained his gi and dashed out the door, taking in the scenery.

"Great weather…" he murmured, his mood instantaneously brightening.

"**_HALLRIGHT!_**" he whooped, "**TIME TA KICK SOME ASS!**"

* * *

**Name**: (last name omitted) Hajime 

**Age**: 16

**Race**: Human?

**Hair**: Dirty blonde w/highlights (just long enough he can pull it into a short ponytail)

**Eyes**: Ice Blue

**Height**: 5' 2"

**Weight**: 120lbs

**Special Skills**: Can run a mile in under a minute

Can drink nine tubes of wasabi with out throwing up

Second-best fighter in ten school districts (grrr…I'll getcha yet Hotaru!)

(there are a few more but they're-a-seeeeeeeeecret!)

**Motto**: Touch my sister and die

* * *

"**_HYOOOOH-TOOOH!_**" Hotaru cried enthusiastically, jubilantly conveying a barrage of kicks and punches into the faces, stomachs, chests and groins of her assailants, "Sorry boys! Love ta stop an' chat, but I'm gonna be late!" she laughed dashing away from the bodies that rained down from the sky. 

"_Didn't even hafta draw Yunagi."_ Hotaru thought, a little depressed as she ran through the doors, _"The competition's dwindling."_

"**_RRRAAAAAUGH!_ OUTTA MY _WAY_, YA BASTARDS!**" Hajime roared bashing a pair of skulls together, "**Hotaru's gonna have my ass if I'm-**"

**_DINN-DONN-DINN-DONN_**…

"**LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE!**" Hajime shouted, tossing his adversaries aside, dashing for the school.

* * *

**-**_SPROING_**-**

**-_THM_-**

**-_GRRRNNNGRRRNNNGRRRNNN_-**

"**GLAAAUGH! SIS! STOP IT! OW!**" Hajime cried as Hotaru launched herself onto his shoulders and proceeded to give him a two fisted noogie the moment he stepped into class.

"Make me!" Hotaru growled tanuntingly, "I warned ya what would happen if ya weren't on time!"

"It wasn't my faul-" Hajime started but was swiftly interupted.

"Always with the excuses!" Hotaru scolded, drumming on Hajime's skull with both knuckles.

"**_HOTARU-SAN! HAJIME-SAN!_**" The sensei screamed, "**TAKE THESE BUCKETS AND STAND IN THE HALL FOR THE REST OF THE PERIOD!**"

* * *

The heavy water filled bucket weighed next to nothing in their hands, trained for fourteen years in the martial arts. 

"Damnit, Hotaru! This is all your fault!" Hajime sighed half-heartedly.

"No. Actually, it's your fault for being late." Hotaru said in a singsong voice.

"Well, whatever." Hajime said, giving Hotaru a sly grin, "Wanna get outta here?"

"Was there ever a doubt in your mind?" Hotaru laughed, holding out a pair of biker glove clad hands towards her brother.

"Thought so." Hajime snickered, interlacing his own glove encased hands around his sister's.

There was a bright flash of light from between the clasped hands.

"Huh?" Hotaru gasped suddenly, "Ha-Hajime? Something…something's not right! Something's wrong!"

"What's happening?" Hajime cried as the pair disappeared.

* * *

"C'MON, NARUTO!" Haruno Sakura screamed, pumping her fist as the blond boy fought against Inuzuka Kiba and his canine cohort, Akamaru. 

Hatake Kakashi watched with interest as Uzumaki Naruto gained the upper hand by way of Shadow Clone Jutsu and Art of the Doppelganger.

A brilliant flash of light suddenly interrupted the fight, blinding all those present for the chunin exams.

"Wha? What's all this?" Kakashi gasped.

"Ahh! It hurts!" Sakura cried.

"So bright…" Uchiha Sasuke hissed.

"What's going on?" Naruto yelled, "Is this some kinda trick?"

"Are we under attack?" Kiba hollered, Akamaru yelping disorientedly.

* * *

"**_WHOOOAA!_**" A pair of voices shouted in unison before their owners came crashing on top of the poor azure eyed boy. 

"Ohhh…oh shit, ow!" A female voice moaned.

"Ahhh…ah god, that hurt!" A male voice groaned.

The light faded and a rather peculiar sight was beheld by all.

Twins, a boy and girl, sat atop Naruto in some of the strangest dress they had ever seen.

"Hajime?" the girl asked, "Where the hell did we get thrown?"

"'m not sure." The boy replied, helping her climb off Naruto, who was now thoroughly irked.

* * *

His hair was mussed, some wounds reopened and the stomach of his outfit torn open. 

"**HEY YOU!**" He roared, "**WHO TH' _HECK_'RE YOU? HOW TH' _HECK_ DID YOU GET HERE? AND WHAT'S TH' _DEAL _INTERUPTIN' _MY FIGHT WITH KIBA?_**"

The twin's turned to see whom was speaking and their eyes were almost instantaneously drawn to the mark around his navel and in the space it takes to blink, they were up close and personal, examining the curse seal.

"Hey bro! Check it out!" the girl squealed excitedly, "Same as ours! Dya think he's th' one?"

"No doubt. Couldn't be anyone else." The boy replied, a huge grin spreading on his face, "This is just too wild!"

"Excuse me." Kakashi interjected, "But what are you-"

The girl clasped her hands around the boy-kyuubi and squealed in delight.

"**_HEEEEEEE!_** I never **_DREAMED _**I'd get the chance to meet you!" she cried, happiness radiating out of every pore, "This is awesomely-fantastic!"

"Uh…thanks…I guess." Naruto smiled, happy to have a fangirl (a rather cute one at that), "But…dya mind tellin' me who ya are?"

"Hee-hee!" the girl laughed, "Notta prob! My name is…Uzumaki Hotaru!"

"And I'm Uzumaki Hajime!" The boy said, snickering at the look of complete and utter disbeliefon Naruto's face.

"**_IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU GRANDPA!_**" Hotaru squealed as shetackle-glomped the dumbstruck boy.

* * *

(A/N: In the next chapter, Naruto learns more about his descendants and how they managed to get there and...hey! Sakura! OH, NO-NO NANNETTE! You like **_SASUKE!_**...**STOP IT!** **_QUIT LOOKIN' AT HAJIME LIKE THAT!_** R&R Peeps. 'm out.)

* * *

Please note that the earlier usage of Hi-chan was in reference to Hotaru's name, which means, "Firefly". The kanji, "hi", means 'fire', hence the nickname. 


	2. Showdown to the Death! SIKE!

(A/N: HICHA! Lady Hiran here! By popular demand, Here's chapter two of...HELL-OOOOOOO GRANDPA!)

* * *

"**_WEE!_** Jii-chan! Jii-chan! I just met my Jii-chan!" Hotaru sang, still latched onto Naruto.

"Hi-chan? Ya know that ain't exactly true." Hajime snickered, still quite amused at the expression on his ancestor's face.

"Wouldja prefer I call'm my great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great Grandpa?" Hotaru asked, not even pausing for breath.

"Not really." Hajime said, straight up, "It takes to long."

"My point exactly!" Hotaru grinned, "Which is why he's just Grandpa!"

"Excuse me."

Kakashi said, right behind Hotaru, placing a hand on her slender shoulder, "Would you mind…clarifying a few things?"

A chill went up Hotaru's spine and she whipped around screaming, "**_AIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEE!_ PERVERRRRRT!**"

-_**SMMMMAAAAAKK**_-

* * *

The echoing crack of the strike reverberated off the walls; everyone was speechless. 

"She sluh…she smuh…she guh-huh…" Yamanaka Ino stammered.

"That girl…just slapped…Kakashi!" Umino Iruka gaped, trying to keep his footing.

A bright red hand mark had mysteriously appeared on Kakashi's face (no one saw the impact; certainly heard it tho').

He moved his hand to the stinging wound, "Ow."

Hotaru jabbed her quivering index finger in his face, "**_YOUUUUUUU_ **are to stay **_AT LEAST_** fifty feet away from me at all times, perv!"

Kakashi's eyes went wide, "Perv? I'm not a-"

"Oh really? Then what's **_THIS?_**" Hotaru snarled, _'Come Come Paradise'_ appearing as if by magic, in her hand.

Kakashi blinked hard before patting down his vest.

"Bus-ted!" Hajime said in a singsong voice, grinning hugely.

"Kakashiii!" Hayate Gekko groaned, palming his face.

"When did you-"

"When I slapped you, I lifted it." Hotaru huffed, holding the book distastefully by a corner as she tossed it back to him, "Just keep your distance!"

Hajime snickered; his twin had this Shinobi on the ropes and they both knew it.

* * *

"Um, excuse me?" 

Hajime turned slightly to see a pink haired girl with cat-like green eyes staring shyly up at him.

"Ha-Hajime-kun? Where did you and your sister come from?" she asked shyly, blushing a little.

"Yeah! And how come you keep callin' me Grandpa?" Naruto yelled, "How canya be so sure!"

The Uzumaki's grinned hugely and pointed at Naruto's bellybutton, or, if ya wanna get technical, the curse seal that surrounded it.

"Because of that!" They said together.

"Every member of the Uzumaki clan has one!" Hajime said, pulling off his left glove, to reveal an identical mark to Naruto's, "See?"

"I have one too!" Hotaru chimed, pulling off her right, showing off her mark.

"The mark can appear anywhere on the body." Hajime said, "Dad's was on his right deltoid."

"See?" Hotaru said, riffling through her school bag, pulling out a photograph.

It was of a tall man with spiky blonde hair and glittering blue eyes who looked almostIDENTICAL to the Fourth Hokage, Yondaime.

He had a much younger version of Hotaru on his left shoulder (looking quite happy) and a younger version of Hajime having his hair ruffled by the man (who was obviously their father), smiling hugely.

He wore a white wife beater and jeans, making the mark on his delt all the more visible.

* * *

"This was our dad!" Hotaru said happily, only a minimal amount of pain slicing through her voice. 

"Was?" Yuhi Kurenai asked, "Did he-?"

"He died." Hajime said shortly, "Him and mom both."

"It was an accident, Ha-chan." Hotaru said softly.

"I know that!" Hajime growled, "But-!"

"Let it go." Hotaru said softly, "Nothing can revive the dead."

"How did they die?" Naruto asked carefully.

Hotaru smiled painfully at him, "Unless you know what a car is, jii-chan…it would be pointless to tell you. But thank you…for worrying about us."

She bent down and patted his head, "Hey!" Naruto growled.

"Hee hee!" Hotaru laughed softly.

* * *

Hajime scowled, still a bit irked…until… 

"**ARF! ARF!**"

"**_YAAAAAAARRGHH!_**" Hajime shouted, leaping into Kakashi's arms, "**KEEP THAT RABID THING AWAY FROM ME!**"

"Aww! Kawaii!" Hotaru cooed, holding her arms out to Akamaru who promptly hopped into them, more thanready to get his belly rubbed.

"He really seems to like you." Kiba noted, intrigued because Akamaru hardly ever warmed up to anyone.

"I used to know someone with…animalistic qualities." Hotaru said glancing over at Hajime, "But that changed after what happened ten years ago."

"What…what do you mean?" Hyuuga Hinata asked timidly.

"**NOTHING!**" Hajime roared, "**_NOTHING_ HAPPENED!** Hotaru, just keep quiet!"

Hotaru set Akamaru down, eyes flashing with anger, "Is that a challenge…little brother?"

Hajime glared back, "You bet it is."

"Well, then…" Hotaru smirked, "Yunagi's just been BEGGING for a good fight. Don't disappoint."

She opened the sword case and slid the bokuto out of it's fabric sheath. She tossed the case aside, waiting as her brother withdrew his own weapons, a pair of tonfa, from his gym bag.

Hotaru and Hajime began circling around the fighting platform, eyes narrowed in focus, energy violent swirling around them, forcing back the spectators, preparing to attack, when…

* * *

**_-BOOOOOP-BOOOOP-BOOOOOP-_**

(anime style fall)

"Ah! My cell!" Hotaru cried, pulling it out of her skirt pocket, "Funny…didn't think it would work here."

**_-Beep-_**

"Hello?…**UCHIHA-CHAN!**"

Sasuke almost faceplanted and Hajime's face contorted with rage.

He rushed for Hotaru, attempting to grab the phone away fromherand she easily blocked him with one hand, holding him in place, flailing, as she continued her conversation.

"Friday? No! No! I'm free! What? Is this you askin' me on a date?…Really? Okay! I'll seeya at seven! Ja ne!"

**_-Beep-_**

"**WOO-HOO! I HAVE A DATE WITH UCHIHA-CHAN!**" Hotaru whooped and Naruto looked like he wanted to die; his descendant was going on a date with his biggest rival.

* * *

Sakura wondered why she didn't feel angry. Maybe it was because she was too distracted by this new cutie in front of her? **_AH!_** **NO!** **_She loved Sasuke!_** **SA-SU-KE!** But…then again…he had never given her the time of day so… 

Ino lost it! That girl below was going out with **_HER_** Uchiha-chan! No way was she allowing that!

Sasuke looked like the world was ending.

Hajime snapped, "Oh, no! Not **THAT BASTARD! I FORBID IT!**"

Hotaru looked at him coolly, "And how, exactly, are you gonna do that? I'm, A)older than you, B)stronger than you, and C)smarter than you. It's why Grandma Misako named me as family head when she died."

"Grrr!"

"But I digress, It's time we went home." Hotaru sighed, "I have practice AND a double shift at work today."

"Yeah, that's right! I have practice!" Hajime said as it dawned on him, "We better go."

"I just said that, dim-bulb."

"…"

Hotaru held out her hand which, Hajime reached for.

"Good luck with your match, Jii-chan!" She called happily as her curse seal met Hajime's.

* * *

"**HEY, WAIT!**" Kakashi and Iruka yelled. 

"**_YEAH! HOLD IT!_**" Kiba, Sasuke, Neji and Naruto shouted.

"**HAJIME-KUNNN!**" Sakura called.

"**_STOP RIGHT THERE, UCHIHA-HOGGER!_**" Ino and Ten Ten cried.

"E-everyone, please!" Hinata begged.

"**ARF ARF!**" Akamaru barked.

**_-FWASH-_**

_-fyuuuuuu…-_

_-…uuuuuu…-_

**_-KROOOMMM-

* * *

_**

"**OWW!**"

"**OWCHKIBBIBLES!**"

"Dya mind getting offa me? Yer heavy!"

"Huh?"

"Hey! Whadd're you guysdoin' here!" Hotaru and Hajime gaped.

* * *

(A/N: Hee hee! In their attempt to get answers, they get dragged back (forward if ya wanna be technical)to Mirai Uzumaki's timeline! How will they cope? And how will they react when they meet "Uchiha-chan"? R&R to find out!) 


	3. Who The Hell ARE These People!

(A/N: HICHA! Lady Hiran here! I've decided, from here on out, to allow my other Persona's to do the Recap! Just To make things more interesting! This time, My peppy persona, Hiran-chan! Next time, maybe my vengeful or dark persona! Either way, enjoy!)

* * *

Hey there! Welcome to the third chappie of **_HELL-OOOO GRANDPA!_** I'm Lady Hiran's Perky Persona, Hiran-chan! (bows) and for those of you who are behind, lets recap, shall we?

Hotaru and Hajime-Twins! Seemingly normal, love to piss each other off, twins right? EEHHHNN! Wrong! They have the strange ability to teleport by way of a "birthmark" on their palms.

However, by some strange turn of events, the end up time-traveling, landing smack on top of their ancestor…DUH-DUH-DUH-DUHH! Uzumaki Naruto! Who, just happened to be, right in the middle of his Chunin exams.

After this revelation, as well as a few others, The twins attempt to return home only to be tackled by several Shinobi and Kunoichi, who end up coming along for the ride!

Now you're all caught up! Thank you!

* * *

"Hoo-boy! We don't have time for this!" Hotaru cried, scrambling to her feet.

"Yeah! We both have practice and Hi-chan has work!" Hajime cried, dashing off to an unseen room where loud thumps and crashes were heard.

"Uh, could you tell us where we are?" Hinata asked as Hotaru as she zipped by, hopping into a hakama.

"Not where! Think when!" Hotaru yelped as she tripped and banged her forehead against the coffee table.

-**_KONK_**-

"**OWCHKIBBIBLES!**"

"Ohhhkaayyyeeeee..." Kakashi said slowly, "Then, when are we?"

"Check th' calendar, **NUMB NUTTS!**" Hajime snarled, streaking by the doorway, tying a black obi around his waist.

"Where is it?" Neji asked coolly, folding his arms.

"Behind you." Hotaru said, pointing at him as she dashed from the room.

Neji blushed and stepped aside.

The Shinobi and Kunoichi stared at the calendar.

* * *

-**_KLUNG_**-

"**TWO-THOUSAND FIVE? NO FREAKIN' WAY!**"

"Yes…urmph!…way!" Hajime grunted, tying up his hair.

"Now if you'll excuse us, we have place ta go! People ta see!" Hotaru said, appearing by the door, fully dressed in kendo attire.

"Wuh-wait!" Iruka cried, "You've gotta take us back!"

"Later!" Hajime said dismissively, "I've got Tai-kwon-do, Karate and Football practice."

"And I've got Kendo, Aikido and Cheerleading on top of a double-shift at work." Hotaru said opening the door.

"But-!" Kiba sputtered, "The Chunin exams!"

"We'll takeya back tomorrow!" Hajime called, walking out the door.

"We'll come with y-" Ino began when Hotaru stopped her with a curse seal palm to the face.

"EEHHHHNN! Wrong!" Hotaru grinned, pushing her back into the living room, "YOU are stayin' riiiiight here!"

"And whose gonna make us?" Ten Ten sneered.

Hotaru smiled sweetly, "No one! It's just that I always thought that the first rule of being a ninja is to blend in with your surroundings!"

"Uh…" Sakura gaped, not quite sure what she was getting at.

"Well in those clothes, you stick out like big, sore, pink, thumbs!" Hotaru laughed.

The Shinobi and Kunoichi thought back on the Twins outfits.

She was right.

"You wait here!" Hotaru snorted through her snickers, "You're more th'n welcome to look thru our rooms ta see if you can find clothes that fit! Me n' Ha-chan haven't cleaned out our closets in forever so there should be something!"

She dashed out the front door in hysterical laughter.

* * *

The Shinobi and Kunoichi gaped after her.

And where was Naruto during all this?

Why, in his descendant's rooms! Trying on Hajime's clothes!

"Hnn…not bad. Not bad!" Naruto said to himself, looking himself up and down in Hotaru's full length mirror.

"Naruto." Kakashi said, directly in the boy's ear.

"**_GLAAAH!_**" He cried, leaping into the air, "Don't just pop up like that!"

"Where did you find those clothes?" Iruka asked him.

"In the room down the hall." Naruto said pointing.

"Are there any more?" Kiba asked.

"I think so." Naruto shrugged, climbing down from his perch on the dresser.

"Well, c'mon! We need to hurry if we're gonna catch up with them!" Sasuke growled.

* * *

"**ARF!**" Akamaru barked, alerting Kiba.

"He says he's found them." Kiba said, "The nearest one's that way." He said, pointing to the left.

"Then let's go." Neji growled, not wanting to stay here any longer than he had to.

They approached a rather traditional style building, reminiscent of their own time.

The kyochu doors were open to the public and the time-traveling Shinobi and Kunoichi peered inside.

"**_KOTEEEIIII!_**" Hotaru roared, striking swiftly at her opponent's wrist, "**_MEEEEEEIII!_**"

Hotaru struck her opposition's head so hard his mask flew off.

* * *

"Wuh-whooooooa." Naruto breathed, his eyes glittering, "**AWESOME!**"

"Incredible." Ten Ten gaped, her mouth hanging open, ready for flies.

"…gosh…" Hinata whispered, very impressed.

* * *

The mask hit the floor.

Hotaru and her opponent got into seiza position and bowed.

"Thank you very much."

Hotaru rose first, "Time to head to Cheerleading."

"I still have a hard time picturing you with pom-pom's." her challenger snickered.

"What can I say?" Hotaru shrugged, "It helps me build up litheness and dexterity. It improves my fighting technique tenfold! It's why'm stronger than Ha-chan. Why else would I bother with rhythmic gymnastics and cheerleading?"

"True!" the boy snorted, "They just don't fit."

"See ya on Saturday, dude!" Hotaru called, walking towards the kyochu screen.

The Shinobi and Kunoichi leapt on top of the roof just in time as she left the building.

* * *

"Akamaru says the other is over this way." Kiba said, pointing towards an expanse of green.

"**TWENTY-_TWOOO!_ FOURTY-_THREEEE!_ HUT-HUT-_HIKE!_**" Hajime snarled.

Hajime caught the snap and hurled across the stadium to the awaiting arms of the wide receiver.

"**_YEEE-YESSSS!_**" Hajime whooped, "'m **HOT **tonight!"

"**HAJIME-_CHANNNN!_**" a girl yelled from the bleachers.

Hajime blinked, then flushed considerably beneath his helmet.

The girl had shoulder length bluish-black hair and lavender eyes with white pupils.

"**HEY, KANNA!**"

"**HAJIME! I HEARD UCHIHA ASKED HOTARU OUT!**" The girl known as Kanna shouted.

Hajime's eyes narrowed.

"**YEAH, THAT BASTARD ASKED HER OUT!**"

"**AWWW, HA-_CHANNNN!_ DON'T CALL'M _THA-AT!_**" Kanna whined.

"**OKAY KANNA WHADEVER YOU SAY!**"

"**ANYWAY! HAJIME! WANNA MAKE IT A DOUBLE DATE?**" Kanna yelled.

"**WHA-WHAT?**"

"**YOU _KNOOOW!_ YOU AN' ME! ASATO AN' HOTARU!**" Kanna hollered.

"**WHILE I STILL HOPE ONE OF'M COPS OUT, YOU'RE ON!**" Hajime yelled, giving her a thumbs up.

"**SEE YA THEN UZUMAKI-_CHANNN!_**" Kanna yelled back.

"**LATER HYUUGA-CHAN!**" Hajime waved.

* * *

"Huh-huhh-Hyuuga?" Neji stammered.

"No…way." Naruto gaped, his jaw dropping.

"_Oh no."_ Hinata thought worriedly.

"Well, this is getting interesting." Kakashi said from behind his 'Come Come Paradise'.

"Umm, guys? Not to interrupt? But, Hotaru's here." Ten Ten said brightly as a group of girls walked out on to the field in rather skimpy skirts with big puffy thing in their hands.

* * *

A boy suddenly approached Hotaru from behind.

"Hey, Hi-chan!" The boy snickered, "Nice uniform!"

He groped her rear.

"**ASATO YOU PERVERT!**" Hotaru shrieked.

-**_SSSSMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAKKK_**-

-_**SSSSMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAKKK**_-

She slapped him viciously across both cheeks.

"**OWW!**" The black haired boy cried, his hands going to his face, "Screw Drederick Tatum! No one punches like you do!"

"**_RRRR!_** It serves you **RIGHT**, Uchiha-chan!" Hotaru snarled.

* * *

"No…" Sasuke muttered, swaying on his feet, color draining from his face, "…no…it can't be."

"I don't believe it." Iruka gaped.

"He's more perverse than Jiraiya." Kakashi grinned.

"**_AAAHH!_**" Ten Ten and Ino shrieked, "**THERE'S NO WAY THAT PERV'S RELATED TO OUR SASUKE!**"

* * *

His hair was longish, brushing the back of his neck.

His eyes were bright green and mirthful.

His lips were twisted into a playful smirk.

* * *

"Why're you here, anyway?" Hotaru asked, hands on her hips, "I have practice, then work, and our date isn't until tomorrow!"

"C'mon! Girls in short skirts dancing around?" Asato said, wiggling his eyebrows, "How could I resist?"

"Rrrgh! You are SUCH a perv!" Hotaru groaned rejoining the other cheerleaders, "Ya know? I'm startin' ta think I should actually listen to that idiot brother of mine and cancel on your ass!"

"**_NOO!_**" Asato cried, gloming onto her leg, "**PLEASE** say we're still on!"

"**_GEEHDDOFF ME!_**" Hotaru shrieked, kneeing him in the face with her free leg, causing the descendant Uchiha to lose his grip.

"Ya know what? **SCREW IT!**" Hotaru snarled, stalking off the field, "I'm dumpin' you, Balls fer Brains!"

"Uzumaki-chan?" a cheerleader cried, "Whaddabout prac-"

"I'm **_SKIPPIN' IT TODAY!_**" Hotaru roared.

"_**Heep!**_" squeaked the cheerleader, ducking behind the stands.

* * *

A sudden grin filled Hajime's face.

"Huhn? What is it Ha-chan?" Kanna asked him.

"I just felt a thrill of joy shoot through my very soul!" Hajime snickered, knowing what it meant.

"Huh…" Kanna shrugged, "C'mon! You said you'd treat me to Ice Cream!"

* * *

"Huh? Hey Hotaru! You're here early!"

"Hey, Mr. Tadakichi." Hotaru moaned dejectedly, collapsing on a bar stool.

"Bad day?" her employer grinned, placing a glass of cranberry juice in front of her.

"A living nightmare." Hotaru groaned, allowing her head to hit the bar.

"Well, you don't officially start work for another three hours…" Tadakichi smiled, "Why doncha tell me what happened."

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you." Hotaru sighed, sipping her juice.

"I've seen and heard a **LOT** of effed up shit!" Tadakichi smirked, "Try me!"

"Well…"

* * *

_Thirty minutes later…_

"…and can you **Buh-_LIEEEVE_** that pervert? I mean Come **ON!**"

Tadakichi was silent a moment.

Hotaru sighed, "I toldja you wouldn't believe me."

Tadakichi grinned, "Well it sounds to me like your life's gone to hell in a hand basket!"

"**I KNOW!**" Hotaru cried, rounding on him, flailing her arms out of agitation, "And the worst part is I hafta think of a way to help them get **BACK!** I promised them I'd take them home **TAMORROW**, but I don't even know how we got there in the **FIRST** **PLACE!** Much less how ta **GET BACK!**"

Hotaru switched her legs around on to another bar stool and rested her head on the one behind her.

"Uhnn…godda think…godda think…godda think, think, think…" Hotaru moaned.

"Is that really helping?" Tadakichi snickered.

"Boss…please be quiet…for just a minute!" Hotaru begged, "I'm in real trouble here!"

"That for damn sure!" Most of the youngermembers of Konohagakure glared at her, appearing from seemingly nowhere, "You'd better get us home or else!"

"**_MEEP!_**"

* * *

(A/N: Sakura, would you get the HELL AWAY FROM-What? were doing the Authoress's Notes NOW! Eh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh! Anyways! Sakura's crush on Sasuke disappears and some problem arrive when trying to transport the ninja back to their time period! R&R!)


	4. Punches, Pizza and BIIIIG Problems

(A/N: Hicha! Lady Hiran here! Thank you for all the positive responses! I love you all! AND NOW! TIME FOR THE RECAP!)

* * *

Hello again, all you happy people! This is Hiran-chan again and- 

_**-DOOT-**_

-**ACK!**

Move aside, ya peppy bitch. This is my time to shine. Nice to meet you all…I guess. I'm Yami Hiran, the darker of Lady Hiran's personas; here today to bring you the recap.

**_WAAAAH!_ YAMI! YOU'RE SUCHA MEANIE!**

Deal with it.

Anyway, Hajime and Hotaru; seeming average, everyday twins…with a not so average everyday secret…the kind of secret that sends you hurtling into the past, right on top of your Shinobi ancestor, Uzumaki Naruto.

God…that blows.

**_WAAAAAAAAAH!_**

Shut up.

To continue, after this disclosure, they attempted to return home…only to have a horde of Shinobi and Kunoichi try and stop them, and end up dragging said Shinobi and Kunoichi along for the ride.

Wow, what kind of morons are these two?

**_WAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!_**

Are you still here?

Anyway, the twins, after ordering the Konohagakure ninja to stay put…shyeah right…like that would ever happen…the Uzumaki Twin's go about their lives as normal, under the watchful eye of the Shinobi and Kunoichi from the past.

**_BWAAAAAAAH-HAAAA-HAAAAAAAAAH!_**

Go away.

After some startling revelations about the Konohagakure ninja's descendant's, they follow Hotaru to her workplace, where she pours her heart out to her employer, Mr. Tadakichi, to whom she divulges, she doesn't know how to get them back home.

Wow…she's in some deep shit, huh?

**_WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!_**

Anyway, that's your recap…I guess.

* * *

"**_Hotaru!_** Order up at Table 8!" 

"Gotcha! **ACK! IRUKA-KUN!** **_Don'ttouchthatit'sa-!_**"

_-psshhh-_

"**GAAAAAAAAH!**"

"-heating…lamp."

Work was total chaos with The Konohagakure ninja's present. It was hectic enough without some time traveling Shinobi and Kunoichi unintentionally interfering as they examined all the fascinating new technology around them, but this was just ridiculous!

"**_AUGH!_ No, Hyuuga-kun! _That's a-!_**"

_-shhhh-_

"**AAAHHH! MY _EYES!_**"

"-salt…shaker."

"Uzumaki? Table 8?"

"Uh-Right! Sorry sir!"

Hotaru rushed the food and alcohol over to Table eight.

**_-KRRSSSH-_**

"Ah! He-here's your order, sirs! I'll be right back! Excuse me!"

* * *

Hotaru hurriedly set down the tray and dashed over to where Hinata was sobbing as Neji berated her for breaking a glass. 

"Heh-hey! Hyuuga-kun! It's okay!" Hotaru grinned a little tiredly, "It's just one glass."

"Peh! This little fool can never do anything ri-" Neji started, when suddenly, Hotaru's face loomed in front of his, smiling in an overly cheerful way that was truly creepy.

"Neeeeeji?" She said in a singsong voice as her knuckles turned white, "**CLENCH-YOUR-TEETH!**"

**_-WRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKKK-_**

Hotaru viciously punched Neji in the jaw.

* * *

Hinata stopped crying out of shock and all the Konohagakure ninja's stared at her, in disbelief as blood ran thickly down Neji's chin. 

She towered over him, pointing her index finger.

"Tell me little boy, did that hurt?" Hotaru asked, "It did didn't it? It's because you're ALIVE! It's because you have feelings!"

She crouched down so she was on level with Neji.

"Now you listen, and you listen good." She said, her eyes filling with sadness, "I know you're a Shinobi and that Shinobi hafta be hard, but listen to me when I say you can never treat family the way you just did. You can never belittle them, or crush their souls to dust…the way you just did…because…you never know…when they might disappear…forever."

Neji's eyes widened in horror as his mind automatically turned to his father.

"How would you feel…if Hyuuga-chan died tomorrow…and that was the last thing you ever said to her…was 'you can't do anything right'?" Hotaru asked him, "Is that what you want?"

Neji shook his head; no.

"Now, apologize to Hyuuga-chan." Hotaru said softly.

Neji got to his feet, and placed a hand on Hinata's head, ruffling her hair lightly and muttered, "'m sorry…'m sorry Hinata-chan."

Hinata's eyes widened in surprise but she smiled gently, "It-it's alright…Neji-aniki."

"Well then! What's with all this lovey dovey crud?"

Hotaru whirled around.

* * *

"Ha-chan! Thank GOD!" she cried, glomping him, "Puh-leeeeese take them back to the house! They're making things harder for me than they hafta be!" 

"Whuh-what?" Hajime stammered, "But I can't cook!"

"Then order out, **_dumbass! YEESH!_** Figure it out!" Hotaru cried in exasperation.

"**HEY! _Don't call me dumbass ya SLUT!_**"

"**_DON'T CALL ME SLUT YA DOUCHEBAG!_**"

"**HUSSY!**"

"**_BASTARD!_**"

"**BITCH!**"

"**_ASSHOLE!_**"

"**WHORE!**"

"**_FUCKFACE!_**"

"**_RRRRRRRRRRRRR!_**"

The two glared at each other, energy crackling between them, before Hajime turn on his heel with a, "C'mon! Were leavin'! Later Hi-chan!"

"Night, Ha-chan!" Hotaru called waving after him, "Be safe, okay?"

* * *

"Whuh-huh?" Ino blinked, "What was that all about?" 

"Just our game." Hajime said smoothly.

"G-game?" Hinata asked shyly, a worried look on her face, "B-but it sounded…so serious!"

"Aww, we love ta piss each other off!" Hajime grinned, "It's what we twins do best!"

"Really?" Naruto asked, "Sounded ta me like you two really hate each other!"

"Naw!" Hajime laughed, "It's a lot like the way best friends are! The closer they are, the more they fight!"

"Wow." Ten Ten said with a nod, "You must really care about her a lot, then."

"What can I say?" Hajime shrugged, "She's all I have left."

They approached a crosswalk.

* * *

Hajime stopped. 

Kakashi stopped.

Iruka stopped.

Naruto stopped.

Sakura stopped.

Ten Ten stopped.

Kiba stopped.

Akamaru stopped.

Ino stopped.

Sasuke, off in his own little world, kept right on going.

"**HEY!_ WATCH OUT IDIOT!_**" Hajime cried, wrapping his arms around Sasuke's waist and wrenching him back.

**_-Z-WOOOMMMMMMM…-_**

Hajime held Sasuke close to him as the twelve year old shook from fear.

"Whuh-what was that?" Kakashi asked Hajime sternly, "Some kind of demon?"

"Nope. No such luck." Hajime growled, dusting Sasuke off and checking him over for injuries, "Remember those 'cars' my sis was talkin' about earlier?"

"Yes…" Iruka repled slowly.

"Well, that was one of them." Hajime repled, satisfied that the Uchiha was alright, he rose to his feet, "They're kinda of hard ta describe…but I'll try. Think…screamin' metal death trap…that you can ride around in."

"I see." Kakashi said, "So…they're used for transport?"

"Mmm-hm." Hajime nodded, "Ah! The light's green, we can cross now! Just…make sure to look as you're crossin'…can never be to careful, ya know."

* * *

"**WOO-HOO! _Pizza's here!_**" Hajime whooped happily as the delivery boy pulled away. 

"Peet…zah?" Sakura asked as the older boy walked into the room with a stack of thin boxes in his arms.

"Yup! Probably the single most fantastic thing created by human hands!" Hajime declared, spreading the boxes out, "Pizza is my lord and master!" he cried, somehow opening all the boxes at once.

A divine, heavenly aroma filled the room as the sixteen year old's gaze flitted from pizza to pizza.

"Which one? **_Which one?_** **GOD!** They all smell **_SOOO GOOD!_**" Hajime shouted happily.

Naruto admitted, while his first love would always be ramen, this, "Peet-zah" smelled pretty good.

Kakashi, who hadn't eaten since the day before, was having difficulty restraining himself.

Sakura, Ino, and Ten Ten, all of whom were on diets, drooled.

Neji and Hinata tried to contain themselves against the alluring, spicy smell.

Sasuke tried to play off the loud growls coming from his stomach.

Iruka looked like he was going to cry as Hajime tore into his first slice.

"Hm?" Hajime looked over his shoulder at them with wide, perplexed, pale blue eyes, "Whah ah oo 'ust iddin' ah'oun' fuh? G'won! Thuh's pluhneh!"

TRANSLATION: What are you just sitting around for? Go on! There's plenty!

* * *

The Shinobi and Kunoichi didn't need to be told twice. 

They tore into those pizza's like they hadn't seen food in months.

"**_OWWUU!_ 'OT'OT'OT!**" Naruto screamed as melted cheese tried to burn a hole through his tongue.

"Blow on it first, ya moron!" Hajime snapped.

"**_MMM!_** Thish ish scrummy!" Ino cried, tomato sauce smearing on her cheeks.

"Ino, you **PIG!**" Sakura shouted, elbowing her out of the way, "Quit bein' sucha **HOG!** Leave some for the rest of us!"

"She is right tho'." Kakashi nodded, "This stuff is delicious."

"Ahhh…I've never tasted anything so exquisite." Iruka sighed happily.

"**MAH _MOUF!_ IH _BUHNNS!_**" Naruto sobbed, fanning his hands.

"Here!" Hajime growled, holding up a glass, "Milk will make it better."

"Here Sasuke! Try some!" Sakura offered, holding up a slice, which the Uchiha gratefully took.

"…okay…it is good." He admitted.

"So delicious!" Ten Ten cried passionately.

"**MM! _DANG!_ HAFFEN E'ER TASHTED_ ANEHTHIN'_ LAHK _THISH!_**" Kiba cheered, "Here Akamaru! Try a bite!"

"ARF!"

"Neji-aniki? Are you…are you enjoying yourself?" Hinata asked.

"Immensely." Neji replied after swallowing a mouthful of tomato sauce.

* * *

"'m home." 

Hotaru stumbled into the living room, looking completely drained.

She collapsed on Hajime, draping her arms over him.

"Get me shumthin ta eat bro…can't move n'more." Hotaru mumbled tiredly.

"Here." Hajime said, holding up a slice, "Pizza. The Senzu Beans of the Real World!"

"Ah. Thanks." She said gratefully, snatching it from her twin and popping a corner into her mouth.

"Rough day at work?" Hajime asked, grabbing another slice (please note that Hotaru hasn't moved from her position draped over Hajime's shoulders).

"Don't get me started," Hotaru replied blandly, a lackluster look on her face, "Didja feed Popotan?"

"Nn-mm." Hajime replied.

"Idiot." Hotaru grumbled, sliding off his shoulders, "**_THWEEEEEEEE-WUUUU!_**" she whistled shrilly between her teeth, "Popotan! Chow time!" she called, directing her voice at the stairway.

_-thpita-thpita-thpita-thpita-thpita-thpita-thpita-thpita-thpita-thpita-thpita-thpita-_

**_-WMP-

* * *

_**

"Huwah?" Iruka blinked.

"Uh-uh. Nuu way." Ino choked.

"Too much of a coincidence." Sasuke growled.

A fox kit jumped hyperly all over the exhausted teenager, licking her face.

He was deep crimson color with midnight black paws. His chin and chest was a silver white.

It was obvious this fox was a bit spoiled as well as pampered by the way not one hair was out of place on his whole body, and the way he practically glowed with happiness.

"Heycha, Popotan." Hotaru said tiredly, "Sorry my Idiot Brother didn't feed you."

"Shaddap." Hajime growled, taking a drink of soda.

"Uh…um…H-Hotaru-san?" Ten Ten asked cautiously, "Where did you…I mean…when did you…"

"Hmm? Oh! When did I get Popotan?" Hotaru asked as the kit licked her fingers, "He got hit by a truck outside our house a month ago. I took him in!"

"Peh." Hajime snorted, "Waste a money."

"This coming from a guy who listens to Britney Spears." Hotaru shot back snidely.

"Wuh-what? No I don't!" He stammered.

"Oh really?" Hotaru said, a crafty look overtaking her face, "So you DIDN'T dance around the living room singing 'Oops! I did it again!' in MY shower cap?"

Hajime was too ashamed to speak and Hotaru grinned triumphantly.

Hajime soon regained his composure though.

"S-so?" he sputtered, "At least I'M not obsessed with our dead family members!"

Hotaru's eyes widened in shock.

"You're always going on about, '"You can't bring back the dead"' but you obsess over it more than ANYONE!" Hajime cried, "You spend HOURS researching our ancestors! How they lived! How they died! And you say I should let it go! Peh! What a-!"

Hotaru rose to her feet a defeated expression on her face when she lurched downward, grabbed Akamaru by the scruff of the neck and hurled him into Hajime's face.

"**YAIYAIYAI_YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!_**" Hajime screamed, running around blindly in fear.

Hotaru stumbled out of the room and up the stairs, mumbling under her breath.

"Guys?" Sasuke muttered, "I think our trip home just got postponed."

* * *

(A/N: Well, The Konohagakure Ninja are screwed. Because of Hajime's stupidity, Hotaru isn't speaking to him, and therefore, a trip to the past is pretty much a bust. Will these masters of deception be able to repair the ties between brother and sister? Or will they have to adapt to life in the future? R&R to find out!) 


	5. Fighting and Phobias and Tekko: OH MY!

(A/N: Hicha! Lady Hiran here! Thank you all SOOOOOOO much for your reviewage! It means so much to hear your input! You really don't know! Well, without further adieu, here're my persona's with the Recap!)

* * *

Yo. This is Yami Hiran. I'm taggin' out so as to get some asprin (gad, can that girl cry). So, here with today's Recap are Okoru and Hikari Hiran. 

**WHADD'RE _YOU_ LOOKIN' AT!**

Okoru-chan, be nice!

Later, losers (ugh, my head).

**_LOSER!_ WHY DONCHA COME BACK HERE AND SAY THAT TA MY _FACE_ YA B-MMPH-MM-PHHMM-MMMMPH!**

(Hand is currently covering Okoru Hiran's mouth) Eh-heh-heh-heh! Okay! Time to start the Recap!

* * *

Hajime and Hotaru! Seemingly normal twins with the not so normal ability to teleport via their quote un quote birthmark's located on their opposing palms. 

**MMMPH-NNF-MMP-NNRF-MNG-NRG-MMMMPH!**

(Translation: Hikari! You'd better let me go right now! **_OR ELLLLLLLLLLLSE!_**)

However, do to some unknown fluke, the are sent hurtling into the past and smack ontop of their ancestor, the prodigal prankster Shinobi, Uzumaki Naruto.

**MMMPH-MM-MMMPH-MMM-MM-MMPH!**

(Translation: Let me go **_NOW_ YOU _BITCH!_**)

After a somewhat botched trip back to the future and some rather startling revelations about the descendants of a few choice clans, The Konohagakure ninja found themselves in quite a predicament.

**MM-MMPH-MMMMMMPH!**

(Translation: I can't **_BREEEEEATHE!_**)

Hotaru and Hajime had gotten into a fight, and now are not on speaking terms! How will these time traveling Shinobi and Kunoichi get home now? Read on to find out! That's your recap! Thank you very much!

**PWAH-HUUHH! YOU _BITCH!_ I'M GONNA _KILL YOUUUU!_**

Enjoy the story! (takes off running)

* * *

Hotaru left early the next morning, long before Hajime awoke. 

She left evidence of her morning meal on the dishwasher and in the trash, but nothing else.

"She must still be mad." Hajime muttered, popping a slice of leftover pizza into his mouth, "Hmph! Lahk ah cahr."

Hotaru walked the route to school silently, staring at the ground.

"**_UZUMAKIIIIII!_**" Her fan club roared, prepping itself for battle, "**TODAY'S TH' DAY WE-!**"

Hotaru lifted her head.

And gave a small, sad smile.

"Not today, boys. Sorry." Hotaru said.

"Uh…um…oh. Okay." They replied, moving aside to let her pass.

Hajime approached the school, when…

"**_RRRRAUGH!_ U-ZU-MA-_KIIIII!_**"

A horde of Hotaru's fanboys (And creepily enough, fangirls; brrrr…) surrounded him.

"**WHAT THE _HELL_ DID YOU DO TO HOTARU-CHAN!**" they snarled.

_-pok…pokpokpok…-_

"None…of your…**_BUSINESS!_**" He shouted, punching his way through.

* * *

"Hmm…this isn't shaping up too well." Kakashi said brightly, leafing through _'Come Come Paradise'_.

"Isn't shaping…those two are our ticket home!" Iruka sputtered, "And all you can say is, **_'This isn't shaping up too well?'_**"

"If those two don't bite the bullet and apologize, were never getting home!" Kiba growled.

"Naruto! They're your descendants!" Sakura cried, "They'll listen to you!"

"What?" Naruto cried, "Me? But…but…they're **FOUR YEARS _OLDER_ THAN I AM!** Why would they listen to me?"

"Come on Naruto! Use your head." Sasuke growled, "Remember how those two reacted when she first met you?"

* * *

_-FLASHBACK-_

_The twin's eyes were almost instantaneously drawn to the mark on his stomach and in the space it takes to blink, they were up close and personal, examining the curse seal._

"_Hey bro! Check it out!" the girl squealed excitedly, "Same as ours! Dya think he's th' one?"_

"_No doubt. Couldn't be anyone else." The boy replied, a huge grin spreading on his face, "This is just too wild!"_

_The girl clasped her hands around the boy-kyuubi and squealed in delight._

"_HEEEEEEE! I never DREAMED I'd get the chance to meet you!" she cried, happiness radiating out of every pore, "This is awesomely-fantastic!"_

_-END OF FLASHBACK-

* * *

_

"If anyone has a chance of getting those two to talk it's you." Neji said reasonably.

"…you can do it." Hinata cheered tentatively.

Naruto smiled at Hinata, "Well…alright then. I'll give it a shot. You guys will help me out tho', right?"

"…"

"Right?"

_-chrp chrp chrp chrp-_

"**_GUYS!_**"

"What? What?" Ten Ten asked innocently.

Naruto growled ferally at them.

"Oh c'mon! We were **JUST **kidding!" Ino snickered.

"We'll help ya." Iruka said, patting Naruto's head.

* * *

Hotaru sat in math class, one of her worst subject, gazing out the window, when… 

"**_Guh-huh!_**" she gasped loudly, almost falling out of her desk.

"Ms. Uzumaki, is everything alright?" The teacher asked.

"Wuh-what? **Oh!** **_Yeah!_** Everything's just peachy!" Hotaru called, her voice rising five octaves as she lied through her teeth.

Naruto sat in the windowsill, staring inat her.

Hotaru scribbled on a piece of paper,_'"What the hell do you want?"'_

Naruto scribbled on his own scroll, brought from his own time, _'"Make up with your brother."'_

Hotaru scowled, _'"Dummy. XP"'_

Naruto glared back, _'"Who're you callin' a dummy, ya dummy?"'_

Hotaru's glower became more intense, _'"DUMMY! DUMMY! DUMMY! DUMMY! DUMMY! DUMMY! DUMMY! DUMMY!"'_

"**WHY'RE YOU BEIN' _SO_ STUBBORN!**" Naruto yelled from the other side of the window pane.

"**WANNA _MAKE_ SOMETHIN' OF IT?**" Hotaru roared, chair scraping across the floor as she leapt to her feet.

"**MS. UZUMAKI! IN THE HALL! _NOW!_**"

* * *

Hotaru leaned against the wall, buckets in hand. 

She shifted slightly, revealing a pair of tekko around her wrists.

"Phwuhhh…" she sighed deeply, "Today…sucks. Grandpaaa…what was that all about?"

* * *

"Well, Hotaru's a bust. She's **_waaaaay_** too stubborn." Naruto sighed, looking very guilty, "Not ta mention I got'er in trouble." 

"Sounds like someone I know."Sasuke muttered under his breath.

"What was **THAT?**" Naruto shouted.

"'sokay." Iruka said, patting the fox-boy's head, "At least you tried."

"Alright, Naruto." Kiba said, "Take a breather. I'll handle Hajime."

"H-how?" Hinata asked nervously.

"His absurd Cynophobia." Kiba sneered, "I've already had Akamaru track his location. All I have to do now is implement my influence over the local dogs."

* * *

Hajime growled in annoyance, shifting from one foot to the other. 

He narrowed his eyes at the neck of the person ahead of him.

"_Come ON!"_ he thought exasperatedly, _"Just GO fer th' love a GOD!"_

A pair of golden eyes watched him hungrily from the bushes.

"_C'mon!"_

The owner of those golden eyes stalked forward.

"**_GO_ ALREADY!**" Hajime roared.

The boy in front of him looked at something beyond Hajime, terror in his eyes, "U-Uzumaki…" the boy faltered out in a hushed, frightened voice.

Hajime sensed something behind him.

Something that sent chills down his spine.

He turned slowly.

There, stalking slowly towards him, was a giant, grey wolf, with a large scar across it's muzzle.

"N-no…" Hajime mumbled dryly, his face draining of color, "Not…not you. Please no."

* * *

**_-G-TANG-KLLL-_**

_-PLOOORRSSHH-_

Hotaru lost her grip on the buckets as fear shot through her veins fast than plasma.

"Hajime…" She muttered, leaping out the nearest open window and instinct taking over as she ran blind.

* * *

"Kiba, I dunno." Naruto said doubtfully, "Exploiting his fear of dogs? That's just low." 

"Naruto? D'ya wanna get home or not?" Sakura snapped.

"…I guess." Naruto muttered, "…but…**BUT NOT IF IT MEANS MAKIN' MY DESCENDANTS UNHAPPY!**"

"Good boy, Naruto." Kakashi said cheerily.

"Hey...Isn't that Hotaru-san?"Ten Tenasked, as the pale blonde blur streaked under the tree where the time traveling Konohagakure Shinobi and Kunoichi had perched themselves.

"Determination...mixed with fear." Neji muttered apprehensively, Byakugan activated, "That isn't good."

"C'mon!" Iruka cried.

"We hafta go after her!"Ino cried.

The Konohagakure ninja's dashed after her, noting, to their surprise, it took almost all the alacrity they possessed to keep up with her panic driven speeds.

They were almost inhuman.

* * *

"Uh…n-no…st-stay…stay back…" 

Hajime was hyperventilating now.

This wolf was different from others.

This one was rogue; a loner.

This one knew how to cut his prey away from the others; to get him alone, defenseless…before making the lethal strike.

This wolf, also, wasn't a stranger.

Hajime had crossed paths with this beast before.

Ten years ago to be exact.

* * *

Ten years ago, Hajime had been six years old and a humongous dogs lover. 

Hell, he had been playing with a puppy named Sumomo at the time of the attack.

That wolf, it wasn't as large as it was now…but still large enough to strike fear into one's heart.

Hajime's knees had given out.

Sumomo's survival instincts kicked in and she had run for dear life.

The wolf charged.

And out of the blue…she had come.

An unknown savior.

She sacrificed both wrists to protect him from that wolf's crushing jaws.

After freeing herself, she had thrown a particularly sharp rock at the beast, causing it shriek in pain.

It fled.

She had looked at him

"Are you okay?" she had asked.

He had passed out.

* * *

It was ten years later. 

He had been terrified of dogs ever since.

There was no savior now.

Just him and that wolf, out for his blood.

The wolf charged.

* * *

"**OH _NO!_**" Sakura and Ino shrieked. 

"I can't watch!" Ten Ten sobbed.

"**_Uzumaki-kun!_**" Hinata and Neji cried.

"**_NO!_**" Naruto snarled, preparing to charge, ready to defend his progeny at all costs.

* * *

**_-KLNNNNNN-_**

Hajime dared to open an eye.

The wolf's fangs encircled both of Hotaru's tekko; her arm's were in a cross arm block.

"**_NNK!_**" she grunted.

Hajime watched in disbelief as Hotaru ducked own swiftly, freed one arm and clobbered the wolf across the muzzle with a rather sizeable boulder.

His savior…

Then and now…

She turned around slowly.

"Are you okay…Ha-chan?"

* * *

The wolf however, wasn't ready to give up. 

He launched himself at Hotaru's outwardly unguarded back.

She couldn't defend fast enough.

A look of pure horror filled her face.

* * *

Hajime pulled Hotaru close to himself and punched the wolf out. 

"Fine thanks…howabout you?"

Hotaru blinked at him a moment, before breaking into a smile.

"I've been better." Hotaru smiled happily, "I'm just so happy you're safe brother!"

Hajime blushed from embarrassment, "Sorry…for makin' ya worry."

Hotaru smiled, "'sokay. But hey! You overcame you're phobia! That's great!"

Hajime grinned sheepishly, "And it only took me, what? Ten years?"

"Oh, **_Hajime!_**" Hotaru cried, in fake adoration, "Your **SPEED!** It's so…so…"

"Speedy?" Hajime filled in.

"Yes! **_Exactly!_**" Hotaru cried, clapping her hands together.

There was a silence.

The two began to shake.

"**_BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!_**"

The two doubled over laughing.

* * *

"Wow…" Hinata said softly, her eyes wide in disbelief. 

"It's as though nothing ever happened." Neji acknowledged.

"It must be a twin thing." Sakura muttered.

"Hmm…" Kakashi mused, "How could she have known Hajime was in danger? She was nearly four hundred meters away…very interesting."

* * *

Hajime and Hotaru calmed down a bit and apologized formally, chuckling apologetically. 

"Hey-eee! You up there!" Hajime yelled up into the tree branches making the Konohagakure Shinobi and Kunoichi start.

"C'mon down!" Hotaru called in a singsong voice, "It's no use tryin' to pretend you're not there!"

The Konohagakure ninja sheepishly hopped down from the tree.

"How did you know?" Sasuke asked.

"Trees don't talk!" they chorused.

**_-THM-_**

"So, anyway, we're gonna go home now." Hotaru said, "We don't have any activities, so today would be best to attempt taking you home."

"We need to eat somethin' first tho'." Hajime groaned, "I'm starved!"

"Don't **_TELL_** me ya skipped lunch!" Hotaru growled.

"How could I skip it..." Hajime said slowly, "...when ya didn't make it for me in th' first placeand **I CAN'T _COOK_, BITCH!**"

"**_ASS!_**"

"**CUNT!**"

"**_DONKEY-RAPER!_**"

"**UNCLE FUCKER!**"

"**_TRAILER-PARK-TRASH!_**"

"They're back." Ten Ten said exasperatedly.

"At least were going home." Iruka sighed.

* * *

(A/N: Yes, the Konohagakure ninja finally make it back (and at the exact time they left to top things off). However, there's a slight complication. R&R.)

* * *

Tekko are metal forearm guards. They wrap completely around the forearm from wrist start to elbow and open on a hinge. 


	6. Here we go again!

(A/N: HIYA! Lady Hiran here! Sorry this took so long! My computer was being a pain! But it's ALLLLLLLLL better now! And now! Here're my persona's with the Recap!)

* * *

H-Hewwo. Hiwad-chad again. (snrf, snrf) Heeya with yo Weecap. 

HONNK (blows nose)

Eddie ways, Hotahwoo an' Hahjeembeh ah twids!

I think they've gotten that by now, idiot.

WAK! Yabi! Do't sdeak ub odd be like dat!

Heh-heh-heh.

T' cud-tid-yew (SNORK) Ulgh! By dose! Ai-Hiwad! Cood yew cub out here pweese?

Hiya, Hiran-chan! Dannng! You sound awful! Lemme guess! Yami-kun Made funnaya's again, am I right?

Hit the nail on the head with a twelve-ton sledge hammer.

Cad yew fidish th' Weecap fuh be? …pweeeeese?

Sure thing, kiddo! Yami-kun? Take goood care of her! Wink wink! Nudge nudge!

**SHADDAP YA ANNOYING MANIFESTATION OF HUMAN CONSCIOUSNESS!**

Ha ha!

* * *

Alrighty! Back ta the recap! 

Ta introduce myself, I'm Ai-Hiran! Good ta meetcha!

To continue with the recap, I think I'll just start up where Hikari and Okoru left off!

Hotaru and Hajime are no longer on speaking terms, which is bad news for the Konohagakure ninja, seeing as those two are their only ticket home.

Naruto first attempted to sway the headstrong Hotaru, only to meet with quick defeat.

Awww! Poor guy! He needs a hug!

Kiba devised strategy to "push Hajime in the right direction" only to have his plans interrupted by a rogue wolf entering the Mirai Uzumaki's school campus and cutting him away from his classmates.

Cynophobia taking over, the wolf made it's move to attack when Hotaru, acting on a rush of pure instinct it seemed, appeared to save the day!

But the wolf wasn't done just yet! It went after Hotaru's ostensibly defenseless back! Overcoming his phobia, Hajime pulls Hotaru out of the way and punches the wolf out just in time!

The Konohagakure Shinobi and Kunoichi are FINALLY on their way back!

That's the Recap! Thanks for listening!

* * *

"How much longer are you gonna take?" Neji called impatiently up the stairs. 

"As long as it takes." Hajime called back.

Hotaru thp-ed down the stairs.

She was wearing a red, sleeveless, Chinese dress with slits up to the hips and embroidered flowers splashed here and there. It was trimmed out in gold and stopped at the knees.

A pair of black Chinese shoes graced her feet.

Her light blonde hair was partially pulled into two, small braided buns at the sides of her head.

The ever-present tekko were on her wrists

The sword case was on her back again, and looked fuller than before. It was strapped over a medium-sized backpack.

* * *

"**HA-CHAN!** Hurry it _**UP**_, ya wanker!" Hotaru called playfully up the stairs, ignoring the look Kakashi was giving her. 

"Mm **_COMIN'!_** Yeesh!" Hajime cried, thumping down the stairs.

He wore a red, sleeveless Chinese shirt that buttoned down the front.

A deep blue pair of Chinese pants were on his legs and wore black Chinese shoes as well.

His hair was pulled into a tight ponytail.

* * *

"Wow! You two look great!" Sakura squealed. 

"Mm-hm!" Kakashi grinned, appearing on Hotaru's right, "Very ni-"

**_-WHOKWHOKWHOK-_**

"Ow-uch." Kakashi groaned, holding his head, which now had three good sized lumps on it.

"I warned you." Hotaru smiled, tossing _'Come Come Paradise'_ at his feet, "Fifty feet at all time, Pervert-sensei!"

"Ah…the infamous, **_Beatcha-With-A-Book-Corner-Technique_**…haven't used that one in awhile Hi-chan." Hajime observed.

"Haven't needed to." Hotaru replied offhandedly, "But with this guy, I feel I might hafta practice it on a far more regular basis. And just think of it, brother! He always has a book handy!"

"Makes it that much easier for you, eh?" Iruka snickered.

"See?" Hajime cried, slinging an arm around Iruka's neck, "This guy gets it!"

* * *

"Hey! How come you're nice ta Iruka an' not ta Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto asked. 

Hotaru blinked, "Because Iruka's not a perv!" (smiles, bunny ears)

"Hey!" Kakashi cried indignantly, "I'm not as bad as some!"

"Oh, really…" Kiba said sarcastically, "Name one person worse than you!"

"Jiraiya-sama!-better known as the Ero-sennin!" Kakashi smirked pridefully.

"The fact you could name him right off th' bat…isn't exactly a good sign." Sasuke muttered.

"Agreed." Ten Ten, Ino and Sakura muttered distastefully.

Kakashi gave them all an exasperated look before turning his attention to his book.

"_Whoever this, Jiraiya guy is…"_ Hotaru thought to herself disgustedly, _"I highly doubt he could top Kakashi-perv."

* * *

_

"Alright. This is th' plan me an' Hi-chan came up with." Hajime said, clapping his hands loudly to get everyone's attention, "Th' way we figure, you guys got dragged along because ya made physical contact with us when we we're tryna go back home."

"We figure if we link hands…and focus on the time and place we dragged you from, it'll work the same way." Hotaru said.

"We can only hope." Neji muttered.

"Let's give it a try." Ino sighed.

* * *

"**Manafamagramnafamnamanama!**" Hotaru growled ferally. 

"Aw, cheer up, Hi-chan!" Hajime snickered cheerfully, "It's not that bad."

"**HOW COME I HAFTA HOLD TH' PERVERT'S HAND?**" she shrieked, face turning an interesting shade of scarlet.

"Because the younger girls are depending on you to protect them from me, that's why!" Kakashi said, smirking at his own sarcasm.

"Yeah! That's it!" Ten Ten said, trying hard to stifle a laugh.

"Please? Keep Kakashi-sensei away from us?" Ino begged, trying to keep her snickers in check.

"We're begging you, nesan!" Sakura cried, almost losing the battle to hold back the giggles.

Hinata couldn't say anything. It was taking everything she had not to laugh.

The boys however, showed no such restraint.

Iruka howled with laughter.

Neji was doubled over with tears in his eyes.

Naruto was laughing so hard he couldn't speak and was having difficulty breathing.

Sasuke chuckled softly at the deep shade of crimson Hotaru had turned out of rage.

"**_RRRR!_ FINE!**" Hotaru snarled, roughly grabbing Kakashi's hand, making him wince with pain.

* * *

Naruto and Hinata held hands (Hinata turned several shades of red). 

Sasuke and Sakura held hands (Sakura's heart raced).

Neji and Ten Ten held hands (Ten Ten felt her cheeks burn).

Kiba and Ino held hands (Ino felt her chest tighten)

Iruka held Hajime's hand (and felt nothing 'cept a draft).

The others completed the links with one another then Hotaru and Hajime completed the last connection.

* * *

_**-FWASH-**_

_-fyuuuuuu…-_

_-…uuuuuu…-_

**_-_THMMMMM_-_**

"**Owowowowow!**"

"Oh **OWW!** I think my kneecaps shattered!"

"Is everybody here?" Iruka asked.

"Do a head count!" Kakashi called after Hotaru hissed at him venomously, smacking his hand away.

"One, two, three…" Hotaru added up…before shrieking, "**_HEY!_ WHERE'S JII-CHAN?**"

"…yer shtandin' on me!" Naruto groaned from beneath her feet.

"Huh? Oh! Grandpa! Howdja get down there?" She asked brightly, stepping off him.

"Oooo! My back!" Naruto moaned, looking rather reminiscent Quasimodo.

"C'mere, Gramps!" Hajime said playfully, taking Naruto's neck betweenin the crook of his elbow and hisrght arm in his hand.

* * *

-**KRAK-KRAK**- 

"**_OWWWW! THAT HURT YA_**-" Naruto roared only to be interrupted.

"Really? Where?" Hotaru asked, blinking at him.

This time, it was Naruto's turn to blink.

"Hey…it doesn't hurt anymore." He said, surprised, "Whadja do?"

"A combo of acupressure and chiropracting." Hajime said smoothly.

"Yeah, we had to teach ourselves to deal with all the injuries we give each other!" Hotaru grinned.

"I see. Very practical thinking!" a female voice said from behind them.

"**HEEP!**" Naruto yelped, "**_Would you people stop doing that?_**"

* * *

"Hello lady-whom-we've-never-met-before!" Hotaru and Hajime chimed happily (wow…bunny ears…), "What's your name?" 

"_Wow…cute…like a pair of baby bunnies or…never mind…"_ she thought, before replying, "Kurenai Yuhi. Good to know you."

"Ah! My eternal rival! You have returned!" a man with blindingly white teeth grinned.

"**GLAAH!** _**So bright! It**_ **BURNS!**" The twins cried, ducking behind Iruka.

"You get used after awhile." Ten Ten said reassuringly, "Gai-sensei? Couldja turn down th' wattage, please?"

"My apologies, sir and madam!" Gai cried contritely, not sounding so at all, "Do forgive me!"

"'salright!" Hajime smiled, finally used to the dazzling light.

"Nice to meetcha, Gai-chan, Yuhi-san!" Hotaru grinned foxishly (You know that grin where you close your eyes and give a wide grin? One fang occasionally poking out? Fox ears and tail just for imagery's sake?).

"Heeey." Gekko Hayate called dully, digging around in his ear for excess wax, "Now that you're back, the Chunin exams can finally continue."

* * *

Naruto and Kiba glared at each other, eyes gleaming with anticipation. 

"I wanna good fight, Dog boy." Naruto smirked cockily, "Don't let me down!"

"I don't have any plans of losing, slacker." Kiba smirked.

"Cool!" Hajime shouted, pumping his fist, "We gedda watch Gramps fight! Kick major ass little geezer!"

"Grandpa? Your not allowed to lose!" Hotaru growled in Naruto's face, "Remember! Your…no, **_OUR_** family pride's at stake!"

"No worries! I won't lose ta this guy!" Naruto grinned, "And wouldja **STOP CALLIN' ME GRANDPA!**"

"Eh? Then what _**SHOULD**_ we call you jii-chan?" Hajime and Hotaru asked blinking at him with big bunny eyes, "I mean you're older than u-"

"**NOT AT THE MOMENT!**" Naruto cried in exasperation, "Look, just call me Naruto, kay?"

Hotaru blinked at him, before dropping the bunny face in favor of a much more crafty foxish smile (you could almost see the fox ears).

* * *

"Naru-pyon!" she cried, causing her blonde ancestor to loose his footing. 

"Heeeyee! Good one!" Hajime said, nodding in agreement.

"Nuh-no! don't call me-!" Naruto sputtered only to be faced with Iruka, Kakashi and Sasuke.

"You're the one who grew weary of the title, Grandpa." Sasuke smirked.

"Just grit your teeth and bear it!" Kakashi said happily.

"They are your family." Iruka said, "Therefore, you must show them courtesy."

"AHH-HH! This just ain't fair!" Naruto moaned.

"Naru-bozu? Doncha have a fight to win?" Hotaru asked appearing on his left side, grinning hugely.

"**_GAAAH!_ THAT'S RIGHT! _KIBA!_ DON'T YOU START WITHOUT _MEEEEEE!_**" Naruto roared, leaping over the railing instead of taking the stairs.

"Yup!" Hajime smiled.

"Definitely our jii-chan!" Hotaru grinned.

* * *

(A/N: Hotaru and Hajime hang around in the past and are confronted by the Sunagakure siblings. Hotaru has an encounter with Jiraiya, AKA, The Ero-sennin! Hajime runs for the hills when confronted by Tsunade! All this next chapter! R&R!) 


	7. Inarizushi and Sandy Britches!

(A/N: Lady Hiran here! Let's not beat around the bush! Ai-chama? Take it away!)

* * *

Yo! This is Ai-kichi! Signing out! Now taking over the Recap isss (Drumroll please?) Chie-Hiran, The Wise One!

(elderly old lady/sage hobbles out)

Thanky kindly.

The authoress tells me that she has received numerous inquiries as to when the pairings in this fic will be revealed.

I am here to tell you that your patience will be rewarded, so do be patient.

The pairings will be revealed in upcoming chapters.

* * *

Now, on to the Recap.

Hajime and Hotaru managed to return the Konohagakure villagers to their rightful time.

How lovely.

Now, after making some new acquaintances, they have decided to stay and watch the Chunin exams.

That is your Recap.

Phwuuhhh…I need a nap.

Zzz…zzzzz…zzzz…

* * *

"**_BRRR! It's sooo_ COLD!**" Naruto complained, shivering violently.

He and Hajime walked through Konohagakure; it was currently snowing.

"C'mon, Naru-bozu! 'taint that bad!" Hajime said cheerfully, dressed in a heavy sweatshirt, scarf and a pair of leather gloves Hotaru had brought along in case of such emergencies.

He had switched out his Chinese shoes for leather hiking boots (also courtesy of Hotaru), which now crunched through the layer of snow.

* * *

"Shyeah r-r-right!" Naruto snapped, "You have a sister to look out fer ya! Speakin' a which, where'd she go?"

She had mysteriously vanished over tem minutes ago (not that Naruto, in his infinite wisdom, had noticed).

"Dunno." Hajime smirked, "Why doncha ask her yerself?"

"What's **THAT** supposda-?"

"**_NAAARRUU-PYONN! HAAAA-CHAAANN!_**"

Hotaru came dashing towards them, her arms loaded down with Inari-zushi.

* * *

She now wore stretch pants beneath her Chinese dress, a pair of leather gloves, a heavy sweatshirt and scarf.

Hotaru, also, had traded out her Chinese shoes in favor of leather hiking boots.

Her knapsack and sword case still adorned her back and the ubiquitous tekko were still enfolded around her forearms.

* * *

"Shah'ee! Ah 'oo'en 'ee'ist!" She cried, her voice muffled by another inari zushi, protruding from her mouth.

(Translation: Sorry! I couldn't resist!)

She swallowed, "Here! Have one! There uber nummy!"

Naruto, upon spying the Inari in her hands, rushed over and snatched one up, the kyuubi chakra getting the best of him.

"Here ya go brother!" Hotaru grinned, popping one into her younger twin's mouth, "They're delicious!"

Hajime took hold of it with one hand and chewed it happily.

The three ate with enthusiasm all the way back to the stadium.

* * *

Hajime and Hotaru pulled off the heavy outer (and in Hotaru's case, under; ya can't forget those stretch pants) clothing; switching their hiking boots off in favor of their Chinese slipper-shoes again.

"Hey, you guys! Welcome back!" Rock Lee said cheerfully.

"**_Mmmph mmph mmph mmmph! Mmmmph!_**" Hajime said happily through a full mouth.

Hotaru waited until she finished chewing to speak.

"Heyas! We got Inari-zushi!" she said merrily, "There's enough here for everyone!"

"**_Nice!_**" Chouji said greedily, lumbering over to where Hotaru, Naruto and Hajime had situated themselves.

Nara Shikamaru stared hard at Hotaru and Hajime as they ate.

"How childishly you eat." He muttered, taking one of the pastries.

Hotaru merely smiled up at him from her spot on the floor, crumbs sprinkling her cheeks and chin,

Aburame Shino took an Inari-zushi and sat down across from Naruto.

"Are these…any good?" he asked, sunglasses flashing.

"**MM-HMM!**" Naruto replied through a mouthful of food.

"I'd take that as a yes." Kiba chuckled, taking an Inari-zushi of his own.

"S-say…H-Hajime-san? Hinata asked shyly, "N-Neji-aniki…and myself had noticed…about you…and H-Hotaru-san…is a very unusual chakra."

"**_Pftt! Hee hee hee!_**" Hotaru snickered.

* * *

"Huh? Hi-chan? That wasn't funny." Hajime said, confused.

"**_I-I knah-know! AH-_HA_-HA!_**" Hotaru cried, shrieking with laughter, "**_S-somethin's t-tickling mee-_yeeAH_ ha ha!_**"

**_-pwip-_**

"Hi-chan?" Hajime asked slowly, "Since whennn have you had fox ears?"

"**_F-fox ee_YA_-ha ha! I-I do na-ha ha hot!_**" Hotaru said indignantly (or as indignantly as she could between the peals of laughter)

"Wait just a minute." Sasuke said, reaching over Hotaru's head.

He lifted a very familiar fox kit over the pale blonde teen's head, who proceeded to lick the Uchiha's nose.

* * *

"_Nuh?_" Hotaru said blearily, tears left over from the giggles dancing in the corners of her ice blue eyes, "**TANPOPO?** How did you get here?" she asked taking the kit from Sasuke, who began to wriggle from the joy of seeing his master.

"Tanpopo?" Naruto asked, puzzled, "I thought his name was Popotan!"

"Popotan is just a PLAY on Tanpopo, moron." Sakura growled.

"Oh!" Naruto said as two and two came together in his head.

"Must've crawled into yer pack, sis." Hajime observed.

"But doncha think I woulda noticed all that wiggling before now?" Hotaru asked.

"Maybe Popotan was asleep." Hajime suggested, "I mean, it is winter after all."

"Good point." Neji said pointedly.

"How troublesome." Shikamaru sighed, absentmindedly stroking the tiny fox kit's head.

"That must be it." Hotaru nodded as Tanpopo, smelling all the people, squirmed free to investigate.

* * *

"Myaa! Popotan!" Hotaru cried, charging towards the Sunagakure siblings in her pursuit of the little fox, "Come back here!"

Gaara reacted instinctively.

His intuition, basing on her movements, told himthat she was about to assail him.

Hotaru scooped up Tanpopo, "**_Gotcha!_**" she cried happily.

"Suna shuriken!" Gaara snarled, sending a barrage of sand shuriken at the girl.

Almost no time to react.

The only thing Hotaru _could_ do was twist her body in such away so that the deadly weapons avoided both Tanpopo and her vital points.

* * *

**_-SHNK-_**

"**_AAAAUGH!_**"****Hotaru screamed, clutching her side, blood seeping out between her fingers.

Hotaru hit the floor with a thump, Tanpopo still cradled in her arm.

"You **_SUNNAVA-!_**" Hajime snarled, preparing to strike.

"You're **DEAD!**" Naruto roared.

"**_HAJIME! NARUTO!_ STOP!**" Hotaru cried sharply.

Naruto and Hajime screeched to a halt.

"H-Hi-chan…" Hajime sputtered, "But-but **_he just-!_**"

"It's…it's okay." Hotaru said, painfully pushing herself upright, clutching her side with one hand, "H-he thought I was going to attack…it…it isn't his fault…and besides…"

She looked into Gaara's pale green eyes, black rimmed from almost life-long insomnia.

"He…is like us, brother." Hotaru said quietly, "Like you…like jii-chan…and…and like me as well."

* * *

Hajime paled and glanced quickly at Gaara.

"Him?" he whispered harshly, "A jinchuriki?"

"Mm." Hotaru nodded.

"How can you be so-"

"A jinchuriki knows brother." Hotaru said softly, "It maybe somewhat diminished for you…but…I'm sure you sense it, too."

Hajime looked at Gaara hard before kneeling down to inspect the wound.

* * *

"How izzit?" he asked.

"'sokay." Hotaru replied smilingly, "See? 'salmost gone!"

She pulled aside the torn fabric to prove her point.

Hajime just growled and swooped her off the ground.

**_-_BAKBAKBAKBAKBAK_-_**

Hotaru whacked Hajime repeatedly on the skull with her fists.

"Whaddya think your doin'?" she asked, slightly irked, "Put me down."

"Nuh-uh." Hajime grunted, "I'm gunna get that thing checked out."

Gaara, Temari and Kankuro watched this display progress with amusement.

"Brother…tell me…do you have children?" Hotaru asked softly.

"What kinda stupid ass question is that?" Hajime snorted, "Ya know I don't!"

"Do ya want to?" She asked, her eyes glowing with a feral light, "Because if you don't put me down in the next five seconds, I swear ta** GOD, I'LL _RIP_ YER SACK OFF WITH MY _BEAR-FUCKIN'-HANDS!_**"

Hajime abruptly let go.

Hotaru twisted her body so she landed safely.

"**_Peh._**" She snarled.

* * *

Hotaru pulled herself onto the ledge and sat down, legs crossed, staring out over the fighting platform awaiting the next fight tetchily.

A cold chill of apprehension tore through her soul.

_"Uh-oh!"_ she thought, _"This is worse than Kakashi-perv!"_

Speaking of whom, Kakashi had just spotted Hotaru and was about to ask if he could have an Inari-zushi when she leapt ten feet in the air (somehow pilfering 'Come Come Paradise' in the process) and…

**_-_WHAKTHAKWHOKTHOKTHROKKRAKKROK_-_**

…struck thin air.

Hotaru landed by the rapidly growing congregation of people, assembling to receive an Inari-zushi.

The air where Hotaru had landed her blows began to shift and warp until finally, an middle aged man with a shock of white hair appeared; face almost indiscernible beneath all the lumps left by Hotaru's patented, **Beatcha-With-A-Book-Corner-Technique**.

"Thought so." Hotaru snorted, "My Perv-dar is never off."

* * *

"Jiraiya-sama!" Kakashi said, surprise filling his voice.

"Eh? So this is the Ero-sennin, huh?" Hajime asked, raising an eyebrow, "Yo, Hi-chan! What was he doin' that was so pervvy?"

"Whaddya think, bro?" Hotaru snorted, "He was attempting to grope me while invisible."

_**-**…pok…pokpokpok…**-**_

"I'm going…to kill him…" Hajime said quietly, cracking his knuckles.

"Yo! Kakashi!" a female voice boomed.

A tall woman, with straw blonde hair and HUGE breasts, strode into the room.

"Have you seen Jirai…**_YYAAAAAAAA!_**" Hokage Tsunade screamed, rushing to the fallen man's side.

"_**Jiraiya-san! Who did this to you?**_" she cried.

_**-**Goosh**-**_

**_-_WOK_-

* * *

_**

"Answer my question, super letch." Tsunade growled a veined popping in both her fist and her forehead; Jiraiya had just felt up her breast.

"That girl…over there…" he moaned, barely cognizant.

Tsunade turned her angry gaze on Hajime, who, with his rather long hair, large round eyes, and baby face, is often mistaken for a girl (sucks bein' a twin and a pretty boy! Heh heh!).

"**_How dare you do this to Jiraiya!_**" she shouted, drawing back a fist, "**DIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE!**"

**_-_KAKRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM_-_**

A huge crater imploded the floor.

"_**Waugh!**_" Hajime cried, "**_Hi-chan! Do somethin'!_**"

"Okay!" Hotaru smiled.

* * *

Hotaru appeared only inches away from Tsunade, truly freaking her out.

"Hello, Ms. Lady-ma'am!" she grinned, "I apologize for bein' so rough with your friend, but he really deserved it! He was trying to feel me up under cover of invisibility!"

Tsunade's eyes narrowed as she turned to glare at Jiraiya, "He failed to mention **THAT** particular portion of the program."

Hotaru held up Tanpopo.

"Hi-chan is sorry, that she is-pyon! Do forgive her-pyon!" She voiced through the fox kit.

Tsunade smiled and petted the kit's head.

"You're forgiven…it's okay."

"**_YAY!_**" Hotaru cried happily, snuggling Tanpopo close, "She's not mad anymore! Woo-hoo!"

"_So childish…such naiveté is so rare…so endearing…she and her brother are like a pair of baby animals…"_ Tsunade thought.

"Tsunade-sama? May we?" Iruka asked.

"Yes. We have much to discuss." Kakashi said gravely.

"Mm." Tsunade nodded, grabbing Jiraiya by the feet, "Tell me of all that has happened."

She and the two Jounin walked off as she dragged the pseudo-conscious Ero-sennin by the feet.

* * *

(A/N: Next chapter, Pairings revealed, Orochimaru! EEEEWWW! and perhaps a surprse visit from the Akatsuki! R&R!)


	8. Family Trees and MICHAEL JACKSON? AAUGH!

(A/N: Hicha! Lady Hiran Here! Without further adieum here's the Recap!)

* * *

Zzz...Zzzzz...zzz...

Ch-Chie...? (taps on shoulder) W-Wake up, p-please.

Zzz-nuh-huh-whah?

I-It's m-m-my turn t-to do th-theRecap. Y-You c-c-can go b-back to Th-The Authoress's mind n-n-now.

M'kay. Bye all (waves).

H-hello e-everyone. I-I am K-K-Kodoku-Hiran. He-Here with th-the R-recap.

Th-the U-Uzumaki T-twins returned everyone t-to their p-p-proper time an-and had g-gotten Inari-zushi (the favorite treat of fox spirits) f-for everyone.

Hi-Hinata inquires w-why their ch-chakra is s-so unusual o-only t-t-to have Hotaru b-burst into g-giggles from her st-stow away f-fox kit T-Tanpopo's tickling.

Th-the l-little f-f-fox gets away fr-fr-from her and Hotaru is attacked b-by G-G-Gaara (under the mistaken impression that she was attacking first).

Ha-Hajime and N-Naruto prepare to attack when Hotaru st-stops them.

J-J-Jiraiya,the P-P-PervertHermit,appears on th-the scene (in usual lecherous fashion) as d-d-does Ts-Tsunade, Th-The Reluctant F-F-Fifth Hokage.

A-After asm-small case of m-m-mistaken identity (Tsunade mixed up Hotaru and Hajime; understandable seeing as they have the same face: HA HA! HAJIME'S A GIRLY MAHN!) th-they enter Tsunade's ch-chambers to finally get s-someanswers out of th-the twins.

Th-the th-that's th-th-th-the R-R-Recap. I h-hope I lived up to y-your expectations.

Thank you (bows).

* * *

"Alright you two." Tsunade said, hands folded in front of her, elbows propped up on her desk, "Start talking. How is it you're related to Naruto?"

Hotaru jutted out her chin stubbornly before sticking out her tongue, "**_BLEH!_** I'm not tellin' you nuthin', Lady!" Hotrau stuck her nose in the air and looked away, "I happen to **LIKE** existing, thank you very much!"

"Whaddya mean by that?" Iruka cried.

Hajime gave the twenty-something man a truly belittling look, "If we give you th' story of our family tree…you'll try an' _**interFERE!**_" he ended in a shout, causing Iruka to stumble back, "That's what you adult **_DO!_** Ass."

"**_Psh!_** Shyeah!" Hotaru snorted, "We're teenagers! Not dumbasses! We know how these things work!"

Hotaru pointed her index finger at the Hokage, Ero-sennin and Jounin, "I ain't tellin' you **JACK** until you give me your oath as Shinobi that what we say in this room, stays in this room!" she cried, eyes flashing, "You keep it to yourselves and never speak of it again **_OORRR_** interfere with thing that could jeopardize our existence no matter **HOW MUCH** it pisses you off!"

The Shinobi and Kunoichi-Hokage looked as thought they were stabbed.

"_She's got us!"_

"Fuh-fine!" Tsunade snarled, a angry-defeated look on her face, "You have our word."

* * *

Hotaru grinned in victory and switched the knappack off her back and onto Tsunade's desk.

Hotaru flicked open the rucksack and began digging through it the upper half of her body seeming to disappear.

"Oh c'mon!" she growled from the depths of the backsack, "Where is it? Where **_IS_** it? **AH _HA!_**"

She grunted as she pushed her self back out of the backpack (with a degree of difficulty involved) and re-emerged with her face flushed and brow beaded with sweat.

A handful of scrolls were in her hand; relatively new.

Hotaru sat down, next to Hajime, who took one look at the scrolls and got to his feet, muttering, "This is your thing. I don't really care." as he walked out of the room.

* * *

Hotaru unrolled the first scroll (after smacking Hajime on the back of the head with it).

"Okay!" Hotaru said, pointing at the top of the scroll with her index finger, "This is where the Uzumaki family begins! With Uzumaki Yondaime! The Fourth Hokage!"

She moved down one.

"Then, there's Grandpa! Uzumaki Naruto! The jinchuriki the kyuubi was sealed into." Hotaru sighed, "That Yondaime…sealing a demon into his only son…that musta really hurt."

Tsunade noticed she looked a little sad.

"Anyhoo, Naruto and Hyuuga Hinata get together because Hina-chan finally gets some guts and tell him how she feels!" Hotaru continued, a huge smile on her face.

* * *

"What?" Jiraiya balked, trying not to laugh, "Hinata? Hotaru? I'm sorry for not believing you but-"

"**HINATA _CAN_ AND _WILL_ DO IT!**" Hotaru snarled (hellfire in the background).

Jiraiya ducked down behind Tsunade's legs, looking fondly at the Fifth Hokage's ass.

* * *

**_-SMAK-_**

"Try again, Ultra Perv." The Kunoichi Hokage growled after leaving a perfect handprint on Jiraiya's face.

The Ero-sennin then took refuge behind Iruka and Kakashi.

"Anyways!" Hotaru continued, as Kakashi and Iruka shot exasperated looks at the Legendary Sanin cowering behind them, "Naru-bozu and Hina-chan have three boys; Wataru, Rikuo, and Jin, who married the daughters of the Uchiha, Sabaku and Aburame clans."

* * *

**_-KLUNG-_** (sound of four jaws simultaneously dropping)

"Could…could you repeat that?" Kakashi asked, his eyes wide in disbelief.

"Huh? Uh-sure!" Hotaru said, looking back at the chart, "The sons of Naruto and Hinata married the daughters of Uchiha Sasuke…Sabaku no Gaara…and Aburame Shino. Their wives were, in this order, Haruno Sakura, Ami (I forget which episode she shows up in)and Tsuchi Kin."

Hotaru continued, ignoring the jaws hanging open, awaiting flies.

* * *

"Anyways, I figure that Yondaime assumed that when Naruto died that the Kyuubi would die with him; same goes for Gaara. That wasn't the case."

She pointed another section of the family tree; to a pair of names: Uzumaki Kakei and Uzumaki Takaomi.

"After Naru-pyon and Gaara-san died, the Kyuubi and Shukaku merely found new hosts within the Uzumaki family." Hotaru said, eyes serious, "That's how it's been ever since. The demons, with their incredible will's to live, have continued to move from host to host with the Uzumaki family."

**_-chrpchrpchrp-_**

Hotaru noted that several flies had taken up residence in the Hokage's mouth.

Hotaru began suspecting that her words were falling on deaf ears and pulled a Sharpie out of her pack and began doodling on their faces.

* * *

Hajime pulled a stick of gum out his pocket and began to chew, not knowing how long his twin was going to take.

He had been enjoying getting himself lost for past ump-teen minutes. He had been getting a little creeped out by the way that freak, what's-his-name, had kept looking at him.

All he really knew about the guy was that he could have easily have stood in for Michael Jackson; he was just that creepy.

"Why…hello again." A voice said in front of him.

"**WAK!**" Hajime cried, swallowing his gum.

It was Mr. Michael-Jackson-Wannabe! In all his creepified glory!

"Huh-hullo…" Hajime said weakly, forcing a smile.

"_Yeah. Hiya Mr. Jackson! Ya boy rapin' pedophile, you!"_ Hajime thought worriedly, sweat dripping down the back of his neck.

"Fancy meeting you here." The Michael Jackson Impersonator said, stretching his already over tight face into a smile.

"Y-yeah! Fancy that!" Hajime said in an overly bright voice.

"_Fancy that my ass! You were stalkin' me, ya sex offender in th' making!"_ Hajime thought in a panic.

"Hajime, was it?" the overly tall Michael Jackson Mimic asked, coming closer.

"Yuh-gulp-huh." Hajime whimpered; he was backed into a wall.

"_No where to GO-OO!"_ His mind screamed, _"GOD? You owe me BIG for all the shit you've tossed my way! Ya offed my parents! Made me AND my sister play landlords to freakin' demons! You owe me a miracle! NOW!"_

-BA-KOOOOOMMMMMMM-

"EVERYBODY RUN!"

"IT'S THE AKATSUKI!"

"Shit!" Orochimaru (AKA Michael Jackson) hissed before dashing off.

Hajime blinked once…twice…three times.

"Thanks!" He said sheepishly to whatever deitity had sent the terrorist faction his way.

"Akatsuki huh? Wonder if they're strong?" He wondered his entire body tingling at the prospect of a good fight, "Oh I hope they are. They better be. I've been itchin' for a good fight all day!"

* * *

"Tsunade-sama! It's the Aka-whu-huh?"

"Hm?"

Hotaru looked up at the Chunin who had just burst into the hall, pen still poised over Iruka's face.

"Wh-WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?" The Chunin in question cried.

"Oh, they went into shock when I started to tell them about my family tree!" Hotaru said with a smile (bunny ears), popping the cap back on her Sharpie and hopping off Tsunade's desk.

* * *

A thick black marker mustache graced Tsunade's face as well as a pair of thick, Gai-like eyebrows and a goatee.

Kakashi had a black circle drawn around his good eye with thick eyelashes; kitsune whiskers streaked his cheeks.

Iruka had a squiggly line drawn about his face and one eye X-ed out; several lines had been drawn through his lips.

Jiraiya's face looked like an overused tic-tac-toe board; X-s and O-s everywhere.

* * *

"What's up?" Hotaru asked the still gaping Chunin, preparing to pop the top of her Sharpie again if she didn't get an answer real soon.

"Th-The Akatsuki are attacking!" the Chunin sputtered.

"Akatsuki?" Hotaru asked, eyes glittering with a strange light, "Are they strong?"

"Strong? STRONG? THEY'RE INVINCIBLE!" The Chunin shouted.

Hotaru practically glowed with happiness at those words.

"**_ARE YOU SERIOUS!_**" She squealed, glomping the chunin by the wrist, "**WHADD'RE WE _WAITIN' _FOR? LETS _GO!_**"

"**WHOA!**" The Chunin cried as she dragged him down the hall.

* * *

The Akatsuki strode through the stadium, killing innocent by standards as they went.

"Now then…where are they?" Uchiha Itachi drawled, "I know the jinchuriki are here somewhere. The holders of Shukaku…and the Kyuubi…The ultimate additions to our collection."

"Oh **_WOW!_** They _**ARE **_strong!" a female voice cried excitedly, "I can feel their chakra from all the way back**_HERE!_**"

"I can't **_WAIT_** ta figth'em!" another voice; male this time, whooped, "It's been so long since I've had a good brawl!"

A pair of swift blonde blurs shot down from the balcony and landed in front of the Akatsuki.

"**_Iiiiiits_** **PARTY TIME!**" the blond twins shouted.

* * *

(A/N: Naruto and the Gang, not knowing the twins powerful family tree, watch in horror as they make short work of the Akatsuki and...huhn? HEY! Since **WHEN **has Hotaru had **_SIX ARMS!_** AND YOU'RE GONNA HAVE **_WHAT_** **HAPPEN NEXT CHAPPIE?** Ah **_HELL NO!_** R&R.)


	9. Of Tuna and Pretty Boys!

(A/N: Hicha! Lady Hiran here! There won't be a Recap this time! The voices in my head all have laryngitis! So, onward and upward peeps! I made it extra longso enjoy!)

* * *

The Akatsuki stared at the twins with disinterest.

Hotaru and Hajime stared hard at The Akatsuki.

Itachi was the first they homed in on.

Hotaru stared at his long flowing ponytail and a rather pretty face.

She looked at her brother, and his ponytail (far shorter, but still nice) and his rather baby-face/feminine looks combined with his overlarge, ice blue eyes.

Hotaru internal sighed, _"Ho-kaayyyeee. 'snot like Ha-chan can exactly do much with the hand he was dealt." _She internal grumbled, _"He keeps his hair long because of those '"emergencies"' we have, and because I started out a solo ovum and split into two, Hajime's looks are really my fault when ya think about it."_

"_That guy however…"_ she rambled internally, _"…has no excuse for lookin' like that. Either that guy's gay, or he's walkin' down alleys I don't even wanna think about."

* * *

_

Kisame was next to be zeroed in on.

"_Brrr! Creepy! Did that pick a fight with a mallet and lose?"_ Hajime thought, shuddering internally, _"And his skin is blue! BLUE FER CHRISSAKE! I mean COME ON! That is RIGHT OUT! What? Did he get locked in a freezer or something?"_

Sasori was next on the list.

* * *

"_Great."_ Hotaru internally groaned with derision, _"Another pretty boy."_

"_Grr…Stupid pretty boy with his stupid snooty attitude, lookin' down at me!"_ Hajime internal foamed at the mouth, _"I can't wait ta mess up that face of his."_

Zetsu was next.

* * *

"_Wow."_ Hotaru blinked, _"He looks like something outta a nineteen eighties monster movie! What the heck is this guy? Is that his head?"_

"_Whoooa."_ Hajime internally cringed, _"Whodda freak, dude! Makes Little Boy Blue over there look like an award winning male model!"_

Deidara was last up (snff! So unloved!)

* * *

"_Uhh…huh. Urm…ungh…NNN-WAAAAH! I can't tell!"_ Hotaru wailed inside her brain, _"Is it a dude? Or a dudette? Oh, I KNOW! IT'S PAT! HA-HA! Not funny!"_

"_Ahhhh shit son! Oh don't know whether to be turned on or freaked out!"_ Hajime cried out inside his mind, _"Why do people hafta make things so complicated!"_

Finished with their analysis, they took to stretching.

* * *

"One, two! One, two!" The Uzumaki's chanted, stretching their legs, sides and arms.

"**_HAJIME!_ _HOTARU!_ WHADDYA THINK YER DOING!**" Naruto cried, leaning dangerously far over the balcony.

"Hm? **Oh!** **_HICHA GRANDPA!_**" Hotaru called happily (bunny ears, cottontail) waving furiously.

"**DON'T ME CALL ME GRANDPA!**" Naruto shouted.

"**_HI NARU-BOZU!_**" Hajime called with a foxish grin (OOOOO! Youko-ears! Meesa wanna touchy! o-o)

"**WHY WON'T YOU CALL ME NARUTO?**" he wailed.

"**_BECAUSE THAT WOULDN'T BE FUN AT ALL!_**" Hotaru and Hajime chided their ancestor cheekily.

Naruto went into temporary shock; forgetting where he was.

* * *

"**NARUTO! YOU _IDIOT!_**" Sakura and Sasuke screamed together (in one of his very rare OOC moments).

"**_DWAAAAAAH!_**" Naruto shouted as her tottered over the ledge.

Hajime and Hotaru didn't move; merely looked skyward to watch their ancestor's ascension.

Hotaru extended both arms calmly…

_**-PMF-**_

…and caught Naruto with ease.

"Hell-ooo, Grampa!" she grinned foxishly (kitsune ears), looking down into the face of her antecedent.

"Ya wanted a front row seat, huh?" Hajime asked, smiling hugely as Hotaru set Naruto down.

Now the Akatsuki were interested.

* * *

"Grandfather?" Hoshigaki Kisame snorted, "Did you just say…that the Kyuubi's jinchuriki…was your Grandfather?"

"Yup!" Hotaru said cheerfully (bunny ears re-appearing), "Naru-pyon's our Grandpa and we just luv'em ta itty-bitty wittle pieces!" she squealed, glomping the twelve year old tightly around the neck.

"Hi-chan? No baby-talk. It's really creepy." Hajime said, looking more than slightly disturbed.

"Oops! Sorry!" Hotaru said sheepishly, konking herself on the head with one hand (holding onto Naru-pyon with the other), "Believe me, that is NOT gonna happen again."

She shuddered, "_**BRRRR!**_ I'm starting ta think this whole _"joining-cheer-squad-hanging-out-with-cheerleaders"_ thing is starting to a slow, but steady peroxide leak into my brain."

* * *

"It is physically impossible for him to be your Grandfather." Sasori said in a superior tone, "The sheer mechanics of it are impossible."

"You calling us liars?" Hajime asked angrily, his eyes flashing.

"Obviously." Deidara sneered.

Hotaru and Hajime were silent; seething in soundless rage.

"No one…calls us liars…and gets away with it." Hotaru growled, appearing behind the effeminate man (or was it an manish girl? No one was really sure.)

With two fingers (1) and the side of her hand (2), she "softly" and swiftly tapped the girly man (manny girl?) in the center of the spine and on the back of the skull.

Deidara went sailing across the room, flying end over end, head scraping and smashing into the floor, before crashing ass first through the wall.

"Wuh-what the-?" Kisame gaped as Deidara hung limply from the crater in the wall, arms and legs and head hanging flaccidly downward.

* * *

Hinata and Neji, who peered through the ledge by way of their Byakugan, were shocked. It was a variation to be sure, but it was still…

"J-Juken." Hinata murmured, "The G-G-Gentle F-Fist. I d-don't understand."

"How could she possibly know that fighting style?" Neji snarled angrily.

* * *

"You can call me a bitch, everyone's entitled to their opinion…" she said evenly ( giving off an aura quite reminiscent of a demon moving in for the kill.)

"You can call us worthless assholes and we won't say a word…" Hajime continued coolly.

"But the one thing, you can never call an Uzumaki…is a liar." They growled together, "No insults our family pride and gets away with it."

"Oh really?" Itachi smirked, "We'll just have to see about that now won't we?"

Hotaru and Hajime we're now ignoring The Akatsuki entirely.

* * *

"_**Okaaaayyeeee**_…how're we gonna do this?" Hajime asked.

"You could draw straws." Naruto suggested.

"Don't have any." Hotaru shrugged.

"Oh. That _**is**_ a problem." Naruto said sheepishly.

"Well then, we'll settle this the way we settle everything else." Hajime sighed.

"Ya mean, beat each other within an inch of consciousness?" Hotaru asked.

Itachi and Sasuke nearly keeled over at that last one.

* * *

"Naw." Hajime said, "Wish we had the time, tho'. We'll ro-sham-bo."

"That's a great idea." Naruto smiled.

"Yeah! Isn't it though?" they grinned (fox ears! Soo cute! Want…touch!)

"Okay! Ready?" Hotaru asked, already in position.

"You know it." Hajime smirked.

"One!"

"Two!"

"Three!"

The Uzumaki twins thust their fists center; Hajime, Rock; Hotaru, Paper.

* * *

"**_HA-HA-_HAA_-HA-HA!_**" Hotaru laughed, "**_POOR PREDICTABLE HA-CHAN! ALWAYS PICKS ROCK!_**"

"**GODDAMN IT ALL TA HELL!**" Hajime roared, punching the wall and leaving a good sized crater.

"Don't get so pissed over a game of ro-sham-bo, retard!" Hotaru said cheerfully, whacking her brother on the back.

"**DON'T CALL ME RETARD, YA FAT WHORE!**"

"**_DON'T CALL ME WHORE YOU MOTHER FUCKING SUNNUVABITCH!_**"

"**SLUT!**"

"_**UNCLE-FUCKER!**_"

"**DONKEY RAPING SHIT EATER!**"

"_**BONER BITING BASTARD!**_"

* * *

Shikamaru and Shino stared on from above, bewildered.

"Is this…normal behavior for them?" Shino asked Ten Ten, watching the proceedings to his left.

"Mm-hmm." She sighed.

"You get used to it." Kiba groaned.

* * *

"**_PIG FUCKER!_**"

"**SUPER KING KAMEHAMEHA BIATCH!**"

"_**SHIT FACED COCK MASTER!**_"

"Are we going to get this over with sometime today?" Itachi drawled.

_**BIIIIIG**_ mistake.

"**_DID WE GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO SPEAK?_**" Hotaru snarled, an aura projection of herself (idea stolen from Ranma ½; great manga Takahashi-san!) looming over him.

"**THIS IS BETWEEN ME AND THIS BOW-LEGGED BITCH!**" Hajime roared, an aura projection of himself also looming over the Akatsuki leader (not really! But I'm gonna call'm that ANYWAY since we don't know who the leader really is, so NYEH!).

Itachi sauntering casually to his ranks, muttering under his breath, "Kids."

"I can not believe they just spoke to Uchiha-sama like that." Sasori murmured.

"And that Itachi-san allowed it." Kisame growled.

* * *

Hotaru and Hajime glared at each other, deep feral growls rising in their throats.

"Kay. Good luck with your fight!" Hajime waved casually.

"Thank you, brother!" Hotaru smiled, striding towards the Akatsuki.

"Huhhh? Did any of you catch what happened?" Yuhi asked, truly confused.

"Show of hands?" Sarutobi Asuma asked, puffing on his cigar.

"It's best to not try and think about it." Kiba sighed.

"It only winds up making your head hurt." Ino chimed.

"That's for sure." Naruto nodded.

* * *

"C'mon!" Hotaru called impatiently, "Lets go! _**Lets GO!**_ I wanna fight!"

"That little bitch is mine." Kisame growled, storming forward.

"I get the boy after you slaughter her." Sasori growled.

"I believe this time around I'll play the role of spectator." Itachi smirked, "I am quite interested to see how this will play out."

"We aren't doing this for **_YOUR_** enjoyment." Hotaru said witheringly, glowering at the Uchiha, "We're just bored."

"Bored?" Itachi asked mildly.

"Mm-hm." Hajime replied, ignoring how Sasori was already scrutinizing him facing, "And this is just somethin' ta do ta pass the time. After all, we love a good fight."

Sasori glared at Hajime, scrutinizing him up and down looking for any possible opening in his defenses; there were none.

* * *

Kisame approached Hotaru, whose face suddenly contorted.

Her hands flew to her face, clamping over her nose.

"**_EEWW! Your stinky!_**" she cried, her hands blocking out the stench.

"What?" Kisame said blankly.

"_**GAWD, you REEK!**_" She cried.

Kisame lifted up his arm and sniffed; didn't smell a thing.

"**_UGH! GODDAMN!_**" Hotaru cried, "**_YOU SMELL LIKE ROTTING SARDINES OR…OR DAY OLD CANNED TUNAFISH! I HATE TUNAFISH!_**"

Kisame purpled slightly.

* * *

Hotaru, starting to get used to the repulsive stench (Sorry all you tunafish lovers out there. I just don't like the stuff!), removed her hands.

"No wonder ya don't smell it n'more." She grumbled in the Akatsuki's general direction, "Ya got used to the stink! Stupid Stinky Fish boy!"

"**Fish…boy!**"

Kisame, flying into a rage, sent a barrage of kicks and punches Hotaru's way, all of which were easily evaded.

"Aww! Touchy much, Sardine Lad?" Hotaru laughed as she eluded a swift kick by slapping her left palm on his calf (sort of a modified leap-frog) and smiling over her right fist.

"**SARDINE LAD!**" Kisame cried, attempting to unsheathe his sword only to have it forced back by a curse seal palm to the knuckles.

* * *

"Ah-ah-AHHH!" Hotaru sang gleefully, ripping the sword from his grip with relative ease, "Yellowtail Tots like yourself shouldn't play with knives!"

She hurled the katana at Itachi, grazing the commander's cheek, before stabbing into the wall with a **_-SHNK-KK-KK-_**.

"Th-that's impossible!" Kisame shouted indignantly, "Samehada should have absorbed your chakra on contact!"

"**BLEEH!**" Hajime taunted from the sidelines, sticking out his tongue, "Chakra? What chakra? Hi-chan's not **USIN' ANY!**"

"What?" Kisame cried, startled as Hotaru suddenly took hold of both his arms and flipped deftly over his shoulders, landing and twisting her torso viciously.

**_-KRAK-_**

"**AAAAUGH!**" Kisame cried. (his shoulders and elbows are oh, so close to being dislocated at this current junction)

"Awww!" Hotaru smiled, "Don't **_TELL_** me you underestimated me because of my _**GENDER, SIZE AND BUILD, FISH STICK!**_"

* * *

Kisame ducked low, managing to free himself.

"**_Hoo!_** The fishy still has some fight left!" Hotaru squealed happily, "Yay! Whoa **_GAWD_** you reek!"

"**SHUT_-_UP!**" Kisame roared.

"Sa-chan smells like _**Tuuuna!**_ Sa-chan smells like **_Tuuuna!_**" she sang tauntingly as she dodged yet another punch by leaping into the air, twisting her spine like a cat and landing on his arm, "You're gonna **_HAFTA_** do better than that!" she said, smiling mischievously (fox ears and tail).

* * *

"My, my." Gai nodded approvingly, "I do believe this white butterfly in the pinnacle of youth has the advantage."

_"It's not just physical strength that makes her such a strong adversary either."_ Temari thought to herself.

_"It's her playfulness and love of battle that makes her such a fierce opponent."_ Kankuro thought to himself.

_"She truly enjoys fighting; she and her brother both."_ Gaara pondered with amusement, _"Combat Junkies. A dying breed...those two."

* * *

_

"**RRRRGH! TAKE _THIS!_**" Kisame shouted, aiming a punch at Hotaru…

_**-P-KAMMM-**_

…but she easily and gracefully flipped aside, causing the shark man to clock himself, effectively knocking himself unconscious.

"**_A-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!_**"

Hotaru and Hajime were now doubled over, howling with laughter, tears rolling down their cheeks.

"**_OH MY GOD! YOU GUYS'RE TOO FUNNY! OH! OH M'GAWD! MY SIDE! A-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!_**"

Itachi wasn't enjoying himself as much anymore.

* * *

This girl, "claiming" to be the Kyuubi jinchuriki's descendant had easily dispensed with Hoshigaki Kisame; a feat that should not have been possible.

"Sasori." Itachi growled, "Dispense with the boy…and deal with the girl when you're finished."

"With pleasure sir." Sasori smirked, striding forward.

* * *

Hotaru sprinted to where her brother and "Grandfather" waited (see Ch.2)

_**-SMAK-**_

"**_TAG! YOU'RE IT!_**" Hotaru cried, smacking Hajime across the back.

"Hey sis…" Hajime said slowly, "You played around with that guy a lot. Toyed with'm. Not worth your effort or somethin'?"

Hotaru simply grinned at her brother in response, hiding her pain behind it (somewhere during that battle, Kisame hit her in the same spot Gaara did).

"Hey, Hajime." Naruto spoke up, "Be careful. Despite that first victory, they still give me the creeps."

"Don't worry Naru-bozu!" Hajime smiled, ruffling his "Grandpa's" hair, "I'll be okay.

He strode out to where Sasori waited.

* * *

"Let's get this show on th' road!" Hajime said gleefully, getting into a fighting stance.

Sasori also got into position.

There was an automatic standoff.

This worked to Hajime's advantage.

"C'mon!" Hajime jeered, "Where'd Mr. Confidence go? I wanna fight some time today!"

Sasori growled as the two began circling one another like a pair of wolves preparing to fight over territory.

Sasori's mouth was twisted into a frown; his eyes narrowed in focus.

Hajime grinned like a fool, his eyes glowing with happiness and excitement of the impending fight.

"Not gonna attack?" Hajime chirped, his eyes wide and questioning, "That's cool! **I WILL!**"

Hajime shot forward, grinning like a maniac, as he started his assault.

* * *

Sasori attempted a punch, but Hajime ducked low and knocked the fist aside, landing a "light" kick on the bishonen's jaw, sending him careening head first into the ceiling.

Sarori bounced across the floor while Hajime stood there grinning, waiting for him to pick himself up.

"C'mon girly man!" he goaded, "I'm waaaaaaiting!"

* * *

"Sheesh! How come he didn't take advantage of that opening?" Lee wondered in disbelief.

"I wonder if it's naiveté?" Neji said under his breathe.

"Nope! He's just a dumbass!" Hotaru called up to them.

(insert anime sweatdrop here)

* * *

Sasori lunged forward, summoning one of his favorite puppets, (dunno name of puppet! WAAH! So let's just call it Satsuki, kay? o-o?) Satsuki.

"Nuh-uh, pansy-ass!" Hajime said cheerfully avoiding the puppet as it assailed him, "This is hand-to-hand! No weapons! Hi-chan? Would you?"

"Certainly." Hotaru said complacently, flipping over the sword case on her back and lobbing an unsheathed tanto at the puppet, causing it to shatter.

"There now!" Hotaru smiled, "Back to business!"

* * *

Zetsu made a move to intrude on the fight when Hotaru grinned at him, withdrawing two tanto, a pair of wakizashi, a kodachi and a nodachi from the sword case, all ready for use.

"I don't recommend you do that!" she smiled, beginning to expertly spin all six blades in her hands, "I highly proficient when it comes to swordplay. You could call me a human blender!"

"…feh…" Zetsu grumbled, returning to the sidelines.

* * *

Sasori rushing to retrieve the pieces of Satsuki, didn't notice when Hajime darted out in front of him.

**_-WHAK-_**

Hajime punched him in the back of the head.

Hajime had managed to get a firm grip around the Red Scorpion's waist and began to count aloud.

"One…two…**THREE!**"

He lifted Sasori upward, shifting his grip to the feminine man's hips and sent him crashing head first into the floor.

"**_NICE T.F.P.B. HA-CHAN!_**" Hotaru squealed. (Thunder Fire Power Bomb; a pro-wrestling move)

Hajime stomped down on Sasori's chest, "Thannnnk you!" he said pridefully, giving Hotaru a thumbs-up.

* * *

"This is utterly pathetic." Itachi muttered, "We're pulling out. Obviously those three have been slacking off when it comes to training."

"Till next time…Uzumaki's present and future." Itachi murmured sneeringly.

**_-POOMF-_**

"_**KOF! HAK! HAK! KOF! KOF!**_"

The Akatsuki had released a smoke bomb allowing them to escape.

* * *

Kakashi, Iruka, Tsunade and Jiraiya snapped back to reality.

"Uh-wuh? Hey! **_WHERE'D SHE GO?_**" Tsunade cried, leaping up from behind her desk. (yes, ink is still smeared all over their faces; they ain't too alert right now)

"Only one way out." Iruka nodded.

Kakashi had already sprinted out the door, wiping ink off his face.

He darted into the main vestibule and the sight of a few extra battle scars didn't shock him. It was the chatter circulating about.

_"It's true!"_

_"The Akatsuki!"_

_"Just the two of'em!"_

_"They can't be human!"_

Kakashi darted over to balcony, not seeing Neji and Hinata huddled there.

"**_HeyWatchOUT!_**" Neji cried as Kakashi tripped (tripped? Oh My FUCKING GAWD! THE Kakashi tripped? What's this world coming to?) over them and flew over the balcony.

* * *

Hotaru looked up.

"Huh? What's goin-"

_**-SMOOCH-**_

Hotaru's eyes first widened in shock…then narrowed in just barely contained fury.

Kakashi backed away from her quickly, sensing what was about to come.

"**_Kakaaaaaaashiiiiiii_**…" Hotaru hissed.

"Y-yes ma'am?" he asked politely, his heart filled with dread.

**_-FRAKWHAKTHAKBAKWOKTHOKBOKTHRAKBRAKKROKKA-KRAK-

* * *

_**

It had appeared to everyone watching that Hotaru had sprouted five extra arms and had shifted _'Come Come Paradise'_ between all six to beat Hatake Kakashi senseless.

"_**Uzumaki School, Secret Jutsu; Asura's-Dance-of-Blades**_ combined with the **_Beatcha-With-A-Book-Corner _**Technique." Hotaru managed before bursting into tears and running from the room.

"_**WAAAAAAAAAAAAH! MY FIRST KISS WASTED ON THE LIPS OF THAT PORNO READING PERV! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!**_" Hotaru sobbed uncontrollably as she dashed thru the halls.

* * *

(A/N: Hotaru sobs in the bathroom; The Uzumaki Twins go home with some more uninvited visitor's; Hotaru's gunning for Kashi more than ever; Kakashi begs for forgiveness? **_HEY! KAKASHI-CHAN DOESN'T BEG!_** R&R!) 


	10. Stolen Kisses, Angry Sis's

(A/N: Hiya! Lady Hiran here! My recap people are still sick ((sigh)) but should be well soon! I'm thinkin' I might bring in Haku and Zabusa ((e'en tho' they're dead)) butI want to know what you all think? Should I? Shouldn't I? Hmmm...Oh well! Send me your input on this and for now, onward and upward peeps!)

* * *

"**_BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!_**" Hotaru wailed, "_MUH-MUH-**MY **FUH-FUH-FUH-FUH-**FIRST** KUH-**KISS!**_ **_GONE! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!_**" 

"C'mon Hotaru." Hajime grumbled outside the door of bathroom stall his identical (visually) yet opposite (gender wise) twin was currently bawling in.

It was really was starting to grate on his nerves; he wanted his cheerful, genki, violent, irascible sibling back so they could go home. It wasn't that he didn't care, he just didn't see what the big deal was.

"'taint that bad." he muttered.

"_**HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT?**_"

* * *

Hajime jumped about twenty feet in the air as the entire female population of Konohagakure mysteriously appeared behind him. 

"A girl's first kiss is something sacred!" Yuhi said wagging her finger at him, "Something she always remembers."

"A first kiss is something special…something that should only be shared with the one you truly loved." Sakura and Ino sighed dreamily (shoujo hearts and sparkles).

"**_IT CAN'T BE WITH JUST ANYONE!_**" Ten Ten cried, clenching her fist so tightly her knuckles turned white (impassioned flames in the background).

"What Kakashi did, while accidental, is completely unforgivable." Hinata huffed, so angry she didn't stutter.

"Uh, Uh, Uh!" Hajime was backed against a wall now, quite fearful for his physical being.

"You'll help her seek revenge, **_WON'T YOU?_**" They snarled, their eyes gleaming with an angry glow, "As her brother, your **_OBLIGATED_** to! You **_WILL_** help!"

"**HEEEEP!**" Hajime squeaked, cowering to the ground.

"Then it's **_SETTLED!_** You **_WILL_** help her seek vengeance!" They growled, stomping out of the bathroom.

* * *

Hajime sat on the floor, quivering. 

_"Muh-man…Why do they always hafta travel and think in packs?"_ he wondered, ears perking up as a stall door opened and Hotaru walked out sniffling, wiping her eyes.

"H-hey…ready t'go?" he asked.

She nodded, "I wanna say g'bye…t' Grampa first." She said, her voice cracking from dehydration.

"Kay. when we get home, first thing on the list is pumping you fulla water." Hajime chuckled, ruffling her hair.

"…dummy. I'll just start cryin' again." Hotaru said, looking up at him with red-rimmed, tear-clogged eyes, laughing dryly.

The two exited the restroom.

* * *

Naruto twitched when he saw the two walking down the hall, Hajime with a comforting arm around his sibling. 

"H-hey." He murmured, "Ya leavin?"

"Mm." Hotaru nodded, "We'll visit again soon tho'."

"Yeah. We don't wanna chance running into…" Hajime bent down and whispered softly, "_You-know-who._"

"_Ohhh._" Naruto said, with an acknowledging nod.

"'m not deaf, dumbass." Hotaru growled.

"**HEEP!**" Hajime yelped as Hotaru's eyes narrowed coldly at him.

"…let's just go, okay?" she sighed, raking her fingers back through her hair.

"Hallright. **Sheesh!** Sorrrrrry!" Hajime griped.

* * *

"Naru-bozu, I couldn't find Popotan…keep an' eye out for him, wouldja?" Hotaru asked, reaching for her brother's hand. 

"Can do." Naruto nodded, saluting her in a playful fashion.

"**GET BACK HERE YA DAMN FURBALL!**" Kankuro roared.

"**_KANKURO! IT'S JUST A-! I'M SURE IT DIDN'T MEAN T-!_**" Temari cried, trying to reason with her brother.

"KNOCK. IT. Off" Gaara snarled running after both of them, "I'll just kill the damn thing."

"All of you knock it off!" Kakashi and Jiraiya snapped, right on their heels.

"**THAT'S RIGHT!**" Lee and Gai proclaimed, sprinting after the group, "It is but a mere sprig of a creature in the pinnacle of youth!"

"Get…away…from me." Shino growled, (right behind Tanpopo; heh heh!) dashing away from the mob.

"**GUYS WATCH OUT!**" Naruto cried as the whole party crashed into The Uzumaki twins the split second their hands locked.

* * *

_**-FWASH-**_

_-fyuuuu…-_

_-uuuuuuu…-_

**_-BA-KOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!-_**

"**AH GODAMMIT THAT HURTS!**"

"**GET _OFFA_ ME YA RETARD!**"

"…"

"_That was painful._"

"**OFF! OFF! OFF!**"

"**_AAIIIIIIIEEE! YOU PERVERT!_**" **_-SMAK-_**

"**OUCH! Now that was uncalled for!**"

"**MASTER GAI! ARE YOU ALRIGHT?**"

"**NEVER BETTER! AND WHAT OF MY ETERNAL RIVAL KAKASH**…shi."

There was a stunned silence as everyone took in the sight of Kakashi and Hotaru…liplocked again

* * *

. 

The bloodlust Hotaru radiated was so strong, that Gaara felt a twinge of fear shoot up his spine.

Kakashi crab-walked away from her, into a wall and Hotaru rose to her feet in a slow, zombie-like progression, disheveled hair falling into her face, shadowing her eyes (a lot like Sadako offa Ringu…brrr).

"Oh…whaddya know…we're home…_hee hee hee_…home…where the complete works of the Encyclopedia Britannica…A through Z is…_hee hee hee_…" Hotaru laughed the bloodlust roiling around her.

Hotaru just happened to be standing RIGHT IN FRONT of the bookcase where said encyclopedia's were housed; Hajime and the others felt very sorry for the silver-haired jounin.

"Oh Ka_**kaaaaaaaaa**_shi…" Hotaru said in a singsong voice, not lifting her head.

"Y-yeas ma'am?" he squeaked.

**_-FRAKWHAKTHAKBAKWOKTHOKBOKTHRAKBRAKKROKKA-KRAKFRAKWHAKTHAKBAKWOKTHOKBOKTHRAKBRAKKROKKA-KRAKFRAKWHAKTHAKBAKWOKTHOKBOKTHRAKBRAKKROKKA-KRAK-_**

Kakashie was now very bloodied, bruised and swollen(not to mentionnot visible), buried benenaththe mountain of reference books.

"**_Secret Technique: Beatcha-With-A-Book-Corner; Type Two! Encyclopedia-Tempest!_**" Hotaru snarled…before her face crumbled and she burst into tears again

"_**TWO!**_" she sobbed, "_TH-TH**-THAT**_ **_MAKES TWO YOU'VE STOLEN! I HATE YOU! I WISH YOU WOULD FIND A HOLE TO CRAWL INTO AND DIE! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!_**"

She darted up the stairs and into her room, slamming and locking the door behind her before collapsing on the floor and crying hysterically.

"Drama queen." Temari sniffed, making herself comfortable on the couch.

* * *

Fifteen minutes later…dead silence. 

"Sounds like she cried herself out." Hajime mused, digging around through the utility drawer before finding what he was looking for; a paper clip.

He grabbeda glass of water and a slip of paperoff the counter and headed for the stairs.

"Where you headed, comrade?" Jiraiya asked, waggling his eyebrows, "Not planning on doing something illicit to your poor sister are w-"

_**-FA-KAM-**_

The kick delivered to Jiraiya's jaw sent him flying across the room.

"**Owwie!**" he whined.

"If you ever suggest…anything so sick again…" Hajime growled, "…I'll take great pleasure in killing you."

He stormed up the stairs.

"Touchy! Touchy!" Jiraiya tsk-ed, "What's got his panties in a bunch?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Naruto asked, "They're orphans. She's…she's all he's got."

Jiraiya's eyes widened, then he scratched the back of his head sheepishly, "Well then…I really **DID** hit a sore spot, huh? Don't you agree, Kakashi? Kakashi?"

"My eternal rival went missing over an hour ago, Ero-sennin!" Gai offered.

"Where dya suppose he could've gone?" Lee wondered.

"Why should we care?" Kankuro snorted, flipping through the T.V. (having finally gotten a handle on the remote).

* * *

Hajime quickly picked the lock on his sister's door (it's one of those flimsy ones ya get on your bathroom door in development housing). 

He entered, finding her asleep in the middle of the floor, cheeks raw and red from crying.

"_Tch._ Typical Hi-chan." He muttered, setting the glass down on her bedside table and hefting her up by the waist into her bed.

He pulled the covers up around her chin, "Be better when ya wake up, sis." He growled, exiting the room.

* * *

Tanpopo, who had taken refuge under the bed, slunk out and hopped up on top of the covers next to Hotaru. 

In her sleep, Hotaru absently stroked the fox kit's head, not waking fully.

Hotaru awoke slightly.

"Hey Popotan." She croaked, "Ulgh…my throat hurts."

She glanced over at the bedside table and smiled.

The note Hajime had left next to the water read: _DRINK ALL OF THIS OR I WON'T HESITATE TO SHOVE THIS GLASS DOWN YOUR THROAT!- Hajime :)_

"_Tch_…typical Ha-chan." She murmured, gulping the entire glass down.

She sat up, Tanpopo, crawling into her lap.

Hotaru sighed, "God this sucks. Only one thing will cheer me up at a time like this and I don't have access to it. So…option two."

* * *

She opened her window, removed the screen, and climbed out onto a nearby tree limb. Using her gymnastics training, she swung herself gracefully up to a much higher limb, walked easily across it, and onto the roof. 

Hotaru sighed, looking out at the view of the mountains, "I never get tired of it. It always cheers me up."

"It does huh?"

Hotaru whipped her head towards the source of the sound and let loose a growl.

Hatake Kakashi sat on the opposite end of the roof.

"_**What**_…**_are you_**…**_doing here?_**" Hotaru snarled.

Kakashi, of all people, impinging on **HER SECRET SPOT!**

"Thinking." Kakashi shrugged, "Is that a crime?"

"Depends on what you're thinking **_OF!_**" Hotaru snapped.

"Point taken." Kakashi nodded, "However, I thought that it was only a crime if acted out on my thoughts."

"Damn it." Hotaru grumbled, roughly raking her fingers back through her hair, "You've got me there."

Kakashi smirked beneath his mask, "Of course. As a Shinobi, did you really think I wouldn't know the law and it's loopholes?"

"J-just shut up." Hotaru growled, reddening out of anger.

Hotaru stood up, sighing loudly, "Look, just…if your gonna do your thinking, could you do it someplace else? This is MY spot. It always has been. Even before our parents died, this has been my secret place."

"So…Hajime doesn't-?"

"He does." Hotaru said shortly, "But he knows to keep his distance. He has his space…I have mine…we don't encroach on them."

* * *

Hajime paced back and forth, muttering under his breath 

"What?" he mumbled to himself, "What is the fastest way to get Hi-chan to cheer uh-**OF COURSE! _DUH!_**" he shouted, slapping himself in the forehead, "**CAN YOU SAY DUMBASS?**"

Naruto, Gai, Lee, Jiraya, Temari, Kankuro and Gaara jumped at the sudden noise and turned to watch as Hajime darted down the basement stairs.

"What's gotten into him?" Gaara asked, amusement leaking into his voice.

"Maybe a parasitic worm?" Shino ventured.

"I doubt that." Gai chortled heartily.

"Well whatever's gotten into him, it's got him moving reeeeeally fast." Naruto said.

Hajime dashed up the stairs, three giagantic boxes in his arms and barged out the front door.

"Now what's he up to?" Kankuro sighed.

"Only way ta find out is to watch." Temari remarked.

* * *

"**OI! _HIIIIII_-CHAN!**" A male voice hollered from bellow. 

"Now what?" Hotaru groaned, scotching over to the edge and leaning over slightly.

"What **IS IT** Hajime?" she cried exasperatedly.

"Look what _**IIIIIIII**_'ve got." He said in a singsong voice, removing a small, red box from within the bowels of the first.

Hotaru's eyes widened and sparkled with glee.

* * *

"**_POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCKYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!_**" She shrieked, doing her patented, "Uber-Happy-Genki-Pocky-Funtime-Dance", "**_POCKY! POCKY! POOOOOOOCKYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!_**" 

Kakashi blinked at her, "Um…what's Pocky?"

Hotaru gasped in shock, "**_WHAT? BLASPHEMY! HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT YOU HAVE NEVER DINED ON THE SWEET, CRUNCHY, CHOCOCLATE-COATED-COOKIE-GOODNESS-THAT-IS-POCKY!_**"

She jabbed a finger at him (keeping her distance, mind you), "**_I HEREBY JUDGE YOU GUILTY OF NEVER HAVING TASTED THE GLORY THAT IS POCKY!_**" She shouted, "**_AND HEREBY SENTENCE YOU…TO DANCE AROUND THE LIVING ROOM IN A PRETTY DRESS!_**"

Kakashi's jaw dropped, "WHAT?"

Hotaru charged, tackling him around the waist in football player fashion, sending both flying from the roof.

"**CRAAAAPPP!**" Kakashi shouted.

"This ain't good." Hotaru noted, knowing that neither could regain their footing in time.

* * *

**_-fmp-_**

**_-BMMM-_**

As stated before, neither had time to regain their footing in time, so while Kakashi face-planted…

"**_YAAAAAAAAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! IT'SA POCKY-PALOOZA!_**" Hotaru shrieked joyfully.

...Hotarulanded in the open box of Pocky and was now snuggling down amidst the smaller containers, sighing, "Pocky…Pocky…all for me…my Pocky…"

"Oi, Kakashi. Y'alright man? Hajime asked half-heartedly, poking Kakashi's body with a stick.

_**-pikpiku-**_

"Heh heh heh! This is fun!" Hajime snickered.

* * *

"Wow, Naruto." Lee said, observing Hotaruin her Pocky nest(and she'scurrently downingfive sticks as we speak), "She's like you and Ramen." 

"**_NOT RAMEN, YOU INSOLENT WORM! POCKY!_**" Hotaru roared, thrusting a Pocky at him viciously.

"Master Gai! I am…afraid!" Lee whispered, ducking behind his sensei.

"Never fear, I shall protect my students with my life!" Gai proclaimed.

"Could someone shut those two up?" Kakashi groaned (regaining consciousness) "I have a killer headache and-**DWAAH!**"

Hajime appeared an inch in front of his face; grinning creepily.

"Alright, Kakashi!" He said smilingly, "You've gotta date with a dress and a boombox!"

Kakashi blanched.

"Y-you can't be serio-" he began.

"Oh but I can!" Hajime grinned, "Besides, you it oweHi-chan **THAT MUCH** after all the harm you've done…doncha think?"

Kakashi fell silent.

"Besides!" Hajime smilled, "If ya don't, I can always stuff live weasels down your pants! But…it's really your cal-"

Kakashi waved a hand in his face, "Okay! OKAY!" he cried, "You've made your point!"

Hajime smiled, "Atta boy! Right this way, please!"

Kakashi moaned loudly and trudged past a very happy Hotaru, who was handing out Pocky (to everyone but him; she's still pissed o-o)

"Make sure ta get it on tape, brother." Hotaru snickered under her breath.

"Consider it done." Hajime smiled.

* * *

(A/N: The Konohagakure and Suna-siblings go to school...with the Uzumaki Twins! Skimpy gym outfits, algebra and crazed fans?...Sounds fun! R&R!) 


	11. Of Dresses And Wake Up Calls

(A/N: Hicha! Lady Hiran here! **_GUESS WHAT?_** I have good news and bad news. The good newsis thatone of my personas is well! _**YAHOO!**_ The bad news is that it's that Goody-Goody, Amai-Hiran. (sighs)Oh well. A Recap's a Recap. Onward and upward, peeps!)

* * *

Hello everyone. I am Amai-Hiran. I am ever so pleased to meet you. Now then, let's recap, shall we?

Hotaru and Hajime returned home with Hotaru out for blood, wanting to (Amai- Oh I can't say this! It's too deplorable) (Authoress- Say it or I'll fill your dress with stink bugs.) (Amai-shuddering breath) w-wanting to t-toss Kakashi' body over a prison fence and let the prisoners inside have their way with him, ugh (covers face with hands)

A-anyhoo, Hotaru was upset by the fact that Kakashi stole not one but TWO of her kisses (her first and second) and climbed out on the roof to get some air only to find her private spot had been impeded by none other thanKakashihimself.

On a sudden note of inspiration, Hajime brings out several crates of Pocky which automatically quells his siblings rage (Authoress- ALMOST! There's still the whole, Kakashi in a dress thing to address!) Right, well, anyway, that's the recap.

Oh please hurry up and get well soon guys! I don't think I can do this again!.

* * *

Hotaru hummed to herself as she packed away the extra lunches and started on breakfast. 

It was early, about 6:04 AM. But with all the extra bodies that were coming with the twins today, all this extra food was necessary.

* * *

_-FLASHBACK-_

"_BWAHAHAHAHA! Kakashi-sensei? 'm never gonna ferget this." Naruto howled, pounding the floor with his fist._

"_J-just shut up, Naruto." Kakashi growled._

_The past twenty minutes, he had been forced to dance in time to old Britney Spears songs…in a dress…a rather short sexy red number made of patent leather that had once belonged to the Uzumaki Twin's dead mother, Otome._

"_I hafta admit, Kakashi-perv, the stilettos add a nice touch." Hotaru snickered._

"_And the lipstick? Stunning." Temari smirked, "Absolutely stunning._

_Kakashi threw open a door and slammed it shut._

"_That's a closet." Hajime snorted. (PFFFTT! Kakashi-chan's in the Cloooosset! Nahnahnahnahnaaaahnah!)_

_Kakashi threw the door open again and stormed up the stairs._

"_Pfft…Hee hee hee!" Hotaru laughed, "I'm gonna get a lot of mileage outta this!"_

_Tanpopo, curled happily in her lap, keeled in agreement._

_Gaara, Kankuro, Shino, Lee, Jiraiya and Gai chewed on Pocky given to them by Hotaru in the kitchen. (Please note, NO ONE steals HER Pocky. The last one that tried THAT little stunt, is still in the hospital)_

_They watched in amusement as Kakashi thundered down the stairs (sans dress) and stormed over to Hotaru and Hajime._

"_There." He spat, "Happy now?"_

"_Mmm…nope." Hotaru said snippily, "There's one last thing I wantcha ta do for me."_

"_If you say kiss Gai, you can forget it!" Kakashi cried in horror.

* * *

_

_Gai and Lee choked on their Pocky from the prospect._

_Gaara fought down the urge to kill himself from the horrible images flooding his mind._

_Shino wondered vaguely if his insects wouldn't mind to terribly eating his eyes._

_Kankuro slammed his head repeatedly on the table to rid himself of the images._

_Naruto looked like he might puke._

_Jiraiya DID puke._

_Temari was indifferent._

"_That wasn't what I had in mind…but GREAT IDEA, Kakashi-perv!" Hotaru grinned wickedly, "I'll have to save THAT ONE for later! No, what I want is for you and the ninja-tots to come to school with me and Ha-chan tomorrow."_

"_School?" Kakashi blinked, "With you two? Why?"_

"_No reason." Hajime shrugged, "We just wanna see how ya handle yerselves."_

"_Count me out." Temari said calmly. "I've got better things to do."_

"_What point is there?" Gaara snorted superiorly, "A meaningless waste of time."_

"_We could be spending the time training." Kankuro nodded, "I'm out too."_

"_Sounds cool!" Naruto said, eyes glittering with excitement, "Will there be ramen there?"_

"_Of course." Hotaru smiled._

"_I'M IN!" Naruto cried, pumping his fist._

"_If Naruto's in then so am I!" Lee declared._

"_And as his sensei, I must oversee the welfare of my student!" Gai declared._

"…" _Shino gave no reply._

"_It has a roach infestation in the basement!" Hajime said in a singsong voice._

"_I'll go." Shino said quickly.

* * *

_

_Jiraiya looked as though he was tossing the idea of going around._

_Hajime sighed and patted Hotaru on the shoulder, "Sorry sis."_

_He walked over to Jiraiya and whispered, "High School Girls_..._plus Short Skirts…you do the math."_

_Jiraiya's face went bright red and a thin river of drool escaped his mouth._

_Hajime rejoined his twin (who was sending him a glare that would kill anyone else in his position)._

"_He's, uh, in." Hajime coughed._

"_Riiiiight." Hotaru growled, massaging her temple._

_Kakashi was coming because he didn't have a choice. Now there was just the matter of the Suna-siblings to deal with.

* * *

_

"_You know…It's understandable that you're afraid." Hotaru said, rubbing the underside of Tanpopo's chin as she spoke, causing the kit's eyes to lazily shut._

"_Did you just imply that we're-" Gaara said slowly, eyes narrowing._

"_It's okay. Really." Hotaru said reassuringly, continuing to stare at the blissed out face of her fox in her efforts to not laugh, "I understand. You're in a new world, with new things that are completely unfamiliar to you; it's only logical that you'd be scared."_

_Gaara stomped up to her and attempted to psyche her out with his ultimate death glare._

_Hotaru smiled up at him (immune since she's family; see chapter 8)._

"_I…am not…afraid." He said coldly._

"_Neither are we." Temari snarled, appearing on his right, Kankuro on his left._

"_Really! It's okay!" Hotaru continued, "You don't have to if you're afra-"_

"_We're going." The Suna-siblings growled in unison._

"_Great! Glad that's settled!" Hajime smiled.

* * *

_

"_Oi, Ha-chan! Help me round up all our old uniforms willya?" Hotaru said, climbing off the sofa, "They'll need to be washed."_

"_What will those guys wear?" Hajime asked, jerking his thumb towards Gai, Kakashi and Jiraiya._

"_Dad's old stuff." Hotaru reasoned._

"_If your cool with that, fine." Hajime said as the mounted the stairs._

_Gaara, Kankuro and Temari stared after them._

"_I think we were just played." Temari said dully._

"_Big time!" Naruto cheered, "Way ta go, Future Uzumaki's!"_

"_Godamnit!" Gaara growled._

_-END OF FLASHBACK-

* * *

_

Hotaru finished making breakfast and set the table, snickering to herself as she dashed up the stairs.

First stop, of course, was Hajime's room. She tiptoed so that she was within seven feet of the bed…took a deeeeeeeeeeep breath…and **LAUNCHED HERSELF INTO THE AIR!**

"**_HAAAAAAAA-CHANNNNNNNNNNNN! GET OUTTA BED, RETARD!_**" Hotaru shrieked, bodyslamming her twin.

"**_GLUCK!_** **HOTARU! YOU SLUT! GET YER FAT ASS _OFFA_ ME!**" He roared, heaving a pillow at her laughing, retreating form.

* * *

Next stop, Naruto, Lee and Shino's room. They all had managed to sleep through the racket Hotaru and Hajime had made (some ninjas huh?) and she decided to wake them up in a much gentler fashion (I.E. a pray bottle filled with water) 

_-sprtzsprtzsprtz-_

"Yulgh! Why'm all soppy?" asked an all too innocent, not nearly awake Naruto.

"…" Shino merely wiped the water off his face, replaced his sunglasses and sat with his legs hanging over the edge of the bed, his head restinggroggily in his hands.

"Five more minutes…please Gai-sensei?" Lee begged sleepily.

"Nope. Sorry Lee-pea! Time to get a move on." Hotaru said cheerfully, "I expect you all dressed and downstairs in ten minutes and if you're not, I'm sending Ha-chan up to get you."

* * *

Next on the list, were the Suna-siblings. She tiptoed into their room and since she wanted to get a move on, she decided on a similar technique to what she had used on her brother (minus the bodyslamming). 

She inhaled deeply… "**_WAKE UP YA LAZY BRATS!_**"

The Suna-siblings jerked awake, momentarily looking rather cute and cuddly with their eyes clogged with sleep.

Gaara however, who didn't sleep (naturally) just muttered, "No need to yell."

Hotaru merely grinned at him, "Be downstairs, dressed in the clothes I gave ya in ten…_**Paaannnnda**_-chan."

She darted from the room, leaving Gaara to wonder, "…Panda-chan?"

* * *

The teacher's room was last on her list. She was going to use a variation to the att-koff-technique she used on her twin. 

She squatted down low…and began hopping from bed, making sure she stepped on each man.

**_-BOIYOINGBOIYOINGBOIYOINGGONKBOYOINGWOKBOYOINGBOIYOINGBOIYOINGBOK-_**

"_**GET UP, YA BUMS! ON YOUR FEET! UP! UP! UP!**_" She cried, not stopping til every man was full roused (NOT THAT WAY! GAWD your minds are sick!)

"Alright troops!" Hotaru declared, "Downstairs, dressed, ten minutes. Got it? Good!"

She did a backflip off of Gai's bed (where was situated) and sprinted out the door.

* * *

Her high pigtails bounced happily as she thumped down the stairs, Tanpopo on her heels. 

The instant the two reached the kitchen, the little fox started tugging at Hotaru's socks, whining urgently.

Hotaru smiled, "No, I didn't forget about you."

She set down a plate of food for the young fox, who tore into it like he hadn't seen food for months.

* * *

_Ten minutes later…_

"Pass th' puffy, crunchy stuff!" Naruto cried through a mouthful of waffle.

"Ya mean cereal?" Hajime asked, eyebrow cocked.

"Whatever! Gimme!" Naruto said, hand extended.

"Another pancake, please." Lee asked loudly.

"More bacon!" Jiraiya boomed.

"These omlets! The overflow with the power of youth!" Gai (obviously)

"Uh…right. Pass the OJ." Hotaru asked Hajime, who willingly passed it.

"Milk please." Temari called.

A milk carton sailed her way, which she effortlessly caught.

"'nuther muffuh peese?" Kankuro asked through his third blueberry muffin.

Gaara silently chewed on a sausage link.

Hotaru stared at him, then grinned. Yep, Yuzurihayama would definitely loosen this kid up, and if it didn't, well then he should seek some serious professional help.

(Yuzurihayama means Evergreen Mountains!)

Gaara sneezed, "Damn weather." He muttered.

* * *

"_**Wow!**_ It's an absolutely gorgeous day!" Hotaru said happily. 

"Yeah, yeah." Kakashi grumbled, "Let's just get this over with."

"Could you possibly be any more negative?" Hajime asked in annoyance.

"He speaks the truth, my eternal rival." Gai sighed, "Even after Lady Hotaru was gracious enough to lend out the garb of her fallen father, you still show such ingratitude!"

"Sh-shut up." Kakashi grumbled, feeling Hotaru's smirk burning into the back of his head as she fully enjoyed this victory.

"Speaking of which, I'm glad everything fits okay." Hotaru said, sighing in relief, "I was a bit worried, what with our stature and all, especially with yours, Temari. **_Phew!_** Such a relief!"

* * *

Temari could see why she would be concerned. The Yuzurihayama girl's uniforms skirt was…well…short. Very short. It could easily be classified a miniskirt. 

Temari now found herself the bearer of two new phobias: Strong gusts of wind, (every japanese high school girl's worst nightmare) and pervvy guys like Jiraiya (every japanese high school girls SECOND worst nightmare).

* * *

Gaara was now sulking big time. He didn't want to be here. He was dressed like a dork (or so he thought. he actually looked incredibly hot. You could tell by the way random girls on the street started blushing when they looked his way) and felt very vulnerable without his gourd of sand, which the twins had insisted he leave at home. 

"How'd I get roped into this? He grumbled, kicking a stray pebble.

* * *

They were nearing the school gates when Hajime and Hotaru suddenly sighed. 

"You guys wait here a sec." Hajime said dully.

"Why?" Naruto blinked.

"Because we have to deal with our daily dose of dummies." Hotaru sighed, flipping open her sword case and unsheathing Yunagi (see chapter1)

The two charged forward.

"Now…I'm curious." Shino murmured, following them despite their request (As did everyone else)

**_-RRRMMMBLLLRRMMMBBLLRMMMBLL-_**

"Whuh-what is this? An earthquake?" Lee cried. He shot Gaara a look, "Are you responsible for this?"

Gaara glared at the bowl-cut sporting lad, "No, you fool. Why would I-"

"There's your culprit!" Kakashi smiled (he's smiling again! Yay!), "Looks like those two inherited the Sasuke-gene."

* * *

The two were duking it out with a much lower class of fighter (but they made up for their bad fighting with their mass numbers) 

"_**UZUMAKI!**_" A throng of female fighters cried, armed with metal poles, smiling spastically as they charged Hajime.

"**IF WE DEFEAT YOU IN COMBAT_-_**" a horde of boxers, Tai-Kwon-Do students and Football players declared as the rushed Hotaru.

"_**-YOU GO OUT WITH US!**_" They cried joyfully as they continued their assault.

_-…pok…pokpokpok…-_

**_-F-KAAMMMMM-_**

"**SHUT IT, RETARDS!**" Hajime shouted, punching his attackers and sending towards the heavens.

"**_GO TO TH' MALL AN' BUY YERSELVES SOME LIVES!_**" Hotaru yelled, sending her assailants skyward with a single kick.

The aggressors all plummeted to the ground.

"**_Ho-kay!_**" The Twins grinned, "**_NOW_** You can come in! Welcome to Yuzurihayama!"

* * *

(A/N: Ho-kay! They managed to get them TO the school inone piece (Monkey D. Luffy shows up from outta no where) ONE PIECE? WHERE? **_GET OUTTA MY FIC YA GUMMY LITTLE TURD! _**(**WHAMMO!**) Anyhoo, like I said, they managed to get them to Yuzurihayama safely, but what will happen once class STARTS? Suicidal EnglishTeachers, Sado-Masochist Math Prof.s, A gym teacher with a fetish for **_TUBE SOCKS?_** Let the melee begin. R&R!) 


	12. Suicidal, SadoMasochist & Fetishist? EW!

(A/N: Hicha! Lady Hiran here! I've recieved such positive responses, that in an upcoming chappie, I'm bringing back Zabuza and Haku! _**YIPPEE!**_ And now, on with the Recap seeing as another one of my personas is well!)

* * *

Good day. I am Akira-Hiran. Here with your Recap. 

Hajime and Hotaru, through psychological manipulation and blackmail (Kakashi), The twins "convinced" the Time Travelers from Suna-and-Konohagakure to endure one day of school with them.

You know...they could go to jail for tha-

**_-FWAK-_**

OUCH!

(Authoress: THE FREAKIN' FIC ISN'T SUPPOSDA BE SPOT ON ACURRATE, DUMBASS!)

I'll have you know I could have you arrested on charges of assault and batter-

**_-FWAKBAKWAK-_**

OWWWWOOO!

(Authoress: Keep it UP, ya know-it-all BITCH!)

Before this psychotic commits first degree manslaughter-

(Authoress: _-chainsaw revvs in background-_)

On with the storyYYYAAAAAAAH! (starts running)

* * *

"Just a question." Shino said as they walked over several bodies of unconscious fans, "Don't you think they'll notice twelve year olds…in a high school?" 

Hajime and Hotaru grinned at him.

"When did we ever say it was a high school?" Hajime tsk-ed, "Yuzurihayama is a lot more like a Charter/Montessori school."

"Yuzurihayama focuses primarily on areas in which the student's themselves show great promise in." Hotaru said knowingly, "And the age groups range from kindergarten to college, so no one here will give you guys a backwards glance."

"Ah, I see." Kakashi nodded.

"Some loaded old fruit cake funds the place." Hajime shrugged, "Mad as a hatter."

"Why do you say that?" Naruto asked.

"You'll see." Hotaru sighed as the walked up a flight of stairs.

* * *

Jiraiya, who was walking towards the back, allowed his eyes to wander up…up…up…Temari and Hotaru's skirts. 

**_-BAK-FWAK-_**

"Eyes forward, Ultra-perv." Temari and Hotaru hissed after clubbing the older man with their school bags.

"Keep that up and I'll skin you alive!" Hajime spat, hefting the middle-aged man up by the collar.

Gaara and Kankuro said nothing; just cracked their knuckles and glared malevolently at Jiraiya.

Kakashi just pulled out _'Come Come Paradise'_.

"Ya know, if they catch you with that, they'll confiscate it." Hajime said, cocking an eyebrow.

"I'll take my chances." Kakashi said good-naturedly.

Hotaru scowled at him, "Pervert."

"Master Gai! I am ever so thankful that you have not been tainted by Kakashi-sensei's lascivious ways!" Lee cried.

"As am I!" Gai declared, teeth flashing, blinding half of the passing students (Temporarily of course), "If I, in the prime of my youth, were to succumb to such-!"

"Blah-blah-blah!" Hajime interjected, "We need ta get a move on."

* * *

"What's first?" Gaara sighed, wanting to get this over with. 

"Here we are!" Hotaru said cheerfully, "Naka-teach's English class!"

"Naka…teach?" Gaara said slowly.

"Yeah!" Hajime grinned, "Her actual name is Nakanishi, hence the moniker!"

"Ooo, Ha-chan! Big word! You feeling okay?" Hotaru asked, plapping a hand on his forehead.

"Shaddap." Hajime growled, swatting her hand away playfully.

_**-SHFFTUT-

* * *

**_

Nakanishi "Naka-teach" Ukyo, was standing on her desk, a noose around her neck, preparing to jump.

"**CODE ORANGE! REPEAT! WE HAVE A CODE ORANGE!**" Hajime yelled into the halls.

"**_NAKA-TEACH! NO-OO!_**" Hotaru shrieked, (huge chibi anime tears streaking from her eyes as she runs) leaping onto the desk and swooping the woman over her head.

"**_LET ME GO!_**" Naka-teach howled, thrashing around violently, "**_LET ME DIE! LET ME DIE!_**"

"_**NO-OO!**_" Hotaru shrieked, wrapping the rope around one hand and snapping it in half.

"What in the name of-!" Shino said, his voice filled with confusion.

"**_NONONONONO!_**" Naka-teach shouted, diving for a desk drawer, "**_I CANT STAND ANOTHER DAY OF THOSE DEAD FISH EYES STARING AT ME! I WON'T DO IT!_**"

Hotaru now wrapped her arms the teachers waist, "**_THAT'S NO REASON TO KILL YOURSELF!_**" (imagine the big melty omelet eyes of a sobbing Shuichi from Gravitation and you have Hotaru's look down pat)

"**_IT'S A PERFECT REASON TO KILL MYSELF!_**" Naka-teach yelled back, a box cutter in hand now.

"What the fu-!" Naruto cried.

* * *

Hajime and a swarm of student appeared and wrestled the cutter away from her and Naka-teach began to wail. 

"Whuh-what's going on?" Gaara asked, his eyes wide with confusion.

"One of Naka-teach's daily suicide attempts!" Hotaru said, "She usually tries once or twice because of job-related stress."

"And she's still a teacher?" Kankuro gaped.

"Hey, we toldja that old nut was crazy as a loon." Hotaru sighed, "Behold his hand picked staff."

"Why doesn't she just quit?" Kakashi asked from his book.

"B-because of the health and d-d-dental coverage." Naka-teach sobbed.

"That's how they always getcha." Gai said with an understanding nod.

* * *

"Please don't kill yourself Naka-teach!" a female student (we'll call her Girl A) begged, "We'll pay attention! Honest!" 

"I'll even pop Ritalin to keep me focused!" a male student (we'll call him Boy A) cried.

"**_No!_**" another female student (Girl B) cried, "Drugs're bad!"

"Hey, it's th' thought that counts, dude." Another male student (Boy B) said with a nod.

"O-okay. I'll…I'll try." Naka-teach said weakly, "But just for today."

"YAY!" everyone cheered ('cept Gaara; he's above crap like that)

* * *

After that little incident, the period went almost completely without incident. Jiraiya, Gai and Kakashi were able to slip around unnoticed under the guise of "New Teacher's Aids". 

"_Naka-teach usually get two or three because she's high maintenance."_ Hajime had explained.

And with the exception of Naruto and Lee getting into a rather large argument over who had written the better poem, effectively sending Naka-teach into another one of her "episodes", things went rather smoothly.

"Alright. What's next?" Temari asked.

"Ulgh. Math with Sadamoto." Hajime and Hotaru groaned.

"That bad, huh?" Kakashi grinned.

"Yuh." Hotaru said dully, forgetting for the moment that she was mad at him, "You could say that."

"What's so bad about him?" Shino asked, pushing his sunglasses back up his nose.

The twins exchanged a look, then shuddered.

"You'll see." They said together, opening the door.

* * *

**_-SHFFTUT-_**

"Uzumaki's." A cool voice said eerily, "Nearly missed the bell…such a naughty thing to do."

The time traveling Shinobi could not believe what they were seeing.

A man with nothing on but a leather man-thong sat on the teacher's desk with a whip in his hands.

"We apologize, Sadamoto-sensei." The Twins replied robotically.

"Mmmm…if you ever are so wayward again…teacher will have to punish you…" he smirked biting down viciously on the tip of the whip, "…is that clear?"

"Yes, Sadamoto-sensei." The Uzumaki twins answered mechanically.

They made their way to seats in the back of the room.

* * *

"_I can see why they don't like THIS class."_ Gaara shuddered, _"That guy makes Kakashi look like a saint."_

"_Ulgh…isn't he cold?"_ Naruto had to wonder, _"Just lookin' at'm is makin' my arm an' leg hairs stand on end! Yugh!"_

"_My God, whadda freak."_ Kakashi thought disgustedly, trying to divert his attention to _'Come Come Paradise'_ and failing miserably, _"I can't believe people like him actually exist."_

Jiraiya just pilfered a porno mag from some poor, unsuspecting student's bag and was able to keep himself calm that way.

Shino however, wasn't so fortunate. A fly, which he happened to be trailing, just happened to change it's flight path so it flew right around the ass of the man-thong, causing the poor boy to nearly go blind.

Kankuro took to staring hard at the floor, muttering, "I am in Sunagakure…I am surrounded by my puppet allies…all is well…"

Temari took to embarrassed blushing and diverting her gaze out the window.

Gai glared angrily at the barely-dressed man, _"You are a disgrace and a blemish on everything that is sacred about teaching! You need to be destroyed."_

Hajime took to doodling in his notebook.

Hotaru dozed off, drawing the immediate, unwanted attention of Sadamoto.

* * *

He strolled languidly over to Hotaru and whispered into her ear, "Oh Hotaru…naughty girl…someone's been awfully bad…" 

There was a murmur of apprehension around the classroom.

_**-FA-WHAM-**_

Hotaru sniffled, not even close to being awake, and screamed, "**_NYARR! Y' OLD GHOUL! YOU WON'T GET THE BEST OF ME AGAIN! MYAAAA!_**"

_**-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-POW-**_

Sadamoto collapsed to the floor in a broken, bloodied, swollen heap.

Hotaru blinked, sniffled slightly, then slumped forward on her desk again, fast asleep.

Sadamoto sprang upward.

"**OH MY FUCKIN' GOD!**" Kankuro shouted.

"**HE'S _STILL_ ALIVE?**" Lee cried.

He glommed Hotaru's hand, "My soulmate! My kindred spirit! **MARRY ME!**"

**_-DINGDONGDINGDOONNNNG-_**

Hotaru awoke, took one look at Sadamoto, and sent him sailing out the window.

* * *

"Welll…that was fun-NOT." Gaara smirked, not about to admit he was enjoying himself immensely, "What's next?" 

"P.E." Hajime said, "One of my favorite classes."

"That's because you don't have to wear those God-awful buruma." Hotaru grumbled.

(Buruma- the Japanese word for gym shorts! Cut very short and for most girls, are rather embarrassing)

"Huh?" Temari blinked as Hotaru grabbed her by the back of the uniform and dragged her into the girl's locker room.

Jiraiya made an attempt to follow.

**_-FWAK-BWAK-_**

"Don't. Even. Think about it." Hajime, Gaara and Kankuro snarled.

"We go this way." Hajime growled, grabbing the panty-raider by the hair and dragging him into the locker room.

Gai and Kakashi followed leisurely.

* * *

_Five minutes later…_

"Alright class. Let's get right to it, shall we?"

Tachikawa Reiko appeared to be all business. She took roll and led the class in some relatively easy stretches.

"Finally a real teacher." Gai sighed as Tachikawa-sensei announced that today they would playing dodgeball.

* * *

_"Oh. My. God."_ Temari thought to herself, _"How can she stand this?"_

Temari's eyes kept drifting back to her legs.

Hotaru hadn't been kidding. These buruma were awful.

She could feel the eyes of every male in the class (with the obvious exception of her brother's) drawn to her bare legs.

It was humiliating.

Embarrassing.

_"God, these modern girls have it rough."_ Temari mused, _"Soon as I get back to the house? Pants. Nothing but pants from now on."_

* * *

Gaara got a verry weird feeling as he passed the gym teacher. She had just divided them into teams and he noticed she had been shooting him really creepy looks. 

The game began and the eerie feeling stayed. Despite the typhoon of red rubber streaking past him on all sides and his continuous bobbing and weaving, Tachikawa-sensei's eyes remained locked on him…or, rather…his feet.

What Hajime had failed to warn Gaara about in the locker room was Tachikawa-sensei's…unusual fetish.

She dashed across the gym and tackled him to the floor.

"Whuh-what the-? **GET OFFA GAARA YA SICK FREAK!**" Naruto cried.

"**_GET OFF OUR BROTHER, HAG!_**" Kankuro and Temari screamed.

* * *

"Mmm…tube socks…so lovely…beautiful...brand new...perfect...white...tubesocks…" she sighed, rubbing her face against Gaara's ankles and feet. 

"Get…off…me." Gaara growled, pulling his arm back to strike her.

Hajime grabbed him and Hotaru switched off his socks, tossing them to the far side of the gym.

"AH! Come back, loves!" She cried, dashing after them.

"Be grateful." Hotaru grinned, "We have lunch next!"

"Somehow…that doesn't bring much comfort." Gaara muttered.

* * *

(A/N: **_LUNCH BREAK!_** Ahhh, the chaos that is the lunch room. The tulmult of trying to get food before it runs out without being crushed...how fun! Followed by a inspired Studio Art Class, the drama that is Drama, and the musical stylings of Choir! R&R!) 


	13. Lunch, Shemales, Dramarama and DDR!

(A/N: I'm BACK! HICHA! Lady Hiran here! Currently sick as a dog, but determined as ever to get things going. So kick back, relax, and enjoy!)

((P.S.: Read the A/N at the end CARE-FULL-LEE!))

* * *

The Uzumaki Twins were running at breakneck speeds, leaping over railings, skipping entire flights of stairs, the Suna-siblings and Konohagakure Shinobi just barely able to keep up.

"**_GO! GO! GO!_**" They shouted, "**_QUICK!_ BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!**"

"_**Too late?**_" Naruto cried out, "_**What th' hell? Too late for what?**_"

_**-RRRMMMBLLLRRMMMBBLLRMMMBLLRRRMMMBLLLRRMMMBBLLRMMMBLL-**_

"What is going on?" Shino asked in bewilderment.

The twins flung open the Cafeteria doors and grabbed a pair of trays as a tsunami of bodies appeared behind them, and, leaping onto them, yelled, "**_SURFS UP!_**"

"**WHOOOOOOOOAA!**" Jiraiya hollered as he shot forward under the crushing force of students amassing to get food.

Hotaru and Hajime rode along the tops of the bodies like surfers, shouting out orders.

"**_BEEF RAMEN!_ CHICKEN RAMEN! _SUPER-SPICY RAMEN!_ PORK RAMEN! _CURRY RAMEN!_ FOURTEEN NOODLE BREADS! _SIXTEEN MELON BREADS!_ EIGHTEEN PIZZA BREADS! _TWENTY-THREE CURRY BREADS!_ FIFTEEN TAIYAKI! _THRITEEN AN-PAN!_ _AND MAKE IT SNAPPY!_**" They roared.

The food shot at them at cannon force and the Shinobi and Kunoichi barely managed to catch it.

The Uzuzmaki twins shouted at them over the din, "**HOLD ON TO THAT FOOD _TIGHT!_ JUST BECAUSE YA MANAGED TO _GET IT_ DOESN'T NECESSARILY MEAN YOU'LL GET TO _KEEP IT!_**"

Naruto saw what they meant. Already hands were groping at him wildly, in an attempt to rid him of the precious ramen he held to his chest, "_**BACK OFF HONKY!**_" He snarled, punching the aggressors in the noses.

Kakashi felt a pair of hands take hold of the curry bread in his arms, "Hands…**OFF!**" he roared, kicking the attempted-thief away.

Shino felt a hand slither under his elbow and reach for one of the Taiyaki he carried. He smirked inwardly as the owner of said hand began screaming uncontrollably when they came away, not with the Taiyaki they sought, but an armful of his bug allies.

They finally made it to the roof (surprise surprise) and set up everything for lunch.

* * *

"Hey." Temari said carefully, unwrapping a Noodle Bread, "I thought that Hotaru made us lunches." 

"Yeah. What was the point of this?" Kankuro asked, chewing on the end of a Pizza Bread.

"Oh, those were stolen." Hotaru said matter-of-factly, taking the Super-Spicy Ramen Bowl and a Curry Bread for herself, "Happens everyday. The fanclubs sneak into my classes and steal'm. Phweeeh. So inconsiderate."

"The musta been dancin' fer joy t'day, Hi-chan." Hajime snickered, "You made so many."

"Yeah, but I've been getting really tired of having to buy school lunch everyday, so I laced those lunches with my _**Psychotically-Spicy-Volcano-Sauce**_." Hotaru snickered, "You know the one, Ha-chan."

"Yeah I do." He smirked, "The same one you use ta make those super-spicy Cajun Piroschki's I love so much."

(Authoress Note- Just a little sidenote here, Hajime and Spicy foods is like Hotaru and Pocky ((scary, ne?)). While Hi-chan **_likes_** spicy foods, it doesn't come close to overwhelmingly obsessive **_"GOT-TO-HAVE-IT-OR THE-WORLD-WILL-COME-TO-A-CATACLYSMIC-END"_** type love Ha-chan does. Get it? Got it? Good! On with the story!)

Gaara got with in one inch of Hotaru's face, "And what if they _**HADN'T**_ stolen them?"

Hotaru smiled, "Then I would have warned all of you, except Kakashi, and we would have gotten school lunches anyway, Panda-chan!" she grinned wickedly.

Kakashi groaned, "You're still mad about that?"

"Boy, you sure can hold a grudge." Naruto acknowledged, slurping down his beef ramen happily.

"Good to know." Shino said, taking a bite of Melon Bread.

"I personally think Lady Hotaru has every right to feel-" Gai began, only to be silenced when Naruto, Hajime and Hotaru shoved Pizza, Melon and Noodle Bread into his mouth.

"No talking with your mouth full." They growled.

"Why are you so cruel to Master Gai?" Lee whimpered, "He is merely trying to defend Lady Hotaru, a small white blossom in the flower of you-"

Hajime pinched Lee's nostrils shut.

Naruto pinned the bowl cut's arms behind his back.

Hotaru whipped out an emergency bottle of her **_Psychotically-Spicy-Volcano-Sauce_** and forced a quarter of the bottle down his throat.

Rock Lee's face turned the color of a jabenero and his face beaded with sweat.

"If your thirsty, there's a lake about ten floors down and a hundred feet over." Hotaru said with a smile.

Lee took off like a rocket, leaving a trail of dust behind him.

"Wow." Gaara said, shaking his head in disbelief, "Even by my standards…that was mean."

"No cornball speeches." The Uzumaki's past and present stated.

Shino continued to eat in silence, laughing internally.

* * *

_**-DINGDONGDINGDOONNNNG-**_

"That's the warning bell." Hajime said, dusting himself off, "We better hurry."

"Where're we off to now?" Kakashi asked.

"Yamazaki-sensei's Studio Art Class!" Hotaru smiled, "Just ta warn you all beforehand, she's a real ballbuster."

"Lovely." Jiraiya groaned, "No wonder you're so happy."

Temari, in a rare moment of OOC-ness, joined Hotaru in grinning vindictively at Jiraiya and Kakashi.

"Whaddabout Lee?" Naruto asked.

"Ah, don't worry about it." Hajime shrugged, "I'll get'm. Just tell Yamazaki that'm goin' t' th' john."

"Gotcha." Hotaru said offhandedly, smacking him on the back lightly.

* * *

_**-SHFFTUT-**_

The Studio Art room was one of the nicest rooms the Time Traveling Shinobi had been in all day. It had the pleasant scent of paint, turpentine and clay, was very spacious and apparently, was first-come-first-serve seating.

As they took their seats Naruto noticed something different about this class; no one was speaking; not a word left their lips. They all sat ramrod straight in their chairs and didn't fidget a bit.

"_Well…this is…awkward to say the least."_ Shino thought mildly.

"_What's goin' on?"_ Naruto wondered.

_**-THM…THM…THM…THM…-**_

"Brace yourselves." Hotaru hissed out of the corner of her mouth.

_**-FRA-KRAK-**_

A woman…if you could really call "her" that…she…or he…either had to be on steroids…or was a REALLY unconvincing crossdresser...entered the room, his-koff-her head grazing the ceiling.

His/her neck was unbelievably thick and beefy with several popping veins, thick, muscular arms, legs with calf muscles the size of grapefruits and don't even get me started about the torso.

"**_ATTENNNNNNN-_SHUN!**" He/she boomed.

All the students (Even the time traveling ninja) flew, quite involuntarily, out of their seats.

"**T'DAY**…**WE_ WEE-ILL_**…**BE** **_WOR-KING_**…**_AH-ON_**…**A _STIH-LL_**…**_LAH-AHFE!_**" She/he roared in drill instructor fashion.

She/he slammed down a bowl of fruit on the desk.

"**BE _FINISHED_**…**IN _TWEH-ELVE_…HUNDRED…HOURS!**" She/he bellowed.

"**_BEEEEEE-_GIN!**"

As one, the class sat down and started drawing.

The man/woman, stomped back out of the room.

Gaara leaned over and whispered, "Was…was that…?"

Hotaru nodded, "Yuh-huh. 'Ms.' Yamazaki. Fresh outta the millitary We're still tryin' ta figure out if…'she's' lyin' or not."

Jiraiya whimpered, "Scarrrry."

Hotaru smirked happily, "For once, I'm enjoying this class. Heh heh."

"Gee, I can't imagine why." Kakashi said, rolling his eye(s).

Shino hid a smile.

Hajime slunk into the room, dragging a rather soppy Lee behind him.

"What's the topic?" he whispered.

"Still life." Naruto whispered back, before, snickering, "Heya Lee. I hear the lake is nice this time a year."

"Sh-shut up." Lee spat, sitting down at an easel.

_**-DINGDONGDINGDOONNNNG-

* * *

**_

"Good afternoon Hotaru-san. Good afternoon Hajime-san."

"Hicha Sachiko!"

"Hey Ishii-chan."

(here's a profile, courtesy of _Hiei's Shadow Tenshi _((it's her chara)) P.S.: Tenshi-chan? She's only gonna be poppin' in here and there; makin' cameo appearances, 'kay?.)

**Name**: Sachiko Ishii

**Age**: 16

**Eye**: color: crimson

**Hair**: color: lilac

**Clothes**: Out side of school she is seen wearing her priestess outfit

**Personality**: She's a very shy and quiet girl. She is basically like Hina-chan,

but that's just when she first meets people. After she gets to know them and

after they get to know her, she becomes a very out going person. She is very

kind and motherly, protective of the ones close to her and would do anything for

someone in need (even complete strangers.) She doesn't care what a

person is, she always tries to find the good in people. She, like all normal

girls, will-NOT-tolerate-perverts. ((hint hint, that may give you some ideas ne?

"Hajime-san…" Sachiko said, looking the blonde boy over with a critical gaze, "The top button on your uniform is loose-" She said, reaching forward and taking hold of the button in question, "You really need to take better care of yourself."

She then released her hold and began fusing with Hotaru's scarf, "-and Hotaru-san? **_Your_** kerchief is crooked."

"**SACHIK_OOOOO!_**" Hajime cried, "**KNOCK IT OFF!**"

Sachiko jerked back with a gasp, tears brimming in her eyes, "Wuh-what did I do? I was only tr-trying to help! Yuh-your not b-being fair!" she whimpered.

Hotaru jabbed her twin roughly in the ribs with her elbow, "**_BAKA!_**" she hissed, "She's a _**VIRGO!**_ Under the protection of Demeter! She's delicate and you have to treat her gently!"

"I'm sorry Sachi!" Hotaru said retying her regulation kerchief, "I'll fix Hajime's button later, okay? And look! I've already straightened my scarf, see?"

Sachiko sniffled away a few more tears, "Alright." She nodded, "But one thing first…who are those people?" Sachiko asked pointing to the Shinobi and Kunoichi over the Uzumaki Twin's shoulders, "New friends of yours?"

_"MEEP!"_ Hajime and Hotaru thought together, _"WHADDLE WE DO-OO?"_

"Uh...they're uh…" Hajime said smartly.

"_**RELATIVES!**_" Hotaru cried, "From overseas! (yeah, that's it.) Relatives from overseas!"

"_Huh?"_ the time travelers thought together, _"What th' HELL!"_

"Relatives?" Sachiko asked mildly, "Strange…I seem to remember you telling me how you and Hajime-san were true orphans."

"**_Wuh-well we-were-_WRONG!**" Hajime said, his voice rising a few octaves.

"This is our-our 'cousin' Naru-pyo-I mean Naruto!" Hotaru said wrapping her arms around her ancestors shoulder in a big hug while leaning in close to his ear and hissing, "_You blow this, you **die.**_"

Naruto suppressed a frightened squeak and nodded.

"These are our uncles, Kakashi and Gai, and our great uncle Jiraiya." Hajime continued, not missing a beat now.

"And these are our first cousins, Temari, Gaara, I just call him Panda-chan, but you are **_NOT_** allowed to call him that (glomps him), Kankuro and our second cousin, Lee."

"It's nice to meet you all." Sachiko smiled, "I am Ishii Sachiko."

There was a round of nodding, and "Hey, howya doin?"'s, before they went on their way to the next class.

_"Thank GOD Sachiko is so naïve!"_ Hotaru and Hajime thought together, sweating a bit as they opened the auditorium door.

_**-SHFFTUT-

* * *

**_

Row after rows of seats without desks lined the floors in front of a raised stage.

"Ah, Uzumaki-chan and Uzumaki-kun! Good!" and masculine voice said cheerfully.

A rather watery, tired looking young man (about twenty-four or twenty-five) with pale brown hair secured in a ponytail, though not nearly as nice as Hajime's (Hotaru did it for him today-HA!) and wire rimmed glasses

"Hicha Mr. Tadakichi!" Hotaru cried, tackle-glomping him furiously (the girl loves hugging people; she hugs random people in the halls and on the streets…sad ain't it?).

"Good afternoon, Hotaru-chan." Tadakichi smiled, patting her head, "Not that I don't just love your hugs, I do, really, but could you please let me up? I'm starting to lose the feeling in my legs."

"Oops! Sorry!" Hotaru smiled, clamouring off him and helping her teacher to his feet, "Didn't hurt you, did I?"

"Naw." He smiled, "Just use a bit more restraint in the future."

"Okay." She smiled.

"Jeez sis, could ya be moruva spaz?" Hajime growled, clapping his forehead into his palm.

"Yes." Hotaru grinned, "I simply choose not to."

"Ugh." Hajime sighed.

"I hate to interrupt-," Kakashi said carefully, "-but what exactly is this class?"

"Oh, this is Drama." Hajime said, smirking up at him, "I'd watch yerself."

"Why?" Naruto asked, truly confused, "Why should he watch himself?"

"Because this is the one class where I can vent without getting in trouble." Hotaru snickered.

"Oh I get it." Naruto grinned, "Bad news for Kakashi-sensei and Jiraiya-sama!"

"I would feel sorry for you if they hadn't almost choked me to death." Gai smirked.

"Yeah, and I had my tastebuds burned off." Lee sneered, "Time to face the she-devil."

**_-BWAK-_**

"Wanna repeat that, Lee?" Hotaru smiled.

"No ma'am." Lee whimpered.

"Wow...you can really be a bitch." Kankuro nodded appreciatively.

"And proud of it." Hotaru smirked.

Shino snickered lightly.

* * *

Hotaru raised her hand, "OI! Mr. Tadakichi! I have a skit I wanna perform!" 

"Alright! C'mon up!" He smiled.

She gripped Kakashi and Jiraiya by the collars and dragged them up to the stage, grinning malevolently.

Kakashi felt thrills of dread sweep through his stomach.

Jiraiya said a silent prayer to as many deities as humanly possible.

Hotaru cleared her throat.

"**_HOW DARE YOU!_**" she screamed, "**_YOU SICK, DISGUSTING, LASCIVIOUS PERVERT! HOW DARE YOU STEAL SOMETHING SO PRECIOUS FROM ME!_**"

Hotaru craked her knuckles and advanced on them, "**_I'M GONNA KILL YOU!_**"

"**_Wuh-_WAIT!**" Kakashi cried, "_**It was an**_ **ACCIDENT!_ I DIDN'T MEAN-_**"

"**WHY'RE YOU DRAGGING _ME _INTO THIS?**" Jiraiya shouted.

"_**SHUT UP!**_" Hotaru roared, "_**I'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO RETRIEVE WHAT YOU'VE STOLEN! YOU DESERVE TO DIE!**_"

"**WHY AM I HERE?**" Jiraiya howled.

"**_YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHY YOU'RE HERE, LETCH!_**" Hotaru shouted, throwing a barrage of punches at the pair.

* * *

"What a moving piece." Girl D whispered. 

"Hotaru-chan is fantastic!" a horde of fanboys simpered.

"The silver-haired guy ain't half bad either." A couple of girls blushed.

"I wonder where she came up with the idea for such a creative skit." Boy C wondered.

"Yeah." The Sunagakure Siblings snickered internally, "I wonder."

* * *

Kakashi managed to catch Hotaru's curse marked fist and wrapped his free arm around her waist tightly, pinning her bare hand to her side; he locked both her legs with his (for-koff-personal safety). 

"Pervert." She hissed, not struggling in the slightest (for fear he would enjoy it).

"Now listen." He said calmly, "I'm not letting you go until you me out."

"…speak, mortal." She growled.

"I'm sorry, okay? I'm truly sorry for what happened. I wish there was some way for me to return what I took from you, but there isn't."

Hotaru went slack in his arms.

"Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?" Kakashi ventured.

Hotaru looked thoughtful, then smirked wickedly, "Yes. Yes as a matter of fact there is, but it can wait til later."

Kakashi looked a little afraid as he released her.

_**-CLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAP-**_

"Bravo! Wonderful!" Tadakichi cried, "Hotaru, that was your best skit all year."

"Thank you!" Hotau smiled.

"Hajime? You're up!" Tadakichi called.

_**-DINGDONGDINGDOONNNNG-

* * *

**_

"Okay! Next up is Choir." Hajime said, "With none other than Mr. Fujibayashi. Gawd, I hate him. He's sucha prick."

"Don't worry." Hotaru said dismissively, "I'll take care of him."

Hajime grinned, and slung his arms around his twin's shoulders, "I luv ya, Hi-chan!"

"But only when the occasion calls for it." Hotaru said snidely.

"**HEY!**" Hajime cried indignantly as Hotaru ran off laughing.

_**-SHFFTUT-**_

Choir turned out to be the most boring class yet. The teacher, Fujibayashi, was unbelievably strict and allowed no one to help anyone else and expected automatic perfection from his students without doing any actual voice coaching himself.

Naruto was silently praying for death when a loud crackling sound echoed throughout the room:

_-"ATTENTION FUJIBAYASHI-SAN! ATTENTION FUJIBAYASHI-SAN! YOUR CAR IS BEING TOWED. I REPEAT, YOUR CAR IS BEING TOWED."-_

"Shit. Class, I'll be right back (shyeah right)." Fujibayashi said sharply, dashing from the room.

There was a silence…then…

"**_WOO-HOOOOOOOOO!_**"

"**HA-YEAH!**"

"**_WAY TA GO, HI-CHAN!_**"

The class erupted in joyful cheers and those cries doubled when Hotaru entered the room, bowing boastfully (Naruto's genes kicking in) and blowing kisses.

"Sis, did you really have him towed?" Hajime asked.

"Of course!" Hotaru said (straight up), "I just called on one of the many favors owed to me, and had Eiji hot wire his car into the red zone."

"Eiji?" Hajime snapped, "You mean, _**'"Fifth Street Vipers"'**_ Eiji?"

"Yup." Hotaru smiled.

"And how does someone like that…owe you a favor?" Shino asked.

"I kicked his ass and swore to tell no one." Hotaru smirked, "Let me tell you, there is nothing worse for your street cred than being royally served by a girl."

* * *

"Quick! Lock the doors!" Girl A cried. 

"Didja remember the boombox?" Boy A asked.

"Of course!" Boy B said exasperatedly.

"Is Maroon Five okay?" Girl B asked.

"Shyeah!" Boy C cheered, "Didja bring Kayne West too?"

"Duh!" Girl B rolled her eyes.

"Uh, what's goin' on?" Naruto asked.

"You're about to find out." Hotaru grinned as **_"Harder, and Harder to Breathe"_** blasted out of the speakers.

The student began to writhe and twist in time to the music.

A random girl grabbed Naruto's hand and started dancing with him.

In a music driven haze, Hotaru started dancing with Kakashi.

Girl's A & B danced with Gaara and Kankuro.

Hajime danced with Temari.

Jiraiya danced with the student teacher T-A.

Gai danced with the other student teacher, T-B.

Lee danced with Girl C.

The CD switched to Kayne West; the song, **_"Gold Digger"_** and while the tempo of the dancing switched no one stopped.

_**-DINGDONGDINGDOONNNNG-**_

The class ignored the bell and finished out the song before packing everything away and saying goodbye.

* * *

"That was fun!" Naruto cried on the walk home, "Dancing here is so different from back home!" 

"I know!" Hotaru grinned, "Back there, it's sooooo slow! Here, we just let our bodies follow the rhythm of the music; fast or slow!"

Kakashi sidled up to Hotaru, "So…does this mean I'm forgiven?"

Hotaru looked up at him witheringly, "Not…by a long shot." She said dully, "You still have to do something for me."

Kakashi gulped, "And that would be?"

Hotaru grinned hugely, "Kiss Gai!"

Kakashi nearly fainted, "NO! Please, anything but that!" he begged.

"It's the only way I'll ever forgive you." Hotaru said simply, "If you don't do it, then you can for get me ever absolving you, Kakashi-perv."

Kakashi groaned, _"Do I really want to be forgiven? Is it really that important?" _

Hotaru looked up at him intently with her overlarge, child-like, ice-blue eyes.

"_Yes. Yes it is."_ He moaned internally.

He he walked over to Gai in a fashion most reminiscent of a death march and tapped him on the shoulder.

"Ah my etrnal rival!" Gai boomed, "What is-_**MMMPH!**_"

Kakashi tore his mouth away and wiped his lips roughly.

"Now you know some of my pain." Hotaru grinned, "You are forgiven!"

"Buh-buh-but whaddabout me?" Gai sputtered.

"Not my problem." Hotaru said glibly.

"**WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!**"

* * *

(A/N: Woo-hoo! That was a long one! Next time,Brothers reunited, a visit to the Uzumaki grave plot and...Hotaru's greatest fear revealed. A special prize will be rewarded to whomever guesses what it is correctly. R&R!) 


	14. Petnames, Big Phobias, & WTH is goin on?

(A/N: Hicha! Lady Hiran here! No recap this time! Thanks to my stupid Shoulder Angel, Mitsukai, my other personalities are all sick with a really bad cold. Thanks a bunch ya pushy, kentucky-fried bitch! Oh well. Onward and upward my friends!)

* * *

"Okay, hurry up and change! Then we can take y'all home!" Hajime said officiously. 

"We're goin'. We're goin'." Kankuro grumbled, "Yeesh, you'd think that you two couldn't wait to get rid of us."

"That is so-not-true!" Hotaru cried indignantly, glomping him around the shoulders, "We love the company!"

"Yeah. We just figured that you guys must be missin' yer friends an' family by now." Hajime said sheepishly, scratching the back of his head, "I mean, fer those who have'm." he said, dodging the glare Gaara shot his way.

"Oh." Shino said, "Well, that makes sense."

"I am startin' ta miss th' Ichiraku Noodle shop." Naruto sighed, "Not to mention Sakura-chan and Iruka-sensei."

"Now that that's all settled, go get changed! Shoo!" Hotaru said scoldingly, shooing them up the stairs.

"We're going! We're going! Yeesh!" Lee cried (internally doing a happy dance at the prospects of never having to see these psychopaths again).

* * *

Within the space of ten minutes, all were dressed and ready to go (Gaara, happy again with his gourd). 

"Looking good, Panda-chan!" Hotaru grinned.

"Why…do you insist…on calling me that, woman?" Gaara snapped frigidly

Hotaru blinked, "Why? Whuh-what do youmean…why?"

"Because, if it's all the same to you, I'd rather you stopped." Gaara snarled, eyes flashing angrily.

Hotaru looked as though she had been slapped.

"Of…of course…" she mumbled, shaking slightly, staring at the ground, "Stupid…should have known…idiot…If it bothers you…Gaara-san…I'll stop."

Hotaru raised her head and smiled, "Uh…um…if you all will excuse me…I just remembered…pressing matter…urgent…"

She stumbled out the front door.

* * *

"_IDIOT! STUPID! MORON! DUMBASS! AND I'M SUPPOSED TO BE THE SMART TWIN! HOW DENSE CAN I BE!"_ She screamed internally as the scenery around her became a colorful blur, _"Of COURSE he would be offended by that! He must think I was TEASING him! Because of the Shukaku! Because he can't SLEEP! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! STUPID!"_

There was a stump in Hotaru's path.

It was inevitable that she would trip over it.

"_**AIIEEE!**_" She shrieked.

**_-KA-KRAK-_**

Hotaru fell through the floor of a leveled building; into the basement.

"Unf!" She groaned.

She rubbed her hip and looked around.

A pair of eyes stared back at her.

"Uh…uh…uh…" she gasped, struggling for air.

"**_UWAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-AHAAAAAAA-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!_**"

A bobcat (a taxidermied one but still, there ya go! Her biggest fear is…duh-duh-duh-DUUHHHNN! Cats! Felinophobia! As for it's origin? YOU'LL HAFTA WAIT! NAHNAHNAHNAAAHNAH!) glared back at her, it's eyes burning with indescribable fury and bloodthirst.

Hotaru's heart began to race and the world went white.

Suddenly…

"**RRRRRRRROOOOOOWRRR!**"

* * *

"Huhh. Gaara, ya need ta understand. Hi-chan wasn' tryna be mean'er nuthin'." Hajime sighed, raking his fingers through his scalp, "She' only called ya Panda-chan as a way a showin' ya how much sh' likes ya. Sorta like th' way she calls me Ha-chan, and Gramps her Naru-pyon (**_HEY!_**) and Kakashi-san Kakashi-perv (Oh **COME _ON!_**). It's only outta affect-cha-HA!" 

Hajime didn't finish his sentence and lowered his hand.

"_**Oooooh**_ dear." He murmured.

"What?" Naruto asked, "What is it?"

"That is some serious demonic chakra being thrown around." Kakashi murmured.

"It's Hi-chan." Hajime groaned, "Somethin's got'er scared."

* * *

"It's this way." Hajime growled dashing through some bushes, "Aw, god**_DAMN_ IT**, this is bad." 

"Bad?" Temari asked as they ran along, "Why bad?"

"Because whenever Hotaru's fear becomes immeasurable…" Hajime began, flying through a patch of bushes and into the park, "…the kyuubi's fox persona takes partially over."

"It takes over?" Naruto cried, "Why does it do that?"

"'m not sure." Hajime grumbled, "I guess it's a lot like a protective vixen shielding her kits; the kyuubi doesn't want anything to put it's vessel in harms way."

"I see." Shino said slowly.

* * *

"**MRRROOWAAAWRRR!**" 

"What th'?" Kankuro cried.

"It's her." Jiraiya cried as a white, red, yellow. black (white and red-uniform top; yellow-kerchief; red-skirt; black-socks…she lost her shoes.) and blonde blur speeded toward them at inhuman velocity.

"**MYAAAAWWWRRRRRRRR!**" she roared, slashing at the air above the earth at their feet with her curse mark hand, fingers currently curved into claws.

"Whoa!" Naruto cried, leaping out of the way just in time.

The ground (and a few near by trees) were shredded to a quality comparable to that of excelsior paper.

"Gods…" Gaara murmured.

"She didn't even touch it." Lee spuutered.

"_HSSSSSSSS!_" she hissed, her eyes flashing a frightening fiery orange as she backed away from them and leapt into the topmost branches of a nearby tree (that she had missed).

Hotaru then began licking the back of her hand and cleaning herself.

"**Kyuuuu!**" She keeled, scratching an itch under her chin with her foot.

* * *

"This is reeeeeeally bad." Hajime groaned, looking aprehensively upward at his twin, "This's only happened twice before…and both times only dad could calm her down enough to bring 'er outta this beserker state!" 

"And your dad…is dead." Kankuro muttered.

"Meaning…" Gai moaned.

"We're screwed." Lee finished.

"In a big way, man." Temari grumbled.

* * *

Hotaru yawned foxishly and looked down, in a rather disinterested way, at the assemblage beneath her. Then…something caught her eye! The way it moved! So enticing! She…wanted…to…play-with-IT-YAAAAH! 

"**KYUUU!**" Hotaru keeled happily, leaping down from the tree happily after the butterfly that circled Shino lazily.

"Well…this is weird." Jiraiya said brightly as Hotaru scampered past him, intent on catching that butterfly.

"That would be the understatement of all time." Kankuro grumbled.

Temari sighed and lowered her head, noticing a grouping of familiar plants by her feet; an idea formed in her head.

"Hey, Kakashi?" Temari said quickly, "Does catnip affect foxes?"

"I-I'm not sure." Kakashi replied bewilderedly.

"Well nows a good time to find out!" Temari growled, bending down ripping up handfuls of the weed at her feet and hurling them at Hotaru.

* * *

"**Prrrt?**" Hotaru keeled questioningly, sniffing at the plant. 

(I researched into this; yes, foxes CAN in factbe effected by catnip!)

Hotaru's eyelids drooped and a sloppy, foxish smile crossed her lips.

"**MYEE-HEE!**" She cooed, abandoning her butterfly and rolling contentedly on the ground.

"This just keep's gettin' stranger and stranger." Naruto mumbled.

She rolled back onto her feet and launched herself at Kakashi.

"**Myooo!**" she keeled.

"Kakashi, my rival! **_LOOK OUT!_**" Gai cried.

* * *

**_-FMP-_**

"_Prrr-rrr-rr-rrrrr-rrr-rrr._"

Hotaru was curled up contently on Kakashi's lap, purring like a well tuned engine.

Hajime stared at Kakashi, "Huh…must be cause you're around th' same age dad was before he kicked th' bucket."

Hotaru nudged his hand with her head and Kakashi tentatively began to pet her.

Hotaru's purring doubled and she butted her skull against his palm as an indication to continue.

"Well…this is going to near the top of my list of weird shit." Kakashi said brightly as Hotaru yawned and began to doze off.

* * *

"Dude, if you value your life…move away from her now." Hajime muttered softly. 

"Huh?" Kakashi blinked as Hotaru already began to stir.

"_**Move dumbass!**_" Hajime hissed as Hotaru's overlarge blue eyes snapped open.

* * *

Hotaru took in her surroundings. 

She looked up at Kakashi and narrowed her ice blue orbs lividly.

"Uh…I-can-explain!" Kakashi said quickly.

"_Kakashi-perv_…" Hotaru growled, balling her hand into a shaking fist (veins popping, knuckles white), "Do me a favor….**_AND NEVER COME NEAR ME AGAIN!_**"

**_-FA-KAMMMMMMMM-_**

Hotaru punched Kakashi hard enough to send him flying into the stratosphere.

"Got a lot of force behind that one." Gaara commented.

"_**MEEP!**_" Hotaru yelped, scrambling to her feet, "Uh, I am sorry about taking off like that Gaara-san! I guess you would like to go home now, huh?"

"Panda-chan."

"What?"

"Just…just call me…Panda-chan…okay?" Gaara grumbled, "It's alright…so long as it's only one person. It just sounds too strange…you calling me Gaara-san…just stick to what you know...got it?"

Hotaru blinked, then smiled, "Okay, Panda-chan!"

She glomped him tightly, "Come on…let's get you home."

"What about Kaka-" Lee started but stopped when Hotaru gave him a glare that would have made Gaara proud to call her his descendant (if he only knew).

**_-FWASH-_**

* * *

_-fyuuuu…-_

_-uuuuuuu…-_

**_-BMMM-_**

"Owwwww…" Hajime groaned, "I'll never get used to these landings."

"Hey! Naruto! Welcome back!" Iruka smiled, clapping the fox-boy on the shoulder.

"Hey, Dobe-kun." Sasuke smirked.

"Hi Iruka-sensei and **DON'T CALL ME _DOBE_, SASUKE-TEME!**" Naruto finished in a shout from his current position (being glomped by Hotaru)

"Aww…Naru-pyon! Don't be so mean to Sasuke-jari." Hotaru said cheerfully (**_"jari"_**- means brat...hee hee! couldn't resist!).

Sasuke blinked, "Sasuke…jari?"

Hotaru grinned, "Yup! That's you!"

"She's taken a liking to him too, I see." Shino snickered from behind his collar.

"Poor guy." Lee said from his safe spot behind Gai.

"Why…are you calling me…Sasuke-jari?" Sasuke growled.

"Because I can!" Hotaru grinned.

Sasuke's knees almost gave out.

* * *

"Ah! Naruto! You're Back! Good!" 

Tsunade walked up to him and looked around, "Where's Kakashi?"

"He decided he's going to...investigate things in our time awhile longer." Hotaru lied.

"I see." Tsunade frowned, "But that makes this difficult for me. You see, Team Seven has visitors."

"Visitors?" Sasuke questioned, "Who are they?"

"I am not sure, but they are insistant on seeing all of you." Tsunade shrugged, "All their papers check out, too, so…"

"Alright. We'll go." Naruto grumbled.

"Not without us you're not." Hajime growled.

"Yeah, something about this smells bad." Hotaru scowled (still glomping Naruto).

"Alright, already." Sakura cried, strolling up to them, "Let's get a move on!"

* * *

The group strolled down a corridor and into an enclosed room without windows but with several oil lamps for light. 

Two figures, one unbelievably tall, one rather short, stood beneath heavy cloaks, faces hidden by hoods.

"Well, well, well…it's been far too long…don't you agree?" a deep, throaty male voice asked, sound emmanating from the taller figure.

"Uh…n-no…you-you're dead." Sakura mumbled, knees giving way.

"This…this is impossible." Sasuke muttered, pupils constricted from fear, "No way."

"It is quite possible…young Uchiha." A rather high pitched male voice responded from beneath the second hood.

The hoods were lowered.

* * *

"Haku…Zabuza…you…you're alive." Naruto murmured, face white. 

"Naturally." Zabuza smirked, "We faked our own deaths to set ourselves free."

"Faked your deaths?" Sakura sputtered, "_**YOU WERE STABBED!**_" she shrieked, pointing a quivering finger at Haku.

"And I watched you take twenty swords in the back." Sasuke growled.

"**THERE'S _NO WAY_ YOU COULDA SURVIVED THAT!**" Naruto cried, arm whipping around out of agitation.

"There, there." Hajime smiled sheepishly, patting his ancestor on the head.

"Don't get your boxers in a wad." Hotaru smiled, glomping Sasuke.

"We made sure to take the blows in pressure points that would simulate death." Zabuza sneered supieriorly.

"We wanted to check up on all of you." Haku smiled childishly, "But it seems as though there is one missing from your number."

"Yes, where is Kakashi?" Zabuza asked.

"Pfft, that perverted bastard?" Hotaru growled, chin resting on Sasuke's head, "I do belive he's floating up somewhere near Jupiter."

"Hi-chan…ya know it was an accident." Hajime sighed, "Let it go."

"Never!" Hotaru snarled, whipping her head around to face him.

"And who are you two if you don't mind my asking?" Haku asked with a smile.

Hotaru glanced at him and a faint blush filled her cheeks and dusted the bridge of her nose; her eyes sparkled.

* * *

**_-TACKLEGLOMP-_**

"Ohmy**_GOD_**! You're just too cute." Hotaru sighed blissfully.

"Uh…um…wh-why thank you." Haku replied politely.

Naruto now had to know. It was something he hadn't known when HE had first met Haku…would his descendant be able to tell the difference?

"Oi, Hotaru?" Naruto called, "Just a question, but do you think Haku is a boy or a girl?"

"Oh he's definitely a boy!" Hotaru said, not missing a beat.

"**GEH**!" Naruto balked, "_**Howdidju-!**_"

"He's got the same problem my brother does!" Hotaru grinned, "He's really feminine about the face! It throws people! I've got my brother, so I have a natural instinct for these things!"

"I see." Haku said, inwardly thankful. Finally, someone besides Zabuza who could tell at first glance.

"Besides-" Hajime cut in, "He doesn't have these."

**_-GOOSH-_**

"**_AIIYAAAH!_**" Hotaru shrieked as her brother came up behind her and grabbed her breasts (I've actually born witness to my best friend's twin brother doing this to her…in front of her boyfriend; she wasted him…hehehehe).

"Hajime! You creep!" Hotaru screeched, punching him in the back of the head with one hand (which sent him flying face first into a wall) while still glomping onto Haku with the other armand saying a silent prayer that Jiraiya wasn't somewhere in the room.

* * *

"You still haven't given us a proper introduction." Zabuza coughed. 

Hotaru's face was still flushed in rage, angry tears dancing in the corners of her eyes, "Eh? Oh! Right!" she said (a little sharply because she's still pissed)

"I'm Hajime." The blonde boy sighed, rubbing his nose painfully, "And the blonde bimbo pedophile attached to your partner is my twin sister Hotaru."

"Shut up, **_Ass Master!_**" Hotaru snapped (now it's on)

"**Whore Monger!**" Hajime snarled, his eyes narrowing.

"**_FAT BASTARD!_**" Hotaru shouted, releasing her grip on Haku in favor of balled up fists.

"**BACK ALLEY BITCH!**" Hajime yelled, facing turning red with fury.

"**_PUS SPEWING RECTAL WART!_**" Hotaru roared, knuckles turning white.

* * *

"Oh great." Sakura sighed, "Here they go again." 

"What's going on?" Haku asked, truly confused.

"Don't even try." Naruto said, giving the boy a reassuring pat on the shoulder.

"It just makes your head hurt." Sasuke sighed.

"And this is normal for them?" Zabuza asked aloud.

* * *

"**CHICKEN FUCKER!**" Hajime howled, so livid he couldn't see straight 

"**_MOTHER FUCKING SUNNAVABITCH!_**" Hotaru screamed, very close to snapping.

Then Hajime pulled out…"The Big Guns"

"**CRACK-WHORE-MONTHLY COVERGIRL!**" Hajime bellowed.

_-pok…pokpokpokpok-_

_**-SNNNNNNAAAAPP-**_ (the sound of Hotaru's common sense flying out the window)

"**_THAT'S_**…**_IT!_**" Hotaru roared.

Hotaru lunged for Hajime and the two became a blur of legs and arms as the punched, kicked, kneed, and clawed at one another; animalistic screams, hisses and growls emanated from the churning mass.

* * *

"Uh…don't you think we should stop them?" Haku asked worriedly as the thrashing mass that was the screaming, fighting Uzumaki Twins careened into a a rather expensive looking statue (and kept right on going). 

"You're more than welcome to try." Sasuke smirked as he stepped aside as they wrestled their way past him, yelling animalistic shrieks and hisses as they passed.

Zabuza, tired of this, grabbed a janitorial bucket (filled nearly to the top with soiled water) and dumped it's content over the fighting pair.

**_-PA-LOOOSHHHHH-_**

"**_GAFF!_ HAKHAKHAK!**" Hajime sputtered.

"_**HUK!** KOFKOFKOF!_" Hotaru gagged.

The two not only were drenched, but were covered with newly formed bruises, scratches and cuts.

* * *

Hajime's lip was split and swollen in several places; his cheek, jaw and nose had dark, purple-yellow bruises forming; blood dripped from his nostrils; his shirt ripped and torn; his pecs covered with deep, bloody gashes; his arms, neck, and ear were covered with bites that were dripping with blood; blood trickled down from his scalp from deep scratches. 

Hotaru's top was now missing a sleeve and was slightly torn at the collar; her skirt was ripped up the hip; one pigtail was almost non-existant; blackish-blue bruises covered her legs; deep, bleeding cuts sliced across her shoulder; her left eye had disappeared behind a huge shiner; blood dripped from her lips; a laceration sliced its way across her eyebrow; a rather large, bloody bite was on her ankle.

* * *

"Aww…whadja do that for? Hajime scowled as the scratches in his scalp began healing, wiping some blood out of his eyes. 

"Why?" Sakura gaped, taking in the damage, "Whaddya mean why?"

"We were having fun." Hotaru pouted as her black eye began healing itself, switching the blood from the nearly repaired laceration on her eyebow away.

"Well…try to find a new way to have fun." Sasuke sighed, surveying the damage to pair had done to the room, "Preferably a way that's less destructive?"

Hotaru gave Sasuke a sulky look and tackle glomped him.

"Sasukeeeeee…" Hotaru whined, "Don't act older than you are!"

"And how should I act?" Sasuke snarled, "Like Naruto? My entire family was-!"

"Killed." Hajime supplied, "Slaughtered by your elder brother butcha know-"

"-By acting like this you're only-" Hotaru continued the sentence Hajime started.

"Playin' right into-" Hajime picked up where Hotaru left off (BRRRR! The freaky twin thing!)

"-Your brother's hands." Hotaru finished, "Your acting according to your brother's will. You are unhappy, which is is just what he wants. You are allowing him to control you. Scary thought, huh?"

"So think for yourself! Don't let that prick influence you, dude!" Hajime said.

"O…okay?" Sasuke said (he's officially confused)

"**_Good!_**" Hotaru smiled, "C'mon! I want to sat good bye to Hina-chan before we go back and find Kakashi-perv."

The two walked out of the room and Naruto quickly followed them saying, "Trouble follows those two like the plague."

* * *

Hotaru and Hajime had barely stepped out of the room when they ran into someone familiar (at least…he should have been familiar). 

"Uh…hi!" Hotaru said brightly.

"Who're you again?" Hajime asked boredly.

Uchiha Itachi glared down at them, "You…" he growled, "You make a mockery of the Akatsuki…and you dare to forget my face?"

"**_Heyeeeee!_**" Hotaru said excitedly, "Ha-chan! You know who he looks like? He looks just like Sasuke-jari!"

"I should." Itachi growled, losing patience quickly, "I'm…his…brother!"

The two palmed their fists and then grinned at him hugely before turning on their heels and running like deer, curse mark pals reaching for one another…

…careening headlong into Naruto, Gaara, Haku, Zabuza, and Sasuke; Itachi's fingers encircling around Hajime's shoulder as their marks connected.

**_-FWASH-_**

* * *

Kakashi stumbled around the forest, muttering angrily iunder his breath as he finally made his wait when… 

_-fyuuuu…-_

_-uuuuuuu…-_

**_-BMMM-_**

"**OWWWW!AH SHIT_-_MY BACK!**"

* * *

(A/N: Sasuke and Itachi are now trapped in Hajime in Hotaru's time and because of severe Chakra depletion, the gang's stuck there for three days! Will Hotaru and Hajime be able to play dodgeball "Uchiha-style" and keep major distance between these fueding brothers? And what about the others? What will become of them in the chaos of...**_DUN-DUN-DUNNNNNN!_** Yuzurihayama's Homecoming Week? R&R dudes!) 


	15. Cheerleaders, Football and BRRR!

(A/N: Hicha! Lady Hiran's back! Sorry this took so long! I've been laid out with Pneumonia ya see! So without any further recaps, READ ON!)

* * *

"Ah, man that really hurt."

Hotaru and Hajime looked around to see who had landed where.

Naruto, Haku, Gaara and Zabuza had landed on top of Kakashi (he was the screamer at the end of Ch. 14)

Sasuke was currently backed up against a tree his eyes wide, pupils constricted, face white as Itachi loomed over him.

It didn't take a rocket scientist to put two and two together.

* * *

"Hey Ha-chan." She said rather loudly, "Today is the twenty third, right?"

"Yup." Hajime nodded, "Why dya ask?"

"Because, **_dickhead_**, it means I have cheer practice for the **_Homecoming Game_**." Hotaru said, looking her twin pointedly.

Hajime caught on.

"**_Riiiight_**." He nodded, "And I have football."

"Zabuza? Would you mind too terribly if I borrowed Haku-rei?" Hotaru asked, smiling, "I promise I'll bring him back in one piece."

(Haku: White; Rei: Spirit)

Zabuza looked over at the effeminate boy, "It's up to you."

"I'll go." Haku smiled, "It could be fun."

"Panda-chan, Naru-pyon? You want to come?" Hotaru asked the jinchuriki.

Naruto grinned and gave her a thumbs up.

Gaara gave a silent nod.

"Sasuke-jari? You're coming whether you want to or not." Hotaru said simply, walking over to the young Uchiha (blocking Itachi from view) and lifting Sasuke somewhat roughly to his feet by his bicep.

She pulled Sasuke along to join the boys who would be accompying her.

"Uchiha? YOU are going with my brother, Zabuza and Kakashi-perv." Hotaru smiled at Itachi (in a way that was surprisingly creepy in how fake it was), "If get even the slightest inclination that you haven't…I'll track you down, wherever you may be, and throw you over the fence of the nearest prison and let the prisoners have their way with you."

With the threat of being raped by sex starved convicts hanging over his head, Itachi nodded mutely.

Hotaru grinned genuinely.

"Come on brats!" Hotaru whooped as they made their way out of the park., "We have to make a quick stop first!"

* * *

"Toss him over a prison wall, huh?" Kakashi muttered, rubbing the sore spots along his spine.

"Original to say the least." Zabuza smirked.

"…she wouldn't have the-" Itachi began.

"Dude." Hajime said, givingthe elder Uchiha Brothera serious look, devoid of mirth, "She'll do it. She's done before. She'll do it again."

* * *

_Ten minutes later_...

"Wow! You guys look great!" Hotaru cried, "I knew this was the way to go!"

Hotaru had made a stop at local shop and had outfitted the boys and herself (her clothes are pretty much trashed) in clothing befitting the current time period.

Naruto wore a pair of very baggy blue jeans (a few chains) a dark blue t-shirt beneath a oversized, orange sports jacket (unzipped) and black **_Vans_**

Sasuke was decked out almost entirely in dark blue. A dark blue overlarge button up (unbuttoned) over an even darker blue tee. A pair of rather baggy khakis and dark blue **_Vans_** completed the outfit.

Gaara wore a black worded tee that read, _"YOU LAUGH NOW…BUT WILL YOU STILL BE LAUGHING WHEN I CRAWL OUT FROM UNDER YOUR BED?"_ A pair of verrrrry baggy black jeans, covered with zippers, pockets and chains. A pair of combat boots finished the outfit.

Haku sported a pair of fitted jeans, a deep maroon turtle neck sweater that was also fitted. He had allowed his long hair to fly free and a pair of simple white **_Nike's_** were on his feet.

Hotaru was current wearing an out fit that would have made even the most conservative guy's jaw drop. A skin tight, long sleeved number with horizontal stripes of varying widths, a pair of **_Daisy Dukes_**, knee length socks with red sports stripes and white **_K-Swiss_**.

* * *

As the quintet walked down the streets they really made heads turn.

Hotaru looked at Haku with colossal, childlike ice-blue eyes.

"Yep. You are in truhhh-bull." Hotaru sighed, shaking her blonde head sympathetically.

"Huh?" Haku blinked, "Wh-whaddyou mean…trouble?"

"You're so pretty, Haku-rei." Hotaru sighed, "Just like my brother. I'd bet you could make even a man's heart pound with a face like that."

(Naruto looked like he had been stabbed)

"Now I'm warning you, as a friend, that the creatures we are about to encounter, while not dangerous, are provoked by cute things...such as yourselves." Hotaru said, smirking wickedly, "They pinch, poke, tickle and have a shriek that is sometimes fatal to those hear it!"

The boys paled a little bit as they approached the gymnasium doors of Yuzurihayama.

"I've given you warning," Hotaru snickered, "Now prepare to face the creatures known only as…**_CHEERLEADERS!_**"

**_-SKWEEEE-KAK-

* * *

_**

At the sound of the doors opening, twenty girls around Hotaru age turned to see who was entering and…

"_**AAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!**_"

_-RRRMMMBLLLRRMMMBBLLRMMMBLLRRRMMMBLLLRRMMMBBLLRMMMBLL-_

"**_OHM'GOD!_**"

"_**THEY'RE SOOOOOOOOOOOOO KYOOT!**_"

"Such soft skin!"

"I'd kill for hair like this!"

(They've gotten their plastic nails into Haku and Sasuke obviously; well…she warned them)

"Hi-chan where'd you get your hands on such cuties?" Girl D asked, snuggling her face against Naruto's hair.

"They're my cousins." Hotaru smiled.

'_(Lying is bad you know!)' _

'_((Shutit, Shoulder Angel!))'_

"Duh-uhh!" Girl A cried, currently hugging Gaara (who was trying desperately to get free), "How could they **_NOT_** be?"

"Yup." Girl B nodded, "They're **_SOOOO_** adorable! They couldn't be related to anyone else!"

"Ha…ha ha ha…th-thanks…I guess…" Hotaru laughed uneasily, "Um…While I'm sure the boys enjoy the attention (yeah right) I have to get them settled and getinto uniform."

"Yes, ma'am." The cheerleaders sulked, releasing the young Shinobi.

"Right this way boys." Hotaru grinned as she led them to the bleachers.

* * *

"Oh…my god…" Gaara shuddered, "It was awful…their hands were everywhere…the overpowering stench of perfume…the high pitched giggling…"

"There, there, Panda-chan." Hotaru said comfortingly, hugging him and stroking his hair a little, "It's all over."

"Hey, Hotaru?" Sasuke as he took a seat, "Why did you bring me along?"

Sasuke's mind still lingered on Itachi.

Hotaru regarded him thoughtfully before ruffling his hair and smiled.

"Silly Sasuke-jari." Hotaru chuckled, "What a question to ask!"

"Hotaru? How long is this gonna take?" Naruto asked as Hotaru removed her hand from atop Sasuke's head.

"Don't worry. Practice shouldn't take more than an hour. Then we can goof off the rest of the day." Hotaru grinned.

She strode off.

* * *

"God'm glad we finally found a place with clothes in yer size." Hajime sighed, "People were really startin' t' stare."

Zabuza snorted, "Not my fault."

It had taken the greater part of an hour to simply locate an establishment that carried clothing for one as tall Zabuza (Kakashi wore one of Uzumaki's deceased father, Ryuunosuke's outfits; Itachi had to physically restrained and forced into one)

Itachi sulked in pair of faded black jeans with holes in the knees. An oversized black tee with a red skull was worn over a long sleeved white tee and a pair of red high tops were on his feet.

Kakashi wore a long sleeved black turtle neck with his jounin vest thrown over it. Blue jeans and a pair of dingy tennis shoes finished the outfit. (He's currently paging thru _'Come Come Paradise'_)

Zabuza was sporting a pair of camouflage pants, a black wife beater and combat boots.

Hajime was in his football gear.

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever." Hajime smirked, "We hafta get a move on tho'. If I'm late, Coach'll have my ass on a platter. Andja already know I'll blame you fer makin' me late, so if ya don't want me fillin' yer nose and mouth with stink bugs, ya better hurry yer asses up!"

The time traveling shinobitripled their pace.

* * *

They arrived with two minutes to spare Kakashi and the men found seats in the bleachers (that weren't occupied by Hajime's fangirls) and settled in.

"**UZUMAKI!**" A beefy (four foot nothing) man bellowed, "Cuttin' it close, AS USUAL!"

"Sorry sir." Hajime replied mildly (doesn't sound a bit sorry), "Won't happen again." (liar)

"Yeah, yeah." The man growled, "Just get out there."

"Yes sir." Hajime smirked.

* * *

"So Kakashi, have your brats improved at all?" Zabuza asked sneeringly.

"Quite a bit actually." Kakashi replied from over his book, "I do believe Sakura would be an even match for Haku now."

"Hn…I highly doubt that." Itachi snickered, "From the way my fool of a brother wascowering I highly doubt they're a match for the Demon of the Hidden Mist...let alone me."

"Really now?" Kakashi asked mildly, not looking up from the pages of _'Come Come Paradise'_, "Naruto's descendant's seem to be more than a match for you and your men."

Itachi gave an involuntary twitch, "I won't even honor that with a response."

Zabuza smirked, "Naruto's descendants? Konohagakure's number one, Hyperactive, knuckle-head ninja? Itachi…tsk tsk tsk. Those two aren't even in my bingo book."

Itachi looked very close to snapping.

* * *

_Meanwhile, back with the cheerleaders…_

"**_R-O-W! D-WHYEEE! THAT'S THE WAY WE GET ROWDY! ROWDY! LET'S GET ROWDY! WOO! R-O-W! D-WHYEEE! THAT'S HOW-YA GET ROWDY! ROWDY! LET'S GET ROWDY! WOO!_**"

"Oww…my eeeeearrrss!" Naruto moaned, hands clamped over the auditory receptors.

_"How can something so tiny be so loud?"_ Haku wondered, palms likewise compressed over his ears.

Gaara and Sasuke had taken to ducking beneath the bleachers to avoid the blaring sound of deafening cheering (although it was in vain)

* * *

"Great job today all!"

Hotaru and the others all began filing into a room labeled Girl's Lockers.

"Uh…guys?" Sasuke said uneasily, "What do we do if Hotaru-san doesn't come out first?"

There was a nervous silence.

* * *

"Huh? Hey! Where'd the cuties get to?" Girl B asked poutily.

"Yeah! They were here just a second ago!" Girl G muttered.

"Oh well." Girl A sighed, "Hi-chan will be pretty worried when she finds out, though."

The horde of hormone charged cheerleaders strode out of the gym.

* * *

Hotaru jogged out of the Locker Room, back in normal dress, hair in long, loose braids now.

It only took her moments to locate the boys chakra.

"Boys? Ready to go?" she called up into the lights.

Haku, Sasuke, Gaara and Naruto looked down.

"Yeh-ehss." They called.

"Good! We're going to the food court in Shibuya for lunch!" Hotaru grinned.

* * *

"Yo! We're out!" Hajime yelled into the stands, "I'm hungry and I'm treatin' y'all ta lunch!"

"Nice." Zabuza smirked (Zabuza DOESN'T SMILE!)

"…yeah…right…nice…just looking for an opportunity to poison me." Itachi grumbled.

"About time! My stomach was starting to eat itself!" Kakashi smiled.

* * *

Hotaru scanned the plaza, holding Haku's hand in her left, and Sasuke's hand in her right (a gang had attempted to take advantage of them only moments before so she wasn't taking any chances now) she had asked Haku to hold Naruto's hand and for Sasuke to hold Gaara's (as it seemed the more doable arrangement)

"Now where…" she mumbled, standing on her tiptoes, looking over shoulders.

"HA! An open table!" She whooped, dragging the time-traveling Shinobi along.

As they made their way to said table, they passed a couple, making out in a BIG way.

Sasuke and Haku felt Hotaru shudder suddenly as she looked at them.

"Ohhhh-sweet-mother-of-all-things-great-and-small-please-don't-let-them-have-kids." Hotaru breathed sharply as they walked by and sat down at the table.

Naruto had no idea why he was inclined to agree with her.

"Why don't you think those two should have children?" Gaara asked, though he had felt the same feeling of dread pass through him as well.

"**_Because!_**" Hotaru said harshly, whipping her white blonde braids to face him, "There's a part of your brain that retains your primal instinct, you know? And it just knows that he's **_'deehh'_** and she's **_'deehh'_** and sotheir kid's going to be…? **_'DEEHH-DEHEH-DEEEHHHH!'_**"

Naruto and Haku nearly doubled over with laughter because Hotaru had said all this with a perfectly straight face.

Sasuke nearly lost it and began breathing exercises.

Gaara began to quake with silent laughter.

The time travelers couldn't hold back anymore; they almost fell out of their seats from laughing so hard.

"Now you know, and now I'm starving." Hotaru declared, "Time for food."

* * *

Across the city, Hajime was leading the men into one of his more frequent haunts.

"Oi! Hajime, 'sup?"

"Yo, Tsume! Waz hap'nen?" Hajime cried.

* * *

**Name**:Inuzuka Tsume

**Alias**: Suka-chan (another word for moron; a rather mean nickname given to him by Hotaru)

**Age**:17

**Height**: 6' 3"

**Weight**:190

**Eyes**:Gold

**Hair**: Dark Brown

**Personality**: Sachiko's boyfriend. Very wild and out there. He used to be part of a street gang until Sachiko convinced him otherwise. Violent and easily offended (sounds alot lot

like someone we all know and love, huh?) he loves a good fight and has an

uncanny way with dogs. Is streetwise (which comes in rather handy when saving

your rather naive girlfriend, doncha think?) and has an insatiable sweet tooth.

* * *

"Nuthin' much." Tsume smirked, raking his fingers back through his messy brown hair, "Sachiko almost got mugged again cuz she walked down th' wrong street…ya know, nuthin' new."

"Sheesh, that girl has got ta getta clue." Hajime sighed, grabbing a chair and flipping it around backwards before sitting down.

"Watch it, dude." Tsume growled, throwing a wet towel at Hajime.

"Chill dude. Just chill." Hajime groaned, his stomach growling loudly as he tossed the towel back, "I'm too hungry ta fightcha right now. Just gimme two a th' usual, 'kay?"

"Gotcha." Tsume said, walking into the back.

* * *

"What's 'your usual'?" Zabuza asked, hooking a nearby chair with is foot and taking a seat at the table.

"A deep dish pizza with the works." Hajime mumbled into the formica tabletop.

Itachi snorted, "My, aren't we the lively one?"

Hajime turned his just enough to look up at the Uchiha elder, "Shut up."

"Make me." Itachi smirked.

Hajime's hand shot up, latched onto Itachi's wrist and in the space it takes to blink, he was sitting on the older mans back, holing onto one arm and clamping his mouth shut with a curse mark-ed palm.

"There. I just did." Hajime grunted, stomach growling in protest, "Just cuz'm hungry, doesn't mean I've slowed down any…ass."

Itachi glared from his spot on the floor.

"My, how the mighty have fallen." Zabuza snickered.

"Weren't you the one going on about destroying him and his sister while he was at practice?" Kakashi smiled.

Itachi sulked and Hajime grinned triumphantly through his hunger pains.

"Order up!" Tsume called.

"Salvation at last!" Hajime sang.

* * *

(A/N: Hotaru and Hajime manage to makke it through the day, but how will they manage to keep these brother's seperated during the Homecoming Game and Dance? And hey! How come you didn't address the Chakra Depletion this chappie? ((Authoress-**_I'M WORKIN' ON IT! I'M WORKIN' ON IT!_** I've had pneumonia for two weeks! **_YEESH-LOU-EESH!_**)) Anyhoo, and...your gonna have **WHAT**happen? _**Ohhh**_, so the Romance portion of the program's **FINALLY** coming into play ((rolls eyes)) R&R!)


	16. Homecoming Tramarama

(A/N: Sorry this took so long! My computer died and had to go into the shop! But now it's back and I repay your patience with an extra long chappie! Enjoy!)

* * *

"I thought I already told you, it can't…be…done." Hotaru emphasized the last few words to the fuming elder Uchiha brother sitting next to her on the couch. 

Itachi was only moments away from the breaking point and Haku had taken the liberty of grabbing both Sasuke and Naruto by the hands and flee from the room.

Gaara, wanting to have no part in something so foolish, had casually strolled up tha stairs about half an hour earlier and raided Hotaru's bookcase; he now was lounging comfortably on her bed, Tanpopo curled in a ball on his back, reading _'Where the Sidewalk Ends'_.

"And I thought I told you, woman, you can and will do it or so help me I'll-!" Itachi's voice rose with each word.

Hotaru suddenly leaned forward on both hands causing the Akatsuki leader to lean backward out of disconcertion of having his personal space bubble broken.

"Okay, you're so smart." She said snidely, "Why don't you open up those Sharingan for a minute or two and tell me what you see?"

Itachi glared at her through blood red eyes scanning the sunny blonde sixteen year old and finding himself pleasantly surprised at what he found…or didn't find.

"Nothing." He said, mild surprise filling his voice as well as a faint pink tinge, "Not a thing."

"Exactly…dumbass." Hotaru said punching him in the back of the head, "Nothing. Nadda. Zip. Zero. The Big Cheerio."

She pushed herself away from him and switched herself onto her feet.

"I'm sure Kakashi-perv and Zabu-chan noticed." Hotaru said witheringly, giving Itachi a very belittling look, "Ha-chan and I have been completely drained since the last stunt."

"Last stunt?" Itachi raised an eyebrow, "What are you talking about, woman?"

Hotaru got within two inches of his nose and smiled at him in an extremely creepy, plastic, Barbie Doll fashion.

"I mean, smart one, the last trip through time you so…kindly and spontaneously prompted." She grinned, grinding her fingers into his scalp viciously, "So until me and Hajime have a chance to recharge, **_you're-stuck-here_**."

Hotaru shoved hard and Itachi flew head over feet over the back of the sofa, landing on his stomach.

* * *

Haku, Sasuke and Naruto peeked around the entry to the room. 

"Wow…sweet, dude." Naruto muttered.

Sasuke nodded in agreement, the faintest flickers of a smile dancing across his lips.

Haku looked at them both and shook his head sadly.

* * *

In the kitchen, Hajime, Zabuza and Kakashi lounged about, eating leftovers. 

Hajime tilted his head towards the living room, as though listening.

"Mm. Sounds like that idiot managed ta piss'er off again." Hajime sighed.

"Oh well." Zabuza shrugged, taking another bite of leftover cake, "Not my problem."

Kakashi didn't reply, thoroughly engrossed in _'Come Come Paradise'_ and chewing happily on a blueberry muffin.

"Ha-**_chaaaaann?_**" Hotaru called from the living room (Itachi is currently truning blue from the strangle-hold she has him in)

"**_What?_**" Hajime yelled back, walking to the pantry and grabbing a bag of potato chips.

"**_Are you all set for tonight?_**" she hollered back (Itachi broke free and dashed through the kitchen)

"**_Yeah!_**" he yelled back, grabbing Itachi by the back of the shirt, "**_Why?_**"

"Because, you didn't forget what tomorrow is, did you?" Hotaru asked, strolling into the kitchen and retrieving Itachi from her brother, "Thank you!" she smiled, dragging him back into the living room.

"Yeah, I remember." Hajime said languidly as Itachi, red faced and angry, dashedpast him anddown the basement stairs.

"Well as long as you didn't forget to outfit these guys." Hotaru said, striding casually back into the kitchen and snatching up the chip bag from her brother.

* * *

"**_Hey!_**" He growled as she replaced it with a glass of milk. 

"Your brittle bones need the calcium." She snickered, piching his side.

"_**Ya-ha!**_" Hajime yelped, fighting back a laugh, "**_Hotaru! _Knock it off!**"

"Drink your milk!" Hotaru called over her shoulder as she hopped easily up the stairs.

* * *

Haku walked into the kitchen with Sasuke and Naruto in tow. 

Naruto was grinning broadly, tears dancing in the corners of his eyes; he had just finished laughing.

Sasuke had the oddest smirk on his face…no, wait…it was…**A SMILE!** (le' GASP!)

Haku looked unsure of whether he should laugh or not.

"Whaddid she do?" Hajime asked boredly (drinking his milk like a good, younger twin)

"It was **_sooo_ FUNNY!**" Naruto cried, "She used some kind of technique on him tomake his arms and legs all floopy! Then she swooped him off the ground and started rockin' him back and forth singin', _**'"Rock-a-bye baaby! On the tree toop! When the wind bloows! The cradle will roock!"'**_"

Sasuke couldn't speak. He forced himself to look at the floor to keep himself from actually laughing.

"Then she made him mobile again." Haku said, still looking torn, "And he ran out of the room, looking mortified."

Zabuza snickered, "Ahh, I can't believe I missed it."

Kakashi snapped his fingers in disappointment, "What a wasted opportunity."

"Oh, well. There's always t'morrow." Hajime shrugged.

* * *

Hotaru walked into her room and blinked once or twice. 

Gaara appeared to be sleeping, her fox kit dozing on his back.

She smiled and wlaked over to remove the book from his hand when…

"…'m not sleeping." Gaara muttered, turning his head to look at her.

"Sorry." Hotaru smiled sheepishly, "I almost forgot, you have the Shukaku locked within you. You can't sleep."

"Mm." Gaara nodded.

Hotaru removed Tanpopo from Gaara's back without waking her and placed him on her lap.

* * *

"I can't begin to understand how horrid that must be." She said, staring at the sleeping fox, "After all, I have the Kyuubi sealed within me. Hajime on the other hand, could relate. After all, **_he's_** the one who inherited the Shukaku." 

Gaara's head snapped up, "What wazzat?"

"I seh-ehd...Ihave the Kyuubi sealed within myself…and the Shukaku is locked within Hajime." Hotaru repeated.

"That's just not possible." Gaara growled, "He slee-"

"Sleeps…with a number of seals that he can never remove." Hotaru interjected, "Ever."

Gaara blinked, "Really?"

"Really really." Hotaru smiled.

"I never would of thought that your brother of all people would house…" Gaara paused, "Or that you would…"

"That shocking, huh?" Hotaru grinned, "Weelllll...don't let it bother you. You would have learned the truth sooner or later. I prefer sooner to later, don't you?"

She stood up laughing and Gaara stared at her in amazement.

"How?" he murmured, "How can you stay so happy?"

"Hm?" she looked at him, "What do you mean?"

"You've been cursed to carry a demon because of the selfishness of your forefathers!" Gaara spat, "Doesn't that infuriate you even slightly?"

"Well, sure it did at first." Hotaru shrugged, "But why linger on it? It only let's some unseen force, I.E. the demon, control me. I don't like the idea of someone or something else besides myselfcontrolling me, do you? I don't. So I live my life the way I like and don't give a damn what anyone else thinks."

Gaara gazed at her in shock, unable to believe that the nonsense she just spouted had made a little sense.

"Now, I'll let you get back to your reading." Hotaru grinned, skipping out the door, "Shel Silverstien is a really funny poet, don't you agree?"

Gaara just stared after her, mouth agape.

* * *

_The Next Day…_

"Explain to me what we're doing again?" Sasuke asked, sitting to the right of Kakashi (the seat furthest from Itachi, who had been dragged along against his will under threat of rape by convicts) on the cool bleachers amidst screaming, grease-paint smeared, sign-waving fans.

"According to Hajime and Hotaru, rooting on Hajime's team, The Yuzurihayama Screamin' Demons, to victory." Kakashi said mildly, not looking up from his book as a huge fight broke out between fans from Yuzurihayama and fans from the visitor school, Kawagakure (Hidden River) behind him.

"My, the energy in the air is so thick." Haku commented as a shoe flew over his head.

"I would have to agree with you." Zabuza snickered as the shoe's owner soon followed.

Naruto was focused on the game (oh…my…**_LORD!_** Naruto? _FOCUSING?_ _**THE WORLD AS WE KNOW ITIS ENDING!**_ **RUN FOR THE BOMB SHELTERS!**)

* * *

Hajime caught the snap and shouted, "**_Go long!_**...**_Go long!_**" 

The Full back wasn't going far enough.

"**AW, _SCREW IT!_ I'LL DO IT MYSELF!**" Hajime snarled, heaving the ball across the field.

With one hand, he shoved lineman after lineman out of the way before catching his own pass at the endzone.

_-"TOUCHDOWN YUZURIHAYAMA!"-_ boomed over the loud speakers.

The fans surrounding the time travelers was deafening, but no where near as loud as the cheer squad.

"**_LET'S-GO-FIGHT!_** **(CLAP)** **_WIN-TO-NIGHT!_** **(CLAP)**" they bellowed.

Itachi stuck a finger in his ear and popped it several times, "Damn…how can anything that little be that loud?"

"Apparently it's possibly." Gaara grunted as the game endedand the Screamin' Demons we're declared the winners.

* * *

Hotaru and Hajime, still in uniform appeared next to Sasuke and Itachi, serious looks on their faces. 

"We gotta move. Now." Hajime hissed, hooking Itachi's arm and beginning to drag him along.

"Huh? Why so soon?" Sasuke asked, eyes widening in surprise as Hotaru hefted him over her shoulders like a sack of potatoes.

"Because, Kawagakure's pissed that they lost." Hotaru said sternly, grabbing Kakashi's shirt sleeve and pulling him out of his seat, "And riots are breaking out."

"Ah." Haku nodded understandingly, taking the hand offered to him by Hajime.

"Besides, we have less than an hour to get you guys ready and we have to leave early." Hajime said as they flitted through the near empty streets to their house.

"Why?" Naruto asked, eyes filled with confusion.

"Because the goddamn student body voted Ha-chan and myself Homecoming King and Queen." Hotaru replied, making a face, "Can anyone say, 'incest'?"

Hajime shuddered, "Brrr. Man, their minds are sick."

* * *

Gaara's face paled. 

Haku blanched slightly.

Naruto just looked around for answers (not knowing what incest was)

Kakashi just shook his head.

Sasuke and Itachi shared a brief, sickened look.

Zabuza snickered.

"Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto asked, "What's-"

"You're better off not know." Kakashi said quickly,patting Naruto on the head.

"C'mon. We have to get dressed." Haku said, his voice going up a decibel or two from stress.

"Th-that's right!" Sasuke chimed, his voice cracking from anxiety, "Let's go!"

Gaara nodded vigorously.

All three grabbed him and dragged the thrashing boy who was still crying, "Aw, c'mon! TELL ME!" up the stairs.

"We may as well." The elder men shrugged, retreating to their rooms to dress.

* * *

"How much longer?" Naruto whined. 

"Not much further. Relax, Naru-pyon!" Hotaru smiled cheerfully.

The group sat in the expansive back seat of a limo in very formal attire.

Hajime, Haku, Gaara, Naruto, Itachi (dragged along), Kakashi, Zabuza and Sasuke were all dressed in black tuxedos (it had taken a lot of negotiating with Naruto to talk him out of a hideous orange one) with all wearing ties in assorted colors (none of which were orange).

Haku, Itachi and Hajime had their hair pulled back; Haku's in a braid; Hajime and Itachi in ponytails.

Gaara, Sasuke, Naruto Zabuza and Kakashi had slicked their hair back.

* * *

No one knew what Hotaru was wearing as she wore a very fluffy, blue faux fur coat that stopped at the knees, and only showed about seven inches of glittering skirt that stopped just above the ankles and had a slit on the right as well as a pair of rhinestone-encrusted stiletto sandals. 

She wore her hair up in a very interesting crisscrossing design that ended in a very short ponytail and had parted her bangs to the side. Decorative chopstick, with diamonds covering the ends (family heirloom) where artfully placed in her hairdo as well as three tiny rhinestone clips, each containing only stone; it was as if dew was glittering in her hair.

* * *

"Kakashi-perv, you know you can't wear that in there right?" Hotaru said the Sensei of Team Seven criticallythrough a thin coat of pale pink lipstick. 

"Wear what?" Kakashi asked mildly, deeply engrossed in his book.

Hotaru glared in exasperation, "Your mask." She growled, "It has to come off. They're going tothink you're one of those creeps who hangs out in public restrooms."

Kakashitore his gaze from the pages of _'Come Come Paradise'_, "No."

"Just take it off." Hotaru sighed, rubbing her temple with her curse seal hand.

"No!" Kakashi said, scootching away from her defensively.

"Take it off." Hotaru said tersely, looking up at him, eyes flashing.

"I'm not going to." Kakashi said staunchly.

"_**NOW!**_" Hotaru roared.

"Fine!" Kakashi shouted back, throwing up his hands, "As you wish your majesty!"

He ripped his mask and hitai-ate off and hurled them at the carpet by her feet.

"There! Happy?" he asked angrily, glaring at the elder Uzumaki twin through one black and one red, scarred eye.

Hotaru blinked in surprise, then a strange smile crossed her lips, "Extremely." She said, "I don't know why you wear that thing at all. You're hot!"

Kakashi stared at her, a pinkish tinge filling his face.

"'scuse me?" he squeaked.

"I said you're hot!" Hotaru repeated, "As in fine, babe-a-licious, pretty-hot-and-tasty, and **_DAAAAAA-AMN!_**" she grinned causing the teacher to attempt hiding behind Zabuza's bulky frame as the man and Naruto started laughing at him.

* * *

"We're here!" Hajime whooped excitedly as the limo pulled up to the dock. 

The chauffeur opened the door for them and they walked out onto the pier.

"Uh…Hotaru? Are you sure?" Sasuke asked glancing at the small yacht in front of them, "I highly doubt that tiny thing could hold the nine of us, let alone your entire class."

Hotaru smiled at him and placed a hand on his shoulder, "That's not the boat." Hotaru grinned, steering the younger Uchiha in the right direction (enjoying the look on Sasuke's face as his eyes grew big as saucers), "**THAT'S** the boat."

A **GI-NOURMOUS** steamship that had to be several stories above and below water towered over them; it rivaled the R.M.S. Titanic.

* * *

"Queen Hotaru! There you are! Looking lovely as ever, your excelency!" 

The group whirled around and Gaara, Zabuza, Itachi and Haku did a double take when a near doppelganger of the elder Uchiha brother strolled up and took Hotaru's hand and kissed it gently; the only difference was the fact that this guy had green eyes.

"Hey Ucchan!" Hotaru grinned, "You're looking sex-eh!" she said, appearing to plant a kiss on his cheek (but she was just faking; actually, their whole relationship is purely based off of their enjoyment of pissing her brother off).

Hajime glared viciously at the Uchiha's descendant, balling his hands into fists.

"Asatoooo…" he snarled, "You-have-five-seconds-to-get-away-from-my-sister-you-horny-little-freak!"

"Now why would I abandon my date?" Uchiha Asato smirked, wrapping an arm around her waist. (see ch.3)

Hajime looked ready to snap when a pair of white gloved hands wrapped around his arm and chided, "Ah, Ah, AH! Comport yourself with dignity, your highness! No fighting!"

Hajime whirled around, "Kanna!" (see ch.3)

Kanna smiled up at him, "Yup! I couldn't believe it when I heard the results! The people in our school are so twisted!"

Hotaru and Hajime made faces, "Tell us about it."

Gaara squirmed uncomfortably, nervous without his gourd, "Can we go?"

Kanna turned to see who was speaking.

"Oh!" she cried in surprise, "Who's this?"

"I'll explain later." Hotaru said, walking hurriedly towards the ship.

* * *

The interior of the ship was lavishly decorated for the occasion and no expense had been spared. 

Crystal chandeliers glittered from the ceilings; plush carpeting and an elaborate cherry wood dance floor; crystal goblets, plates, and gold filigree silverware adorned the lace table cloths.

Hotaru released an exasperated sigh, "Man, that old codger is as nutty as a fruitcake."

"Who is?" Zabuza inquired.

"The school's founder." Hajime groaned, palming his forehead when he spotted the two, gigantic gold, jewel encrusted thrones situated against a mirrored wall.

"Goddamn it." Hotaru moaned, "I guess those must be for us."

"Yup!" Kanna smiled brightly, "Before things get going the crown this year's royalty and the king and queen hafta dance the first dance together!"

"**_WHAT?_**" The Twins shrieked.

Internally, Itachi was doing a victory dance, while outwardly, he grinned in way that was just plain creepy (Sasuke actually ducked behind Naruto, of all people, for protection)

"Yeah. Sorry, doll face." Asato sighed, wrapping his arms around her shoulders.

Hajime growled ferally at him.

Kanna just smiled.

Hotaru struck up a conversation with Naruto about ramen to get her mind off things.

* * *

"Hey Hi-chan, aren't you hot in that thing?" Kanna asked, pointing to Hotaru's massive faux fur coat. 

Hotaru blinked.

"I was wondering why they had the heat up so high!" she grinned, unzipping it.

Every male in the room's jaw (with the exception of Hajime) dropped to the floor.

Hotaru was wearing a…koff…rather revealing dress.

It was in the halter style and dipped very low in the back…as well as in the front (it stopped two inches below her navel) and the slit stopped at her hip.

It was made of a very glittery, gun-metal grey materiel that moves very easily.

The ever present tekko were gone.

"Nice!" Kanna said appreciatively.

"Thanks!" Hotaru grinned back.

"Yeah, sis. They can't see your tits…in **SWEDEN!**" Hajime roared.

"Ha-chan, lighten up." Hotaru said cheerfully.

* * *

_Twenty Minutes Later…_

"And Now! Our King and Queen will lead us off in the first dance!"

Kakashi smirked happily.

Zabuza looked about ready to die from laughing do hard Naruto looked ready to join him.

Haku, once again, looked very, very torn.

Gaara sneered up at his progeny with Sasuke.

Itachi was on the floor, pounding the hardwood with his fists, howling with laughter.

Hotaru now had a dazzling tiara on her head as well as a long, red, fur-lined cape that pooled on the floor; she looked as though she was doing her best not to puke.

Hajime had a rather impressinve crown atop his skull, also with a red, fur-lined cape and looked as though he was looking for some means of escape.

A slow song, **_"Calling All Angels"_** by Lenny Kravitz, began to play over the loud speakers and the two began to waltz.

Very soon, the three princesses and princes joined in and finally (much to the twins relief) the song ended.

Hajime and Hotaru took each others hands distastefully and returned to their thrones, where their scepters awaited them.

"**_LET'S PARRRRRRTEH!_**" The two shouted, pumping their scepter filled fists in the air.

"**WOO-HOOOOO!**"

Hotaru and Hajime tore off the crowns and capes at lightspeed and quickly rejoined their group.

* * *

"**_God!_** Glad that's over with." Hajime said, grabbing Kanna's hand, "C'mon, let's dance." 

"Gladly." Kanna smiled.

Gaara, Naruto, Sasuke and Haku had already been abducted by the cheersquad and was being forced to dance with each of it's members in turn (not that it was all that bad, just slightly embarrassing.)

Itachi was on the run from the Uzumaki's Sado-Masochist math teacher (see ch.12) who had taken one look at him and fallen in love.

Zabuza had been asked to dance by Naka-teach (see ch.12) and refused her politely only to have her go off on one of her classic suicide attempts after being rejected.

Kakashi (sans mask and hitai-ate) had quite the sizeable crowd drawn around him, all blushing and murmuring appreciatively.

* * *

"Hey. Where's Asato?" Kakashi asked Hotaru, who was now leaning against the wall, rocking out to the music that was playing by herself. 

"Over there." Hotaru pointed.

Asato was dancing with another girl.

"I see." Kakashi nodded with a frown, "I thought you two were-"

"It's okay." Hotaru smiled up at him, "Our whole relationship is purely based off our enjoyment of pissing Ha-chan off. If you want to get technical, we're not really going out at all. So I don't mind."

* * *

"**_Pump It"_** by The Black Eyed Peas began blasting through the ballroom. 

"I guess a lot of people like this song." Kakashi noted with a smirk.

"What?" Hotaru called, holding a hand up to her ear, "I can't hear you!"

"I said-!" Kakashi yelled raising his voice.

A young couple ran into Kakashi on their way to the dance floor.

He threw his hands against the wall to keep from falling on Hotaru.

Hotaru, afraid he might fall on her, had thrown **_her_** hands out and gripped his shirt collar tightly.

The whole situation was rather awkward.

Both Kakashi and Hotaru started turning red.

* * *

_-bmp…bmp…bmp…bmp…bmp-_

"_Wha-what's going on?I-I DON'T HAVE CONTROL OF MY BODY!"_ Hotaru shrieked in her mind as she raised herself up on her tiptoes and kissed Kakashi passionately on the lips.

"_AAAAAAAUGH! NOOOOO!" _she screamed in her mind as she watched Kakashi's eyes widen in shock before sliding close as he returned the kiss.

_-("You know, you should be thanking me.")-_ a voice in her head said, chuckling maliciously.

"_YOU?"_ Hotaru shrieked in her mind, _"I'm still wearing seals! The decorative chopsticks in my hair have seals up the WAHZOO! You shouldn't be ABLE to take control, goddamn it!"_

_-("Well apparently…")-_ the voice snickered, _-("…the seals in your tekko are more powerful than the ones in those chopsticks. Heh!")-_

"_BITCH!"_ Hotaru screamed as she felt the kiss deepen, _"You make this stop right now!"_

_-("Oh, so you mean you DON'T like the way he smells and you DON'T like the fact that he has a verrry well developed six pack and you DON'T like the fact that he's hotter than hell?")-_ the voice asked mildly.

"…_that's not the POINT!"_ Hotaru roared, _"You better give me back control, or I swear to GOD, I'M NOT LETTING YOU OUT FOR A CENTURY!"_

_-("Okay! Okay!")-_ the voice cried out defensively, _-("YEESH! No need to get so testy!")-_

A feeling like sinking into a warm bath slid over her as Hotaru regained control.

With a vicious shove, Hotaru pushed Kakashi away and ran out of the ball room, leaving the jounin both breathless and bewildered.

* * *

(A/N: Hoookay! The Kyuubi's havin' a little fun toyin' with Kakashi and Hotaru (who's currently so mortified she can't look him in the face) Kakashi's confused, Itachi's pissed, Sasuke's happier than he's ever been (seeing his brother suffer such indignities), Haku is so/so (buthe wont stay somellow-yellowfor long), Zabuza is...well...Zabuza, Gaara is maintaining his sanity (for now) and Naruto is discovering the joys of the video game consol! R&R!) 


	17. Clash with A Kyuubi

(A/N: Hi all. Lady Hiran here. I hafta say I'm a little disappointed; only one review last chapter. It kinda wounded my pride as an authoress. But oh well, I press on. Here's the next chapter.)

* * *

"Hhhh…damn it all." Hotaru growled, crouched on the seat of the toilet in the handicapped stall, "Kakashi-perv probably got the wrong idea and it's all your fault." 

_-("Nyeh! You know ya loved it!")-_ the Kyuubi jeered.

"**_La-la-la-la-la! I-am-not-list-en-ing! La-la-la-la-la!_**" Hotaru sang loudly, clamping her hands uselessly over her ears while violently shaking her head, voice echoing throughout the empty bathroom.

_-("Now that's special.")-_ the Kyuubi snickered, _-("Whaddya tryna do? Twist yer head off?")-_

"**_I can't heeeeeear youuuuuu, you peverted fox!_**" Hotaru sang loudly.

_-("You're gonna hafta come outta this stall sometime.")-_ the Kyuubi sneered, _-("And then you'll hafta face Kakashi again.")-_

"**_Not listening-Not listening! Not-Not-Not-Not-NOT!_**" Hotaru chanted.

_-("Alright! I get it! You can't hear me, yeesh!")-_ the Kyuubi cried, _-("God, couldja be any more annoying?")-_

"Of course." Hotaru said bluntly, "I'm being polite since I'm supposed to be all queenly and all."

_-("HA! MADEJA TALK TA ME! HA!")-_ the Kyuubi shouted victoriously.

"**_GOD-FRICKEN-DAMNIT!_**" Hotaru roared.

As the Kyuubi howled with laughter in her mind, Hotaru slumped in defeat against the rear wall.

* * *

"_Oi!"_ Hotaru yelled internally at the hysterical kyuubi no yoko, _"Loan me your Mugen Koukei_(1)_."_

_-("Why should I?")-_ the Kyuubi drawled boredly.

"_Because if you don't I'll tape my eyelids open so you'll have to watch as I throw inari-zushi_(2)_ into the fireplace…one…by…one."_ Hotaru snarled telepathically.

_-("Y-you wouldn't DARE!")-_ the Kyuubi sputtered.

"_Try me."_ Hotaru challenged.

Letting lose a roar of frustration, the Kyuubi conceded.

A warm rush of energy surged around and through Hotaru's eyeballs.

Hotaru opened her eyes, astonished to find herself staring through the stall door and bathroom wall; through the bodies of various people, their organs pulsing gently, blood vessels pumping life-giving blood; through the metal frame of the ship; through the very fabric of space time itself.

"Cool." Hotaru whistled.

_-("Yeah, yeah.")-_ the Kyuubi grumbled, _-("Just hurry up and do what you hafta do already!")-_

"Shut up." Hotaru said cheerfully scanning the room.

* * *

Gaara had taken refuge on a balcony with Sasuke and the two were currently playing cards. 

Naruto and Haku were still in the acrylic-nailed clutches of the Screamin' Demon Cheersquad (and desperately looking for some means of escape)

Itachi was beating Sadamoto (see ch. 12) over the head as the S&M fetishist attempted (and failed) repeatedly to kiss the elder Uchiha.

Zabuza had met up with his own kind (uh-ohhhhh) when he bumped into the Yuzurihayama Conspiracies Club; they were currently planning the genocide of the Mary-Sue race.

Kakashi and the Uzumaki's she-male Studio Art teacher, Yamazaki-san (see ch.13) were currently dancing (you could really call it that; more like Yamazaki was dragging his carcass across the dance floor)

Finally, Hotaru's heart leapt for joy when Hotaru saw exactly who she was looking for.

* * *

"Yay! Kanna-chan's going to the bathroom!" she whooped as she saw the girl in question gesturing to Hajime in a fashion that implied she be right back. 

Kanna opened the bathroom door at the same instant Hotaru deactivated the Mugen Koukei and threw her stall door open.

"**_HEEP!_**" Kanna shrieked, "**_Ohmigod!_** Hotaru, you scared th' crap outta me!"

"Sorry." Hotaru said apologetically, scribbling down a note quickly, "Hey, couldja give this to Ha-chan for me?"

"Huh? Uh-sure. No prob." Kanna replied, taking the slip of paper from her.

"Thanks. I'll see you." Hotaru called over her shoulder as she dashed from the bathroom.

* * *

Hajime felt a light tap on his shoulder. 

"Kanna? Wazzup?" he asked.

"Hi-chan asked me to give you this." The Hyuuga branch descendant replied, handing him the paper.

He unfolded it and read it to himself.

_Ha-chan-_

_Went home early._

_Don't ask why._

_Party hard._

_Hotaru._

Without a word, Hajime refolded the note and slipped it into his front pocket.

"Is everythin' okay?" Kanna asked.

"Just fine." Hajime smiled down at her, "That time a month hit at a real inopportune time, ya know?"

"Ohhh." Kanna nodded understandingly, lapping up every word of his lie.

* * *

Hotaru ran across rooftops (thankful to every deity she knew of that the ship hadn't been out at sea) at breakneck speeds. 

_-("Why th' rush?")-_ the Kyuubi asked boredly.

"_Because I don't want anyone to see me, DUMBASS!"_ Hotaru roared telepathically, _"NOW FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS SACRED, SHUT-THE-FUCK-UP!"_

_-("…yes ma'am.")-_ came the meek reply.

Hotaru continued her mad dash in silence (praying that no one saw her sprinting along like a wolf on steroids in her homecoming gown), reaching the home she shared with her twin in record time.

First thing on her agenda, off with her shoes! (for all those out there who have EVER suffered through a night of stiletto heels, you know how glorious a moment this actually is)

"AH! OH GOD! Therrrrrre we go." She sighed as the offending sandal finally peeled of and fell to the floor with a clunk, follow shortly after by it's mate.

Next, Dress? OFF. Time for happy, slightly-oversized, flannel jammies and big, fluffy Gir slippers (and for all of you who don't know who Gir is…watch Invader Zim: Gir…RULZ!)

Third on the list? Thedemon sealingtekko go backon. (remember! not normal girl!)

Next, hair comes down. Ahhh, the joyous removal of painful hairpins (thedemon sealing chopsticks)and clips and the traditional, "Massaging-Your-Scalp/Running-Your-Finger-Through-Your-Hair-Groan-Of-Pleasure"

Last on her list? Grab a tub of Jamoca Almond Fudge ice cream, slap the "Kung Pow: Enter the Fist" (probably one of the funniest and stupidest movies of all time: LOVE IT!) DVD in the DVD player, and curl up on the couch up to "work off the excitement night".

* * *

"Aw man…my feet are killing me." Naruto whimpered after limousine dropped the group off, just barely able to cling onto Hajime's neck (carrying him) 

"I think I left my legs back on the boat." Haku groaned (Sasuke's carrying him; remember, he and Gaara managed to get away from the hormone driven cheerleaders)

"If you have any compassion at all in that black heart of yours, you'd kill me." Kakashi moaned to Zabuza (currently carrying him; he hooked up with the Conspiracy Club…'member?)

"Hehe…aww, but what fun would that be?" Zabuza snickered (happier than he had been in a long time since he and the Conspiracy Club had devised a way of terminating Mary-Sue's that would make the Holocaust look like a Teletubbies commercial)

Itachi muttered incoherently to himself (Sadamoto had caught him, dragged him into a Janitor's closet and did UNSPEAKABLE things to him) babbling about what sounded like how he was not clean.

Gaara walked and read a book entitled, "3000 Stupid Things Never To Say In Public." (smiling secretly behind the pages)

"_Waaaaah…why does Gramps hafta be so heavy?"_ Hajime whined internally, spikes of pain shooting up his legs as they walked up the drive, _"Kanna made me dance EVERY SONG! Damnit, my legs feel like they're gonna explode intah a big pile of bloody mush."_

Sasuke wore a victorious smirk as he turned the doorknob (seeing Itachi in his current state had made his day)

* * *

Hotaru's laughter could be heard emanating from the living room. 

"**Marco!**" Hajime called.

"**_Polo!_**" Hotaru replied.

The group of exhausted menfolk entered the living room just in time to see Choosen One begin his fight sequence with Moon Yu (ha ha! I thought it was funny as hell!).

"Hey guys! Looks like you had fun." Hotaru snickered (ignoring the obviously traumatized Itachi)

"My legs." Naruto moaned, "Those high-pitched-giggling-freakazoids wouldn't leddusgo. Owww…it hurrrrrts."

"I want my mommy." Haku whimpered (blinks twice), "Oh…wait…I want my painkillers!"

"Yup…that one's number 234." Gaara muttered, nodding affirmatively before turning the page.

"Yamazaki's a beast…" Kakashi groaned, "I think my hip bone's broken."

"Hehehe. I made Mary-Sue's go boom." Zabuza snickered, eyes glittering, a thin river of drool trickling down his chin.

"That's wonderful Zabu-chan!" Hotaru smiled, wiping away the drool (trying to pretend Kakashi doesn't exist)

"Ah man, so much dancing." Hajime grunted, flumping down on the sofa, "And to think you did all that in heels. Kudos to you, Hi-chan."

Hotaru grinned, "Thanks for giving me my props." She rose to her feet, "Hey, why doncha teach these guys how to play _**Mortal Kombat: Deadly Alliance**_."

"Sounds good…'slong as you put it in th' player. I can't move." Hajime groaned.

Laughing, Hotaru switched the T.V. to VID and inserted the disc into the PS2 before heading quickly up the stairs.

* * *

From her room, the sounds of Naruto whooping victoriously were heard as well as loud sounds of complaint from Gaara and Sasuke were soon heard. 

(Haku had nodded off after taking his painkillers; Itachi is in the fetal position, rocking back and forth, sucking his thumb; Zabuza is watching the combat game and getting ideas)

"Pfft…lighten up boys!" Hotaru snickered, opening a scroll of paper and spreading several ancient books, most containing portions of her family's history (used for research) out on her bed.

**_-KNOK-KNOK-_**

"Come in." She called absentmindedly, scribbling down a particularly interesting factoid about her great-great-great uncle Goryomaru.

Kakashi entered her room with a cough and Hotaru knew there was no point beating about the bush and with a sigh, shut her book with a thump and turned to face him.

* * *

"Kakashi-perv, you should know I wasn't the one kissing you." Hotaru said bluntly, "It was the Kyuubi." 

"Hotaru I need to talk to you about that k-wait a minute what?" Kakashi asked quickly, paling slightly.

"You heard me." Hotaru sighed, "Now, unless you like the idea of demonic fox slobber all over you, get out. I'm trying to get some research done."

Hotaru pushed Kakashi the rest of the way out of her room and shut the door behind him.

"At least I'm out of that one." Hotaru sighed, "But what the Kyuubi said bothers me…about me…me…liking Kakashi-perv. That is insane! Ludicrous! It is out of the question that I would like a perverted bastard like that…right?"

She sighed deeply, "No more thinking on it tonight. I'm too tired…this research is just going to have to wait a bit longer."

* * *

_Next Morning…_

"Morning all! Who beat who?" Hotaru asked the just-waking-menfolk, who were making their way to the kitchen, where the enticing smells of breakfast cooking had roused them from sluber.

"I beat Sasuke **_AND_** Gaara." Naruto beamed sleepily, before pouting, "But then Hajime absolutely demolished me."

"All it takes is practice." Hajime said shrewdly, "and thumb and wrist dexterity."

Hotaru snickered, "Now if only the rest of you were as dexterous as your wrists and thumbs you might have a chance of defeating me in actual combat"

"Shut it." Hajime growled dangerously.

"I hurt all over." Haku whimpered, "Why _**IS**_ that? All I did was dance!"

"Dancing work muscles you normally don't." Hotaru said with a smile, "Wellll…that **_GUYS_** normally don't. I feel just fine, as you can see, but that's because I dance a lot. Fighting is good, but it misses some of the smaller muscles and tendons."

"No wonder everything hurts." Kakashi groaned.

* * *

Where is Itachi you might ask? Still in the living room in the fetal position, mumbling, "Still not clean…still not clean!" 

"Might I recommend a good therapist?" Hajime asked later (after breakfast)

Sasuke shot him a look that clearly said, _**"For the love of GOD! NO!"**_

"Oh. Alright then." Hajime said flippantly, switching on the tube, "Wonder if **Distraction**'s on?"

* * *

(A/N: A group of hunters appear. Who are they hunting? The Uzumaki siblings of course! Well...not technically. It's the demons they want. And...wait a sec...what wazzat? Hotaru reveals why she's so afraid of cats? (probably)Some painful memories uncovered? (meh-beh...) and...some surviving members ofthe Uzumaki family FINALLY STEP FORWARD? (hey, it could happen) R&R)

* * *

(1) **Mugen Koukei**- Infinite Vision: an ability granted only to enchanted kitsune when they gain their ninth tail; while in many ways like the Mangekyo Sharingan, Infinite Vision also allows the Kyuubi to see through walls, into the Past, Present and Future, zero in on an opponent's weaknesses and such ((when they say infinite, they mean infinite.)) And for all those who think I made this up, nuh-uh! I looked it up on Wikipedia so there! 

(2) **Inari-zushi**- Rice dumplings offered to the god of rice and fertility, Inari, who is also closely affiliated with all Kitsune and Kyuubi, as he uses them as his/her messengers; fox apparitions are crazy for these treats.

* * *


	18. Gaara's Sugar Charged Rampage!

(A/N: Yo! Lady Hiran here! Sorry this took so long! Family crisis! That said, onward and upward peeps!)

* * *

"**_AAAAAIIIIIE!_**" 

"Wha' th' hell?"

Kakashi jerked upward, splashing juice all over his front.

"Was goin' on?" Naruto cried, "Who's bein' attacked?"

"Sounds like a girl." Haku noted.

Hotaru burst through the front door screaming.

"**_AAAH! AAAAH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!_**"

"'th heck?" Sasuke grunted, raising an eyebrow.

"What is going on in here?" Zabuza grumbled, entering the foyer.

A rather large cat dashed through the stll open front door after Hotaru.

"**_Meee! Meee!_**" it mewled plantively as it chased her.

"**_AAAAH! AAAAHHH! AAAIIIAAEE!_**" Hotaru shrieked, scrambling up Zabuza and leaping onto the chandelier.

* * *

Hajime, ignoring the commotion until then (trying to watch Distraction; hows that for irony?) sighed heavily and rose to his feet. 

He walked into the vestibule and this was the sight he beheld.

Naruto getting his face clawed off by a very large,veryANGRY black cat.

Hotaru hiding in the chandelier whimpering, "Kitty go 'way! Kitty go 'way!"

Kakashi tending to the scratches Hotaru had left on Zabuza'z face, arms, shoulders and back.

Haku and Sasuke making bets on how long that chandelier would hold out.

(Gaara's hiding out in Hotaru's room)

(Itachi's still traumatized)

* * *

Wasting no time (he wants to get back to his show) he swooped the cat away from Naruto and smacked it on the head. 

"Knock it off, Tama." Hajime growled, "You know Hi-chan doesn't like you."

He then tossed the cat out the door and slammed it shut…

…the force causing the chandelier to give way.

"**_AAAAHHH!_**" Hotaru cried (to distraught to do anything)

Sasuke did the ninja thing and caught herwith ease.

"There, Hotaru." Hajime sighed, "The cats all gone now."

Hotaru nodded shakilyand clamoured out of Sasuke's arms.

"Why's she so scared of cats?" Haku asked.

"It's so irrational." Zabuza snickered.

* * *

"Well…it happened when I was really little…" Hotaru began, "…I had just turned two, so were talking reeeeeally little, here. Ha-chan had woken up before me and was already outside playing, I had just woken up from my afternoon nap and was on the verge of falling back asleep when…when…" 

"When what?" Naruto asked.

"When my Aunt Shuuko's cat, Angel; Angel…I still can't believe it-**_ANGEL!_** She should have named it Lucifer! It was EVIL, I SWEAR; dashed into the room and for no reason at all, **_Scratched-Me-Across-The-Face_**."

"Ouch." Gaara nodded (came out of hiding)

Hotaru cried, "I howled so loudly that it brought my mom, dad, and Shuuko running into the room, and do you know what Shuuko did? She defended that horrid thing!"

She threw her hands up in the air, "She shoved that evil thing in my face and told me to _'apologize to her precious baby for whatever I did to it!'_ and that dammned thing scratched me again!"

Hotaru sat back on her heels, "And that's why I have felinophobia."

"Understandable, given the circumstances." Haku replied mildly, chewing on the end of his hair.

"Yeah, well, whatever." Hajime said dismissively, "I'm missing Distraction. 'scuce me."

"Asshole." Hotaru muttered under her breath.

"Slut." Hajime mumbled back.

There was a group sigh.

How could any of them known that they were being watched.

* * *

'"_Are you certain it's those two?"'_

'"_Mm."'_

'"_They're…they're just children."'_

'"_None the less, its those two."'_

'"…_if you say so."'_

'"_No matter what we just witnessed, it does nothing to change our mission objective…understood?"'_

'"_Yer, sir."'

* * *

_

"Hey Panda-chan!" Hotaru called, "Want to go shopping with me?"

"Not particularly." Gaara said bluntly.

Hotaru pouted.

"But Panda-chan," she said in a whiney tone, "Today's your last day with us! Pleeeeeease?"

She glomped him tightly and he blushed faintly from embarrassment.

Gaara nodded mutely.

* * *

For the next fifteen minutes, the two walked in the early morning chill, taking in sights (Hotaru pacifying Gaara when strange things such as bicycles zoomed toward him) 

"Don't worry Panda-chan!" She said cheerfully (after Gaara nearly killed a balloon vendor), "You were more than a match for that guy."

Gaara glared at her angrily.

Hotaru smiled back (completely immune since she's related)

He continued to glare at her as they passed by a store that was giving off a very delectable scent.

He noticed vaguely how much her hair emulated the sweet smelling candies whose color it held possession of in the window display and her eyes suddenly resembled the sticks of glittering crystal like candy.

He involuntarily drooled.

"Hn? Panda-chan? What's the matter?"

Hotaru's voice broke through his hunger induced haze.

"I'm hungry," Gaara said, continuing to gaze at her.

"Why don't we go in here then?" she said pointing to the offending shop that was giving off such a delicious odor.

This particular sweetshop was often frequented by the Uzumaki siblings when going to Hokkaido for martial arts conferences to establish rank with their sister schools.

Candies, cakes, sweets that had only just been invented, filled the shop ceiling to floor.

* * *

Gaara, becoming slightly hyper from the sugary fumes, began to ask at a rapid tempo what was what. 

After a time, Hotaru purchased several boxes of pocky (several HUNDRED boxes) for herself and an ice cream cone for Gaara.

The two walked down the sidewalk, Gaara thoroughly enjoying the sweet, icy treat.

Now finished with the ice cream, wanted to know what to do with the cone.

After downing the final amounts of another Pocky stick, Hotaru merely reached over, broke off a small piece and began chewing on it, staring at Gaara pointedly.

After a moment, he realized, "The entire things edible? SWEET DUDE!"

He brought his teeth down on the crunchy, sweet waffle cone, polishing it off in a matter of seconds.

Now, right off the bat, Hotaru had noticed how outlandish Gaara had been acting at merely the effusion in the confectionary, and now that the last off the waffle cone was gone.

She had the sinking feeling she was about to witness first hand the effects of sugar on a Shukaku toting, sugar-intolerant red head.

Sure enough, Gaara's nose had begun to twitch a mile a second and before she could even open her mouth, he was off like a shot screeching, "I SMELL CANNNNNDEEEEEHHH!"

"Mattaku...(1)" she hissed, taking off after him, following the youki trail he left behind.

* * *

There was a small group of older, grandmother type women walking in front of the sugar driven jinchuriki. 

He plowed right into them, hugging, kissing (groping a few) then continuing in the direction of the candy smell.

After apologizing to the scandalized women, Hotaru continued swiftly after him, following him to be, what she knew to be in Gaara's current state of being, the worst place possible; an amusement park.

An outraged, yet somewhat terrified cry, alerted the minute jinchuriki of the sucrose-goaded twelve year old's location.

To her dismay, Gaara had found the cart of one of the many cotton candy vendors (which, if you all remember, is...say it with me **SPUN SUGAR!**) and was downing all his merchandise.

The refined dextrose only spurned his high, increasing the surge of insulin, speeding him up subsequently.

Gaaracrashed into rides, knocking them over as he search for more sugary treats.

He destroyed several game booths as well before Hotaru knew that there was no other option.

* * *

Hotarubit down, hard, on her index finger causing blood to issue forth. 

She reached into a small, almost invisible pocket sewn into her skirt, bringing forth several blank sacred scrolls; an incantation for subjugation was quickly inscribed upon them.

"Panda-chan, I have little to no other options left to me...highly regrettable,"Hotarumuttered, sounding truly remorseful as she hurled them at the oncoming jinchuriki.

The sutras rained upon the unsuspecting, saccharine-charged boy and pinned him to the floor of the shooting gallery.

His youki now completely sealed away, though only temporarily,Gaara was now at the level of strength of a newborn kitten, not that that was stopping him.

He was on his feet and about to continue his sugar crazed mania---that is, until Hotaru cracked him over the head with a nearby planter, knocking him out cold.

* * *

After dodging all the weeping, enraged, fearful booth owners, Hotaru managed rack up the total damages in her head (and tried not to puke) 

(Figuring out the cost for the repairs for all the rides Gaara destroyed, well...that took a bit longer but, was still managed somehow.)

Hotaru ran, with the still hyper twelve year old, slung over her shoulder like a sack of flour and went straight for Tokyo Station.

She now sat on the bullet train, Gaara (having regained consciousness) was still in hyper mode from all the sugar, sutras still in effect and the jinchuriki in question hog-tied in an extra durable length of rope.

He prattled off a totally random string of events, Hotaru barely listening, a look of derision just barely registering in her eyes at the frenzied boy's antics.

They had reached the station at Sapporo and Gaara was starting to slow down.

"_Ahhh, so it begins_," she thought in an exasperated fashion, "_T-minus 5…4…3…2…and--_"

"**SHNOXXX.**" Gaara let out an almighty snore that shook the entire bullet train as a whole.

Several people shrieked.

"**_WAAAH!_**"

"**IS IT ANOTHER EARTHQUAKE!**"

"**_IS GODZILLA ATTACKING!_**"

Now thoroughly mortified, though it didn't register on the face of the sixteen year old jinchuriki, she merely pointed at Gaara, who was still snoring loudly and pinched his nose shut.

* * *

'"_Are you sure that she's-"'_

'"_For the last time, YES!"'_

'"…_no need to be so snippy."'_

'"_What about that boy?"'_

'"_Yes. He has the same aura as-"'_

'"_I don't care about him_ (Gaara fans everywhere are gonna kill me) _Just focus on the task at hand! The Uzumaki's!"'_

'"_Yes sir."'

* * *

_

"We're back!" Hotaru yelled, walking through the door with Gaara over her shoulder.

"Hey sis." Hajime called, deep in the midst of virtual combat with Zabuza and Kakashi, "How went it?"

"Well, I learned to never give Panda-chan sugar." She said brightly, "Ever."

Haku cheered on Zabuza.

Naruto gave Kakashi pointers.

Sasuke watched with amusement as Haku then accused Naruto of cheating and then the two began fist fighting.

Itachi was crying, sobbing about being unclean.

Then the roof exploded inward.

"Oh great. What now?" Hotaru moaned.

* * *

A troupe of seven darted into the living room, dressed in a style that looked vaguely familiar to Kakashi. 

"_That looks almost like…a modernized ANBU uniform._" He mused, "_But what are they doing here?_"

"Uzumaki Hotaru and Uzumaki Hajime-" one said authoritively, "-the jinchuriki of the Kyuubi no Yoko and the Ichibi no Shukaku, you have been too deemed too dangerous to continue to exist and therefore, must be eliminated."

Hajime and Hotaru shot each other looks.

"An' what if we don't feel much like bein' eliminated?" Hajime asked.

"We aren't giving you that option." Another stated.

"Well, you will have to excuse us." Hotaru grinned, "We never were very good when it came to following orders."

She quickly tapped several support beams with her index and middle fingers, sending her chakra shooting through them at breakneck speeds.

Sensing the danger, Zabuza, Kakashi, Haku, Sasuke, Naruto fled the house (even Itachi snapped out of his funk) with Hotaru and Hajime hot on their heels (Gaara's still slung over Hotaru's shoulder unconscious and smattered with sutras so he's fine) as the the Uzumaki Twin's former home caved in on itself.

"**DON'T LET THEM ESCAPE!**" the leader roared.

"Yes sir."

* * *

"Well…this is new." Kakashi said cheerfully. 

"Who were those guys?" Sasuke asked (geez- always gets straight to the point, doesn't he?)

"Uzumaki Seeker Ninja." Hajime stated as they darted along, "Shinobi who're specifically trained t' deal with th' Jinchuriki in th' family who've been deemed t' dangerous."

"They hunt them down, and utterly destroy them." Hotaru muttered, "I never dreamed they would come after us."

"Why is that?" Haku asked.

"Because A) We've been tonin' it down lately-" Hajime began.

"-and B) our entire family's dead." Hotaru finished.

"Well, no wonder you didn't think they'd come after you." Naruto said in agreement.

"_Or at least…we thought they were._" Hajime and Hotaru thought together doubtfully.

* * *

Gaara finally awoke to find himself, not in the Uzumaki's house as expected, but in a dark place. 

When the realization that he had been asleep hit him, a flash of panic overtook him.

_**-KONK-**_

Some one hit him on the head (the culprit? Hajime)

"'sokay." A familiar voice, "Hi-chan used sealing scrolls so sleepin' shouldn't have been that biguva deal."

"Hajime?" Gaara asked, "Where are we?"

"Abandoned shrine." Came the playful reply.

"Naruto? You're here too?" he asked.

"We're all here, fool." Itachi snorted (yes, unfortunately; this new trauma snapped him back from the last one; sorry)

"Tch!" Sasuke grunted (annoyed…and a little afraid…that his brother's back to normal)

"Mind filling me in?" Gaara asked Zabuza.

* * *

Hotaru and Hajime were silent as the behemoth ninja began recounting what had just occurred. 

This shrine was not just a random spot run to out of desperation.

It was quite…familiar to say the least.

This was the place they always hid in to get away from their cousins, second cousins and the like when ever said cousins were feeling particularly vindictive.

Those were the days when they could truly be considered dangerous.

Those were the days before they had seals.

* * *

_FLASHBACK_

_"Hey, look! It's the Demon Girl!"_

_"What freakshow!"_

_"I am not!" Hotaru protested._

_The children proceeded to pick up stones._

_"Gedder!"_

_"Get the Devil's Child!"_

_The rocks sailed through the air, many hitting their target._

_"Devil's Child!"_

_"Devil's Child!"_

_"No I'm not! Stop it!" Hotaru shrieked._

_"Devil's Child!"_

_Blood dripped down her forehead as a wall of sand suddenly fromed around her._

_"Whuh-what the-?"_

_A very angry Hajime glared furiously from behind the sandy shield._

_"Oh, look!"_

_"The OTHER freak's here too!"_

_"Stop it!" Hotaru screamed, "Stop it! Stop it! STOP IT!"_

_K-KROOM_

_In a violent flash of chakra, that resembled a giant tail, several of the rock throwers were hurled skyward and slammed viciously into the ground._

_"Uhh…oh…oh no…" Hotaru gasped, gripping her face with her hands, "N-no…I didn't mean…no…"_

_"Hi-chan…whaddidyou do?" Hajime hissed from behind the protective barrier._

_"Freak!"_

_"Monster!"_

_"Gedder!"_

_"Make the Devil pay for what she's done!"_

_Hajime grabbed his elder twin's hand and the two dashed off into the forest, towards the familiar hiding place._

_By the time they reached it, Hotaru was crying._

_"I am not…the D-D-Devil's Child." She sobbed, "'m not! No…no…no!"_

_END OF FLASHBACK

* * *

_

"…ru?…me? …jime? …taru? Hotaru! Hajime!"

"HUH?"

The Twins blinked their overlarge ice-blue eyes hard at the hand waving in front of their faces.

"Oh, so you are alive." Kakashi grinned, "Good!"

"…not funny." they muttered.

"Good thing you responded." Haku said thoughtfully.

"Whyzzat?" Hajime asked.

Gaara pointed.

Itachi had a rather large plank in his hands and was preparing to whack the pair about the head with it.

"I see." Hotaru said in an irritated tone.

Zabuza was lounging on his side, reading a book.

Sasuke was beating Naruto at cards (much to Naruto's frustration; paying him back for last night I see)

"_This could take awhile._" The twins thought to themselves.

* * *

(A/N: The shrine is no longer safe and The Uzumaki's are foced to return to the one place they despise more than I despise Barney, The Uzumaki Estate. Family members they thought were dead resurface (much to their chagrin) and what the hell is up with that fish? R&R!)

* * *

(1)Mattaku- sheesh, yeesh,jeez, oh for heavens sake,a general expressionof annoyance) 


	19. The Main House andYOU'RE STILL ALIVE?

(A/N: Hi. Lady Hiran here and feelin' low. Only one review last chap. So depressing. So sad. Hopefully I'll get more this chappie. Read on peeps.)

* * *

"Bro, you know I hate it too." 

"Then why're we goin'?"

"Because we don't have any other options."

"Sure we do! We could go to a hotel!"

"With what money?"

"…God…damn it I hate you."

"I love you too, Ha-chan, but we can save the sentimentality for later."

* * *

The Uzmaki twins had been bickering like this ever since Hotaru had come to the conclusion that their was only one safe location left for them: The Uzumaki Estate. 

"How much further?" Naruto asked as they trudged along a well worn path.

"Not much." Hajime grumbled, kicking at the dirt by his feet, "Damnit...I don't wanna."

**_-WOK-_**

"Quit your whining." Hotaru snarled.

"Why…did you hit…me?" Itachi groaned pulling his face out of a trunk.

"Because you're fun to hit and it makes me smile!" Hotaru grinned.

"Apparently." Kakashi smirked from behind his _'Come Come Pardise'_.

Sasuke's smile grew slightly (just a smidge!)

"Zabuza, why do you think those two dislike the main house so much?" Haku asled.

"With the way this effed up plotline's goin', I'm sure we'll find out soon enough." Zabuza replied.

"Plotline?" Gaara asked, eyebrow raised, "Whaddya mean?"

"Never mind." Kakashi said dismissively.

(Authoress: -waving an AK-47- _DON'T RUIN MY STORY YOU BASTARDS!_)

* * *

At the top of the hill, a rather amazing sight met their eyes. 

"_**Whoooooooa**_."

Hajime and Hotaru sighed.

And expansive, traditional Japanese mansion towered imposingly over them.

At the noise, a swarm of retinue surged out and onto the stone walkway that led to the entry; bowing as one.

"Welcome back, Hotaru-oujosama. Welcome back, Hajime-obousama."

Hajime and Hotaru sighed in exasperation and strode quickly through the servants and into the house; Haku, Naruto, Zabuza, Sasuke, Itachi, Gaara and Kakashi hot on their heels.

* * *

"What was that all abo-" Naruto started. 

Hajime pointed an infuriated finger at his twin.

"Her." He growled crossly.

"I'm the head of the Uzumaki family(See ch. 2)." Hotaru sighed, "Remember?"

"Oh…I get it." Naruto said, palming his fist, "You hate the stuffy atmosphere! That's why ya hate coming here!"

"DUH-UH." They said in unison. (waaah! freaky twin thing!)

"Rude much?" Gaara asked disinterestedly.

"Of course!" Hajime said smiling.

"So glad you noticed!" Hotaru grinned.

"Gaara, don't let them draw you in." Haku said with a smile.

"Haku-rei…you can be a real creep...I'm so proud of you!" Hotaru grinned, glomping him tightly.

"Way ta go little dude!" Hajime grinned, slapping the younger boy on the back, "Didn't think ya had it in ya!"

"'taint nothin' ta be proud of, bub." Kakashi said, waving a hand dismissively.

"Don't listen to them Haku." Zabuza growled good naturedly (just kidding, really!)

* * *

"Why did you bring us here of all places?" Itachi groaned in annoyance (almost forgot he was here for a minute dincha?) 

"Cuz as long as we're here, they can't touch us." Hajime said, stetching his arms over his head, "Cuz within these grounds, th' family head's word is absolute law."

"Huh." Sasuke smirked, "Convenient."

"Yeah, well-"

Hajime stopped short as a chill shot down his spine.

He whipped his head around and found himself staring into the overlarge taxidermied eyes of a Trophy Koi that was over six feet long.

He swore he saw it move.

It gave him the creeps.

"Bro! Hurry up, you lazy sunnavabitch!"

Hotaru's voice cut through his freaked out haze and he whipped his head around to face her.

"Shut yer fuckin' mouth, ya ya two-ton whore!" he snarled.

"Then hurry your donkey raping ass up!" Hotaru growled back ferally.

"Yeah, what's the hold up?" Naruto asked him.

"That fish." Hajime shuddered, "It's givin' me the heebies!"

"What fish?" Itachi drawled.

"That fi-huh?"

The koi had disappeared.

"Real funny Ha-chan." Hotaru said sarcastically, rolling her eyes, "Next time come up with something more believable…like a tap dancing crab, or a two headed snake."

Gaara and Haku snorted.

"But I swear-!" Hajime cried.

"You know, you shouldn't be so easily deceived by appearances…Hotaru." an elderly voice croaked.

"Who said that?" Hotaru snapped, eyes darting around the room.

* * *

_-FWOOSH-_

_**-FWAK-**_

_**-BAK-**_

_-thp-_

_-tp-shp-_

(Authoress: Hookay. What just took place is this: the owner of the mysterious voice leapt out the shadows; they then attacked Hotaru; Hotaru blocked; mysterious person landed; Hotaru landed and shifted her weight to face her attacker. That's what happened! Thank you!)

* * *

"…Gramps?" Hajime said, raising his eyebrows in disblief at the stranger. 

It was an Olllllllllld man, who's voice betrayed his age even if his face didn't (he doesn't look a day over 49).

He was verrrrrry tall, with longwhitehair (pulled into a high ponytail)that refused to give up the fight,along white mustache and beardand had a knobby cane that he really didn't appear to need.

**_-DMF-_**

"Ho. Still alive, huh Old Freak?" Hotaru sneered, grinding her heel into her Great Grandfather's back.

"Such disrespect!" he cried.

"Who's the head of the family here?" she asked coolly.

The old man fell silent.

"She's got you there." Kakashi grinned from behind his book.

"You should really respect your elders, Firefly." another croaky, elderly voice said.

"Huh?" Itachi said dully as a blur shot over his head.

* * *

A woman, who appeared to be as old as (if not older, if that's possible) appeared in front of them. 

She had long white hair as well that fell well past her hips and eyes that were lined wisdom (she too, doesn't look her age; appears about 40)

* * *

"…Old Ghoul…" Hotaru said in an overly bright voice, "I think I'll kill you." 

She cracked her knunkles loudly, kicked her Great-grandfather out of the way (into a statue of Buddha of all things) and stomped toward her Great-grandmother.

Hajime quickly restrained her (or was trying to).

"Hi-chan! Cool it!" He cried as she thrashed violently (kicking him in the groin and elbowing him in the chin in her attempt to escape; ouchkibbibles)

"Ooooooh." The time traveling Shinobi groaned as one (hands instinctively going their crotches)

Hajime fell to the floor gasping for air.

Hotaru lifted the old lady clean off the floor.

"You mean to tell me…" Hotaru growled, "That we have had family among the living all this time…and you let us think you were **_DEAD?_**"

"Heh heh heh." The old woman chuckled.

"I was just kidding before." Hotaru smiled, "But now I think I really **WILL_ KILL YOU OLD GHOUL!_**"

"Whoa now!" the old woman said, breaking free.

"_**QUIT BREATHING MY AIR AND TAKING UP PRECIOUS SPACE AND DIE OLD GHOUL!**_" Hotaru shrieked, chasing after her.

"Yeesh." Kakashi said, "I forgot just how pissed that girl can get."

"I'm…not scared." Naruto said unconvincingly.

Itachi nodded (a look of apprehension flickering across his face)

"Speak for yourselves." Zabuza snorted, "That bitch scares the shit out of me."

"Mm-hm." Haku nodded in agreement.

Gaara just looked on as the situation continued to unfold with amusement.

* * *

_Meanwhile- Outside…_

'"_We've located the jinchuriki, sir."'_

'"_Excellent."'_

'"_But how can we get to them?"'_

'"_That's right."'_

'"_As long as they're on these grounds, that girl has all the power."'_

'"_Not to worry. I've already taken care of that little factor."'_

_Back inside…_

"Training?" Hajime wheezed (almost recovered from his twin's kick to the nads)

"You were on a training mission in Nepal?" Kakashi asked mildly.

Everyone who wasn't from the current timestream thought at the same time, "_Where the Hell is Nepal?_"

"Mm-hm." The old man replied, "On the summit of Mt. Everest."

"_Where th' FUCK is Mt. Everest?_" the time traveling Shinobi wondered.

"And you never thought, in all those years to maybe, oh, send a letter along?" Sasuke asked derisively.

"You try convincing a pair of Sherpas to walk up and down a mountain over and over again just to get the mail." The old woman said snidely.

"It doesn't go over well, does it?" Zabuza snickered.

"Not particularly. No." the old man said with a smirk.

* * *

"I hate to be rude…" Haku interrupted, "But what are your names?" 

Hotaru sighed.

"I guess it's about time for introductions. This is my Great-grandmother, Izanami-"

"Good to meet you." the old woman tilted her head slightly in acknowledgement.

"-and my Great-grandfather, Amidamaru."

"Nice ta meetcha, boys." The old man grinned cheekily.

"These two were some of th' only people, outside a our parents, who treated us decent." Hajime grinned.

"For good reason, too." Hotaru sighed, "The Old Ghoul here houses the Nibi no Nekomata, and the Old Freak is the vessel for the Rokubi no Raiju."

"Hey…now that I think about it, th' only ones nice ta us growin' up we're th' direct family of th' jinchuriki's an' th' jinchuriki themselves." Hajime said thoughtfully.

"No shit, Sherlock." Hotaru said derisively.

* * *

Gaara sighed, turning his attention away from the current situation as everyone else got better acquainted (Itachi was forced into it) 

He then noticed a strange movement among the tree branches.

There wasn't any winds whatsoever that day; the air was dead.

Some flew past him, barely grazing his ear, and bounced across the floor.

"What the-?" he gaped.

He recognized them instantly.

"**BOMBS!**" He yelled as the fuses reached theirend.

"…toooo late." Naruto moaned.

**_-BA-KOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMM-

* * *

_**

"**AAAAGGH!**"

"**_KOF! KOF! KOF! KOF!_**"

"**T-T-TEAR GAS!**"

"**_OUTSIDE! OUT_SIDE!**"

The party ran without hesitation out of the Main House and off it's grounds, into the surrounding forest.

* * *

'"_Now we have them."'_

'"_I see."'_

'"_Ingeneous."'_

"_Stupid is more like it._" One member thought.

'"_Well let's hurry and catch our quarry.""

* * *

_

"Uh-huhh…huhh-uhh…ulk…oh, I think I'm going to puke." Hotaru groaned, pressing the top of her head against the tree she was leaning against, before sliding down it, fingers digging into the dirt.

"Muh-muh-me…uhh-ulk-uhh…too." Naruto moaned, on all fours, a few feet away from her.

"Buhh-uhh…huhh-uhh…glk…ulg…" Gaara choked (too far gone, probably gonna puke)

Hajime didn't reply.

He was behind a boulder, puking his brains out.

The Uzumaki Twin's Great-grandparent's were also on the verge of being sick.

* * *

"What's wrong with them?" Haku asked Zabuza, "We took lungfuls of that stuff too, so how come we're not getting sick?" 

"They must be more sensitive to it because of the demons they house." Zabuza supplied.

"Yes. I assume their sense of smell must be highly acute." Kakashi said from behind his book.

"Glad I'm not them." Sasuke muttered with a tiny smirk.

"Juh-jerk." Hajime grunted, wiping his mouth on his sleeve as he emerged from behind the rock pile (rather unsteadily)

"Sorry." Sasuke replied (doesn't look a bit sorry)

* * *

"Kyuubi. Shukaku. Give yourselves up quietly." 

The rather ill, teary-eyed demon carriers glanced upward as the Uzumaki Seeker Ninja's came dropping down from the trees like apples.

"Well, this isn't a very happy situation." Haku said with a rather forced smile.

"Not at all." Zabuza agreed.

Itachi sat down on a nearby rock to watch (hoping the Uzumaki twins would be killed; forgetting that they were his ticket home)

Kakashi sighed heavily.

"_I'm never gonna finish my book at this rate!_"

* * *

(A/N: More of the Uzumaki's past is revealed (responding to a request from ABC-chan). The Uzumaki's fight to keep their lives and protect their futures (or, in essence, defending those who were dragged back with them) A terrifying transformation. A startling confession. ((Random Readers: Wow. So dramatic. ...where's the funny, tho'? This is s'posda be a humor fic.))((Authoress: **_SHUDDUP! IDDLE _BE _THERE! STOP RIDIN' MY _ASS_, ALREADY! Yeesh!_**)) R&R!)

* * *

(DISCLAIMER: I give all credit to the discriptions given below to no Nekomata-**nekomata** is a Japanese mythological creature, believed toevolve from domesticated cats. It was believed that after a cat reached ten years of age, its tail would slowly split into two tails, and along the way would develop magic powers, primarily those of necromancy and shamanism. By gesturing with its tails or with its forepaws (as it walked upright), nekomata were said to animate and control the dead.1 Nekomata in the wild were also said to feed on the corpses as carrion, as well.

Though nekomata were normally assumed to behave with the same aloof manner as normal cats, they were known to hold grudges (especially older, mistreated cats, which tended to be more powerful than the average nekomata). To gain revenge, these nekomata usually controlled the tormentors' dead relatives, haunting them until the nekomata was appeased with food, apologies and attention.

Lastly, some Japanese folk tales said that nekomata could shapeshift and become human in appearance; however, unlike the more common nekomusume, nekomata women tended to look older, display bad habits in public and always had an air of dread around them, which if around people for an extended period could cause disease and pestilence. 2

One prominent example of the nekomata in recent fiction is Kirara, the pet of Sango in the manga and anime series _InuYasha_; however it should be noted that Kirara does not exhibit the traditional traits of the nekomata. Another example is the Pokémon Espeon. The best example however is Matamune from the anime/manga Shaman King

Rokubi no Raiju-

**Raiju** ("thunder animal") is a demon from Japanese mythology. Its body is composed of either lightning or fire and may be in the shape of a cat, tanuki, monkey, or weasel. It may also fly about as a ball of lightning or fire (in fact, the demon may be an attempt to explain the phenomenon of ball lightning). Its cry sounds like thunder.

Raiju is the companion of Raiden, the Shinto god of lightning. While the demon is generally calm and harmless, during thunderstorms, it becomes agitated and leaps about in trees, fields, and even buildings (trees that have been struck by lightning are said to have been scratched by Raiju's claws).

Another of Raiju's peculiar behaviors is sleeping in human navels. This prompts Raiden to shoot arrows at Raiju to wake the creature up, and thus harms the person in whose belly the demon is resting. Superstitious people therefore often sleep on their stomachs during bad weather. Other legends say that Raiju will only hide in the navels of people who sleep outdoors.

Several creatures in anime and manga are inspired by Raiju, such as the Pokémon Raikou and the "Thunder" card in _Card Captor Sakura_.


	20. South Park,Confessions, &KAKASHIYOUJERK!

(A/N: Hi all. Lady Hiran here. No...reviews. Zip. Zilch. Nadda. None. Zero. The Big Cheerio. That stings. Unless I get some reviews this chappie, this gonna be my last for awhile. I may even discontinue this fic after this chappie if the trend continues. Now, all unpleasantness aside, read on.)

* * *

"Don't you guys have lives outside of work?" Hotaru asked, still a little green as she rose to her feet. 

"Yeah, doncha have girlfriends're nothin'?" Hajime asked, standing up rather unsteadily.

The leader of the Seeker troupe growled angrily.

"I'll take that as a no." Kakashi said mildly from behind his book.

"Doesn't surprise me a bit." Izanami (Great-grandmother) snorted.

"Probably wears that mask for a reason." Amidamaru (Breat-grandfather) sneered.

The leader of the Uzumaki Seeker Ninja's cracked his knuckles loudly as the group dissolved into snickers.

* * *

He angrily snapped his fingers (how does one go about angrily snapping ones fingers exactly anyway?) 

"Shiina!" he snarled.

A Seeker, undoubtedly a woman by the way she curved beneath her uniform, stepped forward.

"Do it." He growled ferociously.

"Understood." The woman said from behind her kabuki mask.

She pulled a simple wooden flute out of a pouch at her hip and shifted her mask just enough so that her lips were revealed.

She began to play; a quick staccato tune, and in the space it takes to blink, six bodies were on the ground, writhing, screaming and hissing in pain.

* * *

Naruto growled and spat, digging his fingers into the ground. 

Gaara began slamming his head repeatedly against a rock.

Izanami and Amidamaru arched their backs, twisting in unnatural ways as they howled in pain.

Hotaru hissed and roared, tearing at her face and hair, writhing in pain.

Hajime made choking sounds and loud inhuman screams as he thrashed about the ground.

* * *

"What the hell?" Zabuza cried, "What's happening to them?" 

Sasuke remembered the twin's earlier words.

"_The Uzumaki Seeker Ninja are Shinobi who're specifically trained t' deal with th' Jinchuriki in th' family who've been deemed t' dangerous."_

"_They hunt them down, and utterly destroy them."_

"_Utterly…destroy them…_" Sasuke thought as two came together.

"That flute!" He yelled to Kakashi, "Get it away from her!" (DUUUHHHHH!)

"Done and done." Kakashi said cheerfully (he's still reading that godforsaken book by the way)

Without lifting his eyes from the pages, he swiftly used a Teleportation Jutsu and reappeared in front of the one known as Shiina.

"'scuse me?" he smiled, "Can I borrow this?"

He swiped the flute away from her and teleported away from her.

"**_HEY!_**" she shouted indignantly.

On the ground, the six jinchuriki stopped twisting in agony and wheezed in grateful lungfuls of air.

"You asshole! Give that back!" she cried, stamping her foot childishly.

"Mmmm…" Kakashi said thoughtfully, "Don't wanna."

"**_URRRRGH!_**" She growled angrily.

* * *

The Leader (I'm not namin' him! you can't make me!) glared in their general direction. 

Itachi (damn it! I almost wrote'm outta the plot this time! damn it! damn it! damn it!) gave a disheartened sigh, disappointed that everyone was still alive.

Haku went to assist the Uzumaki's, but-

"**_STOP, HAKU!_**" They roared at him, stopping him dead in his tracks.

* * *

"No one else…" Hotaru murmured, staggering to her feet, "…shall be injured needlessly…no one else shall die." 

Her fingers moved to the latches on her tekko.

"I am about to show you all…the truest face of the Kyuubi no Yoko." She murmured, "In this stage, my human chakra is almost completely devoured by the Kyuubi's."

_**-CLNK-CLNK-**_

"How I wish…it hadn't come to this." Hotaru said softly watching the tekko as they fell to the ground, "…but you assaulted my friends…my family…which is absolute;y…unforgivable in my eyes."

She looked back upwards at the Uzumaki Seeker Ninja's, her eyes glowing a demonic, fiery orange.

"…you should be running." She said quietly as her body began to distort.

* * *

There were loud popping and cracking sounds as she suddenly gained two feet in height. 

A fiery tinge erupted from every pore, covering her arms, legs, hands, feet and face.

Fiery orange fur burst from the backs of her arms, hands, the tops of both feet and completely covered both legs.

Her hair grew several feet and became blood red.

Sharp talons exploded from her fingers and toes.

Fangs grew in place of teeth.

The whites of her eyes became black.

Her ears became pointed and slid up the sides of her head.

Nine tails erupted from her tailbone.

* * *

"Oh…oh my god." One Seeker sputtered. 

Hotaru turned an angry eye on the Uzumaki Seeker's letting loose a loud animalistic growl.

"G-get ready everyone!" the Leader squeaked.

Thick saliva dripped off her fangs, hitting the ground and disintegrating the neighboring plantlife, a low steady growl was in Hotaru's throat.

The Seeker Ninja were quaking violently as she took a step forward, letting loose another loud ferocious growl.

"**FUCK THIS!**" one shouted, throwing down his mask, "**I _QUIT!_**"

As the Ninja dashed off, there were some shared looks between the other Shinobi.

"**I'M WITH _YOU_ MAN!**"

"_**SCREW THIS!**_"

"**AS STRANGE AS IT MIGHT SOUND, I _ENJOY _LIVING!**"

"**THE HEALTH BENEFITS FOR THIS JOB _SUCK_ ANYWAY!**"

Soon, the only one left was The Leader.

* * *

A deep, rumbling, inhuman voice erupted from Hotaru's throat. 

_-_(_"Where are your deaththreats now, little man?"_)_-_ she growled, advancing on him, _-_(_"Still so brave now that no one's left to defend you?"_)_-_

The Leader promptly pissed himself and fainted.

Hotaru turned a glowing eye on the Time Traveler's and gave a low feral growl.

"Uh…H-Hotaru?" Haku asked with a nervous smile.

Saliva ran off her fangs and splash on to the ground, hissing acridly as it burned away the surrounding plant life.

"Sis?" Hajime asked as she got closer, claws extended.

She lifted her face contorted with animalistic fury at them…and…

_-_(_"NYEEEEH! JUST KIDDING!"_)_-_ she grinned (ewww…grinning with a mouthful of fangs? tre' creepy!)

"**WHY TH' HELL DID YOU _DO_ THAT YA BITCH?**" Gaara shouted at her.

_-_(_"Mmm…I just felt like screwing with you!"_)- she smirked.

"Not…funny." Sasuke snarled.

"I…wasn't sc-sc-scared." Naruto stuttered.

Hotaru strutted up to him and ruffled his hair (HEY! Watch it with those claws, missy!)

_-_(_"Well you should have been."_)_-_She smirked,_ -_(_"When I'm like this, there is no telling what I might do."_)_-_

Naruto squeaked loudly.

Izanami grabbed one tekko.

Amidamaru grabbed the other.

**_-CLNK-_**

**_-CLNK-

* * *

_**

Orange skin turned pale peach (nearly white)

Blood red hair reverted to white blonde.

Fur wisped away.

Blackened whites retuned to normal.

Orange irises returned to their original ice-blue tinge.

A perfectly normal (if somewhat changed) Hotaru stood, pouting, where her formerly terrifying presence just had.

She pulled overly long locks of white blonde hair out of her face.

"You're no fun at all, you know that, Old Hag?" she sulked at her Great-grandmother.

"Yeah, yeah." Izanami sighed.

* * *

_Later That Evening…_

"Thanks for lettin' us crash here, Gramps." Hajime said, pulling his soild t-shirt over his head.

"Nadda prob." Amidamaru said cheerfully.

"**_Hey, Old Goat! Where did you say the library was?_**" Hotaru yelled from her temporary room.

"_**Down the hall, last room on your left.**_" Izanami shouted back.

The Uzumaki Twins as well as their boarders were rooming at their Great-grandparent's for the night.

* * *

Naruto had gone to bed after eating five bowls of ramen. 

Hajime was watching **SOUTH PARK** in the den.

Sasuke was playing, "Let's-See-How-Fast-And-Well-We-Can-Avoid-Our-Elder-Brother." with Itachi.

Itachi was playing, "Let's-See-How-Fast-And-Well-We-Can-Turn-Our-Little-Brother-Into-A-Mental-Patient." with Sasuke.

Zabuza and Haku were playing video games against Amidamaru (who was mopping the floor with them)

Gaara was deep in discussion with Izanami about the twin's seals (she's the one who crafts them)

Kakashi (unbeknownst to Hotaru) was hiding out in the library.

* * *

Kakashi lifted his head up with a jerk as the door opened. 

Hotaru glared at him for a moment then strode on past him, muttering under her breath, "_Goddamn perverted asshole_."

That did it.

Kakashi threw down his book and grabbed Hotaru by the wrist, switched her around and slammed her against one the built-in bookcase walls, sending several books tottering off the shelves.

"**_HEY!_**" she cried indignantly, "**_What is your problem?_**"

"My problem…" Kakashi growled, "…is the fact that I have not done a single perverse thing since returning to your time and yet you still insist on calling me a lecher!"

"_**And you don't call that porno mag perverse?**_" Hotaru cried, eyes flashing (she's gotta point you know!)

"That's not the point!" he cried in exasperation, "I haven't kissed you, touched you, done anything to you at all that would even fit the definition '"perverse"' and yet you still insist on treating me this way and I demand an explanation!"

"I…I…" Hotaru stammered, reddening slightly.

"Welll? What is it?" Kakashi snapped, "Huh? Huh? Huh? WHAT?"

"It's…" Hotaru muttered, face turning redder.

"**COME ON, OUT WITH IT!**" Kakashi snarled.

"_**IT'S BECAUSE I LIKE YOU, OKAY?**_" Hotaru screamed at him, face beet red.

* * *

-(_"Atta girl."_)- The Kyuubi cheered within her brain, laughing as Kakashi fell backwards on his ass, -(_"You go!"_)- 

"_Shut up!"_ she shrieked internally, "_It's your fault to begin with!"_

-(_"I love you, too."_)- The Kyuubi snickered.

* * *

Kakashi stared in disbelief at Hotaru as she turned even redder. 

He didn't bite.

"Y-you're kidding right?" he asked sheepishly.

Hotaru's jaw dropped.

"**_Huh?_**" she gaped, "Wh-what did you just-?"

"What are you trying to pull this time?" Kakashi asked, narrowing his eyes, "What's your ploy?"

Hotaru couldn't speak, just stood there, mouth opening and closing like a fish.

-(_"Ooo…bad call there, buddy."_)- The Kyuubi tsked.

Kakashi watched as Hotaru's knuckles turned white.

She lifted her head, angry tears dancing in her eyes.

"_**RRRRRGH!**_" she growled, "You know what Kakashi? I just decided I don't give a DAMN how much I like you now! If this is the way you treat someone who tells you they like you, I can't imagine what you would do to someone who told you that they loved you."

Kakashi realized his error too late; he remembered that they were in the library.

**_-FRAK_WHAK_THAK_BAK_WOK_THOK_BOK_THRAK_BRAK_KROK_KA-KRAK_FRAK_WHAK_THAK_BAK_WOK_THOK_BOK_THRAK_BRAK_KROK_KA-KRAK_FRAK_WHAK_THAK_BAK_WOK_THOK_BOK_THRAK_BRAK_KROK_KA-KRAK-_FRAK_WHAK_THAK_BAK_WOK_THOK_BOK_THRAK_BRAK_KROK_KA-KRAK_FRAK_WHAK_THAK_BAK_WOK_THOK_BOK_THRAK_BRAK_KROK_KA-KRAK_FRAK_WHAK_THAK_BAK_WOK_THOK_BOK_THRAK_BRAK_KROK_KA-KRAK_-FRAK_WHAK_THAK_BAK_WOK_THOK_BOK_THRAK_BRAK_KROK_KA-KRAK_FRAK_WHAK_THAK_BAK_WOK_THOK_BOK_THRAK_BRAK_KROK_KA-KRAK_FRAK_WHAK_THAK_BAK_WOK_THOK_BOK_THRAK_BRAK_KROK_KA-KRAK-

* * *

_**

"Secret Technique: Beatcha-With-A-Book-Corner; Type Three! Library Maelstrom!" Hotaru spat, swiping away the furious tears as she stormed out of the library.

"…ow." Kakashi groaned from beneath the mountain of books.

* * *

"Hm? Hey did you hear something?" Amidamaru asked. 

"No." Haku and Zabuza replied simultaneously, completely focused on the game, "Stop with the distraction tactics, old man."

Sasuke mananged to find a statue of Jizo, crack Itachi over the head with it, and escape into his room.

Gaara, very intrigued with the information he absorbed, strolled into his room to think over things.

* * *

Hotaru lay on her back and sighed infuriatedly. 

This was just like back when she was ten, and had told her first crush she had liked him.

_FLASHBACK_

_"Uh...um...Wataru-kun...I...I really l-like you." Hotaru stuttered._

_"Are you kiddin' me?" he snorted._

_"Huh?" Hotaru replied, startled._

_"Your cousin Yuu told me all aboutcha." Wataru snorted, "Like I'd ever go with a demon girl."_

_"D-demon...girl?" Hotaru said in a choked whisper._

_"Just forget about it, freakshow." He laughed as he walked away._

_Her cousins, who were watching in the bushes, burst out laughing._

_"Devil Girl!"_

_"Who would ever go with you?"_

_"Stupid!"_

_"Dummy!"_

_"St-stop it." Hotaru whispered fiercely, covering her ears with her hands, "Shut uuuuup."_

_Hajime saw what was happening and dashed over quickly._

_"HEY! What th' HELL are you doin' t' my sister?" he snarled._

_"Ooo, the other Freak Twin makes an appearence." _

_"Hi-chan? What is goin' on?" he cried, as Hotaru began hyperventilating, trying to stay in control._

_"Yeah, Demon."_

_"Tell your brother."_

_"Tell him how you were rejected!"_

_"How you'll never be loved!"_

_"Both of you!"_

_"Tell him!"_

_"Tell him!"_

_"Tell him!"_

_END OF FLASHBACK_

_

* * *

_

Another angered sigh.

Hotaru looked at her hand, where the curse seal resided, marking her as a member of the Uzumaki Clan.

Every member had one, this was true, but because of the threat the jinchuriki posed, a test was always performimmediately after birth, one that directlyinvolved the marks.

A poker was prepared, stoked in a fire until it glowed.

The infant in question was brought forward,curse sealexposed.

And the poker was brought to the marking.

If the poker was repelled, the child housed a demon, who was protecting it's vessel with a blast of youki.

If not, a horrible scar was left behind; it would fade, but took years.

* * *

"It must have been...so painful for them."Hotaru mused aloud, "To be burdened with not one, but two jinchuriki as children." 

She smirked and flopped backward on her bed.

"Yes..." she said, "...with all the fantasic, amazing things I've acomplished..."

She draped a tekko cladwrist over her eyes.

"It's a smallwonder they aren't turning-cartwheels-in-their-graves." she groaned.

* * *

Hajime watched as Eric Cartman and Shelly Marsh conspired to get back at Shelly's twenty-two year old boyfriend, Skylar. 

"What kinda crack addict has a twelve-year old datin' someone twenty two?" he wondered aloud as Shelly began her special work on Skylar's guitar.

"Oh well." he brushed it off, "Best not ta think about it." (...dumbass)

He burst out laughing as the twelve year old girl and eight year old cut-outs walked in on the cat orgy.

His laughter doubled as Mrs. Cartman stumbled in and passed out drunk in the middle of the floor.

* * *

His laughter awoke Naruto, who tottered into the room. 

"Wazz sho funny?" he asked sleepily.

Unable to speak, Hajime pointed to the screen.

Naruto blinked in exhaustion.

Blinked again...

...then burst out laughing as Stan and Kyle went into their trademark lines, "OH MY GOD! THEY KILLED KENNY!" "YOU-BASTARDS!"

(Authoress: Hey! That show isn't suitable for twelve year olds!)

(Random Readers: AW SHUT UP!)

Chef was now singing about this "Chocolate Salty Balls." sending the boys into fits of laughter.

* * *

In the library, Kakashi was just regaining consciouness. 

"...ow..." he moaned, unburying himself.

He ran a hand back through his hair in disconcertion.

"_Sheesh...why'd she get so angry?_" he wondered, "_It's not like she was serious...right?_"

* * *

(A/N: Hotaru is giving Kakashi the silent treatment; Gaara has new seals; Naruto has an epiphany; Sasuke and Itachi are at each other's throats; Zabuza and Haku are indifferent and Hajime just wants to get this over with so he wont miss **World's Wildest Police Chases**. R&R!) 


	21. Down the Rabbit Hole and Back Again

(A/N: Hiya! Lady Hiran here! Wow! That's all I can say! Wow! So many reviews! Because of all of you, this effed up mess shall continue! I'm so proud of alla yew! So without further adieu, READ ON!)

* * *

Hotaru sighed loudly, rolling off the bed at (clock check) eight 0' clock P.M.

She strolled quietly down the hall, the sounds of her Naruto and brother's laughter meeting her ears.

Zabuza and Haku's loud angry groans reached her ears as well as a triumphant whoop from her Great-grandfather as they continued their video game marathon in the family room.

The sound of Sasuke's frenzied footfalls as he ran from Itachi, who was chasing him around the main walkway outside the house, found her.

The surprisingly happy voice of Gaara and the kind reassuring voice of her Great-­grandmother as they talked in the kitchen made their way to her sensitive eardrums.

* * *

_**-WHMP­-**_

Hotaru staggered back and looked to see whom she had run into.

Her eyes narrowed when she saw it was Kakashi.

With a ferocious glare that would have killed lesser men, she turned on her heel and stormed down the hall.

* * *

Kakashi blinked. 

That was it?

No beating?

No screaming at the top of her lungs?

Oh, man.

He must have made her **REALLY** mad this time.

He rubbed the lump on the back of his head and sighed.

"What to do?" he said aloud.

* * *

Kakashi strode into living room just as **SOUTH PARK** went on commercial. 

"Hey, Hajime?" he asked, as he watched Naruto and Hajime wipe hysterical tears from their eyes, "You and that Kanna girl are together right?"

"Mm-hm." Hajime nodded, "Since junior high."

"Well, have you ever gotten into a fight with her?" Kakashi asked.

"Nope." Hajime shrugged, "She's _**waaaaaayy**_ too mellow for that. Why?"

Kakashi slumped forward in exasperation.

"Never mind." He sighed as **SOUTH PARK** came back on.

* * *

Kakashi strode in the same general direction as Hotaru, picking up on her chakra. 

Determined to apologize, he followed it to a room that had it's door closed and locked and quickly broke the door down.

"Hotaru, I'm sorr-"

"**_EEEEEYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!_**" Hortaru shrieked covering her chest with both arm and ducking under the water.

_"This..."_ Kakashi just realized, _"...isa bathroom."_

...and Hotaru was in the middle of taking a bath.

Trying to cool her head.

"Uh oh." Kakashi said sheepishly.

* * *

In a fury, Hotaru grabbed the nearest towel, wrapped it around herself and splashed out of the tub. 

"**_Ka-KA-SHIIII!_**" she snarled, "**_YOU-PER-VERT-ED-BAS-TARRRRRD!_**"

"I-I CAN EXPLAIN!" He stammered, backing himself into a corner.

"**_DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!_**" she roared.

**-FWAK-BAK-BOK-WOK-KROK-GOK-KAK-WROK-GROK-FRAK-KONK-GONK-BONK­-WONK-SMAK-WAK-WRAK-BONK­-FWAK-BAK-BOK-WOK-KROK-GOK-KAK-WROK-GROK-FRAK-KONK-GONK-BONK­-WONK-SMAK-WAK-WRAK-BONK­-**

Kakashi lay on the floor, steam rising from the heat of the new welts left by his hardcover copy of _'Come, Come Paradise'._

Hotaru stood over him, eyes glowing with malice, the offending weapon still in hand.

"**_Uzumaki School, Secret Jutsu; Asura's-Dance-of-Blades_** (see ch.9) combined with the **_Beatcha-With-A-Book-Corner-Technique: Type One! Book Corner Barrage!_**" Hotaru growled hurling the book at the back of Kakashi's head (it bounced off and landed next to him)

Hotaru then made sure to step on him as she exited the bathroom, forgetting all about her bath.

* * *

She stormed into her room, dressing quickly. 

"That guy. **_That guy! WHY DID I HAVE TO FALL FOR THAT GUY?_**" She screamed into her bedding, beating the pillows with both fists.

(Authoress: Cuz it's my fic, and I'm a cold-blooded bitch! HA-HA!)

She stopped moving and lay there, motionless, exhausted from being so angry.

"Why?" She murmured, "Why that perverted bastard? I am really that desperate for human contact that I would fall for a lecher like him?"

(Authoress: Uh-**_DUUHHHHHHHH-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh!_** Ya gotta love Ling-Ling! And for those of you who don't watch **Drawn Together**, just let it go.)

She sat up and ran a hand roughly through her hair.

"Well...I'm still not apologizing." Hotaru scowled stubbornly, "I do not abide perversion! "

She glomped a pillow tightly under her chin.

"He has to apologize first." She grumbled into the pillow, "I won't speak to him again otherwise. I don't care how much I like him."

(Authoress: I don't really think it would be much of a loss on his part ya violent, crazy, crack whore.)

* * *

The next morning, Hajime awoke to find his ancestor's head on his chest. 

"**GLUH!**" Hajime gasped, pushing the twelve-year old of him.

"...raaaaameeeennnnnn..." Naruto burbled sleepily, a drowsy grin on his face.

Hajime breathed a sigh of relief when he recalled that they had fallen asleep watching the Comedy Central **SOUTH PARK** Marathon.

He strolled into the kitchen when Izanami was making breakfast with Hotaru.

Haku and Zabuza were hunkered down over a video game strategy guide, alternating between shoving food in their mouths and turning the pages.

Sasuke was in the midst of a food fight with Itachi (not the fun kind, believe me) and had just managed to successfully land a hunk of crispy bacon in his elder sibling's left Magekyo Sharingan eye.

Hissing in pain, Itachi countered by hurling a spork (lzanami didn't trust him enough to give him an actual fork) at Sasuke's forehead, leaving a rather interesting marking.

Kakashi was deep in conversation with Amidamaru, discussing things that...well...really weren't appropriate to speak of at the breakfast table.

* * *

Hajime noticed the absentee from the group. 

"Oi, where's Gaara?" He asked his Great-grandmother.

"Asleep." She said with a smile, "That boy is dead to the world. It would be cruel to wake him."

Hotaru and Hajime shared a panicked look.

"**_GEH?_**" they gaped, "**_A-ASLEEP?_** **HE'S THE _SHUKAKU'S JINCHURIKI!_ HE'S NOT _SUPPOSED_ TO SLEEP!**" They screamed, flailing their arms wildly (waaaah! I hate the freaky twin thing! it's uber creepy!)

Izanami just smiled.

"Calm down." She said, "I gave the boy a set of seals just like yours, Hajime. There's nothing to worry about."

The Uzumaki Twins were about to continue their terror imposed rant, then stopped.

They closed their mouths...and blushed hotly.

"Oh." They squeaked, now hoping that they hadn't woken the boy.

* * *

_Several hours later…_

"Pshh…he's still asleep." Itachi growled.

Sasuke was currently hiding behind Izanami (human shield tactic) and wasn't particularly saddened by this news.

Naruto was in the living room, watching **World's Wildest Police Chases** with Hajime.

"**GO! GEDDEM! GEDDEM! _GEDDEM!_**" Naruto shouted.

Haku and Zabuza were back in the family room, attempting to defeat Amidamaru again.

"ACK! _**NOOO!**_ **DRAGON KICK! DRAGON KICK! _DRAGON KICK!_**" Zabuza cried.

"**_AAAAAAAUGH!_ MY LIFE POINTS!**" Haku sobbed.

"**_A…aawwnnnn_**. I could do this **_allllll_** day, boys." Amidamaru snickered.

* * *

Kakashi was thinking up a good way to apologize on the external walkway. 

"Uh…hey! Hotaru? I'm sorry, y'know?" he said sheepishly to a support beam," No, no. That's not right."

Hotaru walked down the hall to collect Gaara and happened to hear Kakashi.

She peeked out the door to see what he was doing.

"Be direct, Kakashi! Direct!" he berated himself, "Hotaru? I'm sorry.Yeah! Just like that!"

"Just like what?" Hotaru asked shrewdly from behind him, making the jounin jump several feet in the air.

Kakashi gulped when he saw the cool stare and the complacent smirk on her lips.

"Well?" she asked again, folding her arms.

Glaring fiercely, he strode over to where Hotaru leaned against the doorframe.

"Listen you!" He growled, "What happened yesterday was an accident, plain and simple!"

Hotaru's eyes widened in stunned annoyance.

She could not believe his nerve.

"But none the less…" he continued, "I apologize."

Kakashi began to sweat as Hotaru moved away from the doorway and began to walk away in silence.

She looked back at him.

"Accepted." Hotaru muttered, before striding down the hall.

* * *

Hotaru thanked every deity she knew of that she had managed to escape and concealy the fire engine red blush that was widespread on her face. 

She pushed the door to Gaara's room open.

"Panda-chan? You awake?" She asked softly, face still burning slightly.

"_**…zzz…zzzz…zz…zzzz…**_"

"Phweee…" Hotaru sighed walking over to the bed and watching Gaara as he slept (for real this time ((see ch.16)) )

"I hate to do this, Panda-chan." She said ruefully, "But I'm out of options."

* * *

"Hotaru! Whadd're you doin'?" Hajime screeched as his elder twin tiptoed into the room, Gaara bundled in a blanket like an overgrown baby in her arms (still asleep) 

"_SHHH!_" Hotaru hissed, "This is the best I could come up with! I'll sling him over my shoulder and the rest should be hunky dory!"

"Should be?" Hajime asked incredulously.

"Just round up everybody, jackass!" she whispered fiercely.

* * *

_Twenty minutes later…_

_**-FWASH-**_

_-fyuuuu…-_

_-uuuuuuu…-_

**_-BMMM-_**

"Owch…those landings never get any better!" Naruto hissed.

Sasuke smirked victoriously (he landed on top of Itachi, effectively knocking him unconscious)

The others groaned in pain and clamored to their feet.

"**_SASUKE-KUN!_**"

_**-WHMP-**_

_**-GLOM-**_

"I was so worried about you!" Sakura cried, looking up at Sasuke, face pale, thin from having not eaten, "Are you okay?"

Sasuke found his hand moving on it's own.

He patted her head.

"Dummy." He muttered.

This caused Sakura to break down and cry (...weird girl)

* * *

Naruto saw this and found that he really didn't care; he was just happy for Sakura. 

"N-Naruto-kun?"

He saw a very nervous, obviously happy Hinata, standing a few feet away from him.

"You are back." she said, smiling slightly.

Naruto felt as though the curtains were opened within his mind.

It was so obvious.

Hinata!

She'd always been there hadn't she? (…wow. you're quick.)

Naruto walked over to a pleasantly surprised Hinata and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek (if you blinked you would have missed it)

"Yup!" he grinned, "Good to be back!"

Hinata turned a bright tomato red.

* * *

While all this occurred, The Sunagakure Siblings rushed over in a panic st the sight of their sibling sleeping. 

"**_GAAAAAH!_**" Kankuro yelled, "We're dead! **_Dead!_ DEAD!**"

"_**WHAT DID WE DO WRONG?**_" Temari screamed.

Gaara stirred and sat up woozily.

"_**AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!**_" The elder siblings screamed, "**PLEASE DON'T KILL US!**"

"Could you keep it down?" Gaara asked drowsily, "I'm trying to sleep."

Temari blinked.

Kankuro blinked.

"Uh…" Kankuro gaped.

"Sure." Temari said, more than a little stunned that her little brother was still in control.

"Thankssss…" Gaara said as he fall backward, asleep again.

"Well…he does have a lotta hours to catch up on." Kankuro remarked.

"That's for damn sure." Temari agreed.

* * *

Kakashi spotted Iruka and was about to go over and give the man a noogie when he felt a slight tug on his sleeve. 

He looked down.

Ice blue eyes stared up at him.

"Kakashi?" Hotaru said softly, "We need to talk."

* * *

(A/N: What does Hotaru need to talk to Kakashi about? Will Hajime ever get to finish his show? And will this plot line ever make sense? _**DREAM ON!**_ R&R!) 


	22. You Say Goodbye, I Say Hello

(A/N: **I'M _BAAAAAAAAA-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!_** Hey all! Lady Hiran's inda hizzeh! Apparently, one of my stories was in violation with Fanfiction policy and someone reported me anonymously ((Bastards)) Oh well. I'm over it. Here's the next chapter! Enjoy!)

* * *

"Soooo…what's up?" Kakashi asked after Hotaru had dragged him outside. 

Hotaru sighed heavily, and looked up at him.

"Kakashi…" she said slowly, a small smile on her lips, "You already know how I feel. Whether or not you believe that, however, is an entirely different story."

"No. No." Kakashi said, reddening slightly, "I understand just how you feel!"

"Better than anyone." Hotaru said smoothly, "On a level comparable to that of Hajime. And that's why you already know that I-"

"-can never…see you-a-gain…" Kakashi trailed off.

He stared at Hotaru as she smiled up at him, no trace of sadness on her face.

* * *

"Exactly." She beamed, "Me and my brother have interfered with the time stream far more than we should have. There will be reprocussions if we continue this way." 

"I knew from the beginning it would never work out." Hotaru said hopping up on to the bridge railing she had previously had been leaning against, "But it's funny. Now that we're parting ways, I don't feel the slightest bit sad."

She spread out her arms and began walking along the handrail like a balance beam.

"It's like…" Hotaru mused aloud, "It's like I know that somehow we're destined to meet again! Strange huh?"

Kakashi could find no words as she hopped back of the railing and began walking back towards the examination building.

"Ciao, Kakashi-perv!" she called, waving back-handedly over her shoulder, "See you when I see you."

Kakashi watched, stunned, as she left him there.

"…see you when I…see you." Kakashi muttered, smirking beneath his mask.

* * *

"Hey, Hi-chan!" Hajime shouted, "You ready to go yet or what?" 

"One quick thing first!" Hotaru smiled, extending her hand to her brother, a black bundleinher arm.

"Right!" Hajime said, something dawning on his face as he took his sister's hand.

**_-FFFFFFFN-_**

…

"It's been almost four days!" Kisame cried, "Where could Itachi-sama be?"

"You don't suppose he's been killed, do you?" Sasori asked worriedly.

"**DON'T EVEN SUGGEST IT!**" Kisame snarled.

**_-FFFFFFFN-_**

_-fyuuuu…-_

_**-BMMMMM-**_

"**OWWWW! MY BACK!**" Deidara howled.

"Itachi-sama!" Sasori and Kisame cried joyfully.

**_-FFFFFFFN-_**

…

* * *

**_-FFFFFFFN-_**

**_-TP-_**

"Okay!" Hotaru smiled, "Now I'm ready!"

"Finally." Hajime growled.

"Bye guys!" Naruto sniffled, his arm around a blushing Hinata's shoulders.

"Take care now!" Sakura said, smiling because her beloved Sasuke was holding her hand.

"See ya!" Hajime smirked.

"Have fun growing up!" Hotaru grinned.

The twins clasped hands again and disappeared.

"Hokay." Hayate drawled, "Now that all applicants are present, let the Chunin Exams commence."

* * *

_Back In Present Day Japan…_

_**-FFFFFFFN-**_

_**-TP-**_

"Whew!" Hajime cried, "Good to back! **_ACK!_** Just in time too! I'm gonna miss **The PBR Bull Riding Finals** if I don't hurry!"

Hotaru snickered as her younger twin dashed out of the entryway and into the Living Room.

She walked down the hallway and into her temporary bedroom, flipping on the radio.

"Yeah…" she murmured, listening to Gary Jules's _**Mad World**_, "…we will meet again…all of us."

* * *

_2 ½ years later…_

"_**Hajiiiimeeeee!**_"

An eighteen year old Uzumaki Hajime, several inches taller and hair cut fashionably short now, turned to the owner of the voice.

"Kanna!" he said with a smile as his girlfriend of several years took his arm.

Hajime and Kanna were still attending Yuzurihayama for the college program; both were studying for their Bacheor's Degree's.

Hotaru had decided to study abroad in America; she was currently attending Yale.

"Sorry I'm so late! Computer Lab was murder!" Kanna said sheepishly.

"Really?" Hajime said in mock surprise, "_**Wow!**_ A real live zombie! Wait…that last statement's an oxymoro-"

Kanna was now laughing so hard she couldn't speak.

Hajime gave her a moment to recover.

"Haaa…" Kanna sighed happily, "It's moments like these that I remember why I fell for you!"

"You mean you tend to forget?" Hajime asked innocently, "Might I suggest ginko biloba?"

Kanna started laughing again.

"So, how's Hi-chan doing?" Kanna asked (after regaining her speaking ability)

"Good." Hajime smiled, "Just got'n email from her t'day."

"Nice to here those Yankies are treating her right!" Kanna said smilingly.

"**_PFFFFFT!_**" Hajime snorted, trying unsuccessfully to stifle uncontrollable laughter, "Y-yankies? Kanna, nobody says that anymore!"

Kanna pouted, puffing out her cheeks.

"Don't make fun of me!" She whined.

"Yankee…**_pffft!_**" Hajime snorted as they walked along.

* * *

_Meanwhile, Across The Globe…_

"Uzumaki? Could you file these in the main office for me?"

"Not a problem."

A now eighteen Uzumaki Hotaru,much curvier (an inch or so taller), with her hair (down to the small of her back now) and bangs (the longest of which, barely reaches her chin) parted stylishly down the middle, strode out of the counseling center, several folders tucked under her arm.

Ever since she had parted ways with the past, she had felt the need for change.

Yale was about as big a leap you could get.

While many of the American students attending were vying for her attention, she was still waiting for him.

He had yet to reveal himself.

* * *

"_Phweee_…" Hotaru sighed, quickening her pace as she made her way to her next class, "Naruto certainly wasn't kidding about him always taking his sweet time." 

She opened the door to the lecture hall and quickly took the first available seat, right up front.

_"God…talk about the worst luck possible."_ She griped internally, _"Now I have to deal with Mr. McDowell's creepy looks for three hours!"_

"Hotaru! Yo, Hotaru!"

Hotaru turned around to face one of her American friends, Rochelle Thomas.

"Mm? What is it?" Hotaru asked in easy English.

"Didja hear th' news?" Rochelle whispered excitedly, "We're getting a new teacher! McDowell flew off th' deep end!"

"No way!" Hotaru gaped, "Sure, he was a little unstable but-"

"It's true!" another of Hotaru's friend, Adrian Barajas, said eagerly, "He tried to take a copula other prof's with'em! It was totally wicked!"

"Does anyone know what the the new prof's like?" Hotaru asked.

"Well…supposedly he's young." Rochelle said, smiling suggestively, "Reeeeally young. The youngest prof at Yale!"

"And I heard he's uber hot t' boot!" Amelia Miles (another friend) said smiling in an all too knowing way.

"Uh…guys?" Hotaru interrupted, "Not to be a downer or anything, but class started over fifteen minutes ago…and the' prof's not here."

"…"

* * *

_Twenty Minutes Later…_

"**_URRRGH!_ WHO DOES THIS GUY THINK HE _IS?_**" Peter shouted.

"If ever does get here, I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind." Rochelle snarled, cracking her knuckles threateningly.

"Lousy, rotten-!" Amelia growled.

Hotaru merely ignored them and continued to write down notes from what was supposed to be today's lecture.

Because of her current training level and previous battle experience, she found her friend's threats laughable (tho' she would never tell them that)

The door swung open.

"**ABOUT DAMN _TIME_ YA LAZY ASSHOLE!**" Rochelle, Amelia and Peter roared.

"Sorry! Sorry!" a friend, male voice chuckled, "I just got lost on the road of life!"

"**_CHYEAH RIGHT!_**"

* * *

"…_the road of life_…" Hotaru muttered in shock, lifting her head. 

There stood a man of about twenty two in a pale blue dress shirt, the top three buttons unbuttoned.

He wore dark blue fittedjeans and had a comfortable slouch.

His pale gold tie wasleft undone and hung casually about his neck.

He had very light, mouse brown hair (ya know that silvery, sepia brown?) that hung stylishly in his eyes.

His left eye was a perfectly normal dark brown, almost black.

The right, however, was pale yellow and had a thick scar running through it.

"My name isKyosuke Hatake!" the man smiled, "Nice to meet you all…I think. Now that I'm here, let's get started, shall we?"

* * *

Hotaru's jaw dropped. 

That eye…sure, it was a different color, but...

But that attitude!

That name!

That scar!

There was no way it could be anyone else.

* * *

Hotaru's friend Dane Pieronni noticed how sheintently shewas lookingat the new Art Professor. 

"_Yo._" he whispered, poking her in the back of theneck with his mechanical pencil, "_You know this guy?_"

"_Huh?_" Hotaru replied dazedly, turning slightly to face him, "...n-no..."

_"Took you long enough…Kakashi-perv."_ Hotaru thought, eyes narrowed in annoyance.

* * *

"Well, I assume you're all here because you're pursuing a career in the arts." Kyosuke smiled brightly, "Or Forensics. Either is fine." 

"Geez." Rochelle whispered, "Whadda dim bulb."

"Is he for real?" Peter mumbled.

"To begin with, I suppose I should say a few things about myself." Kyosuke said, "As I already stated, my name is Kyosuke Hatake. My hobbies?...well...I don't really feel like talking about my hobbies. My likes?...there're none of your business really. Dislikes?...I dislike many things. And I suppose that's it."

"He didn't give us ANYTHING!" Dane cried.

"Ho-yeah." Hotaru sighed, "If your not Kakashi-perv, I'm Barbara Streisand!"

"Now then..." Kyosuke smiled, "Let's begin...shall we?"

* * *

(A/N: Kakashi has returned so it seems, but does he remember Hotaru? And what about the rest of the Shinobi from Sunagakure and Konohagakure? Were they reincarnated like Kakashi as Hotaru prophosized? And what happens that has Hajime and Kanna on the next plane to New Haven, Connecticut? R&R baby! I'm out!) 


	23. Pam Anderson and Fake WHAT?

(A/N: **_OHMIGODILOVEYOU! _**

You.

Guys.

**RAWK!**

Never before have I had reviews more faithful than you! You guys are absolutely wonderful! Without further Adieu, here's Chapter 23! Enjoy!)

* * *

Hotaru racked her brain.

What to do?

Kyosuke-Kakashi hadn't looked her way once the entire lesson.

She now stared at the back of his head, in what she was very ashamed to admit, was a very creepy, stalkerish type glare.

Shewas currentlysitting about twenty feet away from him on the edge of a fountain

* * *

Kyosuke shuddered at the shudden chills shooting up his spine.

The blonde girl…something with a _"U"_…from his third period Physiology course, had been staring at him from behind the pages of her Art History book for over twenty minutes now.

It gave him the creeps.

And really put him off his food.

Neither of which was fun.

At last, he could take no more.

He rose from his seat on the bench and put his lunch away.

With a tired sigh, Kyosuke began walking away in search of a more secluded spot.

* * *

_"Ah!"_ She thought discouragedly, _"He's leaving!"_

_"Come on."_ Hotaru thought frustratedly as he walked away, _"There must be somethi-!"_

She was mentally smacked by both herself and the Kyuubi.

-(_"Gedda clue, Smartass!"_)- The Kyuubi exclaimed in an aggravated tone.

"Talk about obvious!" Hotaru cried, dashing after the rapidly disappearing Kyosuke-Kakashi.

Gripping her hardcovered edition of _'The Essential History of Art'_ she rushed up behind him and…

* * *

_**-FRAK-WHAK-THAK-BAK-WOK-THOK-BOK-THRAK-BRAK-KROK-KA-KRAK-**_

Kyosuke lay on the ground, several new welts steaming on his head.

"**_Beatcha-With-A-Book-Corner-Technique! Type One: Book Corner Barrage!_**" Hotaru declared, tossing her book casually in one hand.

Kyosuke, in a pain induced haze, pushed himself off the ground woozily.

"Urrrrgh!" He growled, whirling around to face her, "What's your problem?"

A very happy expression filled Hotaru's face.

"Kakashi-perv?" she asked, "Do you remember now?"

"Ka-ka…shi?" Kyosuke asked bewilderedly, "I'm sorry, but I'm afraid you've got me confused for someone el-"

Hotaru glared ferociously and stormed over so there was only two inches between them.

Kyosuke had to admit, for someone so short, she was very intimidating.

She reminded him of that anime character, Hiei, from Yu Yu Hakusho.

* * *

"**_No, I'm not mistaken!_**" She growled, waving her finger in his face.

Hotaru fingered the portion of the scar just bellow the eye, bringing a shiver from the older man.

"Tell me, did you get this protecting a friend?" she asked.

"No, I got it rock climbing." Kyosuke stated.

Her face faltered.

Hotaru bent down, retrieving something of the pavement, "I'm guessing that eye isn't yours, right?"

She grabbed his palm and placed a bright gold contact into his hand.

"His name was Uchiha right?" Hotaru asked quietly, staring into the blood red depths of the Magekyo Sharingan, "You saved him, so he died…returning the favor…right?"

"No, actually." Kyosuke saic cheerfully, "As a matter of fact, this eye is mine. I just find the color gold more appealing.

* * *

She looked as though she had been slapped, struck down by his words.

"O-oh…I see." Hotaru stammered, face flushing in embarrassment.

_"I don't believe it!"_ she thought wildly, _"How could it be the wrong guy?"_

"I-I'm very sorry." Hotaru mumbled, "For…for hitting you…and stalking you…and helping my friends raid your car."

"What was that last one?" Kyosuke snapped.

"Don't worry about it." she muttered.

Hotaru turned on her heel and began to walk of, onlt pausing for a moment to look back at Kyosuke.

"I really am…very sorry…Hatake-sensei." Hotaru mumbled.

* * *

"Wait, **_Wait, _WAIT!**" Kyosuke cried, reappearing an inch in front of her, "**_Yeesh! _**No need to look so depressed! I was only messin' with ya!"

Hotaru looked up at him, face flaming, eyes brimming over with tears of shame.

"Kakashi-perv?" she gaped, "That really is you?"

"Yeah." He grinned, "But the name's Kyosuke now."

**_-SMAK-_**

Hotaru slapped Kyosuke-Kakashi across the face.

"**_BASTARD!_**" she shrieked, "_**How DARE you jerk my chain like that?**_"

"What can I say?" Kyosuke shrugged, rubbing his enflamed cheek, "At least I thought it was funny!"

"**_How can someone who's a college professor still be such a RETARD!_**" Hotaru cried, throwing her hands up in a fit of frustration.

"Dunno." Kyosuke smirked, "Just lucky I guess."

"_**Urrrgh!**_" she growled, "Your so infuriating!"

* * *

_Meanwhile, Across the Globe…_

"I know!" Kanna giggled, "The Roast of Pam Anderson is **_soooo_** funny!"

"I know!" Hajime snickered, "Th' broad didn't even realize her top was see thru til th' very end of th' Roast!"

Kanna began laughing again, clutching Hajime's jacket for support.

"And she wasn't wearin' a bra fer chrisakes!" Hajime snorted, "On National Television! I mean, c'mon!"

Kanna's laughter doubled and she almost lost her footing.

Hajime opened up the front door to the house he grew up in, newly rebuilt, and opened the door.

* * *

"Your home!" a voice said smilingly, "About damn time."

"What th' fuck?" Hajime growled, throwing an arm in front of his girlfriend, "How th' hell did you get in here?"

"Hajime!" the voice said peacefully, "Calm down! It's me!"

"I don't know no one named 'Me'." Hajime snarled.

"Hajime!" the voice said again exasperatedly as Kanna flipped on the lights, "It's-!"

"_**KAKASHI!**_" Hajime shouted, "You sunnavabitch! Get over here!"

* * *

Hajime wrapped the elder man in a bonecrushing hug.

He looked a little different but all of the distinguishing features were there.

The distinctive scar over the right Magekyo Sharingan eye.

Light silvery brown hair falling stylishly into his eyes.

The ANBU tattoo on his right bicep.

The comfortable slouch.

The porno mag (sigh)

* * *

"Finally." He grinned, "Where's your sister?"

"Well she's-"

_**-BRRRRRRRRNN-**_

_**-BRRRRRRRRNN-**_

_**-BRRRRRRRRNN-**_

"Hold on a sec." Hajime said, snatching up the phone.

"Y'lo?" he asked casually.

_**"Hajime!"**_ Hotaru's happy voice cried over the receiver, _**"You'll never guess what's happened!"**_

"What?" Hajime asked, eager to hear her new so he could tell his.

_**"I FOUND KAKASHI!"**_ She squealed.

* * *

Hajime's jaw dropped.

**_"Isn't it amazing?"_** Hotaru continued, undaunted by the silence on the other end of the line, _**"He's my Human Physiology prof!"**_

This was impossible.

Kakashi was right…here.

How could he be in two places at once?

**_"He and I are going out tonight to celebrate!"_** she persisted.

That snapped him out of his daze.

**_"Well, I got to go now!"_** Hotaru chirped, **_"I have to run across campus to get to my next class! Wish me luck!"_**

"Hotaru WA-!" Hajime cried.

_**"Later bro!"**_ Hotaru cried cheerfully, hanging up with a click.

* * *

Hajime dropped the receiver.

"Honey, are you okay?" Kanna asked worriedly, running to his side.

"Anything wrong?" Kakashi (current name still unknown) asked mildly.

Hajime lifted his head, eyes flashing, and stormed towards the door.

As he threw open, he knocked aside a horde of teens, all of which were about thirteen.

"_**Ack!**_"

"**Hey!**"

"**_Hajime!_**"

"_**Watch it ya jerk!**_"

"H-Hajime-k-kun…"

"…"

"_**Rrrr!**_"

* * *

The reincarnated members watched in annoyance as they were ignored and Hajime continued on his tirade, Kanna and Kakashi hot on his heels.

Hajime knew that one of these Kakashi's was a fraud.

And he had a pretty good idea how to find out which one.

* * *

"Hello." The cheery Airline employee smiled, "Welcome to Skyworks. May I help you?"

"New Haven, Connecticut." He snapped, "One way."

"Same for us!" Kanna and Kakashi (maybe) chorused, "We're with him!"

"Don't forget about us!" the rest of the reincarnates shouted.

"Gotcha." The woman smiled, "Your flight leaves in twenty minutes."

* * *

(A/N: Two Kakashi's? Hows that for a plot twist? Which ones the fraud? And how will Hotaru react when she discovers which one the fake is? R&R mah peeps! Ahm OUT!)


	24. Dates and Disclosures

(A/N: **WOO-HOO!** Happy to be here! It's Lady Hiran! Let's not beat about the bush! Here's the next chap! Enjoy!)

* * *

Hotaru hummed to herself, not focusing a bit on the lesson.

She allowed her mind to wander to the night ahead.

Hotaru held back and excited giggle and settled on a mischievous smirk.

She couldn't wait.

* * *

Hajime jiggled foot impatiently in his uncomfortable coach seat waiting for that familiar -ding- from the cockpit that would announce their arrival in Connecticut. 

It was taking too long!

Kanna held his hand, lightly stoking his thumb with her own, but this nothing to settle his agitated state.

Naruto (now Arisugawa Taka) frowned worriedly, but focused on the in-flight movie that was nearing it's end.

Hinata (now Hikaru Asahi) nervously leaned aginst Naruto, picking up on Hajime's anxiety.

Sakura (now Kishu Himawari) smiled contentedly, arms encircled around her boyfriend's (currently half asleep) imaging the happy reunion that awaited them (such an airhead)

Sasuke (now Fukamachi Shigure) was nodding off, the movements of the airliner making him very drowsy.

Ino (now Takamichi Kiku) leaned comfortably against Shino (now Matsushita Yasuo).

Kiba (now Asakura Hige) snored loudly, Akamaru (no name change) snoring right along with him.

Temari (now Takai Kirika) sat, fingers intertwined, with Shikamaru (now Nosaka Ginta), discussing Stephen King.

Gaara (now Gakushi) tapped his fingers in time to **_H.I.M_**.'s **_'Wings Of A Butterfly'_**, eyeliner lined eyes closed (yup! He's a goth! Therefore, Hotaru will still call him Panda-chan even though hecansleep now! Ha!)

Kankuro (now Ushio) flipped through the pages of Shounen Jump, snickering every so often.

Neji (now Nanao) read an adavanced Calculus text book with deep interest.

Tenten (now Shaolin) read over his shoulder.

Iruka (now Aogiri Kei) slept with his head drooping forward.

Kakashi (…perhaps…anyways, this guys current name is Hatake Kazune) mildly flipped through the pages of his **_VERY GRAPHIC_** porno mag, not taking notice when a five year old boy walked by with his mother, on their way to the bathroom, and got a good **_loonnnnnng_** look.

(_A/N: The rest are all scattered in various places across the globe_)

* * *

"Grrrr…" Hajime growled, "Hurry it up goddamnit, or I'll _**hijack**_ this bucket a bolts!" 

"_**Hajime!**_ _SHH!_" Kanna whispered worriedly.

* * *

_Meanwhile…_

"**_WAAAAUGH!_**" Hotaru shrieked, throwing every article of clothing she owned out of the closet and onto the floor, "**_WHAT AM I GOING TO WEAR?_**"

She sifted through the clothing, looking for something, **ANYTHING**, remotely sexy.

There was nothing.

Just comfortable jeans with holes in the knees…

…baggy sweats…

…oversized tees…

…turtlenecked sweaters…

"_**THIS IS A NIGHTMARRRRRRRRRE!**_" Hotaru wailed, snatching up her purse, almost stepping on Tanpopo (yep! The little fox is still alive and kickin'!) who dodged her foot with an angered yelp.

"**_Sorry Popotan!_**" She cried, dashing out the door, "**_I'll make it up to you later! This is an emergency!_**"

* * *

_**-BAMMM-**_

Hotaru didn't bother with the stairs.

She leapt over the stone wall of her apartment (which happens to be seventeen stories up, by the way) and ran down the side of the building.

"**_NO MAKE UP! NO JEWELRY! AND ONLY THREE HOURS TO GET AN OUTFIT AND HOPEFULLY GET MY HAIR DONE…WAAAAAAAAAAUGH! THIS IS HOPELESS!_**" Hotaru sobbed as she sprinted at inhuman speeds downtown.

-(_"Well, somebody's excited."_)- The Kyuubi snickered.

"_No! I'm PANICKED!"_ Hotaru shrieked telepathically, _"NOW SHUT UP AND HELP ME!"_

-(_"Of course your majesty!"_)- The Kyuubi replied sarcastically.

* * *

_Back With Our Reincarnated Buddies…_

Hajime rushed through the terminal, knocking over several nuns trying to get donations for their parish.

Kanna hurriedly apologized for her inconsiderate (worried out of his little, pink mind) boyfriend.

Upon seeing the (what appeared to be) stark-raving-mad, ripped eighteen year old tearing through the airport, foaming at the mouth (ooo…so close!) they automatically cleared a path for him and the large horde of pre-teens that followed him (and the two twenty-somethings!)

"**_Hajime! Calm down!_**" Kanna cried as the party filled an entire bus and Hajime snarled at the terrified driver to take them to his sister's apartment, like **NOW!**

"Ahhh…nothing's changed!" Kazune-Kakashi (…I'm watchin' you) sighed cheerfully.

"That's for damn sure!" Hige-Kiba snickered.

"Oh brother." Kirika-Temari sighed, still holding Ginta–Shikamaru's hand.

* * *

_Back With Our Unaware Little Friend…_

"_**WAAAAAUGH!**_" She sobbed in Rochelle's knee's, "_**I only have an hour now! What am I supposed to DO?**_"

"Sweat it not." Amelia said with a huge grin, "Girls?"

"**_MAKEOVER!_**" The entire sorority of Beta Sigma Phi shrieked, rushing her.

"…please…have mercy…" Hotaru squeaked as two approached with a lethal combo of torture implements; barber scissors and a squirt bottle (1) and an eyelash curler and tweezers (2)

When another came at her with hot wax, she knew she was doomed.

As they closed in on all sides she puffed her chest and roared out with all the vigor she could muster-

"..._Mommmmyyy!_"

* * *

_Fourty Five Minutes Later…_

"There now!" Ameilia smiled, "That wasn't so bad now, was it?"

"F-fuck you, bitch!" Hotaru hiccupped through the remaining tears.

"Aww…now that's not very nice!" Rochelle snickered, swatting her across the ass.

"**_AIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE!_**" She shrieked (they had insisted on giving her a Brazilian Bikini wax).

"Serves you right for being so ungrateful." One of the sorority girls chided.

"I swear to God, you're **_sooooooo_** lucky I have a date in ten minutes, or you would be **_sooo_** dead." Hotaru snarled.

As she walked down the steps of the Beta Sigma Phi sorority house, muttering angrily under her breath, the entire house proceeded to yell out after her, "**_HAAAAVE FUUUH-UNNNN!_**"

"_Tch…lousy, rotten, no good…_" Hotaru muttered.

* * *

She glanced down, taking in their handywork. 

Had to admit, they did a nice job.

A pink and white, sequined daisy halter top; form fitting and revealing her pierced navel.

Light blue Tsubi jeans that were clung to every curve and dipped almost dangerously low.

A glittering gold choker.

A pair of silvery white stiletto sandals.

The Beta Sigma Phi girls had also cut her hair (they would pay dearly for this later) and lightly curled it.

It now bounced jauntily about her breasts.

"Phweeh…" she sighed, "Lets just hope I make it on time."

* * *

Hands clamped over her eyes. 

"Guess who?" a familiar voice asked.

"Kyosuke-gaki!" Hotaru smiled as the hands were removed and she turned to face her sensei.

(Gaki- Devil, Fiend, Imp; Not Polite at **ALL!**)

"Now that's not a very nice thing to say!" Kyosuke-Kakashi (…I've got me EYE on you!) grinned.

"But **TOTALLY ACURATE!**" Another familiar voice snarled ferally.

* * *

Hotaru whirled around, curls bouncing. 

Her eyes widened in happy surprise…then joy at all the reincarnates…then total...shock.

"Hajime…is that…" She looked back and forth between the Kakashi's, "…but he's…but I thought…"

"Hotaru, think about this logically." Kazune-Kakashi said, closing his porno mag and looking up at her, "If the Kakashi you knew was reborn in Japan…and it took until now for everyone's memories to awaken…how in the seven hells would he know you had decided to go to school here?"

Hotaru's eyes widened in horror…the narrowed into a vicious, bloodthirsty glared, overflowing with malice, all directed at one person…

Kyosuke.

If that really was his name.

Which she highly doubted.

* * *

"**_YYYOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!_**" She roared, latching both hands around his throat before he had a chance to escape, eyes flashing a dangerous orangy red, "**_HOW DARE YOU TOY WITH MY FEELINGS!_**" 

"**W-WAIT! _I can explain!_**" he cried, thrashing widly as she hurled him to the ground.

He bounced several times, hit a tree and didn't move after that.

"_**SHOVE IT!**_" Hotaru snarled, turning on her three inch heels and storming off.

Hajime went after his twin with Kakashi (koff, sorry! Kazune!) leaving the rest to ponder about this doppelganger.

* * *

"Who do you think he is?" Himawari-Sakura mused, sticking very close to Shigure-Sasuke. 

"Dunno." He muttered.

"Probably just an overly informed stalker." Gakushi-Gaara murmured (headphones still on full blast)

"If that's the case, do ya think we shold…heh heh…take care a him?" Ushio-Kankuro snickered.

"No." Nanao-Neji muttered, "Lets wait for him to regain consciousness first."

"Yes." Kei-Iruka said with a nod, "Then we can interrogate him...properly."

* * *

(A/N: **_Ooo!_** Shinobi interrogation methods! Hot pokers! Kunai's! Oh, I can't wait! ((Koff! Umm...the preview?)) Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nobody reads these things anyways! So, Kazune-Kakashi and Hajime set out to find Hotaru only to discover something totally unexpected. What kind of damagehas this sudden revelation about this imposter wrought? R&R dudes and dudettes.)

(Seriously! No one ever reads these things! In fact, if you're still reading this, you're wasting valuable seconds of your life!)

* * *


	25. Transformation! Truth Behind The Fraud

(A/N: Hiya! Lady Hiran has returned! Sorry this tok so long! I was having a major brain fart! Here's the next chapter! Enjoy!)

* * *

Hajime spotted his female double at the crosswalk, tapping her foot and huffing frustratedly as she waited for the light to change.

Kazune-Kakashi and Hajime rushed forward and reached forward to tap her on the shoulder…

…when she rounded on them.

"You know what?" she asked them, her eyes squinted in thought, "I'm done…with the male sex in general. They just make things too complicated. Too much of a hassle, you know?"

Hotaru turned back to the crosswalk, muttering under her breath, "Think I'll stay celibate…yeah, that's it. The straight and narrow for me."

Kazune-Kakashi looked as though the world was ending.

He grabbed Hajime by the shoulders and throttled him, yelling, "**_DOOO_ SOMETHING! I DIDN'T HOVER AROUND AS A FORMLESS SPIRIT FOR HUNDREDS OF YEARS JUST FOR _THIS_ TO HAPPEN! FIXITFIXITFIXIT_NOOWWW!_**"

"**O-_O_-O-_O_-O-_OH_-KAY-_YEE_-YEE-_YEE_-YEE-_YEE_-YEE!**" Hajime hollered.

* * *

_Back With Our Reincarnated Buddies (and soon to be dead man)…_

"_Uhnn_…" Kyosuke groaned, wondering why he couldn't move his arms or legs.

"He's awake." Taka-Naruto snickered, rolling him over with a swift kick to the gut.

"Good." Kiku-Ino smirked, pulling a whip taut in her hands.

"We want answers." Shaolin-Tenten said sternly, "And we want them now."

"I don't hafta tell you-**HEEYEEEEEEP!**" Kyosuke sqealed.

Kei-Iruka whipped out kunai.

Shigure-Sasuke pulled out a pair of sai.

Kirika-Temari pulled out her gianormous fan (from only GOD knows where)

"Now…we want you to tell us everything." Himawari-Sakura growled.

"About how you knew about Kakashi." Gakushi-Gaara murmured, "And about us."

Well with that giant FAN in his face, how could he refuse?

"Alright!" he cried, "I admit it! I'm not this Kakashi person, whoever the fuck he is!"

Taka-Naruto, Himawari-Sakura and Shigure-Sasuke gave fierce growls.

"My nameisn't even Kyosuke!" he stuttered, quelling under the glares, "It's Yamano Shun!"

"And how old are you?" Kei-Iruka asked coolly.

"Thirty-four." Shun replied quickly (eeeeeeewww! a pedophile!)

"How do you know about Kakashi-sensei?" Himawari-Sakura growled.

"I…I stole Uzumaki-chan's diary." He muttered, not looking at them.

* * *

"**_YOU_..._DID_..._WHAT?_**" The reincarnated Konohagakure Girl's screamed. 

"Dude…that's low." Ushio-Kankuro said in disbelief, "Even I wouldn't stoop that low."

"So you say, brother dear." Kirika-Temari sighed.

"Watch it." Ushio-Kankuro growled.

"Why did you steal it?" Gakushi-Gaara asked coolly, flipping a kunai over and over in his hand.

"**I-I-I-I JUST-WANTED-TO-GET-CLOSER-TO-HER-ALRIGHT!**" he squealed.

"You are some kinda stalker." Shaolin-Tenten mused disgustedly.

"Not even Chouji was that persistant!" Kiku-Ino said, wrinkling her nose.

"You give us…" Yasuo-Shino muttered, "…a bad name."

All eyes turned on the ressurected Shino.

"He **SPOKE!**" Nanao-Neji gaped.

"O-oh my." Asahi-Hinata murmured.

"**DAMN!**" Hige-Kiba whistled.

"He must be pissed." Taka-Naruto said insightfully (well…aren't YOU the quick one!)

"Of course." Ginta-Shikamaru drawled, "Think about it. It's because of guys like this, that girls don't trust guys and we hafta work twice as hard. So troublesome."

Now, the menfolk joined the girls as they moved in on him, smirking in a way that was very fake, truly creepy, and extrememly reminiscent of Hotaru.

"Prepare yourself, you creepy pedophile you!" Kei-Iruka grinned.

Shun began to quiver as they converged on him.

"**AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!**"

* * *

"A Nun!" Hotaru muttered walking along the sidewalk (almost running into a lightpole), "That's it! Then I won't have to deal with guys period! Stupid men…ruining everything…corrupting the planet…hell spawn…" 

She continued mumbling in this vein as she entered anGoth Salon.

_One Hour Later…_

She walked out a very changed girl.

Her hair was no longer waist length and white blonde.

It was black with red low lights (and were talking some SERIOUS red here!) and fell just above where the shoulder blades jutted out.

Black eye liner ringed her eyes.

A clear coat of lipgloss was slicked across her lips.

She had trashed the outfit her friends loaned her.

She would apologized later…maybe.

She now sported a pair of baggy black jeans covered with chains.

A baggy, black, worded tee that read, _"Without The Bodies, You Can't Prove A Thing!"_

A black spiked dog collar.

A black sweatband around her left wrist along with several sex bracelets.

A spider and web slave bracelet on her right.

* * *

She walked along wordlessly, not noticing the pounding footsteps on the sidewalk behind her. 

An arm snaked it's way across her front.

Another twisted her head around.

Hotaru found herself kissing Kazune-Kakashi before she had a chance to think.

She stood there, dumbfounded.

"How did you know it was me?" she mumbled, her eyes wide, "I…Hajime probably wouldn't…"

Kazune-Kakashi grinned and pulled her close.

"You can run all you want." He smirked, "I'll always find you!"

Hotaru looked up at him.

"You know, I'd probably think that was sweet, under different circumstances." She sighed.

"You're right." He smiled, " That sounded totally stalkerish."

They fell silent.

Kazune-Kakashi still holding her and Hotaru allowing him to do so (for the time being)

"You know, Hajime's gonna flip his lid when he's sees what you've done to yourself." Kazune-Kakashi smirked.

"Let him." Hotaru smirked back, "I actually enjoy being a Goth."

Kazune-Kakashi fingered some strands of her newly dyed hair.

"Looks good on you." he smiled.

"Glad you think so." Hotaru smiled gently, pushing away from him, "Listen…I've got to go now."

"…yeah…" Kazune-Kakashi nodded, knowing better than to push his luck.

Hotaru walked off, black hair switching behind her, giving a bright flash of red every so often as she disappeared into the night like an overgrown bat.

Kazune-Kakashi sighed and looked to the sky thoughtfully.

"…those guys better have saved some of that creep for me…" Kazune-Kakashi said, thinking on all the things he wanted to him and grinning…yes…alllll of the things.

* * *

(A/N: Hotaru's a Goth. Kakashi's still a honry perv. Their relationships non-existent, all thanks to that pedophile. Hajime nearly has a heart attack, and more insanity ensues when Kakashi becomes the student of his fromer pupils! R&R!) 


	26. Yeah, It's Me! And You're Gonna Do WHAT?

(A/N: Hiya! Lady Hiran here! Sorry this took forever! Onward and upward peeps!)

* * *

Hotaru ignored the shocked looks of her classmates as she sat down for that morning's lecture.

The black, worded tee shirt she sported that day read, _"DO NOT DISTURB! disturbed enough already!"_

He her hair was pull back into a ponytail, making the red streaking all the more noticeable, her bangs falling into her into her black eyeliner ringed ice blue orbs.

"Whaddya think? Is she playin' a joke?" Dane asked Rochelle.

"Dunno." Amelia whispered back.

"Could be." Adrian shrugged.

"She is the type." Rochelle nodded.

_"Why can't they just shut up?"_ Hotaru wondered, thinking vaguely upon why the prof wasn't here.

* * *

And why wasn't he here you might ask? 

Weeellllllll...

After Kazune-Kakashi and Hotaru parted ways, he set off in search of Shun.

And after he and the rest of the reincarnates were done, it would be safe to say that if the poor pedophile had ever hoped to have children, that dream would now never come to pass.

Kazune-Kakashi now sighed.

What to do.

He could go to a strip club, sure.

He could read his porno mag; that was fine.

He could watch a XXX video.

But there was a problem with all of these options.

They made him horny.

And nowadays, when he got horny, there was only one person he thought of.

"This…sucks." He grumbled.

It just wasn't fair!

Now, whenever he got a hard-on, he became lonely.

He never thought that he could correlate being hot and bothered with being lonesome.

But after all those time Hotaru had whacked him about the head for lecherous acts?

Unintentional lecherous acts, but still!

It was too much!

* * *

"How depressing." He sighed, "I need to find a hobby and quick." 

"Whyzzat?" Hajime asked.

"Huh?" Kazune-Kakashi blinked hard, completely startled.

He had completely forgotten that he was out eating lunch with Kanna and Hajime.

The rest of the reincarnates were out scoping the city (koff-sightseeing-koff)

"Oh, no reason!" he smiled, lying through his teeth, "Just bored!"

"Huh…" Kanna said thoughtfully, "Well,you'll find something! Hang in there!"

"Th-thanks…Kanna." Kazune-Kakashi smiled, trying not to choke on his lie.

"Oi, Kanna?" Hajime said, paying for his food, "I'm gonna find Hi-chan. Ya comin' with?"

"Sure." Kanna smiled, rising to her feet and shifting on her coat, "What about you, Hatake-chan?"

"Think I'll take a pass." he smiled, "She and I…we need to take things slow…especially after an incident like this."

"You're so understanding." Kanna said, eyes sparkling gladly, "Hi-chan doesn't know how lucky she is!"

"Later you two." Kazune-Kakashi said with a wave.

"We'll tell ya said hi." Hajime smirked, grabbing Kanna's hand and running out the door.

"DON'T YOU DARE!" he roared after the mischievous teen, his laughter echoing after him.

* * *

Hajime almost asphixiated from laughing so hard but eventually made his way to the main office of Yale. 

"Hi!" Hajime said, "I'm here to see Uzumaki Hotaru! I'm her brother, so I need a visitors pass."

"…bro?" Hotaru said blandly from behind the front desk, "I always knew you were a little slow, but I didn't know you were a lobotomy patient."

Hajime's face twitched.

"Hi-chan!" Kanna squealed, "HIII!"

"Kanna-kun!" Hotaru grinned, "How goes it!"

-SNAAPP- (the sound of Hajime's sanity going…bye-bye)

* * *

"**NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYEEEEEEEEE!**" Hajime screeched. 

"Nn?" Hotaru said, eyebrow raised.

"**YOU _CAN'T _BE HI-CHAN!**" He shouted.

"Sure she can." Kanna said, "Look at her."

"**THAT'S NOT MY SISTER, GODDAMMIT!**" Hajime roared.

"I bet Sasuke says that everday." Hotaru smirked, "But alack, alas! I am your sister."

"**THEN _PROVE_ IT!**" he snarled, "**TELL ME A SECRET ONLY _HI-CHAN_ WOULD KNOW!**"

"Phwee…such a suspicious little worm." Hotaru sighed, "Fine, then. You have a birth mark on your left ass cheek in the shape of Whistler's Mother. Your sense of direction was so awful when you were young I had to lead you to the bathroom. When you were seven your bathing-"

Hajime's face turned white.

"S…S…Sis?" he mumbled.

"Can I help you, bro?" she smirked sarcastically.

He fainted.

Kanna squatted down to get a better look.

"You killed him." She said smartly (dummy)

"He's faking." Hotaru snorted, "He always was an attention hog."

* * *

"Say what?" Taka-Naruto gaped. 

Kazune-Kakashi stared directly at the younger reincarnates, head resting on his chin.

"Y-you're kiddin'…right?" Ushio-Kankuro stammered.

Kazune-Kakashi shook his head slightly.

"Oh lord." Shigure-Sasuke moaned, palming his forehead, "You can't be serious."

"I'm completely serious." Kazune-Kakashi said crisply, "If you don't help me, I'll be stuck with a permanent boner the rest of my life."

"Hatake…you perverted bastard." Hige-Kiba whistled, smirking appreciative, "I know I'm in, but it's gonna take some work."

Yasuo-Shino gave a slight nod and a tiny smile, indicating he was in.

Gakushi-Gaara sneered and nodded.

"How bothersome." Ginta-Shikamaru sighed, "I'll do it…as long as it keeps you all quiet."

"As long as no speaks a word of this stupidity to Tenten, count me in as well." Nanao-Neji grumbled.

"Hallright then." Taka-Naruto sighed, defeated.

"Let your re-education begin…Sensei." Shigure-Sasuke leered.

* * *

About two hours later, Kazune-Kakashi strode out of the restraint with a notebook filled to the last page with notes. 

"Huuu…" he groaned, "Look at all this! No ass groping in public or when she deems it an inappropriate setting? No fondling, no grabbing, no—ahh, screw this!"

He threw the notebook into the nearest garbage can.

"I won't have any fun that way." Kazune-Kakashi grumped, "I'm just gonna have to do this…and live with the consequences."

* * *

(A/N: Hotaru's uplate studying when Kazune-Kakakshi pays her a late night visit by window. **WARNING! Next chapter WILL BE A LEMON!** R&R!) 


	27. I Am Whatever You Say I Am

(A/N: Hiya! Lady Hiran here! Sorry this took so long! This isa lemon chapter so you have been warned. Read on, if you dare!)

* * *

Hotaru smirked to herself.

The afternoon spent with her brother and Kanna had proved…interesting…to say the least.

* * *

**-FLASHBACK-**

_"Goth? GOTH? How could YOU of ALL PEOPLE go GOTH?" Hajime cried after regaining consciousness._

_-piku…pikupikupiku-_

_"And what, pray tell, is wrong with being Goth?" she asked, smiling in that oh, so creepy way (now holding a nearby monitor above her head)_

_"N-nothing!" Hajime squeaked, ducking behind his girlfriend._

_"What I think has him freaking is the fact that the two of you are no longer identical." Kanna said, glancing at her quaking boyfriend,_

_Hajime spasmed._

_"Hit the nail on the head, huh?" Hotaru smirked._

_"Sh-shut up!" Hajime growled, "There's no WAY I'd think somethin' so effeminate!"_

_Kanna giggled, "Hajime-chan, it's okay! I actually think its rather sweet."_

_"Tch." Hajime sulked, blushing._

_"If it bothers you that much bro…" Hotaru said slowly, a crafty foxish grin emerging on her face, "…lets just remedy the problem."_

_"Whuh-whyyyy are you lookin' at me like that?" Hajime asked, more than a little scared now._

_"Heh heh heh heh!"_

_Hotaru closed in on the pair of lovers, a pair of spare extension cords in her hands._

_"Hi-channn…what ever your thinkin'…please stop thinkin' it." Hajime whimpered._

_Fifteen Minutes Later…_

_"GWAAAAAAUGH!" Hajime screamed, "STOP IT! DON'T COME NEAR ME WITH THAT THING!"_

_"Don't skimp on the eyeliner boys!" Hotaru called through her laught, "And don't you dare hold back with the lipstick."_

_"LIPSTI-!" Hajime sputtered, "NO FUCKING WAY!"_

_Kanna was currently looking through tha racks of Goth-loli (Gothic Lolita) ooo-ing and aaah-ing._

_Hotaru grinned._

_She was actually pretty into it._

_Kanna had almost done a backflip out of pure joy when she saw her new purple hair._

_"Yo, Hotaru!" one of the stylist called laughingly, "We're done!"_

_Hotaru turned around and laughed._

_Her brother…_

_Her dear, sweet (slightly dimbulb) baby bro…_

_Now a goth like her._

_The same dye job._

_The same eye liner._

_The same black eyeshadow._

_The same black lipstick (well…currently. Hotaru usually sticks to clear lipgloss)_

_With the same "I'm gonna KILL you" look she had worn for Kakashi over 2 ½ years ago._

_"Oh WOW HAJIME-CHAN!" Kanna squealed, "You look fantastic!"_

_"Shyeah RIGHT!" Hajime cried, "Quit makin' funna-!"_

_-GLOMP-_

_Hotaru hugged her brother tightly._

_"What are you so angry for?" She said, grinning hugely, "You look fantastic, we're identical again, and you'll be the envy of every guy on my Campus! You make a fabulous goth!"_

_Hajime looked up at her._

_"You're serious…aren't you?" he remarked._

_"Uh-huh!" Hotaru replied with a smirk, "And just look at Kanna! Don't you think that two will make an even better looking pair like this?"_

_Kanna was dress in a Goth-loli dress that was artfully ripped and torn in the right places and hung about her knees (it was the same shade opurple as her newly dyed hair)_

_Hajime blushed profusely as he stared into Kanna's eyeliner ringed eyes, nodding bleakly._

_"Thought so!" Hotaru grinned victoriously, "Add two more to the list, Daemeon!"_

**-END OF FLASHBACK-

* * *

**

Yes, after successfully converting both her brother and his girlfriend to the Goth-side of the Force, there was nothing left to do but type up her term paper.

* * *

Kazune-Kakashi stared up at the building.

He remembered Hajime saying at sometime or another that Hotaru's room was situated somewhere on the top floor of this apartment building.

Focusing his chakra, he began darting up the side of the building, making his way to a ledge that jutted out beside the window panes of the seventeenth floor apartments.

* * *

Kazune-Kakashi peered inside the first.

An older woman, contenting herself with feeding her…cats?

"Heh heh…hoooh dear." He laughed sheepishly, "Wonder if she knows about this?" (remember, Hotaru's cat-phobic!)

He moved onto the next window.

A middle aged couple, dancing together to the sounds of Eighties love songs.

_"…lucky ducks."_ Kazune-Kakashi smiled, _"They must have been together for a long time."_

He started to move on, then stopped, looking back at the swaying couple.

_"Wonder if we'll ever be like that?"_ he thought.

Kazune-Kakashi moved on.

Thenextwindow belonged to an overweight, balding, fourty-five year old computer/gamer geek, dressed in nothing but his boxers.

"**GUH-HUH!**" he choked, moving quickly, "I **_soooo_** didn't need to see that! Ugh…that'll haunt me in my nightmares for a good five years!"

Kazune-Kakashi managed to summon up what remained of his courage to glance into the last window.

* * *

The back of Hotaru's black and red streaked hair greeted his eyes, hunched slightly in front of a computer screen.

_"Finally."_ He thought in exasperation, _"This is waaayyy to hard on my heart."_

He slid the window open noiselessly and entered the room with the stealth only a jounin would possess.

Hotaru continued to type, completely unaware (or so it appeared)

Kazune-Kakashi placed his left hand on the desk and brought his right around to cup her chin, tilting it up so she was looking at him.

* * *

He felt a pressure against his temple.

A box cutter.

"Oh." She said coolly, "It's you."

Hotaru didn't remove the box cutter from his head, though.

_"Shoulda expected as much."_ Kazune-Kakashi sighed internally, _"Unfortunately, I'm not in the mood to wait around anymore."_

"Hotaru…lets talk." he said, still looking at her with mismatched eyes.

Hotaru looked fiercely up at him with black haloed eyed, his hand still wrapped around her chin.

"What if I'm not in much of a talking mood?" she growled.

Frowning slightly, he brought up his left hand, swatted the box cutter away and spun the office chair around to face him.

* * *

He wordlessly removed his hand from her chin and brought both arms around her waist, lifting her off the chair.

"_**Huh-HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING, YOU PERV!**_" she shrieked as Kazune-Kakashi brought the two of them into Hotaru's bedroom and sat them down on the bed so the Hotaru sat on his lap.

Hotaru tried to get up to leave, but Kazune-Kakashi had a solid grip.

She wasn't going anywhere.

"Now listen." He growled, "I'm letting you go until you hear me out."

"And why shold I?" she snarled, ice blue eyes flashing wildly, "The way you're acting? You're no better than Kyo-whoever he was!"

* * *

Kazune-Kakashi looked like he had been slapped.

_"Okay."_ Hotaru thought, _"Maybe that was below the belt."_

What she failed to notice was the new resolve burning in his eyes.

He brought a hand behind her head, forcing her forward.

"_**Mmnnf!**_" Hotaru blinked, eyes widening in surprise at the sudden kiss.

Kazune-Kakashi pulled away, noticing with some satisfaction, that a profound blush had set in on Hotaru's face.

"But that's why I'm here." He smirked (ooooo, he's SO smexy when he does that!), "To prove that he and I…are nothing alike. He attempted deception. I'm putting my feelings out in the open."

* * *

He kissed the nape of Hotaru's neck.

"I love you." Kazune-Kakashi said quietly.

"You're lying." Hotaru spat, trying, unsuccessfully, to push him off.

"It's the truth." He murmured into her ear, hot breath making her shiver.

Kazune-Kakashi shifted his weight, so he now straddled the eighteen year old.

"It is lust. Nothing more." Hotaru hissed, through clenched teeth.

"No. It's not." Kazune-Kakashi muttered, licking her earlobe.

* * *

She fought back a groan, angered tears welling up in her eyes.

"It is. You're just like all the rest." Hotaru whimpered, a few incensed tears managing to make their escap, "Besides, how do I even know if you're the real Kakashi-perv or not? You could just be another doppelganger pretending."

"If I was like all the rest, do you really think I would have waited for you hundreds of years?" he asked.

Hotaru's eyes widened.

"…damn…" she mumbled.

Kazune-Kakashi smirked victoriously.

"I still don't think you're really Kakashi-perv." She muttered, "Someone on his level of perversion couldn't hold out **_THAT_** long ."

"_**Tch.**_" Kazune-Kakashi grunted, now a little bit ticked.

* * *

"If you're quite done now…" he said, craftily moving his under the hem of her shirt, nipping at her neck.

"_Pfft!_ **_Hee hee!_**" Hotaru snickered, face reddening, "Dummy! Thuh-that t-t-tickles! An-and wuh-when did I give y-you permission?"

He let his hand ghost her sides.

"I said that tickles!" Hotaru giggled.

Kazune-Kakashi's eyes narrowed, as he lifted up the hem of her shirt (no bra; it's late at night and she had no plans to go anywhere) and licked around the first pink bud.

"Khh…that ticklllles!" Hotaru shrieked with laughter, ensnarling her fingers in his hair to get him off.

* * *

Kazune-Kakashi twitched.

Oh lovely.

She had hyper-sensitive skin.

Juuuuuuuust great.

No matter.

Easily dealt with.

He would just have to be a bit…rougher…than he normally would.

* * *

He moved quickly and clamped his teeth over her nipple.

"**_AHH!_**" Hotaru gasped, eyes closing tightly as pain mixed with pleasure.

Kazune-Kakashi now alternated sucking and gentle biting.

"N…ah…ha..." she gasped trying to keep her thoughts together as he allowed his hands to travel further south.

"Ih-Idiot, wait!" Hotaru cried, as she felt a hand slide inside her panties.

Not to be deterred, he gave quick nip with his teeth.

"**_Ouch!_**" she gasped, "A! Uu."

Her eyes snapped open when she realized where his hand was.

"_**Not there!**_" Hotaru cried, eyes squeezing shut as he went to work massaging her cunt, "**_Nn-Aaa!_** Stop!"

"Muh-Moronnn!" she gasped, digging her nails into the sheets as the older man made his way to that place that had never been seen by another's eyes and went down on her, "**_Haa!_**"

"No…Not there…Stop!" Hotaru moaned.

* * *

Kazune-Kakashi paused for a moment and looked up at her.

"You're actually feeling pretty good, aren't you?" he smirked.

"But! But! **_Not there!_**" Hotaru managed as he went to work with his hands again.

"Here?" he asked tauntingly.

"**_Aa!_**" she gasped, trying her best to keep her voice down, "N…fuu…"

* * *

No way would she let him think she was enjoying this!

Stupid pig!

"Huh…cumming nicely aren't we?" He smirked, getting his hand into proper position

Hotaru had read enough Hentai and Yaoi to know what was coming and understandably freaked.

"**_St-St-Stupid!_**" she stammered as he re-situated her left leg, "Wah-wait! What-!"

Before she could protest, he inserted to fingers and began his search for that special place.

"**_Uuuuuu! _**Stop!" Hotaru moaned, gripping the sheets far more tightly.

Kazune-Kakashi glanced up at her with a small smirk, "You're the one enjoying this up to now, aren't you?"

Hotaru turning beet red and looking rather awkward squeaked, "You said that before…dumbass."

* * *

Narrowing his eyes slightly, Kazune-Kakashi smirked and prodded Hotaru's clitoris causing her to gasp in pleasure.

"**_Aa!_**" she cried, reaching back to swat the hand away, "Idiot Kakashi-perv wannabe! Stop doing that there!"

Kazune-Kakashi just smirked.

"But you're getting a good feeling here again." He said, flipping Hotaru on her side and working her cunt at the same time, "Aren't you?"

"Uu…tsun!" Hotaru cursed herself for even slightly enjoying anything this…this perverted asshole had to offer.

She was wrong before.

He was ten time WORSE than all the rest!

* * *

"I'm coming in with a finger you should be very scared of." Kazune-Kakashi informed her.

"Perver-!" Hotaru's retort was cut off as two of three finger prodded her in that fatal spot again, "**_Haan!_**"

Thinking he had molested her enough, Kazune-Kakashi withdrew the fingers.

"Ha…aan…" she gasped, looking up at him with a rather sulky look on her face.

* * *

Kazune-Kakashi felt heat rise to his face and flood his groin; it didn't matter if she was a goth.

She was just too damn cute too be allowed.

He couldn't hold out any longer.

He lifted her sweaty, gasping form off the bed and positioned her on his lap.

"Aaa…" Hotaru cried, unprepared for the sudden move.

Kazune-Kakashi licked her earlobe as he undid the button and zipper of his jeans with one hand.

"Ha…Stu-?" Hotaru managed before he sheathed himself inside her.

* * *

"**_Aa!_**" she cried as he moved her up and down causing wave after wave of unwanted pleasure and pain to shoot through her, "No…No!"

"That hurts, you ass!" Hotaru cried, wrapping her arms around his neck digging her black polished nails into the skin, "Bastard! Lecher!"

"That really hurts…" she groaned as the pleasure overrode the pain, "N…a…Kakashi-perv…Kakashi-perv is…"

"Hotaru…" Kazune-Kakashi murmured, looking into her face, screwed up in pain.

"Kakashi-perv is…haa…" she breathed, managing to open an eye to look at him.

* * *

_"Only...Kakashi-perv...could be this stubborn."_ Hotaru thought.

"Kaka…shi…" she moaned.

Hotaru reached up and and wrapped her arms around him.

"**_KYAA!_**" she cried happily, "**_It's you! It really is you!_**"

Kazune-Kakashi felt the heat rush to his cheeks as he returned the hug.

"Of course!" Kazune-Kakashi smiled.

* * *

Hotaru flopped back on the bed and stared at him.

"…I got it already, so hurry up and pull it out!" she growled.

Kazune-Kakashi narrowed his eyes and lifted one of Hotaru's legs over his shoulders, beginning to massage her cunt again.

"**_AA!_**" she cried, pushing against the offending hand.

"Just let me feel it." he said, leaning forward and beinning to suck on her nipple.

"Ha..**_AA_**…" Hotaru gasped, "Kakashi-**_AA_**!"

"**_AAA_**…" She groaned as Kazune-Kakashi continued his special work, "Ku…**_HA_**…Nnn!"

Sensing the impending climax, he quickly withdrew and came over the bedsheets (trying top be a gentleman about it, collapsing next to Hotaru.

* * *

_Next Morning…_

"Nnn…whuh?" Hotaru awoke groggily.

"**_KYAAA!_**" she screamed, seeing the face so close to her own.

She quickly grabbed to bedside lamp and prepared for attack when she remembered what went on the night before.

Several fissures appeared in the lamp's base as her gripped tightened.

Malevolent ki surrounded her on all sides.

"Heh heh heh…oh Kakashi-perv…if you thought I was vindictive bitch before…" she cackled.

* * *

(A/N: Kakashi learns the true meaning of the word fear. Not giving ya anything other than that! HAHAHA!I'm soooo evil! R&R!)


	28. The Terror That Is Hotaru

(A/N: Hi! Lady Hiran here! Sorry this took forever! I hope you enjoy it! PEACE!)

**_

* * *

_**

**_-SPLOORSH-_**

"**GLUGH!**" Kazune-Kakashi choked as a bucketful of water came splashing over his head.

Wiping the liquid out of his eyes, he raised his eyes to see Hotaru, bucket slung over her shoulder, sneering in a way that made him feel more than slightly afraid.

"Awake, are we?" she smirked, booting him out of bed with a sharp kick to the tail bone, "Just in time for you to wash the sheets!"

"Wuh-wuh-huh?" Kazune-Kakashi sputtered, nowhere near awake.

"You heard me." She grinned evilly, "You spooge them up, you clean them up."

Hotaru then marched out of the bedroom, Kazune-Kakashi gaping after her.

_"She…can **not**…be **serious**…right?"_ he thought.

"You have ten minutes." Hotaru called back into the room.

Kazune-Kakashi then scrambled to get the sheets off the bed and into the washing machine, almost forgetting to treat the stains.

* * *

"Congratulations." Hotaru drawled sarcastically, not looking up from apply a thick layer of black eyeliner, "You now have fifteen minutes to make me breakfast. Go."

_"I don't buh-**lieeeeeeve** this!"_ he thought internally as he scrambled around the kitchen in a mad attempt to locate everything, _"What the hell is her deal?"_

Fifteen minutes later, breakfast was ready, looked rather nice and was actually edible.

Hotaru sauntered out of the bathroom, make up on and proceeded to eat without so much as a thank you.

He began to lift his fork when he felt a sudden sharp stabbing pain rip through his hand.

Hotaru hand brought the handle of the butter knife she held crashing down onto his knuckles.

"Did I give you permission to stuff your gaping trap?" she drawled.

"N-no…" Kazune-Kakashi said carefully.

"So why are you eating?" she asked coldly.

"Wuh-well I-!" he stammered.

"**_No buts!_**" Hotaru snarled, "My house, my food, my rules! You **_WILL_** abide by them!"

She then pulled back the butter knife and continued eating her breakfast.

* * *

What was the deal?

She was making him cower in fear like a frightened little girl!

That did it.

"Alright!" Kazune-Kakashi growled, slamming his palm against the table, "What the fuck is going on?"

Hotaru sliced through another sausage link and smirked up at him.

"Payback." She smirked, "What you did last night? It qualifies as rape."

"Geh-heh?" he choked.

He couldn't believe what he was hearing.

Hotaru?

Bringing HIM up?

On RAPE CHARGES?

* * *

Hotaru set down her knife and fork, wiping her mouth.

"If you'll recall…" She said, wiping her mouth with a napkin, "…I asked you repeatedly to stop. You chose not to."

Hotaru pressed her palm against the table and leaned forward, so her nose almost grazed his.

A thrill of panic shot through his veins as he tried not to fall out of his chair.

"Besides…don't you know my credo?" she smirked, "You fuck with me…you're stuck with me."

Kazune-Kakashi's face contorted with horror.

"So if you don't want me to turn you into the police for rape, you had better be a good boy." Hotaru snickered pulling away.

Kazune-Kakashi thought he was going to die.

* * *

"_I think I've traumatized him enough."_ Hotaru mused as she got out of her chair and turned her back on him, _"He won't try that shit again."_

"Hey…Kakashi-perv…or whatever the fuck your name is now?" she called over her shoulder in a commanding voice.

"Y-yeah?" he mumbled.

Hotaru turned around, a wide foxish grin on her face.

"**_SIKE!_**" she laughed.

His jaw dropped.

"You really think I'm that evil?" Hotaru asked, eyes sparkling with happiness, "I'm touched!"

"**_YOU BITCH!_**" Kazune-Kakashi roared, face reddening.

"And proud!" She grinned wickedly, "Can I help you?"

It took all of Kazune-Kakashi's restraint not to throttle her.

"Pfft! Hee hee hee!" she giggled, "Just consider this a…stern warning of sorts."

"Stern…warning?" he gaped.

"Yup!" she grinned, wrapping her arms around his neck, "To make sure you that you fully understand that no doesn't mean, '**_GO FOR IT, DUDE! SHE TOTALLY WANTS YOU!_**' or '**_Maybe_**.' It means, say it with me-!"

"No." Kazune-Kakashi sighed, "You know, I really need to teach you the meaning of the word, tact."

Hotaru looked up at him and glowered.

"You have no sense of humor." She sulked.

"No, I have a sense of humor." He said, pulling her into his lap, "It's just that my sense of humor isn't warped."

"Shut up." Hotaru said huffily.

* * *

"Soo…are we a-" Kazune-Kakashi began before he was cut off.

"No." Hotaru snapped, shifting of his lap, "Your way too big of a horndog for my taste."

"You really expect me to believe that?" he snorted.

"Yup!" she grinned.

"You realize I don't…right?" Kazune-Kakashi said, raising an eyebrow.

"Yup!" Hotaru smiled.

"And I'm gonna follow you like that creepy stalker Kyo-Shun-oh whatever the hell his name was!" he said growing more and more irritated by the second.

"Yup!" she smirked.

"So why aren't we a couple again?" Kazune-Kakashi sighed tiredly.

Hotaru turned to look at him and smiled.

She poked a finger in his face.

"Because you're a perverted lech…and I'm a goth, both in brains and appearance!" Hotaru grinned.

* * *

"How 'bout a wager then?" he said slowly as the thought formed in his head.

"A bet?" she asked, ears perking up (it's the kyuubi; fox spirits are compulsive gamblers) "What kind of a bet?"

"I bet I can get you to become my steady by the end of this week!" Kazune-Kakashi declared.

"Oh really?" Hotaru smirked, a horribly wicked idea forming in her own mind, "Well I bet I can turn you gayer than Elton John, Carson Crestly, Ellen Degenneres and Ryan Seacrest!"

Kazune-Kakashi twitched slightly, then composed himself.

"What do I get if I win?" He asked.

"My undying love and affection." Hotaru smiled, "How about me? What do I get?"

"I'll stop riding your ass." Kazune-Kakashi replied.

"Yeah, and start riding others! **_HAHAHA!_** Deal!" she howled through tears of laughter, "Oh, and Kakashi-perv?"

"Yes?" he asked.

"_**STOP GROPING MY ASS!**_"

**_-SMMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK-_**

**_

* * *

_**

(A/N: It's on! Kakashi Vs. Hotaru! Kakashi trying to win Hotaru, Hotaru trying toturn him in more ways than a New Jersey turnpike! Who will be declared the ultamite victor? I'm not sure yet! All I know is it's gonna take alot more than two chapters to find out! R&R!)


	29. FIRST STRIKE!

(A/N: Hey all! Lady Hiran here!The war tactics begin here! Read on to see who strikes first!)

* * *

Kazune-Kakashi felt strangely tense.

It was as if the world as a whole had fixed their eyes on him.

He couldn't understand why.

He hunched his shoulders and walked on.

He sat down at a particular cafe, the one Hotaru said she would meet him at.

She had even been so kind as to write him up directions.

Little did he know, it was in the middle of the gay district.

* * *

Hotaru smirked at him from behind some bushes, Kei-Iruka at her side.

"Uzumaki-chan, I really don't think you should do this." Kei-Iruka mumbled, twidling his thumbs.

"Come off it." She smirked, "Did you expect me to not notice how hard you were staring at Kakashi-perv's ass?"

"**GUH!**" Kei-Iruka looked like he'd been stabbed.

"You like him, don't you?" Hotaru grinned.

Kei-Iruka proceeded to turn an interesting shade of red, mess with his shirtfront, and mutter incomprehensible gibberish no normal human could ever HOPE understand.

Hotaru, however, doesn't come remotely close to qualifying as normal.

* * *

"I thought so!" She grinned, "Relax! You're not repulsive! Or boring! And your ponytail is cute!"

She turned back to café, where a small horde of men beginning to gather (much to her satisfaction)

"Besides, if I do win our little wager. . ." she snickered, "...I'll make sure Kakashi-perv falls right into your lap-literally."

* * *

Kazune-Kakashi was feeling a bit uneasy now.

The way these men were looking at him was nothing short of hungry.

They kept looking him up and down with lust in their eyes.

Not that he didn't enjoy being the center of attention, but really, this was more than slightly creepy.

It finally connected what was going on.

"Tch. She's good." He smirked, rising to his feet.

* * *

_"Damn."_ Hotaru thought, letting loose an irritated growled, _"He's caught on. Better get out there."_

She got to her feet, grabbed Iruka by the wrist and dashed across the street, narrowly avoiding being hit by several oncoming cars.

"OI! Kakashi-perv! Sorry we're late!"

Kazune-Kakashi glanced up to see Hotaru decked out in her usual black eyeshadow, eyeliner and clothing (all of which is exceedingly baggy), and chains, dragging a very flustered Kei-Iruka along behind her.

* * *

"Sorry for being so late!" she grinned, "Traffic was murder."

"Getting to work already I see." He said scathingly, sitting back down.

"Why, whatever do you mean?" Hotaru asked innocently as the waiter (absolutely flaming and gazing at Kzune-Kakashi's rear fondly) brought her and Kei-Iruka menu's, "This café makes the best coffee in New Haven."

She placed her order and smirked up at Kazune-Kakashi.

"Unless…your mind is wandering elsewhere." Hotaru sneered wickedly, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.

* * *

Kazune-Kakashi almost fell out of his chair.

"Naughty boy." She smirked evilly.

Kei-Iruka was smiling now (regained his composure, if only slightly)

He watched in disbelief as the two before him received their orders and began to calmly sip their coffee.

* * *

_"Oh…my…god…"_ Kazune-Kakashi thought in horror, _"Iruka would NEVER go along with something like this! ThisISN'T a trick? Then…what was up with those hot guysjust-AAAAAAAUGH! STOP THINKING ABOUT IT! I LIKE BOOBS! TA-TAS! HONKERS! Shlongs? YYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH! NOOOO!"_

Hotaru saw the turmoil working it's way across his face and smirked behind her mug.

_"Ho-yeah. Winning this bet is gonna be easier than convincing a retard the floorboards are white chocolate."_ She snickered internally.

* * *

_"Huh…so that's what's she's up to."_ Hajime thought to himself (Kanna's off shopping for those who care), _"Kakashi doesn't have a prayer. I think maybe he needs some outside assistance. Better call th' guys."_

He pulled out his cell and hit the speed dial for Taka-Naruto.

"Yo." A voice on the other end line said cheerfully.

"Hey, Naru-bozu." Hajime smirked.

"Why do you still insist on calling me that?" Taka-Naruto moaned.

"It fits, that's why." Hajime replied with a snicker, "But anyways, Kakashi's in truh-bull."

"Kakashi-sensei?" Taka-Naruto responded, concern traveling over the line, "How so?"

"Hi-chan's got'm on the ropes." Hajime chuckled, "Looks like she's tryna turn'm to the matching-draperies-and-pillow-shams side of the force."

* * *

"She's tryna turn'm GAY?" He screech over the line, nearly making poor Hajime go deaf.

"Cha." Hajime said, smirking, "And so far it looks like she's doing a damn good job."

"GAH! NOOO!" Taka-Naruto shouted over the phone, "WE CAN'T LET WHAT HAPPENED TOLEE HAPPEN TO HIM! WE HAFTA SAVE'M!"

"Duh." Hajime drawled, "Round up the guys and meet me in the park in twenty."

"ROGER!" Taka-Naruto cried.

* * *

Hajime chuckled, he could almost see the boy saluting over the phone.

"Later dude."

"Later Hajime!" Taka-Naruto said officiously, "This a matter of utmost importance! We WILL save Kakashi-sensei! We will NOT let the tragedy of Gai and Rock Lee be repeated!"

"I get it dude. I get it!" Hajime said exasperatedly, wondering now if saving Kazune-Kakashi was all that big a deal anymore as he hung up the phone.

* * *

Later, after he had left the café, Kazune-Kakashi couldn't believe he had allowed such thoughts to enter his mind.

Hotaru was good at psychological warfare.

Very good.

However, he would make her his steady by the end of the month as he promised.

Now…how to start his attack.

He had learned the night before where all her sensitive spots were.

He had the upper hand in that respect (pun intended)

But what else?

How else could he win her over?

* * *

Little did he know, he had an entire silent army watching his back.

"Remember, watch for anything remotely suspicious!" Taka-Naruto hissed.

"Right." Shigure-Sasuke muttered, "We don't want another-"

"Shhh!" Ginta-Shikamaru shushed him, "Neji's right there idiot!"

"I always thought their behavior was more than slightly suspicious." He mumbled, looking slightly traumatized (he had been the one to find them out; he walked in on them; scary image, ne?)

"Whatever. Just focus." Hige-Kiba growled.

"Who put you in charge, dog boy?" Ushio-Kankuro growled.

"Kankuro…" Gakushi-Gaara murmured warningly.

_"Yeah Kakashi. With us behind ya…"_ Hajime thought, _"…you turn faster than a Montecarlo doing 120 on a downhill hairpin."

* * *

_

(A/N: Kazune-Kakashi makes his move. Hotaru counters. Who's winning? Who's losing? R&R to find out!)


	30. SECOND & THIRD STRIKE!

(A/N: _**HEYA!**_ Lady Hiran's Back! Sorry that I haven't updated in forever, but the timeouts on this site prevented me from doing as such. That said, **ON WITH THE FIC!**)

* * *

Kakashi glanced at his watch.

6:22 A.M.

The target would be arriving shortly.

He gripped the folds of his coat tightly around himself, steam forming from his breath hitting the cold morning air.

He checked the time again.

6:25 A.M.

He shifted from one foot to the other, waiting to hear the familiar jingle of chains clinking and rattling, the recognizable tandem of footsteps belonging to the target.

He checked the time on his wristwatch one more time.

6:26 A.M.

Hotaru appeared around the corner and Kazune-Kakashi readied himself.

* * *

Hotaru snorted.

It had been almost three days since she had stoked the fires of war and no sign of Kakashi-perv.

_"Could I have really have scared him that badly?"_ she thought mischievously, _"Too bad! I wanted to mess with him a little more first."_

She felt a sudden rush of weight rush into her.

The scenery rushed past in a blur of color and there was a loud slamming sound.

Hotaru recognized this place.

It was the ladies room scross from the fountains in the middle of Central Park.

It was along her walking route.

She also knew immediately whom her assailant must be.

_"Kakashi-perv…you idiot."_ She thought.

* * *

Kazune-Kakashi wasted no time.

He crushed his lips against hers and began fumbling with the zipper on her baggy, oversized black jeans.

Kazune-Kakashi's tongue entered Hotaru's mouth, begging for an entrance.

Hotaru gave in (though not very willingly), making them fight for dominance.

A low moan involuntarilyescaped Hotaru's mouth as Kazune-Kakashi's hand found it's way inside her underwear.

He pulled away, saliva dripping from his lips.

Kazune-Kakashi licked the side of his mouth and leaned in again, sucking the nape of her neck.

Hotaru gritted her teeth together as Kazune-Kakashi continued to skillfully work his fingers.

He brought up his free hand and began to massages her nipples.

Kazune-Kakashi smirked.

Hotaru was working oh, so hard to not cry out.

He glanced at his watch again.

He better hurry this along, or Hotaru would be late for her classes.

Bringing his index and middle finger, he shoved two fngers inside her.

* * *

"_**AH!**_" Hotaru gasped.

Kazune-Kakashi smiled to himself, quite pleased.

He stabbed at that sweet, fatal spot.

"Nn…**_AA!_**" Hotaru moaned, digging her nails into his back.

_"Not much longer now."_ Kakashi thought, prodding her clit in rapid succession.

Hotaru let out a strangled cry, trying her best to push down the scream of pleasure that wanted desperately to escape.

He felt her go slack and lowered her to the ground.

Noticing Hotaru had saliva at the corner of her mouth, he licked her entire mouth and pulled away.

"Have a good day…sweetheart." Kazune-Kakashi smirked, removing the barricade he had set up and exiting the restroom.

"_P-perverted…bastard._" She mumbled numbly.

* * *

Kazune-Kakashi whistled cheerfully to himself, reveling in his victory…

…not realizing he had had an audience.

"_**That**_…._**gonna**_…**_must_**…**_kill!_**" Hajime managed, just barely containing his rage.

_"I knew he was a perv, but jeez."_ Shigure-Sasuke thought.

"That guy!" Taka-Naruto growled, "He's gonna pay for that!" (defensive because of the whole, descendant thing and all)

Gakushi-Gaara created a small typhoon of sand around him and growled ferally (also slightly overprotective)

_"I godda ask him for pointers."_ Kiba and Kankuro thought.

* * *

Hotaru cleaned herself up by way of toilet tissue and the bathroom sink.

Only by running at top speeds was she able to make it to class on time.

_"Rrrgh!"_ She thought to herself, _"That was low, Kakashi-perv. Reeeeal low. SNAKES couldn't get that low!"_

Hotaru was giving of a ferocious battle aura that could be seen and felt by the entire class, and many began shrinking away from her.

Already her mind was ablaze with ideas for her next attack.

It was difficult to settle on just one though.

One idea after another flitted though her head, making the malevolent smirk that was growing on her lips widen into a very frightening demonic grin.

"I've got it." she snickered, "Heh…_**heh heh heh heh**_…**_Heh _HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!**"

"_What's th' deal with Uzumaki?_"Peter whisered to Amelia, more than a little scared.

"_SHHHH! Don't look at her!_" Rochelle hissed.

* * *

_Later That Day- 8:23 P.M…_

"**OI! _Kakashi-perv!_**"

Kazune-Kakashi turned his gaze towards the direction of the voice.

Hotaru sat at the bar, decked out in her usual gothic attire, waving frantically.

"About time, damn it." She snorted, "I was beginning to think you weren't gonna show."

"Heh heh!" he smiled sheepishly, "Sorry 'bout that."

When Hotaru had asked him out for drinks, it felt more than a little suspicious, so he sent a few of the boys agead to make sure it wasn't a gay bar.

When his suspicions were set aside, he discover he was **VERY** late.

Not that he would tell her that.

* * *

"Well what are you waiting for? An invitation?" Hotaru said in annoyance, "Come on! Let's drink!"

Smiling he nodded and took the stool next to her.

"Whaddle it be?" The bartender asked.

"Jack Daniels for me." Hotaru responded, "What about you?"

"Hundred proof Whiskey." Kakashi said casually.

_An Hour Later…_

* * *

"Hey! Y' kno wah?" Kakashi slurred, slumping against Hotaru, "I jush realished…th' mah hansh ur all shticky."

"Good to know." Hotaru smirked.

After her first shot, she had the Kyuubi start ridding her body of alcohol as she imbibed it.

Kazune-Kakashi, however, not being possessed by any demon of any kind, was sloshed to the gills.

It was only a matter of time before-

**_-THWMP-_**

"**SHNOOOOOOXXX!**"

"Perfect." She snickered, "This going exactly as I planned it."

"_**Hey, Anthy!**_" she called, summoning up a openly gay, completely flaming Italian/Spaniard American, "Could you take this guy home with and let him sober up? I'd do it myself, but my apartments waaaaaaaay too cramped for space."

(A/N: Anthy-Anthony)

"Not a prob!" Anthony smiled, "Especially with a cutie like this. **OOOOO!** Lookit his ass! Whatta doll!"

"Try not to rape him, or I'll have to tell Dane on you." Hotaru laughed.

"I won't." Anthony said, sticking his tongue out at her as he hefted the man over his shoulder.

* * *

"_**Nnnn!**_" Kazune-Kakashi moaned, "Oh my head!"

He shifted himself upright, finding himself to be on an unfamiliar bed.

"What th' hell did I do last night?" he thought as his head throbbed.

"Hey there, sexy. Sleep well?"

Kazune-Kakashi heard the tone of tha voice and knew that it didn't belong to a woman of any sort.

He lifted his head to see a very attractive, olive skinned man, dressed in nothing but a bathrobe and a smile.

* * *

_"No."_ he thought in horror, _"I didn't."_

"Hey, sweetness!" another male voice called, "Has that steamin' hunka man meat woken up yet?"

Another looker, nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist, currently rufling his hair dry with another, strode in.

"Yup!" the first man smiled, "And he looks even better with his eyes open."

"_I DID!_" Kazune-Kakashi's mind screamed.

Without another word, he dashed out of the room and out the front door.

Anthony and Dane blinked.

"Are all of Hotaru's friends from Japan that weird?" Dane asked.

"I'm starting to wonder." Anthony sighed.

* * *

(A/N: Hotaru's psychological tactics put her temporarily in the lead, but Kazune-Kakashi ups the ante. Hotaru a bit winded counters with...**IRUKA!** R&R)


	31. KAMIKAZE STRIKE!

(A/N: Hey all! Lady Hiran here! Theywinner and the loserof the bet is decided HERE! Read on!)

* * *

Kakashi finally realized what happened three hours and proceeded to browbeat himself furiously.

His strategy just wasn't working.

Hotaru was currently so far ahead now he couldn't hope to catch her with an all point's bulletin.

He wracked his brain.

What was the main difference in their strategies?

Well, obviously, he attacked the body, while she attacked the mind.

Her methods so far were much more effective.

"Time to change tactics." Kazuce-Kakashi growled, still reeling from the blow to his masculinity.

* * *

Hotaru sat in the middle of her sculpting class, carving a pair of children throwing a ball, when suddenly the door to the classroom burst open. 

Kazune-Kakashi, dressed in street clothes, holding a boquet of red roses that was almost as large as he was, came barging into the classroom.

He strode across the room and thrust them into her arms.

"What the-!" Rochelle said.

"Since when has Hotaru had a boyfriend?" Ameila wondered aloud.

Kazune-Kakashi knew all eyes were on them…as he wanted it.

* * *

He leaned forward and ran his fingers through Hotaru's red and black locks. 

He locked his gaze with her black ringed eyes and saw her face begin to tinge with red.

"Red roses…" Kazune-Kakashi whispered into Hotaru's ear, "Never forget their meaning."

Hotaru promptly turned the exact shade of the flowers she held and fell off her chair.

With a swift kiss on the forehead, he strode out of the room with out another word.

Hotaru sat splay legged on the floor, one arm wrapped around the roses, the other hand up against her forehead, fingers pushing back her bangs, exposing her bright red face.

* * *

"_**Hotaru!**_" Dane cried excitedly, "Why didn't you **_tell_** us?" 

"When did this happen?" Rochelle demanded to know.

"_**NO FAIR KEEPING SECRETS!**_" Amelia wailed.

She was bombarded by questions right and left until there was only one option left: escape out the window, flowers and all.

Hotaru stalked down the sidewalk, fingering the petals of one the roses.

Of course she knew the meaning of red roses.

They stood for passionate love.

However…

"They also have another meaning that I'm not sure you're aware of…Kakashi-perv." Hotaru smirked sadly, "They also stand for agony…and death."

* * *

"_**Hi-chan!**_" 

Hotaru whirled around.

"Bro…"

"Hey, whazzup?" he asked, peering into his twin's eyeliner encircled eyes, "You look really down."

He finally took in the smally mountain of flowers she carried.

"Those are from him..aren't they?" he stated.

She nodded.

"I know the clincher to win this bet." She said slowly, "But I'm gonna need your help bro. Are you with me?"

"'course!" her equally gothic twin grinned, his own eyeliner ringed eye squeezing shut, "Just tell me whatcha need."

"Iruka." Hotaru said sternly, "Work with him on his confidence. The next part of my plan directly involves him."

"I see." Hajime nodded, "Leave it t' me."

With a wave, he took off jogging.

"Give me a call when you feel he's ready!" she yelled after him.

"Gotcha!" Hajime said, giving a thumbs up.

Hotaru looked into the water of the river below her.

"Kakashi-perv…while I can't stand the idea of being alone…the idea of losing a bet sits even worse with me." She said, allowing the roses to fall from her arms, until only one remained in her hands, "I don't think my pride could take it."

* * *

_Two Days Later…_

Kazune-Kakashi stared at the note in his hands.

_**Kazune-**_

_**Tonight I reveal my true feelings for you.**_

_**Meet me at the Central Park fountain at 9:00 P.M.**_

_**Your Secret Admirer**_

It was in Hotaru's handwriting.

He glance down at his wrist watch.

8:58.

Not much longer now.

Soon Hotaru would be arriving and he would win this bet.

He heard footsteps approaching.

He glanced up.

It was not the person he was expecting.

* * *

"_**Oh!**_ Hey Iruka!" he grinned warmly, scooting over to make room for him. 

Smiling somewhat nervously, Kei-Iruka took a seat.

"What brings you out here?" Kazune-Kakashi asked, "You're usually locking up about now."

"Y-yeah well…" Kei-Iruka stuttered, "W-what about yourself? What brings you here? I would expect to see you in a topless bar or an adult bookstore…but a park in the middle of the night by yourself?"

Kazune-Kakashi flinched.

"Well…" he said bringing out the note, "…I got this note from a secret admirer, but…it looks like they stood me up."

"Uh…um…" Kei-Iruka stammered, going red, "Notheydidn't."

"What was that?" Kazune-Kakashi asked.

"No they didn't." Kei-Iruka said again, gaining confidence, "Your admirer is right here."

"Whuh…what?" he blanched, "You?"

Kei-Iruka's eyes bore straight into Kazune-Kakashi's, unflinching.

"I've…I've always…always liked you." Iruka murmured, bringing his hands forward, wrapping his arms around Kazune-Kakashi's neck, "I love you Kakashi."

Before Kakashi could do anything, Kei-Iruka's lips pressed gently against his.

* * *

He felt his arms moving all on their own, wrapping around the younger man's neck to deepen the kiss. 

Tongues began a battle for dominance.

Hands groped wildly under clothing.

From the shadows of her apartment, Hotaru saw all with the Kyuubi's Mugen Koukei (see Ch.17)

Silent tears streamed down her face,smearing and streakng her mascara and eyelineras she laughed.

"I win…you perverted asshole." She sobbed, "Iruka-chan, make him happy."

* * *

(A/N: And the winner is...Hotaru. But in a way way, she's the biggest loser. Kazune-Kakashi is happy with his new lover, Hajime and Kanna are happy together, HELL! Even the Shinobi-midgits have g/b-friends! What's a goth ta do? R&R)

* * *


	32. Take Me To My Brother!

(A/N: Hey all! Shinigami Goumon here! Sorry for the wait! Here's the next chapter!)

* * *

Hotaru had always laughed when she had heard her friends talk about their, "Three-Day-Eat-Cookies-And-Cry" period after a break up.

So when she found herself watchingultra sappy chick flicks instead of her usual comedy/slasher/horror/anime genre and stuffing herself to the gills with Oreos, Chocolate chips and Ben & Jerry's, needless to say, she was a little shocked.

After the third day, she managed to slather on her black shadow and eyeliner as well as her clear lipgloss and stumble out of doors.

The weather just didn't reflect her mood anymore; all bright and sunny, made her sick.

Hotaru currently sported an angsty scowl that would have made Sasuke and Gaara proud if they had seen her.

It seemed that everywhere she went, there were happy couples, making out, trying to eat each others faces.

It infuriated her; stupid damn pride.

It wouldn't let her do anything!

And she didn't dare interfere now because she didn't want to make Iruka sad.

"Besides…" Hotaru grumbled, "…my inner Yaoi fangirl wont have them breaking up. They just look too kawaii together."

* * *

_**-WHMP-**_

"Watch it…stupid woman." A voice growled.

Hotaru lifted her gaze and glared so fiercely that it could kill a man.

"Mind repeating that?" she snarled.

The man glared back, just as cold (apparently, he had immune)

"You." he growled, red eyes flashing.

Her ferocious glared lessened slightly.

That waist length hair...

...the magekyo sharingan eyes...

She knew who it was instantaneously.

* * *

"Itachi?" she frowned, "What the fuck are you doing here?"

(That's right! The only one who's name I decided not to change! Why? Because 'weasel' fits him to a **T**!)

"I heard my idiot brother came here." Itachi said coolly, "I couldn't just let him escape."

"I see." Hotaru muttered.

She moved past him, waving briskly over her shoulder.

"See ya." She said continuing on her way.

"Hold it, right there wench." Itachi growled, grabbing hold of her arm, "You are a close acquaintence of that fool. You shall take me to him."

Hotaru whirled around, eyes flashing a menacacing, demonic red-orange.

"You should know better than that." She snarled, taking hold of his wrist so fiercely the bones began to crack.

* * *

Itachi hissed in pain, but refused to let go. 

"Take me to my brother, woman." He spat.

"No." Hotaru growled, tightening her grip.

"Now." Itachi snarled.

"NO." She said loudly, gsqueezing his wrist even tighter.

"I demand that you take me to my foolish brother!" he said, eyes watering in pain.

"_**What part of**_ **NO** _**don't you understand?**_" Hotaru cried, whirling around and kneeing him in the nads.

Itachi released his grip and Hotaru stormed off.

* * *

"God…all men are the same, no matter wher you go!" she grumped. 

"**Hold it!**"

_"Huh?"_ Hotaru thought, turning around slowly, eyes widening in disbelief, _"I don't believe this."_

"Get back here, woman!" Itachi snarled, holding onto a nearby tree for support.

"**_What the-!_**" she cried, spinning around breaking into a run, "**_Don't you know the meaning of the words, _'GIVE UP'!**"

"**Take me to Sasuke, fool!**" Itachi cried, jogging after her through the immense pain shooting through his sac.

"**_God-_DAMN _he's persistent!_**" Hotaru thought leaping onto a low awning, springing onto the roof of an eatery.

A pair of arms wrapped around her neck and waist.

"**Got you!**" Itachi snarled.

Hotaru leaned forward as far as humanly possible.

"**NOT BLOODY LIKELY!**" She roared, whipping her head backward tosmash the back of her skull into his face.

Itachi released his grip and Hotaru kept on running.

* * *

The chase continued to a nearby harbor. 

They leapt on and over the boats, using the masts for spring boards.

"Give me my brother, witch!" Itachi yelled.

"**_What are you, some kind of incestual version of_ Michael Jackson?**" Hotaru cried, landing on sand and running as fast as she could.

"I don't know who this Michael Jackson is, but I have the strong suspicion you just insulted me!" Itachi growled, "And for that you will pay!"

He grabbed a hold of Hotaru's shoulder to whirl her around, but slipped on a nearly buried beer can hidden in the sand (littering is bad!)

The two crashed to the ground.

* * *

Hotaru noticed how badly her lips hurt. 

She chance opening her eyes and noticed how close Itachi's face had gotten…and that his lips were currently plastered against hers.

Itachi pulled away, very white.

"Uh…"

Hotaru went red with fury.

"Y-you…perverted **ass_holllllllle_**…"

The malevolent ki radiating off of her was so terrifying that it sent Itachi scrambling backwards, forgetting all about his previous endeavor.

"**Uh-I-Err-!**" Itachi stammered, "**_Itwasanaccident!_**"

"**DIEYOUCOMMAEYEDFREAK!**" Hotaru shrieked, delivering a punch to Itachi's gut that sent him catapulting into the sky.

* * *

(A/N: Well! Isn't this an interesting turn of events! Itachi's back in the picture and after Sasuke! But wait a minute...now he's determined to make Hotaru...**_WHAT?_** R&R) 


	33. What:o:Did:o:You:o:SAAYYEE?

(A/N: Hey! Shinigami Goumon here! Thanks for all your reviews! And now, without further adieu...THE NEXT CHAPPIE!)

* * *

"**GRRR!** Where did he get to?" Hotaru snarled, storming after the lingering ki trail, "Stupid **ASSHOLE**...just **_WAIT_** til I catch you!"

She was livid.

No.

Scratch that.

Furious.

No.

Try, "So-Pissed-She-Couldn't-See-Straight"

Hotaru charged after Itachi's chakra with the fervor of a madman.

* * *

"**_I couldn't of hit him_** **THAT** **_far!_**" she snarled, slamming into an inncocent by standard.

"**Hey!** **_Watch it!_**" he cried angrily, and right fully so.

Whirling around, eyes flashing demonic orange red, she growled ferally at the speaker.

"**_You mind re-_PEATING THA**-Hajime?"

"Yo, sis." Hajime snorted, "I'd ask how's it hangin', but I think we both know th' answer t' that question."

"Sorry." Hotaru sighed, sifting a hand through her red and black hair.

"Why s' pissed?" he asked.

"Cause I'm trying to locate a incestual MJ wannabe, but I sent him flying so far thatI can't find him!" Hotaru snarled.

"Incestual MJ wanna-?" Hajime began before his sister cut him off.

"Itachi's back." she growled.

* * *

Hajime's eyeliner ringed, black eyeshadowed orbs filled with understanding.

"**Ahhhh.**" He nodded, "I see. But I hardly see how he brings incest in his wake."

"Oh, **COME_ ON_**, _**baby bro!**_" Hotaru cried, throwing her hands into the air, "Have you **NOT** noticed his sick obsession with Sasuke? **_It's twisted!_**"

"Well ya make a good point there…" Hajime said slowly, "…but that's just cuz he's a sadist and enjoys toturin'' th' little guy. It's an extreme version of what **_WE_** do an' that **HARDLY** qualifies as incest."

"…good point." She grumbled.

"So why ya pissed at him?" he asked, "Whaddee do?"

"If I tell you, you'd kill him before I got the chance to." Hotaru snorted.

* * *

Hajime was in her face in a matter of milliseconds.

"Tell…me…**NOW!**" he snarled.

"He kissed me without consent." She said.

"He's **DEAD!**" Hajime roared, unleashing his fury on a poor, innocent lightpost.

"Now, now, baby bro…" Hotaru said soothingly, an eveil smirk playin on her lips, "…what did the lightpost ever do to you?"

"I'll **KILL'M!**" He roared.

"Not if **I do _first_**." She snarled.

* * *

From behind a nearby building, Itachi shook a bit.

Partly out of being soaked with salt water.

Mostly out of fear.

This was great.

Just lovely.

Now the Tyrannical Twosome were after him…AGAIN!

Which was sad.

Beacause he was only after information really.

He chanced a peek around the building.

The Devious Duohad stormed off in the opposite direction.

"Good." Itachi breathed.

* * *

He raised his gaze skyward and thought about the events of the past half hour.

He hadn't had a chance to notice when he was quaking in fear, but the years had been good to Hotaru.

She had filled out in all the right places.

But why was he thinking about**_THAT_** when his mind** SHOULD** be fixated on tormenting **_SASUKE_**?

Itachi leaned back against the cold brick structure, folded his arms and pondered this.

* * *

Two and a half years ago, Hotaru had been an annoying, sixteen year old brat, on par with Sasuke and his maddening entourage.

Two and a half years ago, Hotaru was the one seeking him out, just for the opportunity to hopefully drive him insane.

Two and a half years ago, he had been a fish out of water, with no one but Hotaru and her idiot brother as guides.

But now…two and a half years later…

Hotaru had grown up…in more ways than one.

She was quieter, and no longer bothered herself with trivial matters like torturing others for fun (so HE thinks!)

Hotaru was no longer chasing him…or anyone for that matter.

"This…is…a problem." He muttered, "Her of all people."

* * *

"Where the hell could he be?" Hotaru snarled as they circled around to the place where they started, "We must have circle the boardwalk seven times!"

"I don't know." Hajime growled, "But when we find him-!"

"Find who now?" a cool voice snorted disdainfully.

The twin's whirled around and growled ferally.

"**_YOU!_**" Hotaru shouted, charging him.

"**KILL!**" Hajime roared.

* * *

Itachi easily doged both assaults, since both were blinded by rage.

He then grabbed Hotaru's hand and planted a kiss on each knuckle, making her go the color of a fish's belly.

"Wuh-Wuh-**WHAT ARE YOU _DOING?_**" She screamed booting him away viciously.

"**TOUCH MY SISTER AGAIN AND _DIE_ YOU COMMA-EYED _FREAK!_**" Hajime bellowed.

"Uzumaki-san…" Itachi said, cool as a cucumber, snatching upHotaru's hand again, "Would you be my lover?"

Hajime anf Hotaru's hair stood up on end.

"Wuh-wuh-what did you say?" Hotaru squeaked, going paler (if that was possible)

"I asked if you would be my-" Itachi began only to be cut of when Hajime whalloped him over the head with a nearby cinderblock.

Hotaru lifted him up.

Hajime switched a garbage bag beneath him.

Hotaru threw him in.

The two tightly bound it up in duct tape and kicked it off a pier.

* * *

"Luh-luh-luh-huh-uh…" Hotaru stammered, face still white with horror, "**WHERE THE _FUCK_ DID _THAT _COME FROM?**"

"Hey, sometime shit like this pops outta nowhere." Hajime shrugged, "That's how we are. We think with the wrong head someti-"

"**GLAAAAUGH!**" Hotaru screamed,tearing at her hair, "**_NOOOOOOO!_** **HAJIME DON'T_ SAY_ THAT! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO _LIE _TO ME, _DUMBASS!_**"

"I am?" Hajime said sheepishly, scratching his chin, "Heh heh…oops."

"_**AAAAAAAAUGH!**_" Hotaru screamed, "**NOW THAT _COMMA-EYED FREAK_ IS GONNA _HAUNT_ ME IN MY _NIGHTMARES!_ I DON'T _WANNA_ BE HIS _LOVER!_ I DON'T _CARE_ IF HE'S A _MEGABABE!_ HE'S A SADISTIC, INCESTUAL,_ MJ WANNABE_ NO MATTER _WHAT_ YOU SAY, BRO, AND I _HATE HIM!_ _WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!_**_"_

"S-Sis?" Hajime said sheepishly, "Don't cry. You'll smear your eyeliner and I don't have mine on me!"

* * *

(A/N: Somehow or another, Itachi makes his wway back to New Haven, and he's not taking no for an answer. R&R!)


	34. IT CAN'T BE TRUE!

(A/N: Hey all! Shinigami Goumon here! Sorry for the wait! Here's the next chappie!)

* * *

A black, heavy duty trashbag, almost completely concealed by silver duct-tape,bobbed along the cold Connecticut waterfront, finally coming to a rest on a sand bank.

A pair of small children playing along the water spotted the bag and naturally were curious.

"Hey, bwudda! Was dat!" a little girl cried dashing up to the gray and black blob.

"I dunno!" he replied.

The two stared it for a moment before beginning to prod the duct-taped bag with rather sharp, pointy sticks.

* * *

_-pikupiku­-_

"**_AK!_**" the girl squealed, flying back.

"**It moved!**" the boy cried.

The two clung to each other, quaking in fear for a few minutes, neither saying a word.

The two stared at the bag as the little boy got to his feet.

The little boy started for it again, not about to be bested by a bag.

"Towwi! **_Noo!_**" the little girl cried.

The little boy known as Tory, poked it with the stick again.

* * *

_-pikupikupiku­-_

"**HAHAHAHAHA!**" Tori laughed, "Wow!"

"Stop it, Towwi!" the little girl cried, "I'm tellin' Mommy!"

"Quit bein' a baby, Meewwa!" Tori snapped.

"I am nodda baby!" Mira sobbed.

"Ah too!" Tori taunted.

"Ah not!" Mira bawled.

"Th'n quit yuh cwyin'!" Tori yelled, "I'll be fahyun!"

* * *

He moved to poke it again when­-

_**-RRRRRRRRRRPP­-**_

"**_AAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEE!_**"Mira screamed.

Itachi's hand had shot through a tiny rip the tip of the twig had managed to create.

From the inside, he tore the bag apart and hefted himself out.

Itachi was now very stiff, as well as very cold and hungry.

And that little girl's screams were becoming rather annoying.

He really wished she would stop.

Without so much as a **_"Thanks"_**, he ambled off.

_"Now then"_, Itachi thought, _"Which way is New Haven?"_

* * *

"**WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?**" Kazune-Kakashi coughed, spitting out a mouthful of Heineken.

"**_ITACHI?_**" Kei-Iruka cried, almost losing his grip on his glass of Bacardi.

"Yuh-huh." Hotaru growled, profound tic pulsating in her forehead as she took a looooonnnnnnnnnnnnnng swig of Irish Whisky.

"That was **MY** reaction!" Hajime said incredulously, setting down his Jaegar.

Hotaru and Hajime had met up Kazune-Kakashi and Kei-Iruka and were currently situated at the tavern of a local pub.

The pair had just filled the two in on the details so needless to say, they were a little freaked.

* * *

"**THERE'S NO _WAY!_**" Kazune-Kakashi shouted, almost flipping his stool as he leapt out of it.

"Way dude." Hajime shuddered, taking a _**DEEEEEEEEEP**_ swig of his Jaeger, "Ugh, talk about creepy."

"Are you certain?" Kei-Iruka asked worriedly, sipping his Bacardi, "Are you positive it isn't just another stalker in disguise?"

"Yuh-huh." Hotaru said, a frustrated edge in her voice as she raked her fingers through her hair, "Magekyo Sharingan…effeminate ponytail…Sasuke-plex the size of Texas...unbuh-**_lieeeee_**vably creepy chakra.Definitely our Itachi."

She drank deeply from her flagon of Irish Whisky.

"**BUT OUTTA THE _BLUE?_ JUST LIKE _THAT?_**" Kazune-Kakashi cried, throwing his hands in the air to emphasize his confusion, nearly tipping his Heineken.

Hotaru, Hajime and Kei-Iruka through truly cynical glares in his direction.

"Like **_YOU'RE _**one to talk, pervert." They snapped.

"Sh-shut up." He blushed, as Kei-Iruka gave his hand a squeeze.

Absentmindedly, he began to stroke the younger man's ass.

* * *

"**GEH! _PERVERT!_**" Kei-Iruka screamed.

"**GET YOUR HANDS _OFF_ HIM YOU _LASCIVIOUS_ _BASTARD!_**" Hotaru shrieked, punching her former (almost) boyfriend into the wall.

"Guess it's somethin' you hafta ease into, huh?" Hajime said casually, admiring the rather large crater.

"I-I g-g-guess." Kei-Iruka stammered, very red, "I'm still n-not entirely used to the idea."

"Hang in there." Hotaru sighed, "Oh, and work on your uppercut."

"Yeah." Kei-Iruka nodded, "I can see where that would come in handy."

"Ah-ha! I thought that was you!"

* * *

The group glanced up.

"Sasuke-jari!"

"Sakura!"

"Naru-pyon!"

"Hina-chan!"

The teen couples smiled good naturedly at their elders, taking seats next to them.

"What all the commotion?" Himawari-Sakura asked.

"Nothin' much." Hajime said lightly.

"Except that your brothers back." Hotaru sighed.

"What…did…you…**say?**" Sasuke fumed.

"And apparently, now he's after **_TWO_** people." Kazune-Kakashi snickered, popping himself out of the wall.

"It's **Not** **_FUNNY_**, Kakashi-perv!" Hotaru snapped, cracking her knuckles loudly.

"**A-_HAHAHAHAHAHA!_**" Naruto howled, "He's after-after huh-huh-**HER?** **A-HAHA-!**"

* * *

**_-BWAAAK-_**

"**OWWWWWWW!**" Naruto sobbed as Hajime and Hotaru performed a very impressive elbow drop.

"**_SHADDAP_ YA LITTLE _TWERP!_**" Hajime snarled.

"It **ISN'T** **_FUNNY!_**" Hotaru growled.

"Naruto-kun…" Asahi-Hinata sighed, mortification spreading across her face.

"That comma-eyed freak, no offense Sasuke-jari-"

"None taken." the younger Uchiha nodded.

"-is after both me/my sister and Sasuke-jari! It couldn't be **LESS** funny if ya watched a crippled person get hit by a car!" Hotaru and Hajime cried.

"You know, I resemble that remark." A voice said mildly.

The entire group turned as one.

* * *

"**GEEEEEEEEEH! _ITACHIII!_**" Hotaru and Hajime screeched, recoiling backwards, whizzing their arms back to their faces to block the horror that was Itachi.

"_**YYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUU!**_" Sasuke snarled, stomping towards the effeminate man.

"**I THOUGHT WE _THREW YO_U OFFA _PIER!_**" The Gruesome Twosome shouted.

"You did. Hello Uzumaki-san…Sasuke." Itachi snarled the last part.

"What th' **HEY** are you doin' here?" Naruto yelled, "Don't **_TELL_** me you haven't given up tryna kill Sasuke!"

"No, I haven't." Itachi said mildly, "But I'm not here for him at the moment."

"Oh so?" Sasuke sneered, "And **WHO**, pray tell, are you here for then?"

"We went through this five seconds ago." Kei-Iruka sighed.

"Uzumaki-san, of course." Itachi said composedly, striding towards her.

* * *

"Kuh…Kuh…**_K-K-K-K-KEEP_ AWAY _FROM ME!_**" Hotaru shrieked angrily, ducking behind a royally pissed off Hajime.

"One warnin'…" Hajime snarled, cracking his knuckles loudly, "Touch'er…andjer dead."

Itachi stopped dead in his tracks, regarding Hajime coldly…

…then smirked.

"Uzumaki-teme…you win today." He sneered, "But don't think for a instant that I've given up on you, Uzumaki-san."

The look on his face was so reminiscent of MJ that it sent shivers up and down Hotaru's spine.

"I'll be seeing you, later, Uzumaki-san." He nodded, "And you as well…little brother."

He sneered the last part.

He exited the pub.

"Oh…My…**GAWD!**" Hotaru howled, "This…_**SUCKS!**_ **HOW** in the _**HELL**_ do I **ALWAYS** end up with the **CRAZED**, **PSYCHOTIC _STALKERS?_** **HOW?**"

"Just lucky I guess." Kazune-Kakashi said cheerfully.

"**_SHUT-UP!_**"

* * *

(A/N: Itachi begins his plan to "Win Hotaru Over". Will it work? Or will she be more repelled than ever? R&R)


	35. Grope Me & Die

(A/N: Hey all! I know this took forever! Writer's block sucks! Anyhoo, here's the next chapter!)

* * *

Itachi dashed throught the dark,frigid void of theearlymorning air.

He located Hotaru's apartment with relative ease and swiftly picked the lock.

Itachi fought down the urge to jump the sleeping girl and settled on smelling her hair instead.

He glanced at the glowing red face of the electric clock on her bedside table.

3:15 A.M.

Operation Win Hotaru Over is a go.

* * *

Hotaru stirred in bed groggily, before opening her heavy lids.

"**_Pleeeeeeease_** lord…tell me that was all bad dream." Hotaru moaned.

She glanced at the clock.

9:28 A.M.

"Guess who's skipping class today?" Hotaru muttered woozily, switching herself out of bed.

She didn't get to take half a step when her jinchuriki charged senses caught a whiff of something.

Something smelled…good.

Really good.

As in, Oh-My-God-I-Haven't-Eaten-In-Three-Months!-Gimme!-Gimme!-Gimme! good.

* * *

"_What the fuck?"_ Hotaru thought dumbly, her mind still clogged with sleep, _"Hajime can't cook…unless he's been lying to me all these years…in which case, that lazy ass is dead."_

She stumbled down the hall, legs refusing to move the way her sleepy mind wanted them to, and made her way into the kitchen.

A magnificent spread took up the entire kitchen, covering table, counters and several chairs.

There was only one place to sit.

And it wasn't anywhere she was going anytime soon.

Itachi sat in the only available chair, head resting on his arms.

Asleep.

"_I'm going to have to burn that chair later."_ Hotaru mused, tiptoeing her way carefully around the food.

* * *

She made her way to the bathroom and quickly shut, locked and barricaded the door.

Despite the presence of the elder Uchiha skulking about her apartment, she settled on a bath.

She had only just slipped into the water when the door flew open.

"_**GUH-HUH-GLAAH!**_" Hotaru sputtered, flailing like a fish as Itachi suddenly loomed over her.

She dove as deeply as she could with out submersing her head.

"**_PERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRVVVEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRTTTTT!_**" she screamed, bringing back a fist.

Itachi easily dodged.

"Uzumaki-san…may I wash your back?" Itachi asked, completely unfazed by her outburst.

* * *

Hotaru stared at him.

She could **NOT** be-lieeeeeve his nerve.

Or his persistence.

Screw Kakashi-perv, this guy was on a whole other level of stubborn!

"F-fine." She sighed tartly, turning around swiftly, splashing water as she went "But you try **_ANYTHING_**, and I kill you…got it?"

"Fair enough." Itachi murmured.

"**Gk!**" Hotaru gasped as something close in temperature to ice blocks came into contact with her back, "Your hands are fr-fr-freezing!"

"I apologize." Itachi said mildly, not sounding sorry at all.

"A bit of warning…would be nice." She grumped as the cold hands began to work their way around her back.

* * *

Hotaru could not believe she was allowing this creepy stalker pedophle to wash her back.

But…

It was obvious how hard he had worked.

That mea-feas-banquet had obviously taken forever.

The **LEAST** she could do was let the guy feel up her back a little.

After that, however, he was outta here.

"_Damn he's good at this, though." _Hotaru thought dazedly, eyelids drooping slightly as the tension and knots began to easy their way out of her back.

She inwardly smacked herself for enjoying this.

"_STUPID!"_ She mentally screamed, _"He's-A-STALKER! Get OUT of the tub and…and…oh, damn…he's better at this than Ha-chan."

* * *

_

Itachi focused his attention to a particularly larger mass of knotted tendons at the base of her neck.

"This is commonly brought on from bad posture when writing." He murmured into her ear, "You should be more careful."

He felt her shiver.

"Watch it." Hotaru growled dangerously, turning her head slightly to look at him, "Don't forget what will happen if you try anything."

"I remember your warning well…Uzumaki-san." Itachi smirked.

He calmly slid a hands around her front.

* * *

_**-ZZLASSH-**_

Blood spurted from Itachi's arm.

He stumbled back, gripping his shoulder, glaring in frustration at the tub.

Sharp talons gripped the lip of the tub, another claw covered hand sloshing water onto the tile as it slammed onto the floor.

Razor-edged fangs dripping acidic, acrid saliva, that caused several holes to form in the floor.

Black hair streaked with red was soom laced with orange.

A pair of large familiar fox ears slid to the top of her head.

Piercing red-orange eyes flashed ferociously up at him.

Hotaru had left the building.

And the Kyuubi was out to play.

* * *

_-"She warned you what would happen…yes?"-_ the Kyuubi growled.

Itachi nodded.

_-"Well then, you're prepared to face the consequences then?"-_ the Kyuubi asked coolly.

Again, Itachi nodded.

_-"Well then…HERE IT COMES!"-_ The Kyuubi roared.

Itachi closed his eyes.

Nothing happened.

He canced a peek.

The Kyuubi had a talon covered finger only a millimeter away from his nose.

_-"Don't ever do that again!"-_ The Kyuubi chided.

* * *

Itachi's jaw dropped.

"That's…all?" he asked tentatively.

_-"Uh-huh!"-_ The Kyuubi grinned.

"Then why all the melodramatics?" Itachi asked.

_-"Cuz I just like screwin' with you!"-_ The Kyuubi snickered.

Itachi stared at the laughing demoness.

She regained her composure after a time.

_-"Okay now!"-_ the Kyuubi said sharply,_ -"You! Sit!"-_

He sat at the spot she pointed to in front of the tub.

Please note that the Kyuubi no Yoko has yet to put any clothes on and it still just floating about the tub.

_-"Now you listen up!"-_ the Kyuubi said, _-"You like Hotaru and all, and that's fantastic. But you're going about this the wrong way!"-_

"Wrong…way?" Itach asked, a vexed look crossing his face.

_-"That's right!"-_ the Kyuubi nodded, _-"Think about it! Hotaru maybe a girl, but she's a fighter first and foremost! Tell me…what do combat junkies like her love more than anything else?"-_

_

* * *

_

(A/N: Will Itachi succeed with the Kyuubi's help? R&R!)


	36. Letter To The Readers

* * *

Hey all!

Shinigami Goumon here!

I'm so sorry I haven't updated in so long!

But ya haveta understand!

I wanna end it next chapter, and I have no idea how!

Writer's Block totally **_SUCKS!_**

Anyhoo, this is just me asking you to not abandon me!

Til my brain stops short circuiting,

Shinigami Goumon.

* * *


	37. Fist Fights and First Kisses

(A/N: Hey all! Shinigami Goumon here! Wow it's been awhile, huh? But never you mind! Here it is! In all of it's splendor! **THE LAST CHAPPIE OF _HELL-OOOO GRANDPA!_** (regains composure) Enjoy it my peeps.)

* * *

"**YOU'RE _KIDDING_ ME!**" Hotaru cried, eyes huge in disbelief.

"I most certainly am not." Itachi smirked.

"_**FRONT ROW?**_" she shrieked, hands shaking as she gazed at the ticket clutched in her hands.

"Front row." Itachi sneered.

"**OH MY _FUCKING_ GOD!**" Hotaru screamed, spinning around in a circle, "**FRONT ROW SEATS TO THE MARTIAL TOURNAMENT AT THE OMEGA-DOME! _YOU RAWK!_**"

Itachi's smirk broadened.

The Kyuubi had been one hundred percent correct.

Playing off of Hotaru's insatiable battle lust was a surefire plan.

He could tell by the way she was skipping with glee around him.

"Wait'll Ha-chan finds out!" Hotaru snickered, "He'll pitch a fit when he finds out I'm going!"

"So it's a date then?" Itachi asked with smirk.

She whirled around and glomped him joyfully around the neck.

"**YOU BET YOUR _SWEET ASS_ IT'S A DATE!**" Hotaru squealed.

* * *

The press of her chest against him was almost to much for him to stand.

Itachi wanted to maul her right then and there.

But the stern wanring of he Kyuubi still rang fresh in his mind.

-(_"You try that again without her consent, well then, I won't be able to stop her. It'll be your ass on the line, not mine."_)- The Kyuubi had growled.

She then modified Hotaru's memory to omit their conversation and disappeared back into Hotaru's consciousness.

_"Just be patient."_ Itachi told himself as he watched her go, _"Wait until tonight…you can do it...easy…"_

* * *

"**_WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!_**" Hajime roared.

"Hee hee! Jealous?" Hotaru snickered.

"The Omega Dome?" Shigure-Sasuke asked, bewildered, "For a date?"

"Mm-hm! The Open Ring Martial Arts Tournament!" she grinned.

"Open ring?" Asahi-Hinata asked.

"It means anyone, even people from the audience, can enter the ring and challenge the fighters!" Hotaru grinned.

"…Itachi really knows you." Himawari-Sakura smirked.

"I know." Kazune-Kakashi said cocking his eyebrow, "It's odd."

"How so?" Kei-Iruka asked suspiciously, "Don't tell me you're jealous!"

"Of course not!" Kazune-Kakashi snapped, "You're the only one for me! It's just seems suspicious that he would come out of the wood work and do something like this!"

"Yeah." Kiku-Ino murmured, "Something's up."

"Well, whether it's up or down, I'm going!" Hotaru smirked, "No way I'm missing out on a good fight!"

"But Hi-chan-!" Hajime was cut off by Hotaru stuffing a cookie into his mouth.

"Kindly butt out, brother dear!" she grinned, closing her black lidded eyes.

Hotaru then slid out of the booth and grinned back at them.

"I'm a big girl, bro." She smirked, "I can handle myself."

Hotaru then walked casual out of the café, hips swinging.

""Overconfident, as usual." Yasuo-Shino muttered.

"That attitude's gotten her into trouble before." Taka-Naruto mumbled.

"I have a feeling she'll be just fine." Kei-Iruka smiled.

"Hm?" Hige-Kiba glanced at his former teacher, "Whaddya mean?"

"I think Itachi's got more than he can handle." Kei-Iruka chuckled.

* * *

"**HYOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-_TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!_**"

**_-B-KROOMMMMM-_**

Hotaru sent a behemoth of a man at least three times her size flying over the heads of the spectators and into the rear wall.

If he ever had dreams of having children...well...lets just say that that's neve gonna happen now.

"Ten down." Hotaru grumbled, face contorted in frustration, "Well, **this** is disappointing! I hoped they would've put up more of a fight than this! …how boring."

* * *

Itachi quickly took notice of her displeasure and smirked.

All was going according to plan.

"Hotaru." He said quietly.

"Mm?" she responded, turning towards him slightly.

**_-BAM-_**

He clocked Hotaru across the face viciously.

She stumbled back, holding her cheek, eye wide in disbelief as blood ran down her chin.

Hotaru's lips curled into a smirk.

"…I felt **THAT** one!" she grinned, raising her guard and becoming a black blur as she went on the attack.

* * *

Hotaru ducked down low, smacking her palm against the canvas as her foot careened with Itachi's chin.

_**-FWHOK-**_

The instant he felt the kick connect, Itachi twisted downward and slammed fist into her gut.

_**-FWHD-**_

Hotaru countered by latching onto his arm and slamming her elbow into his chest.

**_-DGMM-_**

Itachi responded by grappling onto her arm and kneeing her in the ribs.

**_-GROK-_**

Both readed back their head and slammed them together with a sickening-

**_-KRAK-_**

* * *

Foreheads still pressed together, breathing heavily, wormed her grip up his armsaround the back of his head and forced him into a kiss.

Itachi responded quickly, returning it roughly, tasting blood.

"Your place?" he asked.

"Too far." She growled.

"Bathroom?" Itachi asked.

"Been there, done that." Hotaru grunted.

"Janitor's closet?" he asked.

"There ya go." She smirked.

Without another word, the two darted out of the ring and down the hall, where the door to the janitor's closet stood invitingly open.

Slipping inside, the pair shut door after them, blocking out the anger sounds of the crowds, and starting what was to be a one-and-a-half day sex session.

* * *

_Two Days Later…_

"Well, that's one way ta hook up." Hajime smirked, holding Kanna's hand lightly.

Hotaru, lounging comfortably against Itachi's chest, his arms wrapped around her waist, merely stuck her tongue out him.

"Shut up." Hotaru sneered, "Like your, accidently walking into the girl's bathroom hook up was any better."

Hajime turned an unusual shade of red.

Kanna began to laugh at the memory.

"That sound like an interesting story." Kei-Iruka smiled.

"Do tell." Kazune-Kakashi grinned.

"Howabout, no." Hajime growled.

"Aw c'mon, Hajime!" Taka-Naruto grinned, armed draped over Asahi-Hinata's shoulder.

"Yeah, Hajime." Shigure-Sasuke smirked, "Cuz if you don't, your sister will."

Hajime growled ferally, the eyes of allsixteen reincarnates turned on hims expectantly.

"I told my story, bro!" Hotaru grinned.

"Yes." Itachi smirked, "Do share…brother in-law."

"Rrrrrgh!" Hajime snarled at those last words, "Fine!

Everyone perked up expectantly.

"It all started back in Junior high." He began, "I was thirteen and Kanna was twelve."

Hotaru glanced out the window.

It had started to raining.

It had been raining **_THAT_** day, too.

The day when this madness all started.

The day that had brought about their destiny.

Their happiness.

**_-Owari-_**

* * *

(A/N: **IT**...**IS**...**COM_PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDD!_** **WOOT!** Ah! It's been a good run, eh kiddies? But I've finally got everything resolved! And even if you can't see me right now, I will _**PERSONALLY**_ tell you, that I am doing the Numa Numa Dance! I'm filled with that much joy! Any hoo! Hope to hear from you all again! Later Dudes and Dudettes! I'm** OUT!**)


End file.
